A Discouraging Word

Sue was nothing if not experienced; I vaguely recalled her complaints about a guy she'd once met on a trip who'd basically stalked her from afar for quite some time. I nodded as I looked away, thinking of what she said and how different we were despite being only 22 months apart.

She shook my arm. "Sophe, one more thing. Just remember, the beach is like Vegas: what happens at the beach stays at the beach. Remember that. Well, as long as you don't get knocked up or an STD or something. Be careful with that part, okay?"

***

Sunday, July 3rd

Despite our issues, Sue and I are sisters and we love each other, most of the time, so we got along pretty well for the rest of our visit. I had a great time seeing my nephews and Bill, too, and she only pounded that stupid slogan into my head again about a hundred more times before I left late Sunday morning.

I arrived about 4 that afternoon and checked in. The resort was nice, but the room wasn't quite what Bart had promised when he was selling me on it. The "gulf view" was true...if you went out on the balcony, leaned out, and looked to the side. After seeing that and looking down, I decided that I'd do my gulf watching from the beach rather than from my balcony.

Since I was going to be there for nearly two weeks instead of two days, I unpacked and stowed my suitcases and duffel bag in the closet. I rolled my eyes on finding a 12-pack of condoms in one of my bags; there was an S with a heart around it.

"Thanks, Sue," I griped with more than a bit of sarcasm but then debated for a moment and put it in a drawer. While it wasn't something I was planning, better safe than sorry.

The duffel bag was where I found another mystery present. The card on the outside said "Enjoy!" and with "Mom" written below. I smiled, thinking how she must have stashed it in there while we were taking my kitty's things out of the RAV4 and into the house.

The shape was right for a small book or planner, but it was right for a host of other things, too, and it didn't feel heavy at all. If it was a book, it had to be quite thin, as if she didn't expect me to need it for very long. Holding it up to my ear, I gave it a little shake but that didn't give me a hint either.

"Something...non-perishable," I guessed aloud before chuckling and ripping off the wrapping paper. The box opened, I looked inside, and my mouth fell open.

It was a hot pink bikini with more string and less fabric than anything I'd ever worn in private, much less in public. Turning it to and fro, I suspected that I might be able to wear it in public without being arrested...maybe.

Shaking my head, I tossed it in the drawer.

I chuckled as I did, realizing that it was a good thing it really wasn't perishable because I doubted that it would ever get used.

***

After a walk on the beach late that afternoon, dinner that evening, and a shopping trip for some food, a bottle of rosé, and a six-pack of Peroni at the nearby Walmart, I returned to my room and settled in for the evening. I surfed channels for a bit without finding anything exciting but my mind eventually returned to that damn hot pink bikini.

Opening a bottle of Peroni, I took a swig before pulling those pink scraps out of the drawer. After checking it over and over, I ended up stripping off my clothes, peeling the hygiene shield off the tiny gusset of the bikini bottom, and putting the damned thing on.

It took a bit...and then a bit more...but I finally got it on and laughed. The narrow triangles on top covered....

Well, everything critical plus some but not nearly enough! I normally wear a 32D (or 32DD in the case of a couple of bras) but this looked like it might have covered a B-cup...or maybe a C with some help. And the bottom was just as bad! Then, when I turned to look at the back...well, my Barbecutie Pit shorts are a bit cheeky but I've never had a cheeky bikini bottom before. This wasn't cheeky, it was practically full moon shining territory. I was laughing as I turned back to the front again, and then back around....

Several times I looked, thinking I could have rivaled some of those girls on the cover of the annual swimsuit edition for the amount of material...or rather, the lack thereof. Doubting that I'd ever wear it in public, I didn't have to wonder too hard about the thoughts a lot of guys would be directing my way if I did. This set me off, making me warm and needy for some overdue relief.

I tossed that little bikini back in the drawer seconds later, climbed into bed, pulled my knees up, and turned on my magic wand. My head tipped back, I was soon in heaven as it did its work on me.

When sleep came a short time later, it was a really good sleep.

