All Comments on 'A Husband's Revenge - Sequel'

If I never see another sequel, that will be too soon. This is getting ridiculous. Sequel after sequel, each worse than the last. Stop with the sequel shit already.

The Tramp approves! Thanks!

1 star I gave up after reading the first half of the first page. This wasn't even in the same ballpark as the original story so how you'd call it a sequel is a mystery. Certainly not your best work to date

Great story! I had not read the original story but took a quick peek at it. I like your version of it.

5

you should have let that initial story rest in peace... you are worse writer the Ramerez... this was pathetic...better if the MC had killed himself...

That went completely off the rails, even worse than chapters #2 and 3 of the original one. It was too confusing with the extra characters and their individual backgrounds. Sorry to say, that an author who is a 4* writer scored only 1* this time.

Well he got them in the end without being a war hero, navy seal, martial arts expert or even a lottery winner. However, everything did just slot into place with the in laws, other woman, Sheriff, FBI, ATF, expert lawyer, inside accounting snitch along with the secret account in the Caymans. The foregoing were not the most unrealistic bit however as that goes to the 13 fucking years this dolt put up with this shit. For fucks sake, can't anyone write a realistic outcome for these missives.

I think this will be the very last of your "stories" that I will ever be reading!!!

12 years in this shit and his father in law is an ex-ranger. This belongs in SF/Fantasy

Not only a little, a lot to much. I read it to end as respect to any author.

Complete waste of time. Yet another misogynistic power fantasy. The original, although disturbing, is superior in every aspect.

I gave you LT56linebacker a 4 thankful that you didn't turn this into a cuck story.

Ok my personal opinion:

I like your ending what went on with Susie's lovers.

But I like what the character of Susie in the original story, that she was absolutely slutted around even though she wanted out but couldn't stop until at the end and got remorseful

but your touch on the venereal diseases was what I wanted in the original story plus the loss of her husband, daughters and her parents respect of her. Your ending for Susie was I think too over the top.

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The feminists would have liked this story as all the women were strong characters including grandma knocking a tooth off Susie's mouth. All the men (except the lawyers, sheriff, Darren and Lucius) were the poster boys of wimpiness.

/

All in all this was hard to read like the original series. I couldn't take the wimpiness of the husband (of both versions) who had to endure this unnecessarily for years when solutions were available even the months after DDay. That it took 10 years for the wimp to finally extricate himself is sooo hard to take.

Loved the story. Most excellent writing. You created the best Wimp Ass Cuckold in any story on this site! A true loser who’s all encompassing weakness’ were a negative influence on his children. Anyone who stands for that treatment for 13 years should

Just swallow a barrel and do the world a favour. Some instances of his cuckoldery were actually funny watching him crumple like a wet paper bag. Looking forward to reading some of your other stories

More stupid and convoluted than the original! 1*

There are a lot of stories like this on here but I generally find them lacking. This one has all the same elements but you spent time to examine emotions that are usually missing; shame, humiliation, despair. These stories are usually macho escapist fantasies. This is certainly that too but I appreciate that you went a little further. It wasn't all righteous indignation. For sure the plot was entirely preposterous and entirely unrealistic but there was also verisimilitude here as well. I am somewhat impressed tbh. -starsong1977

Even though I dindnt like the original tale, this one was just absurd. Its one thing to make a story more dramatic to be engaging but this one was over the top. Completly based in fantasy land and detached as much as possible from reality. Its impossible to not find a lawyer for a divorce. You cant put every law office in the world on retainer. Even if the wife did just that locally, you just look for a lawyer who is not local. Easy as that. All that would just lead to a funny conversation in court about her assets and income to pay for all of them. She sold your guns? So what, shooting people leads to prison time. Her only achievment with that was breaking the law since those were not her guns and she had no licence to sell them. In most countrys this would lead to prison time or a severe fine. Like explained later in the story. What else? Oh custody issue. Since she was absent most of the time and using drugs, every court and CPS (Or the equivalent in your country) would declare her unfit to be primary custodian. We dont live in the last century where custody goes to the mother on default. What the so called 'PI' did was an invasion of privacy on the worst level. Its like the PI wanted to be sued to give out easy money. I am sorry, but the first page and premise ruined the story. Try to develop a better reason as to why he couldnt just divorce her, one that is more grounded in reality. 2/5*

I never go through the original. It wasn’t for me. This interpretation by LT to put it charitable is like sticking paper mache wings on a pig and claiming that it can fly. The original wasn’t very good and there is not much he can do to turn that around. That’s why reading these improbable scenarios where faith and other characters just miraculously came together and turn this man’s life around in the span of a few days just seems ridiculous.

