6-4=3

"Did you look at her settlement?" he asked. "No alimony. No spousal support. She doesn't want anything. She's going to let you keep your job and your car. All she wants is for you to get the fuck out of her life. Take it dummy. No judge is going to give you a deal this sweet."

"I want my wife back," I said acidly.

"This is like trying to piss up a rope," he said. "You're going to get splattered. Didn't you see the look on her face? If you piss her off, you're going to get hurt. She's after something and I don't think you want to be standing between her and whatever it is. I'll do whatever you want. I'll file the fucking delay and keep filing them until we run out of options, but I have a feeling that she's going to claw you to death."

* * * * *

Part three

Recouping

Ben

"You're up," she said. I'd just picked up the phone while staring at my computer screen. I expected it to be a customer or one of my staffers. Hearing Melanie's voice sent tingles up and down my spine as I remembered the night before.

"So, do you have any regrets?" she asked.

"Only that the gun wasn't real and I didn't shoot any of them," I said.

"Not that silly," she laughed. "I meant about last night. You know, what you could have had and chose not to partake of."

"Mel, it's very, very early for us, but I already feel that there's definitely something going on between us. But I guess I'm just not that kind of person. You're farther along the path to your divorce than I am. You've had papers served on him. The two of you have both gotten lawyers and you've had your first meeting. You've even given him the chance to take an easy settlement and walk away. Legally, once those papers were served, though it isn't by any means an official decree of divorce, most people would accept you filing the papers as a statement that in your opinion the marriage has failed."

"That means that to most ethical people, you're free to start pursuing other interests. In my case, none of that has happened yet. It's especially valid in your case because this isn't even the first time he cheated on you. You've been putting up with his cheating and just general disinterest in you for years. So most people will not only accept but applaud you for finally being strong enough to get that asshole out of your life," I said.

"But in my case, up until three days ago, I thought I was the happiest man on the planet. I've been blindsided by this whole thing. Every morning, I wake up in my hotel room and reach for her, only to discover all over again that I'm alone in a cold bed."

"That was your choice," she laughed. "You could have, actually you should have, been in a bed somewhere with me. We could have kept each other warm and even more than that. Ben, I like this. I like arguing with you. We both have similar temperaments. When we have a difference of opinion, we don't need to try to dominate each other, we just discuss it. But you're wrong. You keep telling me that we need to do the right thing or we need to consider what other people will think. I think that we both need to focus, not on the past, but on the future and our happiness. Another thing that we have in common is that we both were used and taken advantage of by assholes. Did they think about our feelings at all? I don't think they did. So now that we're breaking free of them, we don't owe them or anyone else a God damned thing."

"You should have seen my worthless ex-husband sitting in his lawyer's office with a rumpled suit pretending he was still in charge. They tried to do all of the things that my lawyer and I figured they'd do. They expected me to be heartbroken and willing to listen to Ryan's bullshit. When that didn't work, he started all of the typical delaying tactics. Over the past few days, I've been reading as much as I can about divorces. There are some really great writers out there who've shown me all of the tricks of the divorce game. Guys like C-Pete, HueDogg, Rehnquist and DQS1 know these things inside and out."

"You'll have to loan me a few of those books," I said.

"Honey, they write on the internet," she said. "And you know the rules. You can't put anything on the internet that isn't true."

"Everyone knows that," I said sarcastically.

"So are you ready for your meeting? Do you want me to come with you?" she asked.

"I'd actually love for you to come with me," I said. "It doesn't make any sense. I just can't figure out why I'm so lucky. I've been in love for a long time with one woman. I find out that she's a gang banging, cum slut and has been cheating on me for a long time. I expected to be miserable for a very long time. I've always heard that you can't get over a longtime love very quickly or very easily. But what happens...I meet a far more beautiful woman within hours of finding out about my cheating ex. And even stranger, she likes me too."

"Okay dummy, back up," she laughed. "In the first place, you and I didn't just meet. We've known each other for a long time. We only met in person a few days ago. But you've propped me up emotionally for over a year now while my husband ignored me. And all of that stuff about not being able to get over someone for a long time is an old wives tale. When you walk in and see your spouse having sex with someone else, longtime love can turn to instant hate in a microsecond."