***

Monday, July 4th

Some people sleep late on vacation but I usually get up at the same time (unless I was up really late the night before). On Independence Day, I got up even a little earlier, had a cup of coffee, and went out to the beach for a run. Dawn had broken, giving plenty of light as I ran along the beach, just above the water line, allowing me to enjoy the beauty and sounds of the surf. A number of people were out walking, some with a dog or dogs, some were looking for shells, and two or three people were out riding bikes.

Having checked the time the evening before, the alarm on my phone went off a couple of minutes before sunrise and I turned to watch the sun claw its way above the horizon and begin its journey across the sky. It's almost surprising how quickly it happens, the sky as if backlit one second, then a piercing sliver as the sun gets that first toehold across the water, followed by a full, bright circle just a couple of minutes later.

"It's a beautiful sight, every morning," said a female voice a short distance away.

I turned to see her, sitting down a few feet further up the beach. Wearing long pants, long sleeves, and nothing on her feet, she was probably in her sixties but she was sitting cross-legged like she was doing yoga or something as if she was younger than me. "Good morning," I replied.

"And good morning. Well, it's beautiful every morning that it's not raining or just cloudy. But even then, you know it's still there, as beautiful as ever, you just can't see it."

I smiled and gave her a nod, thinking how the sunrise was sort of like a metaphor for the opportunity in my life, always there but not always obvious. The woman closed her eyes and went back to meditating or sleeping or whatever she was doing so I whispered, "Have a great day," and took off running down the beach, thinking.

Back in my room, I showered and ate breakfast before going online to do some research on Wichita State and its elementary education program. To my surprise, I really liked what I found and decided I wanted to know more.

***

With my cooler and beach bag packed, I hit the beach a little later that morning in my most patriotic bikini, a red, white, and blue two-piece, determined to get lots of rays. With sewn straps rather than tiny strings, it provided good support where needed and good-enough coverage that I didn't feel uncomfortable as I might in a certain hot-pink monstrosity.

There were two beach chairs and a big beach umbrella as part of the resort package Bart had selected for us, so I made use of a chair and the umbrella when I wasn't lying out sunning on my beach blanket or walking in the surf. Bart's chair sat empty...for a while.

"Hi, mind if I join you?" asked the tall, good-looking man who plopped down in the chair next to me before the words were out of his mouth. He was tall and broad, his body tanned and chiseled, his head of hair dark and full, and his eyes even darker. I looked to me as if he was a panther sizing me up like dinner. He was, in short, my sister's type of guy during her freewheeling days.

"Hope you don't mind but I've ordered you a fruit drink from the bar, too."

I was taken aback, first by his forwardness and then by his statement, but then I saw the waitress from the cabana bar approaching with a tray with two different fruit drinks with two straws and one of those little umbrellas in each.

"Mixed at the bar, ma'am, your choice, compliments of the gentleman," said the waitress, nodding to the man.

"Uhm, thank you," I answered, selecting the red one. "And thank you," I added, turning to the man. Hoping to throw him off his game, I was blunt. "Do you always invade a woman's space and buy her drinks without asking?"

He smiled. "Only if they're insanely beautiful like you."

With the tables turned as quickly as a switch, I blushed, looking away. I know I'm fit and pretty by Creek City standards, but this was too much, only making me determined to be even more wary than before.

We talked for a bit, but little changed as our conversation progressed; I wasn't exactly enamored with him despite his high praise and his offer of a second drink. When the drinks were done, I said, "Thanks again for the drink. I need to continue reading this now. Work, you know, I, ah, review books for the local newspaper." It was a little lie, of course, but since I'd remembered Sue's advice and purposefully withheld my last name and address, he'd never know.

He looked surprised but when I started reading and ignoring him, he eventually got the hint that I wasn't going to continue talking with him and moved on. It wasn't long before I saw him talking to two other young ladies and not much longer after that before they'd all disappeared. Whether that was apart or together, I didn't know and didn't care.

More people showed up as the morning progressed. There were a number of red, white, and blue patriotic-themed bathing suits somewhat similar to my own, patriot board shorts on a number of men, some American flags, and even a couple of flag-motif umbrellas or sun covers.

A kid flew a kite shaped something like a jet fighter with some long red, white, and blue streamers. That looked pretty cool and I enjoyed watching it flutter in the stiff breeze until I found myself almost dozing off. It was, I suspected, the most relaxed I'd been since before the breakup.