What happened to his guns? Did he get them back?

Only one word I can think of ... AWESOME.

Wow! Awful.

Grammar issues all through it.

Timeline errors. At one point it says he had his affair 10 years ago, this is after 12.5 years of his wife starting with Darren. As it turns out she was cheating before still the timeline is wrong. Jan met David 10 years prior, got her ged and degree and started working for Darren 2 years later... really? And based on the original he would have known who Jan was from the surveillance. The bodyguard was in prison for 6 years then sentenced to 15 more, he would not have any ability to visit his kids and no rights for them to be brought to visit him. By the time he was out they would be adults.

Let's talk about Jan. Worked knowingly for an organisation committing crimes and waits 8 years before reporting them all the while in love with David who she knows is tolerating Sue's escapades. The logic just doesn't follow.

In the original it was resolved in months. You obviously didn't like the RAAC so instead you made David even weaker and a cuck for 13 years until his children took charge.

And through this you must have squeezed in most of the BtB clichés.

I will give you credit the 'can we keep her?' line made me smile.

Your grammar was ok. The plot was really bad. You made Dave a 10 times bigger pussy and copied every LW gimmick of a super lawman FIL with connection to every legal assets and the bad guys were super stupid.

Your intro talked about the wife’s revenge going over the top and too long then you write a 10 year saga. Really bad and not erotic.

So predictably shrill, rambling and over the top not to mention completely lacking any hint of erotica. Even the justification for doing the sequel was rambling.

Not sure how many men would put up with all that

Who writes a sequel then to damn lazy to get the damn wife's name right!!! Who is Susan ??? What a insult to the first author!

5 stars. A great BTB tale but the best line was "Daddy, Daddy, she followed us home! Can we keep her???"

Really great alternate ending to the original, but definitely a much better outcome for everyone involved. You write some interesting stories but they are occasionally hard to follow the plot. It seem that you and Saddletramp56 are good friends and compliment each others stories very well, keep up the wonderful writing.

Susan said Jan was a whore. It proved Susan was a drug-selling and using slutty pig, regularly going gang bangs and Jan, a victim of her lot in life, wound up a loving wife, mother of 4 children, and replacement daughter for Susan's parents. Jan actually was his wife not long after me met her. She actually cared for him without jumping in bed with him,and his original children now actually have a mother. WONDERFUL STORY.

Way too extreme, in all cases and situations. To me, a story needs to have some basis in reality, and this wasn't believable.

Pretty much a no across the board. Far too many cliches. A MC that’s hardly believable. Coincidences at pretty much every turn, like father-in-law knows the sheriff, attorney knows the FBI and Jan magically reappearing after 10 years AND spending seven working for the wife’s company, all the while seeing and investigating things without telling the MC.

Even fiction needs to have some iota of credibility. Other than being set on planet Earth, this didn’t.

brilliant

To the anon 3 hours ago, about Susie vs Susan...

Page 3 of the original has Julie calling her Susan.

Very excessive and over the top still I gave it a good 3 stars.

GREAT!!!11111 Elll-Teeeeeee!!

Very unusual for LT56linebacker, this only gets a 3. The problem was that the original went for 18 pages, and as I had commented on it, was totally unrealistic. This guy owns his own business. So he could have tapped his company to get the resources he needed to fight his crazy wife. It didn't need 13 years and the intervention of his in-laws to fix this. And waiting all this time to get together with Jan? Really? So a fine writer set himself an impossible task, a sequel to a poisoned original. Glad to see him finally get justice, but all this could have happened a decade earlier, and instead of a sequel, the Bear should have written an alternative, like all those February efforts.

