A Man Alone

My thoughts returned to the present--how could I fear a man who had saved me from death and now saved me from mutilation by members of my own family? Fear him--what could he do to me that I should fear more than what I had ready faced in the past?

I knew the answer, "I trust you more than any man. I will do my best not to be a burden."

"Ahlum, I ask only one thing of you, that you be honest with me. Tell me if I wrong you. Tell me if I do something you don't like. I'm not here to control you. I wish only to protect you as best I can--but we come from different places, different cultures, and it means we must build trust between us."

I found it hard to accept his words as men were not overly concerned with how women felt. I had never observed it except on rare instances with my father and mother--it didn't happen often in my culture. Men were in control and family honor was the means to maintain unity. A man wronged by another man in my culture meant there were consequences--retribution was a fact of life. I wondered if Bruce understood his actions on my behalf could result in injury or death as he was not kin.

"You do not understand our ways. You are in danger by protecting me."

"I understand enough to know I don't agree with how many of your people treat their women. I know my perspective is born of my culture, not yours. I will listen if you will tell me, that's what I'm asking for."

I feared his words were not entirely truthful. Men had a way of changing when they viewed a woman as their own. I trusted his intent, not his ability to actually do it. I took a deep breath, I would do my best, to be honest as he asked.

"Ahlum, do you think your uncle will tell the police you're missing?"

"I do not know. They will look for me for a few days thinking I don't have anywhere to go. Only my missing papers will tell them you are involved with me. Then they will know."

I heard Bruce chuckle, then he replied, "I made them lay on the floor and close their eyes after they opened the safe, then bound them with zip-ties. Then I took all the papers out, found your documents, and set fire to the rest. It will take them a while to figure out what's missing."

I watched out the car window as we started into the mountains. They were beautiful with their green cover of conifers, something our mountains seldom held in such numbers due to the arid conditions. It was an hour later when we pulled into a small community of houses after we had passed into a large valley. It was so beautiful, like pictures I had seen in magazines, now I was in such a place. We got out of the car and Bruce took my bag from the back seat and I followed him into his apartment--I was surprised his door was unlocked.

I was surprised again when I walked in, he had an entire apartment to himself. It was spacious and clean, though it seemed to lack color. I wandered around and was surprised at how many books he had--men like him read that much? True, he seemed intelligent, I had noticed. I followed him into a bedroom, then he showed me the bathroom, the laundry room, and then followed him back into the small kitchen and living area.

He looked at me, "Will you be comfortable here?"

I felt myself tense not knowing if I dare ask such a question. Perhaps he had a sleeping bag to put on the floor at night. It would work well enough, I didn't want to be demanding. I steeled myself, he asked for me to be honest.

"Where will I sleep? I see one bed. Do you have a mat for the floor, or a sleeping bag for me to use?"

He looked at me, then chuckled. "We have slept in the same small tent together. Is this apartment not large enough for the both of us?"

He was right of course, we had. Only Adeela had been between us, but we would be alone here. I looked at him and saw his smile and felt myself relax a little.

"I could sleep on this," pointing to the sofa.

"You can if you want to sleep with me. The bed in the bedroom is where you will sleep. But, we will have to share the closet space. So, let's take your bag into the bedroom to make room for your things."

"You would give your bed up for me?" I asked incredulously. This was his home and I was a woman, why would he do that if I was not to sleep with him?

"Yes, the bed is yours unless you insist you want the sofa instead. The bedroom is closer to the bathroom, so it seems best you have it. Now, is the bedroom good enough?"

"Yes. Thank you."

I opened my bag and started to remove my clothes and other items. It was then I noticed the photograph on the dresser--it was of Corporal Mitri, Staff Sergeant Sullivan, and myself. The picture taken by another Marine using Adeela's camera the day before I left the outpost. I walked to the picture and picked it up feeling all the emotions it brought with it.

"You remembered me?"

