All Comments on 'A Genesis of Lust and Love'

Maybe a little too drawn out but I loved the story. Thanks

To much extra talk.

Read like a train wreck.

After once or twice was enough saying "upskirt aunt". Got old in a hurry. We all knew she was an "upskirt aunt the first couple times. Stopped reading because of it.

Boy Oh Boy talk about edging.

True love at its best . Reminds me of me & my late wife when she was alive , that was love at first sight & we had 40 years of LOVE & LUST …..Keep it up a follow up would be good

Although the story line was good, this was drawn out so long...I think you could have skipped maybe 3 pages ,and not lost your place. For this reason alone...I gave this story 3 stars. Hopefully the next story will not take so long to get to a point. Maybe if another chapter comes along ,it won't be drawn so much,as I almost wanted to just cut my losses and move on.

Too wordy

Thanks for your comment, Ilovetophoto68, I appreciate it, and I don’t actually disagree!

I had anticipated this might be on the ‘too long’ side when I uploaded it and for that reason I appreciate and know it’s not my best work, and why I understand the rating not being higher. That said, I wrote this story for myself and made it as long as it is for a reason I won’t go into here. It’s my longest story by *far*, the rest of them typically being half as long as this at most, so rest assured the length is (and will likely remain) a one off.

Thanks for taking the time to comment, Anonymous (all three of you!).

Just FYI, ‘Upskirt Aunt’ is effectively the name of the character and they don’t go by any other name, hence why it’s repeated. And I totally understand and appreciate the comments regarding it being drawn out - as I mentioned in another comment here, I wrote this story for myself and the reason it’s so long is not something I’ll go into here, though it is a one-off.

Thanks for all the comments, just a quick response to a couple of the other Anonymous comments, which I appreciate.

I have already written a sequel to this, and I've not yet decided whether I'll upload it, or if so, when. What I can say, however, is that it's not nearly as long - about half as long in fact - so will hopefully read a lot better than this if I decide to upload it. As I've mentioned in other comment responses, this was written for myself and was long for a reason, though I 100% appreciate the length of it won't suit everyone. I really appreciate all the feedback though!

Was this a cartoon? I don't come here to read cartoons, so I left yours after half a page.

The writing is horrible. Middle school writing should be kept in middle school, not in public. You tried too hard to sound sophisticated, and when you're not sophisticated, you never sound sophisticated. You just sound bad. When you have to spend more time trying to come up with a word to use than you spend actually putting words together, you're doomed to fail.

I give it a 3.5.

The aunt seemed to have most of the dialog. It would have been nice to have heard Tom express himself when he saw his aunt glittery wet pussy.

"Ummmmm aunty. I can see how wet your pussy is from it's glittery wetness. I want to taste your sweet nectar aunt. I want to fill your womb with my baby batter aunty."

This would have given him more skin in the game. And when the topic of pregnancy came up it would define where their true future was headed.

Just before I headed to Vietnam I had a sexual relationship with my older sister. We went out for dinner and had drinks. Went back to her apartment in North Hollywood after dinner. We smoked some killer weed and drank wine. One thing led to another and we ended up making hot, wet, sweet love. I came in her about three times that night and once again in the morning. The sex was incredible and I was addicted to my sister's pussy.

I left for Vietnam about a week later and we made love everyday until the day before I left. I got a letter a month later from Jo Jo telling me that she was pregnant with my baby. She confessed that she was afraid that I might not return back to the family and she wanted a part of me to carry on the Hernandez name. She purposely got me high and some what inebriated and seduced me. She was ovulating and knew that there was an excellent chance that I would make her pregnant. She ask me to forgive her for what she did but she said she did it for our family. But in course of everything she felt in love with me. Not as brother and sister but as a woman loves a man. She said that no man ever got her as hot and as wet as I had.

So when a man tells his lover that he would love to fill her womb with his seed....the woman's answer can determine their future. Jo Jo and I were married for 40 years. Sadly, she died of diabetes. She was 63 years old when she left us. She gave me 4 beautiful daughters and 3 handsome wonderful sons.

I’ll repeat what others have said here. It’s a little too drawn out, but overall, I appreciate the effort. While it is undoubtedly well written, I can only speak on behalf of readers with 5-15 minute attention spans like mine when reading these short stories. For only 2 characters and their trysts to occupy 8 pages, it’s on the lengthy side. That said, I’ll give you 5 stars because I want to encourage you to write more stuff. Keep at it.

I was going to give you 5*, but the story is just too wordy and corny. You could easily cut it in half and have them both just say what they were feeling. Would have made it a much easier story to read.

I agree that it was too wordy by far.

After the first three pages, I felt you had swallowed a dictionary, a thesaurus and a complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica.

Thanks for all the feedback, I appreciate it tremendously. I’m quite new to writing dialogue and have historically preferred to describe how characters are feeling rather than have characters overtly express it, however, I’ve been attempting more dialogue in my more recent works (as much of this was written a couple of years ago), especially that of male characters which was even more seldom in a lot of my older stuff (which hasn’t and won’t be published here). I also understand the criticism regarding the length, and as I mentioned in another comment, I don’t disagree at all - this was a one-off in that regard. Thanks again, it’s really useful to hear and understand other people’s perspectives and I’ll certainly use what I’ve learned in future works.

This was an extremely slow burn, perhaps a bit too slow? Still it is something worth reading. I would have liked to have heard more of Tom’s side of the dialogue, not just the implication of what he said.

While it probably would have made a great short story, it was way way too wordy and exhausting and frustrating to read. For what was done between them, it should have been two pages at most.