A Midlife Awakening

"Was it something I can help you with?"

"No. Not really." I suddenly felt embarrassed.

"Never mind."

I turned away wondering if my lover was all he'd said. It hurt to think I might have been used. But then I couldn't deny I'd used him in return. There'd never been any possibility of a relationship. Just a painful goodbye. Perhaps he'd realised that and saved me the trouble.

I collected my things before walking out to the waiting taxi and climbed in.

"Airport please."

As we drove through the city I stared out watching the people and traffic.

Whatever the truth about Chris, it'd been the best night of my life. A few hours I'd felt like a woman again. An object of desire attractive enough to garner the attention of a young man.

I took a deep breath and promised myself I wouldn't shy away the next time a man showed interest. For a moment I thought someone closer to my age. Someone who I could and did want a relationship with. But then I remembered the excitement. A young man for the night. Eager to please me before disappearing from my life forever. Perhaps I craved that? The frivolity and carefree sex that I hadn't experienced in my youth.

That is what I wanted. At least for a while. Not the complication and emotional trauma that men my age all seemed to suffer.

I did miss the companionship. That I'd known all along. Now I admitted I also missed the sex. Especially if the sex was as good as I'd just experienced. Neither my fingers nor my Hitachi was ever capable of replacing that. And in one night I'd been reminded of it. Masturbation in the privacy of my bedroom when Chrissy was out would be a disappointment from now on.

I was honest with myself. I just wanted fucking.

Three

"Chrissy."

I called out.

"Hi, mum."

She bounded past me towards the kitchen with headphones still in place to raid the fridge.

"Thanks for the greeting." I said with exasperation.

"Why did I ever have a kid."

Chrissy turned and pulled the headphones down.

"Sorry. Pleased your home."

She smirked as I realised behind her was a pile of dirty plates and cutlery.

"Chrissy."

"Sorry mum.

I'll clean it up in a bit."

A sound behind me made me turn.

"Hi."

Now it made sense. The lad stood in my doorway in just a pair of denims. His bare chest was an obvious source of pride to him.

I glanced back at Chrissy who just grinned. All she wore was a pair of shorts and a white tee shirt no doubt hastily pulled on as I'd clattered my way in through the door with my case in tow. It seems it hadn't just been me getting my hormones elevated last night.

"Hi." I returned.

"Jack isn't it?"

"Jake." He corrected.

"Sorry."

Jake, Jack. It didn't really matter. A few weeks and it'd be Tom or Harry. I can't say I approved but my daughter was her own master, and after the hotel, I perhaps understood a little more how important the sex was.

Certainly, I hadn't been so forthcoming in my youth. There'd been only one other before Mike. And right now that was something I was regretting heavily.

Inexperience and a false sense of romance at Chrissy's age. Perhaps that was why my sex life had been next to nonexistent for more of my life than it'd been a thing.

"I'm going to take my things up. Could you at least make your mum a cup of tea?"

"Sure thing mum."

I went out past Jack or Jake, or whoever, just a little more observant of his chest than I should or would have been a few days ago. He wasn't Chris but I had to admit Chrissy's taste wasn't bad.

"We're off out." Chrissy called through the door.

I looked up from my magazine to be greeted by the sight of my daughter in the tiniest tight pink dress I'd ever seen. All legs and pushed-up tits. Jake, or was it Jack was hovering behind her in a tee shirt.

"You do know it's autumn out there."

"Mum." She rolled her eyes.

"Just saying. Those legs aren't going to be so smooth covered in goosebumps."

I looked straight at the boyfriend and watched him colour up with embarrassment.

"Don't wait up Mum" Chrissy responded sarcastically.

I looked down at my legs as the door closed behind them. All safely hidden away under jeans. No one would be caressing my legs tonight that was for sure.

I closed my eyes and ran my hands down my thighs, then up again to my crotch, imagining Chris touching me again. I rubbed myself picturing his face but nothing came back to me. A body that had so recently experienced the real thing refusing to respond to anything less. I gave up and went back to the magazine.

When I woke it was to the sound of muffled laughter. Chrissy was home with Jake. I was pretty sure it was Jake and not Jack.

Two thirty almost, that was what it said on my phone when I glanced. I wondered how long they'd been in. Not long I imagined.

I rolled onto my back and pushed the covers down to my waist.

I heard giggling from next door. Then the telltale snatched breaths of Chrissy.