Well, it was a satisfying conclusion - but it seemed rushed.

should have gone to Bill sooner but I liked the way you tied it all up no nitpicking here

Every author gets a mulligan or two, so this can be one of yours. All you did was take the original and run it through a dimestore knockoff Saddletramp translator. (Apologies to ST, you would have done a far better job)

Bottom line, this is really bad. The plot makes little sense, with a tsunami of deus ex machina to try to keep it moving, The characters resemble those from the original in name only, particularly the wife, and are simply cardboard cutouts. Many typical LW cliches, such as the now-infinitely connected superhero grandfather. The timeline is garbled - the daughters sound like adults even when they're 6-8 (?) years old. On and on and on . . .

Try again, you've shown that you are a far better author than this.

The setup deprived the story from any hope of a good score. The MC was a total disaster! To put up with that shit for 13 years! And then it took his teenage daughters to instill a spine in him. And then the solution was in Texas Ranger father in law! Who could have FUCKING BEEN APPROACHED OVER 10 YEARS AGO!!!!!

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Only thing that saved this mess from a 1 * was that once Dad in Law was activated, the bad guys got theirs. And how lame that the girl he met 10 years prior just happened to work for the Asshole, and spent YEARS accumulating evidence 😎

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Bottom line….very poor effort from an author who usually delivers a quality experience.

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Sorry….but 2 ** is all this fetid pile was worth.

Good story only problem I have is it ook too long to BTB. Thsnks for the story

It worked well. And made a valid different take.

Allowing it to go on for that long made the whole thing unbelievable to me.

But how can the offshore money be used without attracting attention? Good story.

1* soooo in summary, this dude was super wimpy cucky loser for 13 years???? LT56 continues to decline.

Yep! I likes it. Love a great revenge story! That’s a lot of shit to eat for 13 yrs.

You lost direction many times in your narrative. Who said what, why and when. How many years elapsed and why? Most of it made no sense.

This was a story that bothered me. It created angst. hat in itself made it a decent story to follow. But this one seemed to flounder as it told its story. 3 stars

Sorry this was a crash and burn.

I found the original to be total trash...husbands a shit and sooooooooooooooooooo the wife has to end up being the worst of the two. That tends to mean the original writer is your typical low Q'ed misogynist, because we cant have a man look worse than we do a woman.

This fared no better in that department. Not sure if you're as bad as the original writer, as far a being a woman hater, but you didnt separate yourself from it either.

A littel extrem for me. And I wouldn't stay with her for 10 years. I would like an alternate ending, where the husband after a few month of cuckolding has a meeting with his in-laws and parents and tells and tells them everything, even his own cheating.

Couldn’t finish page 1 on this or the original

*** SPOILER ALERT!!! ***

I realize that most LW stories require the reader to suspend disbelief at times, but this one exceeds any hope of doing so.

1) They charge her with selling his guns after 13 years?????

2) His daughters live through 13 years of this sham marriage before they choose to confront their daddy about it....coincidentally choosing the very day he intends to explain it to them?

3) Her parents are BOTH deeply involved in their granddaughters' lives, yet they never notice that their daughter is becoming a drug-addled, pierced and tattooed shrew, despite the fact her daddy is a retired Captain of Texas Rangers?

4) For 13 years his wife has been abusing him and she and her lover are sending him EVIDENCE of her adultery, drug abuse, and emotional abuse, but he doesn't figure out that he can always find a divorce attorney in the next county and destroy her in court????

5) This guy owns a company that does a LOT of cash business, but he never thinks to squirrel away some cash or create an escape plan?

6) He is so guilt-ridden from a one-time drunken encounter, that he accepts his wife's continuous adultery?

7) He never considers the fact that he has PROOF of her actions, but all she has over him is what she 'knows he did'?

8) Every character is a caricature in that they apparently do not think, converse, speculate, or draw conclusions when they are out of a scene. They are all suitably appalled, angered, saddened, disappointed, etc. on cue, despite the fact they have had to have seen this going down for 13 years!

Sorry 1* here. I normally like your stuff, but seriously - the MC was an idiot. Who would wait 12 years? First video and the story get's him custody of the kids, there are other lawyers in other towns, he runs his own business, you can't lock up his accounts without a court action which let's him use the videos. Plus he has video and doesn't go to her father, hell the in-law who is a retired Texas Ranger would have done something a lot quicker. So even if he's scared for his life, you can buy a gun anywhere, he's in construction so it's not like he doesn't have friends in low places. Really he's to stupid to breath let alone find a family and new women. You've got to strive for better stuff - I've liked most of your stuff, but this is a serious disappointment. Sounds like to much beer, liquor or other mind altering substances were involved in the writing. Have to say I didn't like the story it was based on too much either. But this is a train wreck. You tried to pull it out with the arrests, etc.. but that is 12 year old fantasies.