"Well, as much as I'd love to have you there, I don't think we should," I said. "I don't want to make her jealous and angry. I just want to get free of her. I'll call you as soon as it's over."

"Don't bother calling," she said. Her voice was a sexy growl. "Just come over and have dinner with me so I can try to get you in bed again. Or just come over and wrap those arms around me while we talk. I'll take anything I can get."

As I hung up the phone, I considered what I was about to propose to my soon to be ex-wife and her friends. I sat there at my desk for about an hour thinking about all of the good times I'd had while I was married to Sandy. I thought again about the way we met and the way I always felt about her. Over the past few years, we'd also had a lot of good times with our neighbors and friends. Greg and Nick were no longer on my list of friends but I did hope that for the sake of their wives, they'd agree to do the right thing.

At four thirty exactly, I loaded up my briefcase and put on my coat. I looked around my office. I took the picture on my desk and placed it face down. It was one of our wedding pictures. I'd have to replace it with something else. Maybe a picture of my car might be more appropriate.

I waved at my secretary and left for the day. Most of the time, the drive home was the high point of my day. This time it was like driving to my own execution.

I pulled into my driveway at four fifty five. They were all early and they all had the same hang dog look on their faces. Greg seemed to be the only thing holding Sandy up. She looked like someone had plucked her out of a head on collision and dropped her on my front porch.

Nick was hiding on the side of the house.

"Come out of there, where I can see you," I said as I got out of the car.

"Ben, buddy it's only me," he said. "I just didn't want Joanie to look across the street and see me over here."

"I'm not your fucking buddy," I said. "And Joanie may find out about all of this anyway so you're not doing her any favors."

I opened the door and they all ran into the house. It was as if they all needed to get a good seat or they just didn't want anyone to know they were here.

"Ryan, I'm..." began Sandy. She had huge circles under her eyes and her face looked like hell. She reached for me and I put up my hands to stop her.

"Save it," I snapped.

"After this is over can we talk?" she asked.

"Probably not," I said. "But who knows."

"Ryan, I am so..."

"Did I, or did I not, say save it?" I asked. "Out of all of these assholes, you're the one I trusted the most. You're the one who hurt me the worst, Sandy, so don't push it or I'll just let you all leave. And none of you would like that."

I heard a car pull up and a car door slam. A slim but full busted young woman knocked on the door and I let her in.

"Who the hell is this?" asked Sandy. "Did you go out and get yourself a girlfriend to rub this in my face?" She was talking tough, but she was already crying. "I'll beat the hell out of her and..."

"And what Grandma," hissed the young woman. When Sandy didn't say anything the young woman went about her business. She carried a briefcase and she was chewing gum. She reached into the briefcase and pulled out a bunch of file folders. She handed the first one to Sandy. Sandy was easy to spot because she was the only woman.

"Which one of you is Greg Matthews?" she asked. She handed him a folder and then went through the rest. "You've all been served." She packed up her briefcase and left but not before turning and giving Sandy an evil look.

The guys were looking in their folders and grumbling.

"Ben, you can't do this," whined Greg. "If you name me in this suit and my bosses get a hold of this information, my whole crew will lose our jobs and probably our pensions. Plus I'll end up divorced and Betty will take me to the cleaners."

"Why the fuck should I care," I spat. "You assholes ruined my life. You destroyed my marriage, so one way or another you all have to pay; some fucking friends. There are all kinds of hookers over on Woodward, but you had to fuck the only woman I've ever loved up until now."

"Greg, we'll all be destroyed," said Nick. "Can't we take a breather and work out some other solution. It doesn't seem logical for six marriages and five careers to be ruined because of..."

"Because of what, Nick?" I asked.

"Damn it Ben," said Nick. "I don't want to lose my marriage and my kids because your wife can't keep her God damned legs closed. You can't ruin my job. I don't work with these guys, I'm self-employed. But shit, it's worse for me because I love my kids more than anything. And I don't want to end up only seeing them twice a month, while I'm living in a tiny apartment eating bologna."

"Why bologna?" asked one of the guys.

"I hate tuna," said Nick.

