A Hard Lesson

"I was with Raquel this evening," I began. "I thought it was a little different that she likes feeling a hand on her neck."

"Yeah, that's what she really needs to get off," Bill said. "If you squeeze hard enough, she'll orgasm quickly."

"No, I didn't choke her," I tried to reassure him. "I just put my hand there because she asked for it."

"Well, you should have," Bill replied casually. "She's into BDSM, and we have a dungeon at home. ... She likes it rough."

"She likes being choked?" I asked. "Isn't that dangerous?"

"Before we met," Bill explained "she had a boyfriend in college, and he did things like that to her. She said he wouldn't stop until he felt her shudder with an orgasm. She now seems to get excited faster when she's roughed up. They broke up, probably because she was getting excited too fast. He was an abusive asshole, enjoying inflicting pain on others, and her quickly accepting it was taking the fun out of it for him."

"Why would she want to stay with a guy like that?" I asked.

"It took me a while to fully understand her," Bill explained, "Social services took her from her parents when she was young, and for years, she grew up in foster care. The abuse she received in those earlier years as a child led her to look for it. We got together a few years after she broke up with that boyfriend. But I soon learned she orgasms quickly when she's choked or flogged. Straight sex just doesn't get her there. So, if you think she orgasmed with you, she probably faked it."

"You choke and beat your wife at home?" I asked, trying to not sound judgmental, but still a little stunned at their story.

"I keep it under control," Bill said nonchalantly, trying to explain their relationship. "We've been together for twenty years. And I don't do it in anger, just enough to give her what she needs to get off."

Driving Home

People were dressing, collecting their dishes, helping to clean up around the house, and several left.

After saying goodbye to our hosts, Jan and I started the hour-long drive home.

We rode in silence for about ten minutes, before I started with "You tried to humiliate me when you went back down to the basement." I said this in a 'matter of fact' tone.

"YOU were choking a woman when you were off on your own with her!" Jan again insisted.

"I TOLD YOU," I replied angrily, "that's not what happened!"

"I know what I saw," Jan said. "Raquel told us when we were talking at the beginning of the party, that she likes to be choked! Rodger and I just walked away from her, because neither of us wanted to be involved with her after hearing that. But you had your hand around her throat!"

"Raquel never told ME she likes choking," I informed my wife. "She said she just likes to feel a hand on her neck. So, I put it there in a position where I WOULDN'T choke her!" ... I finally said, "This sounds like one of those times YOU need to either trust me or not! I obviously can't convince you!"

Jan didn't respond to that point. She sat in the passenger seat silently staring out the window, never wanting to admit that she might be wrong.

"And what was that with Randy in the basement," I added with a hint of sarcasm. "You let him fuck you in the ass? You said you'd never allow me to do that to you at a party in front of others."

"Things change," Jan said in a snarky tone. "So, get over it. I took him in my ass! Are you jealous?" she asked, as if trying to turn it around on me.

"Of course not," I said with some satisfaction. "I got everything I needed this evening. Did you?"

Jan didn't respond, and after a few thoughtful seconds, I added "What you did in that basement was a deliberate choice to try hurting me, and I'll need to think about trusting you." We were silent for the rest of the drive home, ... and for most of the next few days.

Aftermath

Later at home, Jan calmly said, "Okay. Maybe we just need a break from the lifestyle for a while. And if, and when we do get back into it, I'll keep a closer eye on our same room rule to watch you."

I had no problems with my wife's behavior sucking and fucking those guys that evening, even when she allowed Randy to fuck her in the ass! As smart as my wife is, she still doesn't understand I enjoy watching her with other guys, particularly when I'm already exhausted. The issues I had were her accusations implying I'm lying about choking Raquel, and her insisting I watch her as her misguided attempt to humiliate me in some twisted revenge.

I realized long ago that most people never admit when they are wrong, choosing to blindly ignore the issue. And that often creates tensions in all aspects of life. Jan never apologizes for anything, always believing she's right in everything she does.

Over the next week, we slowly grew back together, falling into our old routines. On the second evening, I poured two glasses of wine and sat at the kitchen counter, and she silently handed me some vegetables to cut when she was preparing dinner. The third evening, after another silent dinner, Jan quietly asked "Do you feel like playing 'Sequence'?" That was one of my favorite games lately, from among the several we play during the week. We played the game quietly, without the usual banter between us.