This one was devoid of anything about his business. And the time lines seem to go into warp speed over the original story. This was far better as far as BTB. The other RAAC sucked.

/

4*, Hooyah

Did I miss the armored truck go through the variety store???????? LOVE. slap hapy papy #9

Too many convenient pieces, the guy that owes his f-i-l has a Marine son and Airborne nephew, and f-i-l has contacts with EVERYONE he needs to sweep the floor with his ex and her cohorts, all of whom have no problem mouthing off in front of the law. Of COURSE he van't mess around with Jan because he's still married, for now.

While I wasn't a fan of the original, it was like War & Peace compared to this comic book take. Sheesh.

The original made me puke in my mouth. This one was just dumb, I damaged neurons reading it

I liked it. This was more along the lines of a 2nd part that the original writer should have done. Yes, the original was over the top, but then so is this one with it being a take off and finishing of the original. I was hoping in the original that Chase and Jan would hook up at the end, and they did in this version. I thought you did your homework of the original, and tried to keep to that premise of how the original was written, and kept that style with your ending of it. It was still over done, but done tastefully, giving the story a proper ending (which was most of the complaints of the original). I did like it though, and thought you did a great job on it. Well Done Sir, and Thank You for trying to finish someone else's work. I personally think you did a great job, all things considered. Thank You again for the story. P.S. I gave it 5 stars.

This is like an amateur comic book in terms of plot, characterization and pacing. I expected better.

On a positive note, I wasn't slapped in the face by careless typos.

The original was stupid beyond all reason. Just... plain... stupid, but this wasn't much better, honestly. The simpering husband tolerated this stupidity for 13 years??? You expect any sane person to try and understand how that could happen???

I'm not even going to bother to list all the completely moronic items in this - and, especially, the original - story. I'd be here all night.

I rarely want to disparage the original work because he gave you permission to write an alternate ending, but it was such a pos cuck story that I simply gave you you a 5* on principle for cleaning that horrible story up. :0/

Too little, too late. He could and should've moved a decade earlier.

Put a fork in it, its WAY over done. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but it needs to be tempered with some discretion and logic. Of course the WHOLE series is ridiculous, with the wife being a certifiable sociopath, but previously a loyal loving wife and mother? Not Mr. Potato Head. You can't just plug and unplug whatever character traits you want at that point in the plot and expect the character to have any validity. Its all just Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, a great work of Science Fiction. That's a different category.

Next time pick a story with stronger bones to redecorate. You had shit to work with, and gave us redecorated shit. What a waste of time.

But thanks for the effort.

13 years before he does anything. 13 YEARS !! FMD

And he diligently saves all the video clips and texts for that length of time??

His daughters had more testosterone than our 'hero'. If they hadn't taken control, he would have still been 'saving evidence' when he turned 70 ! FFS

... and there was some question over who would get custody of the younger daughter - OF COURSE she could make her own decision.

... and then the struggling readers had to put up with the cliche 'sorry Jan, we can't consummate our relationship because I'm not single yet'. STREWTH. GIVE ME STRENGTH !!

The entire tragedy could have been short-circuited at the beginning by ripping of Susie's top and exposing the hickeys at the in-law's house at lunch on the first weekend.

Reading this entire saga was a real waste of time. So why did I read it ?... probably to see how bad it could get .... and I certainly wasn't disappointed. Absolutely horrible.

Man

Really? Put up with this situation for ten years? Even a “Stepford” husband would not. The only alternatives were to take kids to grandparents and leave and/or end Susie and Darren or both!

Good surprise, the husband didn't turn into a Navy Seal / hacker out of the blue like in saddletramp stories.

The early parts of this story were hopeless, the MC completely clueless and utterly moronic.

The latter parts which included Grampa were the best top notch stuff and saved a mediocre story.

I score this 3/5, because truly you nearly killed this tale with mindboggling BS that in the story went on for 12 years??????

The end was similar to ST1956s style, and as I said somewhat saved a Clanger story.

Better luck next time.

