A Gift in Disguise Ch. 04

"I noticed there weren't any signs outside."

"Yes, and the university was happy about that, too. One of the more outspoken trustees was concerned that any signage even remotely hinting at our studying human sexual responses might earn the university the nickname 'Fuck U.' The old goat actually blurted that concern out in a meeting with me. Then he quickly backtracked, probably assuming the word 'fuck' could possibly offend me. If I had been thinking quicker, I might have said to him, 'Well, if you think you can get up for it...' "

We entered the suite of offices and exam rooms and walked down the hall. There didn't seem to be any other people in the office. Then again, she had said they were normally closed to the public on weekends, so that wasn't exactly a surprise.

"This is my office. Come on in and have a seat so we can talk."

From outside the building I had seen plenty of windows but hadn't been able to see in. Now inside, I saw that at least Amanda's office had heavy opaque draperies which were open, but the windows were still covered by sheers for privacy.

I'd been in doctor's offices before with files, literature, clinical photos, skeletal models and models of organs. But this wasn't one of those. This was more like a small cozy living or recreation room in a house. Not even the ever-present antiseptic smells that fairly shouted "Germs be damned!" to reassure patients. In addition to a rather unpretentious small desk, there was a small sofa facing a large-screen HD television, a couple of chairs, some end tables with nick-knacks and pictures, and a few green plants.

Amanda briefly explained that she had been working with Lorraine, Kim, and Jamie for about four years. Lorraine and Kim also had office space here with Amanda, but they generally preferred to keep extremely unusual or sensitive cases far away from the gossipy university environment. She went on to say that her practice, like theirs, and their joint human sexual response research was not affiliated in any way except proximity to the university. Universities, she said, expected their tenured employees to publish publish publish. The old "publish or perish" demand was too often antithetical to the patient's best interests.

"Which brings us to why we're here today, Tom," she segued. "I'm so glad you gave Lorraine and Kim permission to share all your information with me. That you have some ability to consistently induce intense and prolonged orgasms in women would by itself have intrigued me, but when both Lorraine and Kim independently observed some apparent therapeutic benefits associated with having sex with you, I was absolutely hooked.

As I mentioned to you when we first met at Jamie's laboratory, a good deal of my research has involved examining individuals' orgasm responses displayed on CT scans to see if those responses can help identify causes and suggest treatments for gender identity disorder or GID. My research has shown there is a distinct difference in orgasm responses between biological males and biological females. That difference exists even if the subjects have assumed cross-gender identification.

Just so you clearly understand, Tom, GID is a strong and lasting cross-gender identification and persistent discomfort with one's biological gender (sex) role. This discomfort must cause a significant amount of distress or impairment in the functioning of the individual. That's what distinguishes GID from the very normal anxiety that many males feel, that somehow there's something wrong with them when tests show some level of sexual arousal when they are exposed to other males in sexual situations."

I interrupted her before she could continue.

"So if someone, let's say a man, has been diagnosed with GID because he's uncomfortable being a man but his CT scan shows he's a man, what causes him to want to be a woman?"

"That's exactly the question that plagues us, Tom," she responded. "The best answer we can come up with is that development of a person's physiological gender traits are not completely influenced by his neurochemical responses. That is to say, parts of his brain and body develop as one gender, but other parts of his brain seem to go the other direction. That's the oversimplified explanation."

"Okay, I get that. But let's say someone has GID ..."

"It's not a disease, Tom," she interrupted. "It's a diagnosis of a condition. But I get what you're saying, so go ahead."

"Okay, let's say someone has been diagnosed with GID. Let's say it's a man who is really uncomfortable and debilitated trying to live as a man. Isn't that what the gender change surgeries and stuff are supposed to correct?"

"Yes, and if it was that simple, it would be a great solution. But every case of GID is different, so while gross changes like surgery might appear to work now, what if something changes later in the person's life and having surgically become a woman, he decides he wants to become a man again? No, we think the better solution, if there is only one, is to first find a way to help each individual adjust to the disorder that's disrupting his or her life. If the person can make that adjustment without going through the very extensive pre-op, surgery, and post-op challenges, that will result in a better outcome.