I saw his expression change, his eyes distant as he said softly, "It was a special day when you left. I felt I had done something good with Adeela's help. We both felt that way. I knew I would never see Adeela or you again. Adeela gave me a copy of the image file before I left. I decided I wanted a print and had one printed and framed a few days ago--I guess life has a way of throwing a surprise at you once in a while."

I hadn't packed much as I didn't want to be obvious I was preparing to leave. I had placed a few items at a time into the bag and selected the best clothes I owned--three blouses, two pairs of blue jeans, a sweatshirt, and a burka to wear over my street clothes in case I needed to blend into my own community again. Other than seven pairs of underwear and two bras I only had a few other items--a framed photo of my parents, a small photo album, and a few pieces of family jewelry from my mother. Bruce looked at what I had spread out on the bed--I was embarrassed to have a stranger looking at my panties and bra.

Bruce looked at me, "I guess there's plenty of room in the closet for both of us. The center drawer in the dresser is empty, so your underwear and stuff should fit in there. I'll leave it to you, I'm going to check the refrigerator. In fact, we should probably both look as you may want to tell me what to get so you'll be happy with what there is to eat when I go grocery shopping."

I watched as he walked out of the bedroom. I placed my clothes in the closet on hangers and noticed uniforms hanging there. They were different from what I had seen him wear before. I noticed the patches and saw the words National Park Service, then a gold name badge that read 'B. Sullivan.' I also noticed an empty holster for a pistol, handcuffs, and other items. Where was the pistol? I was mystified, what was his job?"

I heard a noise from the kitchen and walked out as Bruce was closing the refrigerator door. He turned as I stood next to him.

"Take a look, I'm pretty basic in my tastes. I'll make up a shopping list and get what I can from the store in a while. I think you should remain inside for a day or two to see if your disappearance hits the local news programs. Are you alright with that?"

"Yes, I understand. That is good," I said without enthusiasm. It was a beautiful place, it would be a blessing to walk amid such beauty. But, the reality was, I was in hiding for my own good and for his--I knew my uncle and male cousins were vengeful men.

"As soon as we know no one is looking for you I'll take you to the stores to get you outside. Okay?" he smiled.

"Yes, I would like that."

I was surprised as I looked into the refrigerator and cupboards to see what foods he had. I quickly added to the list he had started as he watched. When he picked the list up to inspect it, he looked at me, "I don't know how to prepare all of these foods, I mean I can try."

Now I was sure he was being truthful as what he had on hand were canned goods and ready-made meals to be placed into a stove, or microwave, and eaten from the package. There were no fresh vegetables, or uncooked ingredients like beans, flour, rice, or nuts on his shelves.

As I looked at him I smiled, "Then I will cook food. You buy and go to work."

It seemed a fair and honest solution as I was going to be housebound for a few days and needed something to do--men were supposed to be gone from the home during the day. He had his work, it seemed to be a practical way of making the best of the situation while making sure we both ate well.

A few minutes later I watched as Bruce drove out of the driveway on his way to the store. I sat down on the sofa and surveyed the dour room. I decided to look at the books in the bookcase as they seemed to be the only potential source of entertainment. Most of them did not have attractive titles and I searched until I found a book entitled 'Silent Spring' by a female author named Rachel Carson. I read the summary on the back cover and decided I would try it.

I was reading the book when I heard a car pull in and the engine cut off. Thinking it was Staff Sergeant...Bruce, I turned around on the sofa and looked out the window. It was a lady who looked to be a few years older than myself with a little boy I judged to be about three years of age. I watched as she took a paper bag from the back seat and herded the boy with a gentle touch towards the door on the far end of the building, and disappeared.

I still marveled at the fact women drove cars here all by themselves without a man. Adeela had told me of such things before I left the outpost in Afghanistan, and when I arrived in the US. I found women drove cars as much as men did--I hoped someday to be able to do the same.

About ten minutes later, I heard a car outside and this time it was Sar...Bruce. He had two large bags in his hands as he walked towards the door. I jumped up to open the door for him. He walked inside, and placed the bags on the countertop as I closed the door.