It was nothing I hadn't heard before and normally I'd just roll over and go back to sleep. Tonight I lay there in the darkness, curious to hear.

There was hushed talking I couldn't make out, and then Chrissy squealed. I could only imagine what was happening. Without even realising it I put my hands to my tits and kicking the covers further down the bed, I began tracing lines under and around my nipples.

"Mmm."

For a moment it was silence from the next room and I strained to hear what I might be missing.

"Fuck yes."

Chrissy's voice. Way too loud given her mother was sleeping in the next room. I smiled imagining how Jake might be pleasing her.

Thoughts of his tongue exploring her set a fire raging in my belly and I pinched my nipples to ease the ache.

"Mmm." I groaned.

"Put it in."

Fuck. I'd just heard my daughter asking to be fucked. My eyes were wide open as if that made it possible to hear better in the darkness. I told myself to stop listening. To cover my ears and go back to sleep. My pussy demanded differently.

"Uhh."

That was the sound of penetration. I knew.

"Uhh."

I gave my own, equal response as two fingers slid into my pussy. I was already wetter than I expected and they glided on my juices with ease. A slow in and out as I continued listening to muffled sounds I could only just make out.

The bed creaked and I heard grunts from Jake. I bit my lip as my imagination turned to him, remembering his bare chest, imagining how his cock might look. In my mind, it was hard and big. I wished it was filling my hole.

"Uhh. Uhh. Uhhh." Rhythmic pants from Chrissy.

I wondered if he was on top or behind and my pussy literally burned. With another kick of the duvet, it fell from the bed leaving me naked with my legs spread wide.

Jake's grunting gave accompaniment to Chrissy's higher-pitched panting and delighted squeals, and my fingers plunged into my pussy in perfect time

"Harder."

Muffled but unmistakable. Too much drink on their night out removing any sense of decorum. They weren't even trying to be quiet. I bit my lip, desperate for my own snatched breaths and grunts not to be heard as my fingers circled my clit before rubbing it furiously. A desperate need to cum seizing me.

With desperation, I fumbled in my bedside drawer and found one of my toys. A soft silicone double-ended purple dildo. A thicker end for deep penetration. A more slender one with a flattened tip for stimulation.

I slipped the thinner shaft into my pussy and worked it back and forth.

"Aw fuck."

I lifted my knees and pushed them as wide as I could. Again my fingers circled over my clit.

Chrissy squealed again. Then.

"Fuuck.

I'm cuming."

I followed her, writhing in the bed in ecstasy as I pressed hard on my hot little button and furiously pumped my pussy with the toy.

"Uhh."

A few moments later Jake shot his load with a loud grunt and it went quiet.

I lay staring up at the ceiling as my breathing eased, just moving the dildo gently in and out to garner a few last moments of pleasure. Next the guilt of listening to my daughter being fucked crept up on me and I cursed myself for not respecting her privacy.

I pushed the toy under my pillow and retrieved the quilt, burying myself beneath. I was hoping not to hear any follow-up activity.

In the morning I avoided her gaze when she came into the kitchen. The same shorts and tee shirt she'd pulled on the evening before. She stood at the sink filling a glass from the tap and I looked at her legs. Long and shapely with smooth skin, so much like my own.

She downed the water and I hated myself for imagining her swallowing Jake's cum. I looked away as she turned around.

"Good night?" I asked.

Jesus. Had I just asked that?

"Yeah. Great.

We went to the Emporium with Alma and her new boyfriend."

"What's the Emporium?"

"The new club in the old cinema. It's awesome.

Sorry if we woke you when we came in. We'd had quite a bit to drink. We were doing shots at the end."

"I didn't notice. Zonked after all the travelling." I lied.

Christ, I hope she hadn't heard me.

"Morning Mrs Cross."

Jake appeared looking the worst for wear. I couldn't help but run my eyes over him. He was dressed but I could still make out his shape and decided Chrissy had made a good choice.

"Hello, Jake."

He wasn't the first boyfriend I'd looked at and thought about his cock. But he was the first who left me feeling like I could leap on him and do him right there. I think I was losing it since my night with Chris.

I downed my cooling tea and tried to focus my head on something other than sex.

Four

The next few weeks were a nightmare for me. For five years I'd not really thought about sex, apart from self-relief, perhaps once or twice a week. That'd been plenty enough to settle my occasional cravings.

Now the thought of fucking was filling my head. Worse. Apart from Chrissy and Jake unknowingly arousing me that Friday night, I'd found it impossible to get a satisfactory orgasm from masturbation. Even my Hitachi which I only dare use occasionally when the house was empty had failed to leave me relaxed.