Most important, Tom, is that we're confident we can find a way to remedy the GID subject conflicts without resorting to life-changing surgery. There are risks and complications that can have far worse outcomes."

"I guess I was trying to mix apples and oranges," I answered. "You said my CT scans during orgasms were inducing super orgasms in my partners. I got the impression you were saying that my 'gift', whatever it is, might be rewiring and replumbing my partner's brain. So I guess I was thinking that maybe that or something like it might have the same effect on someone diagnosed with GID."

Amanda clearly was taken by surprise by my comment. I figured she was trying to find a nice way to tell me I was full of crap. Finally, though, she spoke and said, "You know, Tom, that's actually worth pursuing. You're right. Your 'gift' does cause a massive chemical dump in your partner's brain. If that massive chemical release could be controlled precisely..." she trailed off into more thought.

Finally I spoke up again. "You were talking about your orgasm research before I took your train of thought onto a sidetrack."

I could see her come back from her mental side trip.

"Yes, of course. I'm sorry, but I do want to follow up on your idea. We'll talk about that another time.

Anyway, the biggest limitation on my research is that the results are limited to subjects who self-reported that they experienced orgasm in at least 75 percent of their sexual encounters. While most males cum in every encounter, a large percentage of the females seem to reach the plateau stage, then remain just below their orgasm point in a significant number of their encounters. Why they are unable to consistently orgasm is very likely more a function of their male partner as it is any irregularity in their own system. This is not particularly surprising since males tend to finish faster than their partner, and once he's orgasmed, his drive diminishes rapidly.

Part of the problem, too, is that a woman's orgasm may not necessarily be as easily distinguishable, even to her, as a man's is. Some women are unsure in any given episode that they've actually cum.

Your case fascinates me because every indication is that you are somehow able to retard your own orgasm until your partner has hers. How you are able to do that, as well as your apparent ability to retain a substantial sexual desire after your initial orgasm and thereby prolong your partner's orgasm is something I would like to study further.

What really got my attention was your CT scan. In its most basic form, your CT scan displayed the typical male orgasm pattern when Kim masturbated you. That's exactly why I confidently told you at Jamie's that you are indisputably male. And indeed you are.

But it was your additional features that I've never seen before in either male or female orgasm pattern CT scans that just blew me away.

When I first encouraged you to meet with me and discuss your unique orgasm pattern, I had planned to show you a very detailed chart plotting sexual desire on one axis and time on the other. But even after I had put it together, it seemed pretty obvious to me that I could explain it in terms you could easily visualize without going through a pretty boring PowerPoint presentation. So if you don't mind, I'll keep it pretty informal.

A typical male orgasm pattern is pretty straightforward. With proper sexual stimulation, your sexual desire increases. The rate of increase depends a lot on the immediate circumstances, so something that might arouse you quickly today might not get you up as quickly tomorrow. Anyway, your desire as a male increases to a point at which you will begin to orgasm. Up to that point, you could stop the orgasm from happening, but once you've passed the point of no return, crossed over the orgasm line, you're going to cum. How intense your orgasm is and how long it lasts also depends on your particular circumstances, but immediately after ejaculation, male desire begins to abate very rapidly. It dives for the basement. How long it is before a typical healthy man can cum again is dependent on a lot of variable factors.

Your orgasm pattern, although typically and definitely male, is nevertheless unique from other males. When your arousal is on the rise, it seems to stop just short of the point of no return orgasm point, at least until you apparently receive some kind of signal from your partner that she is about to cum. At that point, your desire starts rising again, this time measurably more slowly. In fact, it does not shoot up to maximum orgasm intensity until moments after your partner has experienced her first orgasm. It is then that you cum, usually very hard.