Well, kinda more of the over-the-top stuff of the original. Gee if he’d only thought to call the state bar association, I’m sure Bledsoe didn’t have every lawyer retainer. 13 years of unbelievable shit show, nope, not happening. Glad he came out okay in the end. That is until someone notices he is suddenly wealthy and the feds take an interest it.

Thanks for the great story.

I don’t quite understand renaming Chase as Dave. Challenging the girls’ parentage was a good choice, it would have been front and center for Chase.

Both stories made Jan a real survivor who remade herself. I get that she wanted to gather evidence for Chase, but 7 years? He might have died before it did any good. Plus, 10 years of no contact, when Jan knew his plight?

Bill was a very strong character. A man like that, who questioned his daughter’s choice of husband, wouldn’t be silent for 10 years, and would knock CHase’s teeth out over bullshit answers or evasion.

A woman as twisted as you made Sue, would NOT have given up her numbered accounts. That doesn’t work at all.

My biggest issue with both stories is that you both overlooked the obvious. Once Sue raided the joint accounts, Chase could have opened new accounts at a new bank, in his name, deposited his earnings into it. If not immediately, then certainly after learning of her private hidden funds.

"The two perpetrators decided to shoot it out with my guys, but they took the bad guys down with rubber bullets and then cuffed the three of them." You actually wrote this? Damn man, take it from someone that wore a badge and carried a gun in and out of the US, they shoot, they get shot.

Anyway, lots of way-the-fuck-over-the-top BS stretching over a dozen years? Come on. This is marginally better than the original but that's a damn low bar. Better luck next time.

I like the way the story went but thought was too cliche.

Liked the ending much better than the original. LT, you sure do write some despicable bitches, and then balance them with some saints. I wish that you had done without the running ethnic joke Jamal. He is way past cliche status in LW stories. Another good story.

Law enforcement officers receive traditional ammunition fire from multiple perps and respond with a non-lethal munition? Nope, that would NEVER happen.

rubber bullets??????? must be a liberal state, That means that the father in law couldn't have been with the Texas rangers.......In Texas if you pull a gun a law enforcement officer you will be shot with real bullets...If you pull a gun on a Texas ranger you will be shot and killed. There is no criminal that is worth the risk to an officer by taking the extra time to try and only wound the asshole. You pull a weapon you receive deadly force. End of story. We support our law enforcement officers and will help to defend them against all the liberal wastes of skin the try to abuse them.

case in point.....while traveling in east Texas we pulled off the highway to get something to eat. It was late at night. As we turned to enter an Ihop parking lot we saw a police officer trying to subdue a suspect. He was alone and fighting with the individual on the ground. We immediately stopped and headed to help him. Before we could reach them at least 4 other trucks had stopped and the officer had plenty of help in putting the idiot in custody. Probably would have been a lot less painful if he had just allowed the arrest to happen normally. It never pays to fight the law in Texas.

Dreadful!

The original story was 100 times better. The sequel version was just pure fantasy and stupid. The original version was well written and loaded with gut wrenching emotion, even if you didn't like the outcome. The sequel version did not achieve on any level.

And so over the top it’s not even a good one.

I thought the original was a fairytale, as after 4-5months of videos going to a lawyer and having her declared an unfit mother would probably be easy. Especially in Texas, where there are still some God fearin’ folk about. At least the original version had a modicum of being realistic. The only thing you’re missing in this version is him being a former Army Ranger with friends still involved in the “community” to draw resources from.

And Jan still being in love after 10 years? Really? Ok, let’s go with that. So 10 years after them meeting, she’d been thinking and mentally thanking him for 10 years. He, in the other hand had his mind full of so much else, he only kinda-sorta remembers her at the start. Then ~5 days later he declares he’s in love with Jan?

Fairytale.

Also, plot error: At the beginning of the original story Amanda is still in nursery school and 3 yo. And you have your story occurring 10 years after the nightmare started, so Amanda would be, at most be 13yo, not 18-1/2 yo as you have here.

Only one word I can think of to describe this mess. "Garbage". To think some actually thought this was a good story. Wow, mind- boggling.

Loved the story bear. It was very entertaining to me. Thanks for the read

Much preferred the original.

Naïve!

love the story different twist on the original story ignore NEGATIVE remarks some people really need to get a grip remind themselves it's fiction not real life

Nicely Done! I wanted to get into a husband's revenge version as an alternate ending. I don't need to, as you did a good job of it.