"Nothing is free Nick," I hissed. "If you'd picked a whore off the street to fuck, you'd have to pay her. You picked up a whore on your street so you still have to pay. You ruined my fucking marriage so I think it's worth yours."

"But your marriage isn't ruined, Ben," Nick continued. "Shit, we had all of these rules to follow and she always made sure that we knew that she only loves you. No one could kiss her. She only kisses you. No one could cum inside of her. Only you got to do that. No one could have her ass. That was yours, although apparently you've never wanted it. You're the only person she loves. I was getting pretty God damned sick of hearing about how much she loves YOU while WE were fucking. Do you have any idea what that does to a guy's ego?"

"It was a mistake, Ben. It was really big fucking mistake. But we're all friends here. Surely we can forgive and forget. It was only a little fun. It was only sex. It won't ever happen again."

"Okay," I said. They all smiled.

"You mean it?" asked Greg.

"Fuck no, I don't mean it," I snapped. "I just wanted to sound as stupid as you guys do. There's one way out of this and only one way, so listen to me. Besides the folders that you have in front of you, I have CD's for all of you. I have a lot more copies so don't worry if you lose it or try to destroy it. The CD's have video footage of your little gang bang. It's what I'll be providing your wives and employers with unless you all agree to my terms. But it has to be a unanimous agreement. If even one of you balks or misses one payment, the deal is over."

"Why should we pay you shit?" asked the older guy. "We work hard for our money and you make a lot more than we do. Don't you own your own business? That fucking Mustang you drove up in wasn't cheap."

"And what kind of guy watches a bunch of other guys fuck his wife and videotapes it?" said the other old guy. "I didn't even get to fuck her. All I got was a shitty blow job. My wife blows a lot better."

"Maybe I'll get to sample her after your divorce," I snapped. "And I didn't enjoy watching you assholes with Sandy, but I'm too smart to run into the house with guns blazing and try to attack five guys. What good would it have done for me to get my ass kicked after watching my whore of a wife fuck five guys?"

"Anyway, here's what happens. I'm divorcing Sandy..." I began. At that moment, Sandy slumped to the floor. She went from standing by the sofa watching me intently, to a puddle of shit on floor in an instant. The way she collapsed made it seem like she had no bone structure.

"God damn that's harsh," said Nick. "Look at what you're doing to her? Don't you care about her at all?"

"Nick, shut the fuck up," I snapped. "Or I'll go across the street and get Joanie right fucking now."

"Anyway, I'm divorcing Sandy. I owned this house before I met her so she won't get it in the divorce. I owned my business when I met her, so she won't get any part of it in the divorce. But I see no reason to split our assets with her. She can keep her personal stuff and you assholes will help her get it out of my fucking house by tomorrow afternoon. If you can come over here in the morning to fuck her, you can come over here to move her."

"That seems fair," said Nick.

"I'm not done," I said.

"I've checked the statutes on divorces in this state. The minimum I can get away with paying Sandy is based on my projected income. Most judges would give her roughly six hundred dollars a week for two to three years or until she remarries, which would supposedly be enough time for her to get her shit together. I figure six hundred a week for four years to be extra fair."

"That does sound fair," said Nick.

"Shit, women always get it easy," said Greg. "She gets to lay around on her ass and do nothing for four years and just collect almost as much as I make. That's Bullshit. Can you divorce me and pay me to do nothing too."

"I'm not paying her a God damned cent, asshole," I said. "You are." They all looked shocked.

"You five assholes are each going to pay her a hundred and twenty dollars a week for the next four years. If any one of you misses a payment the others had better cover it; because if she doesn't get paid, I send your wives or your employers a package. Fraud has a ten year statute of limitations in this state so I can still fuck up your career way past the four years and I can fuck up your marriages forever."

"I have all of the paperwork here. All you each have to do is sign it and write her a check for the first payment. I already have a judge ready to rubber stamp the whole thing. You guys sign off on it and it becomes legal and binding. Of course, we'll all be doing it tomorrow in front of a notary. Sandy, you have to go back to using your maiden name."

