A Lost Daughter Ch. 19

"It was really hot, until it wasn't," I joked.

She laughed a little harder with that one.

"We didn't know what we were doing, and I just wanted to make you happy. I was so scared that you were going to leave me, I went all in right away," she replied.

That stung a little bit, even after all these years. My guilt about the way that I had originally introduced my plan to 'corrupt' her was still a low point of my life. I knew that it had been unfair and shitty to do to someone who loved me so much.

"I still feel like shit for that, you know," I admitted.

I felt her hand, clammy and cold on my arm as she replied.

"Don't. You were a kid; we were both silly teenagers. I would have done anything to keep you to myself, in the end you ended up needing something from me that was what I wanted and never even knew it. You freed me from all that religious shit and repression and allowed me to find something inside that would never have been discovered. You also gave me our daughter, and now we are the family that I always wished we could be," she described barely above a whisper.

I liked what she was saying, but of course, my repressed guilt brought questions to my mind about whether it would have been good for those things to have remained undiscovered. She had, after all, nearly died in front of me while I was busy having incestuous intercourse with my flesh-and-blood daughter. I knew not to even bother bringing these thoughts up, as Amber had already shown and made it clear that our funhouse mirror version of 'family life' was exactly what she wanted regardless of how obscene it was.

"I hear those gears again," she chided, squeezing my arm.

"I love you," I said, settling on a simple truth.

She sighed, knowing how many things had gone unsaid in favor of those three words.

"I love you, too, but please try to remember that in the next hour. I think things are about to get ugly," she groaned.

Puking was always one of those things that I hated, the sound, the smell, the sight, and especially the feeling. But as Amber succumbed to the penance of her addiction, I held her lovingly and tried to comfort her all the same. It took nearly two hours for her to power through the worst of it, and by that time the Narcan had unbound itself from her opiate receptors to allow her some reprieve. I laid her back in bed as she basically passed out in my arms and went out into the kitchen to get a glass of water.

When I arrived, I met up with Sienna, who had been fairly silent and absent since our previous rendezvous. She was also uncharacteristically hesitant, as I smiled at her and grabbed a glass from the cupboard.

"Something wrong?" I asked, placing the glass under the water dispenser of the refrigerator.

"You're not mad, are you?" she asked.

I brought the glass up to my lips and took a long drink, appreciating the cool, fresh water as it cascaded down my throat.

"Nope, as crazy as that was, I enjoyed it and ultimately everything was okay. I do think that maybe we played it a little close, but she had never completely stopped breathing. She might have gotten there, and she was certainly not getting enough oxygen, but even still we probably want to be a little more careful," I explained, finishing my glass of water, and refilling it while Sienna contemplated my words.

"I'm kinda fucked up, aren't I?" she asked, a grimacing smirk on her face.

My brow furrowed and I almost had to laugh at the absurdity.

"I'm pretty sure none of this is normal, we are all clearly very fucked up. But I think it works for us," I replied candidly.

She tried to smile, but I could tell that she was still a little unsure.

"But, like, I have honestly been fantasizing about ODing, and seeing mom and Kayla OD, and it's just, where the fuck is that coming from, you know? The whole idea of maybe dying or getting super fucked up or sick, it turns me on, I don't get it," she mused.

I nodded to myself, thinking, and trying to determine the best response.

"Look, I can't really answer that for you honey, but I have a lot of the same kinks. It seems I'm discovering them all the time, to be honest. Seeing your mom OD was hot, and it got me thinking about you and Kayla doing the same, and eventually just succumbing to this crazy life we're living. I don't know what it means that I get off on imagining the two loves of my life wasting away from substance abuse before my very eyes, but I try not to question it anymore. It's hard, but no amount of those kinds of questions have ever given me an answer," I reasoned.

She thought about what I had said a few moments before answering.

"Well, I guess if I'm going to have to accept being a little bit crazy, it's nice to know that the most important person in my life is along for the ride with me," she smiled.

I bent down and kissed her, allowing our passion and love for one another to draw it out for several seconds before breaking the embrace. As we parted I noticed a rather 'Amber-esque' smile spread across her face.

"Although, I don't know how much longer you're going to have to just imagine it. I can barely contain my need for it now, and seeing mom like that today...," she paused with stars in her eyes, "I don't know how much longer I can wait," she finished.

A surge of excitement passed through me as I listened to her.

"We're just going to have to press Kayla's destruction ahead of schedule it seems," I replied.

Sienna just nodded with a knowing smile, dark thoughts simmering behind an unsuspecting veneer of youth and beauty.

Kayla didn't stand a chance.