Two older guys came along with metal detectors, scanning the ground with their detectors and all of the girls with their eyes. Oh, they were wearing dark, shiny sunglasses that effectively hid their eyes, but so was I and I watched them as they approached. It became obvious that their searches were usually closer to pretty girls lying out and that their search patterns, with their metal detectors anyway, sucked. When they closed on me, I took off my glasses so they could see my pale blue eyes staring back at them and almost getting darker by the second. They quickly noticed a better search area a little further down the beach and took off for it almost at a run.

I grinned and took a drink of water, taking the opportunity to survey the beach and the crowd of people nearby.

I was surprised to see that as the morning progressed and more people arrived, the relative amount of fabric in many of the bikinis on display seemed to decrease. There were a number that were fairly similar to the one my mom had given me, though none in that insanely hot pink color. Since it had been several years since my last trip to the beach, I was surprised at the number of thongs, the exposed butt cheeks on display, and the number of equally obvious admirers.

Seated in my chair under the beach umbrella with my oversized reflective sunglasses on, I watched some of those young ladies from a distance, expecting every second to see a wardrobe malfunction, but those wearing such outfits seemed to know to stay out of the heavy surf and everyone seemed to enjoy their day clothed, however infinitesimally minor the amount of "clothed" was.

Around noon, I gathered up my things and went back to my room for a break. I called Mom to check in, ate a bite of lunch, and did some research online. After a short nap (one of the pleasures of vacation time), it was back to the beach.

More sun, more play in the surf, and another nice walk down the beach and back followed. On reaching my limit on sun exposure for the day, even with all of my sunscreen, I made sure the umbrella was aligned correctly and then seated myself in my beach chair with a nice fruity pineapple drink and chilled.

The empty beach chair became a problem again as the day progressed. I had to run a few more guys out of it, though one guy seemed nice, asking first if he could join me.

"Hi, I'm Holden," he said, holding out his hand.

I extended mine. "Sophie," I said as he took it, giving a polite shake but then cupping his other hand over our still-clasped hands.

'It's very nice to meet you, Sophie. May I buy you a drink?"

"Thank you, but no. I'll be leaving soon," I said truthfully, having already decided to return to my room within minutes.

"Ah, perfect. Then perhaps you'll join me for dinner this evening?"

Holden was over 6-feet tall, and appeared to be about 200 pounds or so. He was nicely tanned and very fit, having a full head of blondish-brown hair a bit lighter than my own and green eyes that reminded me, in a way, of Bart. I almost said no as a result, but he flashed a very nice smile at me and it slipped out before I could stop myself.

"Okay."

The smile intensified, becoming even more radiant in the late afternoon sun. I smiled back.

"Tell you what, meet me in the main lobby at 7:30? I'll get us reservations at the resort's main restaurant, and then maybe we can go to the dance club afterward?"

"Restaurant sounds good, but we'll see about the dancing, okay?"

He nodded. "Deal. I'm glad we met, Sophie, and I'm really looking forward to seeing you again later."

Perhaps he had a thing for books or movies about knights or musketeers or something for he kissed the back of my hand, gave me a smile, and then turned and ran off down the beach.

I breathed out slowly, thinking it was going to be an interesting evening.

***

In addition to being so good looking, Holden Edwards seemed like a very nice guy, a project manager with a construction company out of San Antonio, and he was very polite as we talked through dinner.

I didn't volunteer much about myself, though when he asked, I used my earlier cover of doing book reviews and added that I wrote human interest articles for the local newspaper. I'd brought several books to read and had worked on the school newspaper in high school so I figured it wouldn't be too much of a stretch if he asked questions.

He did, but very polite ones, and he smiled and paid complete attention as I spun off some reasonable-sounding answers.

Two glasses of wine down, I was feeling relaxed so I agreed when he asked me to join him at the resort's nightclub. We got another round of drinks there and went out on the dance floor a short time later.

Holden was a good dancer and he complimented me on how smooth and sexy my moves were. Wearing a sundress with no bra, I felt his hands touch me as we danced, and when the music slowed for a time and we were up close, I felt his salute, tall and proud, between us.