"Ahlum, they looked at me strangely when I got to the checkout. They know I don't normally buy this kind of food. Now they think I'm a nut of some kind."

I could not help but laugh, "I am sure they did not notice."

He looked at me with a smile, "It's nice to see you smile. You look very pretty when you do."

I felt my face grow warm and quickly starting pulling items out of a bag, placing them on the countertop to draw his attention from me. Both of us set about putting the groceries away, Bruce put eggs, cheese, and other dairy products into the refrigerator while I stocked the cupboard. It took about five minutes before he started to fold the paper bags and place them into the bottom of the cupboard where I had seen others.

"I'll be back in a minute, I have something else to get out of the car."

I sat down on the sofa, picked up the book, and started to read again. I heard him walk in and close the door behind him. Then he walked and stood in front of me as I looked up.

"I don't know much about what women wear to bed, but thought you might like a robe to put on to keep you warm and a nightshirt to wear to bed. The nightshirt is just an oversized shirt with a butterfly on it, but I thought you might like it since I didn't see you had anything better to wear. I decided to take a chance and get it for you."

I was surprised as I had never gotten a gift from a man I did not know before. I could see he was a little unsure holding them in front of me as if he was doubtful he had done the right thing. It was not the image of the confident man who had commanded the tough men I had seen him lead. I had heard a few stories about him from these men before leaving the outpost and knew he was not to be taken lightly.

I looked into his blue eyes and felt my heart respond to their softness. "Bruce, thank you, the butter...what you call it...butterfry, is pretty."

He laughed at me and I wasn't sure what it was I had said that would be so funny. I grew a frown, "You do not think I like."

"No, no. Ahlum, sorry, I'm not good with girls, I mean women. Please, I don't mean to suggest you don't like the gifts."

"Then why you laugh?"

It's not 'butterFRY,' it's pronounced, 'butterFLY'.

I looked at the orange creature printed on the front of the shirt. "It is not white in color like butter. Butter does not fly. It is a strange name for such a beautiful thing."

"You're right, but there are many names in English that don't make sense. Adeela told me what your name means and I think the name fits you well."

"So, what is name of butterfly?"

"It's called a Monarch, like a king."

Another strange name I thought. I stood up and took the clothes from him, then smiled as I walked towards the bedroom knowing I would use them as I had so little. "Thank you, I like the colors."

I walked into the bedroom and inspected the clothes more closely. I found tags and removed them, and placed them in front of me to see how they might fit, then folded the shirt, and put it into my drawer. I took the robe and put it on over my clothes--it fit me nicely and was soft to the touch--it would feel good against my bare skin I decided with a smile. These were practical gifts I would use and I was pleased with them. How was it this tough man was able to get a woman he did not know such a gift? Did men in this culture know women better? But, he said he did not understand women--yet he seemed to just the same.

I noticed the clock on the dresser and found it was three-thirty. It would be time to start preparing the evening meal if I were at my uncles' home. I walked back into the living room and found Bruce looking at a map. I sat down on the opposite end of the sofa near my book wondering if I should remain silent. I did not know. Would he think I talked too much if I spoke to him? I decided it would be best to remain silent, picked up my book and started to read. After several minutes I decided it would be best to ask about the evening meal.

"Bruce, we have food, shall I prepare something for us to eat?"

He looked at me as if it hadn't occurred to him we would eat together. Maybe since we were not family he would eat his meal in another room alone, though men and women ate together in my culture at home, and I had observed the same at the outpost while I was with them.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think to ask what time you ate dinner. Do you wish to prepare food for both of us?"

"Yes, it is a woman's role to prepare food for the family. But we are not family, so I do not know what to do."

"This is our first day together, so we will have to learn from each other. If you cook the meals while we are together, I will clean the dishes and table afterward, unless you want both of us to work together."

"I will cook, both clean," I answered thinking it was a good compromise as it was his home.

"Good, I'm happy you asked and I want you to know I will eat whatever you choose to make. That way you will be happy with the food."

"But, you do not know if I am a good cook, you may not like what I make."