Now once a typical male has cum hard with his partner, his desire would plummet. Yours does, too, but remarkably, it seems to come back up even more quickly than it abated. In other words, Tom, your sexual potency doesn't really have time to diminish before you're hard and able to ejaculate again. It is likely that your volume of ejaculate will be much less the second time, but it is as if your body holds some in reserve.

Now, this is where it's important for you to understand a female orgasm.

Just as with a man, a woman's sexual desire intensifies over time based on the effectiveness of the sexual stimulation. But a woman tends to self-regulate, to remain somewhat involuntarily it appears, just below the point of no return where she would orgasm. However, she remains at that point far longer than a man would, so what she may sacrifice in terms of the instantaneous intensity of a pleasurable orgasm, she often makes up in increased duration of the pleasure. We're not completely sure why that happens.

And when she does orgasm, she often just barely crosses over the orgasm point of no return, so her orgasm intensity nowhere nearly matches that of a typical male. In fact, many women orgasm and do not immediately recognize it as an orgasm. Some women do, of course, orgasm with as much intensity as a man does. Their intense orgasms are as easily recognized as a man's based on the woman's outward responses.

There is some thought that women actually rise just slightly above and fall just slightly below the orgasm point of no return line several times. What is not clear is whether these women are experiencing several orgasms, called multiple orgasms in the popular literature, or if they are just experiencing a heightened and persistent sense of sexual pleasure. Regardless, this is why women can often genuinely experience complete sexual satisfaction without appearing to orgasm as obviously or intensely as a man.

So, Tom, here's what I suspect is happening when you're having sex with a partner. It's what I believe sets you apart from more typical males. Of course, my sample is limited to your experiences with Lorraine and Kim, for now, so it's hardly definitive.

I believe that even before you and your prospective partner engage in sex, you have made some sort of neurochemical connection that defines your and your partner's chemo-sexual parameters. You sort of set up a neurochemical communication link. In fact, I suspect that if your brain does not make that connection, or if that connection is lost during arousal, your arousal simply begins to decline to the point you can no longer sustain an erection. It is likely that situation that led to your contacting Lorraine for the first time. Though she could not recognize the neurochemistry going on, she still correctly determined that your responses were normal for you and not indicative of any significant medical or psychological sexual dysfunction.

So to continue, assume that neurochemical communication connection exists and is made and retained. Then as your physical stimulation and attraction increases, the strength of those links and the number of interchanges between you increases so that when your arousal fully begins, your prospective partner receives a message which ramps up her responses beyond what they would normally be. Your and her natural inhibitions are simply overridden by your respective minds. That is not to say either of you become fully unrestrained or uncontrolled, merely that your normal sexual urges are amplified even though your judgment is still intact.

As your physical contact becomes more provocative, maybe deep kissing, touching each others genitalia through your clothing, stroking, and so on, your male arousal begins to approach your orgasm line, and perhaps so does your partner's. Your brain regulates your arousal to keep it just below the orgasm line, and it also keeps reading your partner's responses and sends signals to her to push her toward and eventually over her orgasm line, her point of no return.

Moments after she goes into orgasm, your brain receives a signal from hers and you orgasm. While you are still in orgasm, before your orgasm line has been crossed on the way down, you send some sort of signal that appears to do something remarkable, something we really can't explain. It's as if you are able to consolidate all of her remaining fluctuations just above and just below her orgasm line and compress them in time. The consolidation appears to be additive just below her orgasm line. In that moment in time, your arousal rockets back up above your orgasm line and delivers a second orgasm almost as intense as your first. This happens so quickly it is likely you are unable to distinguish between the two orgasms; it just seems like one longer one to you. But it is your second orgasm that pushes her consolidated and intensified arousal above her orgasm line again.

In every case where your sex with Lorraine was video imaged, her second orgasm manifested itself as a full-body orgasm in which her body visibly vibrated as if she was being zapped by an electric current. Of course, we don't have any videos of Kim and you fucking. We only have the one video of her CT scan while you were manually masturbating her. But based on how Kim described her own orgasms while fucking you and based on that one video of you and her, I believe her responses were almost identical to Lorraine's.