"Sophie, you're so sexy, girl," he whispered. "Would you like to go up to my room?"

In truth, I was debating it, wondering if I should let myself go and let whatever happen, but I knew exactly what would happen if we went upstairs. That was the hard part, the part that really wasn't me.

I'd never been comfortable at the thought of having sex with a stranger. I wanted a connection with a guy, to get to know him, before I went too far. There had to be at least a possibility that I'd be interested in a relationship of some type before I did it, so I'd gotten pretty good with hand jobs and sometimes participated in oral pursuits to keep prospects happy for a date or sometimes several before I made up my mind.

With Holden, I sensed that wouldn't be enough. If I went upstairs with him, there would be no putting it off, no turning back. And in truth, I wasn't sure I wanted to.

However, I was afraid, afraid of what we would do, and afraid of the effect it might have on me. Sue always accused me of being cautious when it came to guys; whereas she was like greased lightning when it came to new men, my approach was slow and steady, more akin to that heavy tar they used to mop on the roof of Creek City High.

"Holden, I'd...I'd like to...but—"

"Ah! You want to get to know me a little better first, right?"

"Yeah," I breathed in relief, so glad that he understood. "I just need a little more time. Do you think we can talk some tomorrow? I'll be in the same spot."

He smiled. "That sounds great, Sophie. I'll stop by tomorrow so we can talk some more. Then, good night for now."

It was sudden, his arm snaked around me, pulling me close, and then his lips were on mine and I was spinning. My lips opened and I brushed his lips with my tongue. His mouth opened a bit and his tongue was there, swirling with mine, and it felt almost like an explosion as we separated. My eyes were wide as I looked at him.

"Wow," I breathed.

He grinned at me, the tip of his tongue flicking across his upper lip. "I'm really looking forward to tomorrow, Sophie, but first, would you like me to walk you to your room?"

I'd had that third glass of wine and possibly a fourth so I was feeling pretty good, particularly after the dancing, but I wasn't sure what would happen if he escorted me upstairs. I had a feeling that he wouldn't leave until morning.

"Ahem, I'm fine, thanks. Good night, Holden. Until tomorrow."

"Good night, Sophie. Until then."

As I made my way to the elevator to my tower, I was thinking about him, and how good he'd felt when we were dancing, when we were kissing. Maybe Sue was right; maybe I needed to let loose a bit, to enjoy sex with no strings attached for a change. Maybe some good sex—no, as Sue said, a good fucking—would help my attitude.

I'd taken two or three steps away, heading back toward the nightclub when the elevator bell dinged. I stopped and looked back, and then looked back in the direction of the nightclub, hesitating, trying to decide.

"Miss, are you coming?" asked a man holding a woman's hand. They were older, appearing to be in their fifties or sixties, and were either married or very comfortable together.

"Ah, yes, sorry," I said, turning back toward them. Whatever I was and whatever I decided, I wasn't my sister.

***

Tuesday, July 5th

I'd watched the Independence Day fireworks in the distance from my balcony and fallen into bed soon after. Despite that, the sun was already well above the horizon before I awoke and headed to the beach on Tuesday morning. I was wearing a cover-up that I wasn't sure would be coming off. The reason was that Mom's hot pink bikini was under it.

Unfortunately, while there was a decent crowd, there weren't nearly as many people as on July 4th, and the really tiny bikinis I'd seen the day before were nowhere in sight. A number of girls were wearing thong bottoms showing a lot of butt cheek but they were all wearing somewhat more conservative tops. On seeing this, my courage disappeared and my cover-up stayed on.

Sitting in my chair with the cover-up pulled tight around me, I was debating returning to the room, especially since I'd received looks from a number of guys and some girls who may have seen the hot pink shining through my thin white cover up.

Yes, not my best choice of color combination, I'm afraid, so I stood up to gather my things and make a quick exit.

"Hi, Sophie! I found you," said Holden, coming up behind me, "and it looks like I arrived right on time. If I'd gotten here five minutes earlier, I'd have thought you'd stood me up."

"Ah, yeah." Everything I'd just picked up went back down. "Want to sit with me and talk for a while?"

"Here, can I help you with your cover up?"