He laughed, "It will be better than what I can make for myself. I will be thankful for your cooking."

His laughter was good as it relaxed me. A man who laughed at himself was something I was not accustomed to. I put the book down, walked into the kitchen, and began to pull rice, onions, peppers, and chicken out to prepare kabobs for dinner. I was thankful I was accustomed to using a gas oven--my uncle had gas appliances at his home. The thought of my extended family tore at me, some things had been natural with them, while other things had not. I pushed the thoughts away, I had a meal to prepare.

When the food was ready we sat and ate, using plates and silverware, as used in Western Culture. I would adjust to these changes as I knew I must now that I was leaving much of my culture behind. Bruce didn't seem to mind washing and drying the dishes as I cleaned off the table, something a man of my culture would never do if a woman were present. There was a clear division of labor in my culture and as I watched I felt a little lost, what was my role to be--I did not know.

I heard a voice outside and saw the woman from the apartment next door outside the window, then a knock on the door. Bruce shook the water from his hands, walked to the door, and opened it with a smile. I watched in amazement as the woman and her son stepped inside, then her gaze came to me.

"Bruce, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. I didn't know you had company."

"Wanda, that's fine. I was planning on introducing you and Bill anyway, so you would know someone was staying with me for a while."

I watched as Bruce knelt down and looked at the little boy with a broad smile.

"Rusty, how are you? Have you been good for your mother?"

"Yes, Mr. Bruce. I went shopping with mama and I didn't get into things and put what mama needed into the cart."

"Very good, I'm sure that helped a lot."

Bruce stood up, "Wanda, I want you to meet, Ahlum. She will be staying here for a while. She has recently arrived from Afghanistan where we first met."

I walked to her with my hand extended. It was important I show the proper respect, though I was shocked a married woman would walk into the home of an unmarried man without her husband. There were so many things that were different between men and women in this country--it was hard not to feel bewildered. We spoke for a few minutes and she introduced me to her son who I found delightful.

"Please, if you need anything come over to see me as I'm usually home all day while my husband is working."

I watched as she walked back to her apartment thinking she seemed pleasant enough. I reminded myself it was important I remember I was a minority woman now whereas before I was in the majority. It seemed my life was turned-upside-down in yet another way. I wondered if I had made the right decision to leave my country and my family--it was a feeling of being inadequate and out of place.

"Ahlum, I think you should take my phone and call Adeela to let her know you have arrived and feel safe."

I took the phone from his hand and walked into the bedroom for privacy. I had left my phone at my uncle's home, so it couldn't be traced as it was under his call plan. Bruce had Adeela's number in his contacts and I touched the screen to make the call--it rang four times before I heard her voice, "Bruce, is everything alright?"

"Adeela, it is Ahlum."

"Ahlum, are you well?"

I replied speaking in Pashto, "I am, but I'm afraid I will be a burden to Bruce. He has been kind and respectful and I am grateful for that. But, I also fear for him if my family finds he is involved in my leaving. I know you understand what I have done and what my family may do, but he may not."

"He knows enough, so you should not feel guilty, or responsible for a decision he made as a man. We discussed the situation when I called to ask for his help and he agreed to help you. Do not burden yourself with those thoughts as they are not needed."

"When will I see you next? I fear my family will seek you out and ask about me, or ask your family."

"My family knows nothing of you other than I went to see you and that we had a disagreement. If your family contacts my own that is all they can tell them. If they call me, I will tell them we disagreed about how you should dress in public."

"So, I will not see you soon?"

"We should wait a few days to see what your family does. I will come as soon as I can as I know it is hard for you. You should think about what else I may need to bring you to make you comfortable. I'm sure Bruce has told you we didn't have much time to prepare."

"He did. He was kind enough to buy me a robe, and a shirt to wear to bed as when I unpacked he saw I didn't have such things. I didn't expect a man would do such a thing."

I heard her laugh, "I would be surprised too if he had done that for me. You never expect that sort of thing from a man like him."

"Men do this for a woman in your country?"