"I'm not doing it," said the crusty old guy. "If the six of us stick together your ass will be in jail before the sun sets. You held a gun on us yesterday and shot that vase. That's brandishing a weapon, intimidation, kidnapping and discharging a firearm inside of the city limits."

"I'll just say that I didn't," I smiled and it will be your word against mine.

"But there are six of us," he smiled back.

"Yeah, six cowards," I said.

"You were the one who needed a gun," he smirked. "And silencers are illegal in this state. That'll get you five more years."

"You mean this gun," I smiled. "I shot the other vase and it exploded near his head." I threw the gun to Nick who laughed.

"It's only a God damned BB gun," he laughed. "We all peed our pants over a fucking kid's toy."

"Here's the address to my lawyer's office," I said. "I'll expect you all to be there by five p.m. tomorrow. If any one of you doesn't show, the deal is off and you're all divorced and unemployed. Now get the fuck out of my house. I have things to do."

"What about me, Ben?" cried Sandy. "I don't want a divorce. We can work this out. I won't do it again. Didn't you hear them? I only love you."

"And I loved you too, Sandy," I said. "That's why I'm making sure that you're taken care of. But you hurt me too badly. And I could never trust you again. Even now, when I look at you, part of me wants to cry because I miss you so much. And the other part wants to throw up because you disgust me."

Her face darkened and her eyes filled with tears.

"Can't we please talk about this?" she whined. "We've been married for so long. It's the best thing that ever happened to me. I...Ben, I don't know how to live without you. You're my heart."

"Get the guys you fucked to teach you," I said. I started to turn away and Greg came into the room.

"Forget about him, Babe," he said. "He's heartless. We'll be okay." I couldn't help it, I launched myself at him. My fist hit him in the jaw like a piston. His head bounced off of one of the walls and he went down. Greg is bigger than me but my anger overwhelmed him. I started to kick him while he was on the floor, but Sandy stepped in front of me.

"It figures you'd try to protect him," I said. "But then you have been putting him in front of me for quite a while."

"Ben, it's not like that. I was going to quit," she cried. "I lo..."

"Well now you don't have to. You fuck whoever you want until your uterus falls out."

Greg woke up at that point. "Wakey Wakey fat ass," I said. "You were right. I am heartless. But it's only because someone that I would have loved forever tore my heart out of my chest."

"Ben, I never meant..." he began as he tried to rise.

"Just take her and get out of my house," I yelled.

When I heard the door closing, that quick metallic click that usually meant that Sandy and my belongings were safely protected by the security door, my mind suddenly interpreted the sound differently.

That same clicking now represented the door closing on that chapter of my life.

Like Greg had, I collapsed to floor. No one had struck me, but I was laid low just the same. I say there for a long time just staring. As I looked at all of the things that had made the house a home, every picture, every knick knack, every scratch and mark on the wall had a story. I remembered them all. A sudden shock to the left side of my chest jarred me from my ruminations.

At first I thought I was having a heart attack. Then I realized it was only my iPhone in my breast pocket. It was set to vibrate. I plucked the phone out of my pocket and absent mindedly answered it.

"Hello man of mine. How's it going?" she asked.

"Man of whose?" I asked.

"Mine," she laughed. "Didn't you know? I'm staking a claim."

"I had someone who I thought wanted me," I said. "I just had to kick her out of my house and out of my life."

"But she was stupid," said Melanie. "I'm not. When are you coming home?"

"I'm on my way," I said.

Twenty minutes later, the throaty growl of my Mustang echoed off the walls of Melanie's huge house. I was trying to imagine what it would be like to live in a place that big. I kind of hoped that she'd open the door to greet me so I didn't have to walk up to that door like a guest or someone else who didn't belong there.

At the same instant that I reached for the bell, the door cracked open. "Get in here, dummy," she said.

I smiled as she peeked through the door. "Come out here and greet me," I said.

"Nuh Unh," she said. "You wouldn't like that."

"Yes I would," I said. "I'd like it very much."

"Did your slutty ex-wife do it?" she asked.

"Nope, I thought that we'd start our own traditions and habits," I said. "Maybe if we start making some history and memories of our own, thinking about the past won't hurt so much."

"I was thinking the same thing," she giggled. "Get in here."