All Comments on 'A Jock in the Machine Ch. 04'

See I don't want to judge you, you are good writer and i am liking this story. But now its dragging, 1st 4 pages nothing but principal session? Which is unacceptable character. And now in 5th page where Cassie was getting some confidence to have something with Tim. Chapter got over.

I wished you could have skipped major of part of principal or could have shorten up the script.

Hope to see the next chapter soon, as we have to wait for very longer period of time.

Dude don't take this as negative comments. I really like this story and eagerly waiting when Cassie will be on top of Tim and pounding him daily regularly.

Loving this so much

I see a lot of comments regarding Tim and his part in the story. I'll try to clear a few things up without spoiling much.

Yes, Tim has had less exposure the first couple of chapters. This has been mostly to fully flesh out Cassie and the supporting cast out. Starting next chapter, Tim gets a lot more focus.

The second thing concerning Tim is sex. Tim and Cassie will happen. It's not a spoiler, it's a given. However it won't be next chapter, or the one after that. The plan is for the story to have a total of 14 chapters. There's other things that need to and will happen before Tim and Cassie's upcoming Grand Anal Slam.

Also on the topic of sex, there will be considerably less of it in the coming chapters. In fact, there will be absolutely no sex until chapter 8, and no futa sex until chapter 10. You wanted plot and character development, you're getting it.

You have 1 of your characters cock going into some ones stomach there is hydrochloride acid in the stomach their cock would get burned. You write like it takes an extremely long & thick cock to reach the prostate. If female physician assistant with average size hands can check a prostate then it doesn’t take some monster cock. If your character produces as much cum as you say they probably would have killed their partner by drowning them. You have writing ability to bad you can’t harness it.

I really wish I was cassie

Absolutely loving all the build up. Amazing breakthrough for her at the end! Well crafted and looking forward to the next chapter!

I'm sorry, but I can't continue. It looked like you built something great with a possible gentle dom futa story (at least with Tim), but it just doesn't make sense anymore. Cassie feels deep remorse in the last few chapters about what she's done, but then just casually fucks the principal? It wasn't like she even needed to, either - she was just going about her day and not really in mood, but, well...why not? It just seemed contrived to add yet more guilt onto her pile. And forgive me, but the story lacks any sort of credibility at this point (yes, we're *futa* writing here, but there's plenty of credible futa out there...). The fact that literally every male in the entire world you've built is just dying to choke on a 22" dick just breaks realism completely. I can't take any scene seriously because I already know that, no matter who had the upper hand when it starts, it's going to devolve into Lara and/or Cassie raping them (and please, don't start with the paper thin BS narrative about them begging for it from the outset) and somehow gaining the moral high ground on top of it all. I want to read on to see the romance blossom between Cassie and Tim (and honestly, at this point just to read about Cassie getting fucked - literally or figuratively) but based on everything I've read, it's going to be a huge disappointment when it finally does show up. I'm counting on Tim being her devoted cum dumpster and completely loving it, at the end of the day. Any notion that she might actually want to be a giving partner is completely eradicated for me at this point.

You have some real writing talent, and I was thrilled to see what I thought was going to be a well characterized futa story in the vein of Family Issues, but I'm disappointed to say that this didn't really measure up. You're writing a fetish tale based on the character interactions, but you've tried to give it a veneer of realism that just doesn't make sense. My suggestion, if you decide to write more (and I really hope you do, because anyone that gives futa more than 10 seconds of plot is more than welcome in my book!), is to pick whether you'd prefer this to be a femdom fetish story or something more nuanced with real characters. Thank you for sharing your work! I can tell you put some time in this one!

For those looking for lots of brutal femdom action where a pair of hyper futas dominate every living male in sight with zero regrets, this will be right in your strike zone.

After re-reading my last comment, I realize I came across more harshly than I intended. I apologize. I would revise or delete my previous comment, but I don't think I can. I know it's difficult being a writer, and what I intended to convey is that your story is well-told, but it just doesn't suit my personal tastes. I still rated 5 stars because I don't think you should be penalized for telling a story that isn't in my strike zone. The futa "genre" is just such a mixed bag, ranging from brutal, dominant females pounding sissyboys while they beg for more, to romantic stories about partners that share relationships and bodies that break with tradition. I guess in this case I felt a little misled by the opening scenes as to what type of story I was getting invested in. I'm sure you're using these first chapters to setup a redemption arc for Cassie, but it's not *that* she screwed up that I'm bothered by, it's the hints I've seen of her character, and the fact that underneath the layer of contrition (that I'm confident will eventually be stripped away through making things right with Tim), she's still a bitch, and I'm looking for more of a sweet romance with some gentle dominance. Dom/sub relationships don't *have* to be abusive.

Anyway, thanks again for sharing this, and please keep writing! You're creative, and talented at telling a story. Maybe tone the fetish (sizes, quantities, impossible body physics, etc) down a little (some is still very titillating!) if you're telling a story in which a central theme is romance or intending the relationships to be realistic, though. Just my 2c. Cheers.

Eh, no harm done. Hell I should be thanful I get such long comments, means people are at the very leadt invested in the story. Unfortunately it does sound like you were hoping for another direction, which I wouldn't have changed even if I was still writing the story. As for how the two end up, well, you'll have to read the rest and find out. (nudge nudge gimme moar views nudge)

A big thing I've noticed with complaints is the way Tim and Cassie act. You're all correct, they don't act smart, and they do really stupid things, but that's kinda the point - they're both 18, with quite a bit of trauma already and tumultuous upbringings. You can't expect them to be well-adjusted never-do-wrongs. That would be even less realistic than the size of Cassie's dick which btw there do exist strapons in such sizes and people have taken them up the butt many times, so might I please stop hearing the waaah unrealistic comments? No? >:(

P.S. Next story's gonna have an even bigger dick, even more rapey-ness and even more domination, and no one can stop me! Muahahahaha! (but do still give me views pretty please, k thx bye)

Do you actually read what you write?

If so, do you just ignore all the hypocrisy and contradiction?

Cassie feels guilty for cheating on Tim, Cassie is throat fucking her principal, Cassie feels guilty for cheating on Tim...again...and again...

FYI, in order for a cock in the ass to bump heads with one in the stomach, it would first have to go up, through and around about 26 feet of intestine.

Same thing with cumming in an ass and it shooting out the mouth.

Just the tip of a huge, ridiculous iceberg.

NOW Cassie acquires a conscience?

How sweet!