Your partner's orgasm continues until her brain reaches sexual satiation or exhaustion. Then its other functions kick in to quickly cause her orgasm to abate. The chemistry that provides her post-orgasm relaxation is so strong, so effective, and so fast-acting that your partner simply falls asleep before being able to say or do anything else.

We speculate, and we can only speculate on this, that it is during this post-orgasm chemical dump that the brains therapeutic chemicals' effectiveness is increased. We believe this is somehow tied to both Lorraine's and Kim's perceived therapeutic benefits of sex with you. We can't further quantify or identify any of that yet, though. In essence, we believe sex with you somehow reinvigorates your partners' natural healing of itself, that their bodies somehow during those few seconds of hyperorgasm, self-diagnose certain maladies, decide what neurochemical prescriptions need to be dispensed, and then dispense them into her body.

We can't even begin to figure out how to test and evaluate that hypothesis, though."

"So how can you say that what I'm doing isn't somehow harming Lorraine and Kim if you don't really know much more than what you've theorized?"

"That's the right question, Tom, and honestly I have to say we can't be any more certain of that than we are of what our theory suggests. However, I am monitoring both Lorraine and Kim far more closely than you can imagine. I'm looking for delayed adverse effects as much as I'm looking for therapeutic ones. That their normal medical tests are unchanged very strongly suggests no harm is being done, but it is only fair to say that if there are any adverse effects, they may not surface for years. And if that happens, we may not even then be able to positively associate them with having sex with you. But based on every medical and laboratory test we can reasonably perform, I have to say that both Lorraine's and Kim's health has shown nothing but improvement.

In particular, the apparent reversal of the aging process in both of them is fascinating.

We're not talking 'fountain of youth' here, Tom, but any apparent slowing, stopping, or reversing of the aging process may also give insight into understanding how to stop or reverse some diseases typically associated with aging."

She stopped talking, and I said nothing, mainly because I was trying to fully digest what she had said. Amanda waited patiently and said nothing herself. She continued.

"It was also fascinating that both Lorraine, who's 50, and Kim, who's 43, said that a persistent after-effect of sex with you seemed to be increased sensitivity to sexual stimuli and increased sexual pleasure. Bluntly, both stated their sexual responses to you more resembled their responses in their 20's and 30's.

As you know, Lorraine has about size 34b breasts, and for as long as she's been able to remember, she has experienced nipple orgasms from nipple stimulation at a far higher rate than most women. That was happening long before she ever met you.

Kim, on the other hand, has 36c breasts, but on her shorter frame, they look larger. Of course, before having sex with you, Kim had been unable to orgasm for about 20 years. Prior to having sex with you, she, like many women with larger breasts, reported comparatively normal arousal as a result of nipple stimulation. She could never be stimulated to orgasm, of course. But after sex with you, Kim has reported that her nipples have become much, much more sensitive to stimulation. She has even reported occasionally being able to bring herself to orgasm through nipple stimulation completely without clitoral stimulation.

And both Lorraine and Kim, after sex with you, reported that their breasts felt as if they were now no longer affected by gravity. Since Lorraine's breasts are comparatively small, normal breast sagging would not be as visible, but it's noteworthy that to her, she no longer felt as if they were being pulled down by gravity. And in fact, current photos of her breasts compared with photos of about two years ago do show that the already minimal sagging she experienced had apparently been reversed.

In Kim, the effect was even greater and more noticeable. With larger breasts and having nursed two children, involution and sagging would be expected in a woman her age. Photos of her breasts two years ago showed definite signs of both. However when I examined her a week ago, her breasts looked as if they had undergone restorative augmentation. Their bulk had been restored, and the previously observed sagging was almost completely gone. Kim's breasts are now amazingly sensitive, and in appearance they more resemble the 36c's of a woman in her late 20's who has not nursed children rather than in woman in her 40's who has nursed two."