R

The rambling prose is unreadable and the plot is incoherent. Other than that? Seriously, spend some time learning about the basics of writing. It's not the same as telling a story in a tavern. There are rules of grammar and punctuation to follow that make your story a more pleasant reading experience.

Great alternate BTB ending!!! Love your way of thinking about cheating sluts!!!

What a great story!!!

I really like your story lines. But reading them is tiring. Too many names, and conversations that aren’t necessary for the story line. I had a hard time concentrating, and following it.

That was truly a hocus pocus infantile fantasmagoric pastrami. Makes one laugh, another one vomit and the next one asking for more.

Dude, use your on ideas, stop stuffing crap in old overflowing latrines.

Captcha

Loved it!

Thank you! That was fun, but for future reference, the Feds don't do parole. You can get your sentence reduced for good behavior, but that's all.

Rubber bullets?

A wacky awful BTB tale. The hubby let this drag on for 13 years? He accumulated all this damning evidence on dozens of thumbdrives for 13 years, without acting? The uber-macho grandpa saw this and failed to act for 13 years?

Nice girlie Jan just happens to've been working with wifey & her bf for 8 or so years? She too has collected dozens of thumbdrives, without acting?

Suddenly in one afternoon: He decides to act? His daughters confront him? Grandpa confronts him? They all share notes and prepare to act, when Jan also just happens to call him (after 10 years) with her evidence?

And lo, Jan has been waiting those same 10 years for this wimp to break out of his squalid cuck life and become her knight-in-shining? Yet, our "hero" says he must wait for an actual divorce from his bitch of a wife (after 13 years of cuckolding)? Sounds like he, she, and the author might be safer in an institution as well.

No man alive would put up with that shit for 13 years, just too stupid to be readable. No one is that big of a coward⭐️

Way over the top. 13 years he put up with this??? What an absolute milksop; he's more disgusting than his wife! BTW, Feds don't do parole and interrogation rooms don't have bleachers for a cheering section, which is what your story sounded like. Just... way too over the top, you should have kept it simple.

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"I hate rude behavior in a man. Won't tolerate it."

Capt. Woodrow F. McCall, ret., Texas Rangers. "Lonesome Dove"

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He's a man who knows how to keep it simple.

When are writers going to stop using pot as as bad guy? That shit is over. It 's legal in Canada and many of the States in the US. Colorado is going to remove the records of people previously arrested for pot. Cut that nonsense out. Quit writing stories that make people who process pot evil. Writers that do that are like the police getting their nuts off on arresting good people for nothing. Seriously, get a life.

Criminals open fire and law enforcement responds with rubber bullets? What. The. Fuck? Just another ridiculous aspect of a ridiculous story.

Much better ending then "A Wifes Revenge". And also an explanation how they tied up the funds in his company. The only thing I question is this BS the wife was doing went on over 12 years before he finally did anything, other than that a very good story. 5 stars.

WONDERFUL. Jan needs to give her MOM (Julie) more grandchildren still. Turns out, Jan is a good woman and mother to ALL her children, even the two oldest.

Story flowed nicely and nice to have tons of law enforcement folks on good terms. But your main character was a real loser taking all that abuse for years. Geez, I have never known a man like that. 4*s.

I can't believe it! This story is worse than the original!! SMH!!

The author cannot figure out if it is 10 or 13 years that the incidents occurred. And for that fact, what man with an ounce of self respect would put up with that crap for 13 years? I understand dragging it out because he wanted the daughters to be 16 and 18, but nobody can live with that level of disrespect for so long. We are to "assume" that the MC was also celibate for those 13 years?

Here is where every offshoot of this story fails. The MC is guilty for the cheating, wife gets her revenge. After the first weekend, she is sore, bruised, bitten and he takes her to her parents' house to pick up the girls. They stay for supper and it is hot. Susie is about to pass out wearing her sweater. Had that sweater come off, Bill and Julie would have seen the evidence, gone ballistic and intervened to shut it down. Story over.

Seriously pathetic story written by an idiot

You state in your initial comments that the original story drug out the punishment for too long, and the first thing you do is drag it out for YEARS. Seriously, WTF? If this is how you're going to write, do all of us a favor: don't bother.