Sometimes, even with my exceptional memory, it takes time for the memories and facts to come together. But during the long silences between us, I finally realized what happened that evening between my wife and me.

Jan and Rodger were both shocked by Raquel saying she likes to be choked, and they probably agreed between them they could never respect anyone who would do that to a woman. Then when Jan and Rodger saw me with my hand on Raquel's neck, they both quickly formed their opinion that I was choking her. And once people form a first impression, they're very slow to change it. Jan probably felt humiliated with Rodger witnessing her husband doing that, and Jan set out to make me feel that way, too.

Jan's feeling of humiliation over seeing me in that position with Raquel was very real to her, and she felt some immediate need such as trying to humiliate me to handle it. So, this is one of those times we both need to just get over it.

Over the next weeks, we began talking to each other, starting with the usual logistics of living in the same house. And that's what it takes for us to get over the injuries in our relationship, the familiar routines. They make us push the incident away over time and refresh those feelings of familiarity we always found comforting. By the end of the second week, we were even going to bed together, with her asking for my shoulder to cuddle and us both saying "I love you" before falling asleep.

It was three months before we looked at the swinger website again.

Epilogue

When my wife was twelve, her mother survived that car accident, with Jan's older brother dying in agony beside her. The post-traumatic stress disorder she suffered with the memory of that accident can be swept under the rug most of the time for her mother to walk around as if it never happened. But all it took was something to remind her of her kids for the painful memory of her dying son and other miscarriages to break through again, and she would have another breakdown. And her daughter became that reminder of kids and painful memories, leaving Jan to grow through her teen years keeping a great distance from her mother.

Jan has known me for over thirty years. During that time, I found she quickly forgets the past, probably due to shutting out the pain of her mother's breakdowns. Jan's attitude has always been "Get over it!" She always hoped her mother could come back to her as her old self, so Jan rather quickly reverts to her old self after everything.

When Jan and I met, she asked me how I could always pass my science and math tests so easily. I told her "I remember everything I read, see, or hear, and the answers are all just there." I'd like to be able to 'get over' some things, with something like that adage 'forgive and forget'. In my mind, the past which caused it is always still there, and it can never be forgotten. For me, all bad memories are merely filed away in their proper sequence and re-prioritized with others of lessor use. She knows this about me, and that's what we have to go forward.

I can understand my wife's reaction, unexpectedly seeing me in that position with Rodger standing behind her. Her deliberate, knee-jerk attempt to humiliate me without trusting me might chip away at my trust in her. But she's intelligent enough to think it through and realize the same things I did about it. So, my feelings for her are the same as when we married. She might never say she's 'sorry', but she has her ways.

One evening about three weeks after the house party, we were sitting in our usual swivel chairs in front of the fireplace for the evening. Jan looked over at me, set her wineglass on the end table, slipped out of her chair onto her knees, and crawled over between my legs kneeling in front of me. Her hands went to my belt, and she helped me by pulling my pants down, then grasped my stiffening shaft, directing it toward her mouth. Her amazing blowjob is her special treat for me, as if saying 'tonight's all about YOU!'

I love her way, and I knew everything was back to normal with my bad girl.

#####

Author's Postscript:

The husband, Ted has a high IQ due to an almost photographic memory, as explained in "Lifestyle Ch.01: A Geek Beginning". This also shows their first date.

The details explaining Jan's occasional desire for anal sex and her mother's PTSD breakdowns are best described in the story "Lifestyle Ch. 11 -- Demons Past".

This main couple's introduction to the world of swingers is in "Lifestyle Ch. 05: Mentors".

Jan violating their safe sex with condoms rule is in "Lifestyle Ch. 06: Finding Issues".

Ted fucking another woman in the morning when Jan was asleep is in "Lifestyle Ch. 07: Threesomes".

Jan first violating the same room rule is in the second half of "Lifestyle Ch. 08/09: Clubs/Parties".

They met Randy at a house party in "Lifestyle Ch. 10 -- House Party Cont."

Ted first meets his favorite kisser, Maggie in "Lifestyle Ch. 12 -- The Bar Group" .

Jan met Rodger, the single guy, in the story "Lifestyle Ch. 13 -- Single Swingers" .

Other stories such as "Lifestyle Ch. 14 -- Keeping Score" and "The Real Gift: Her Fantasy" show them in the swinger world and having fun watching each other enjoying life.