I was beginning to think I was turning into a nymphomanic as I was gripped by an uncontrollable need to be fucked.

I'd resorted to watching porn on my phone to get me over the edge. That helped a little, but I still couldn't get that deep satisfaction Chris had brought me. And each time I tried I found I needed something more extreme to excite me. But by accident, I did come across something I thought could alleviate my problem.

An advertisement for massage and discrete fun. It didn't say it outright but I was looking at the offered services of male escorts. One in a town in reasonable travelling distance.

I told myself I was just curious. That I would never do such a thing as pay for sex as I googled the site. It seemed I could choose from a number of men. All sorts, black, white, a bit of rough or the executive type.

Of course, I closed the page and told myself not to be so ridiculous. There were loads of men out there I could have a relationship with if I wanted.

No, there fucking wasn't. They were all married, and if they weren't it was with good reason. Several times I went back to the site and looked through the pictures. After another week and several more failed attempts at getting myself off, I was desperate. I filled in the form.

The irony was that after I'd made arrangements for a young man in his twenties going by the name of AJ to visit me in a motel on the Friday, I managed to frig myself silly. Just the thought of what I was doing sent me wild.

I almost cancelled but with the realisation I would instantly be back in the same situation, I held back and determined I would go through with it.

It'd be a one-off. Something to tie me over. I'd find someone if I looked harder I told myself. It was no different to Chris. A one-night stand if I ignored that I was making it sordid by passing money in exchange. No one would ever know.

Two days later on a Friday night, I went straight from work and met AJ in the bar of a small motel. I was dressed in a trouser suit with carefully chosen underwear beneath, hoping I looked presentable. I downed two gins to steady my nerves before he arrived.

He looked better in the flesh than his photos had suggested. Professional, late twenties with a gym-toned physique. No one would ever know from looking at him that he was selling sex. I felt a hot flush as soon as he spoke.

"Anna.

It's good to meet you."

"AJ." I responded slightly red-faced.

It was one thing to chat with someone and end up in bed with them. Quite another knowing that I would be fucked before I'd even really said much more than hello.

He was friendly enough as we chatted nonsense and shared a drink. But it wasn't natural or flirty as it'd been with Chris. This was a well-practised patter on his part to put his clients at ease. For me, it was tainted by the realisation that my Visa card had already preordained the next few hours.

Then suddenly I was faced with the reality of why I was there.

"So. Should we go to your room?"

I quivered. This was the moment I'd wanted. Paid for. I reminded myself.

"Yes. I suppose we should."

God, I was shaking as we walked along the corridor. AJ continued to talk as though we were old friends but I heard none of it. All I could think about was the fact that I was going to let him fuck me.

Inside I stood like a naughty schoolgirl, waiting for my decisions to be made for me.

"Shall we start with a massage?"

"Er... yes. Is that okay?"

God, I was nervous.

He smiled warmly and took his shirt off. I was mesmerised by his chest and arms. Muscular and masculine. AJ worked out. There was no doubting that.

"This is new for you isn't it." He smiled.

"Yes." That was all I managed.

"Why don't you go to the bathroom and take your clothes off? There'll be a nice big fluffy towel you can wrap yourself in." He said it so reassuringly.

I was quite literally quaking as I did as he said. For a moment I considered running. But that wouldn't solve my need. A need that even as I teetered at the edge of panic was gripping me. A wet pussy urgently reminding me I wanted fucking. If I ran now, I'd be back doing the same or similar in no time. With a primal urge driving my actions, I took some deep breaths and undressed.

I checked myself in the mirror. I was as red as a beetroot, but I saw my body in a better light thanks to Chris. My stomach was quite flat and there was very little spare flesh on my hips. I did look bloody good for forty-four.

Glasses or no glasses? I took them off. Reconsidered and put them back on. Fuck it. I was paying for this. I wanted to look at him.

Another deep breath and I returned to the room with a bath sheet wrapped tightly around me.

AJ had turned the lights down and laid out a large thick sheet on the bed. The tray with its small kettle and choice of complementary coffee and tea had been moved away and now there were several small bottles of massage oils.

"Why don't you lay face down on the bed."

Fuck. I was really going to do this.

"Okay." My voice wavered with nervousness

I climbed on as I felt his hands take a hold of my towel, peeling it away. I quivered with fear, I wasn't ready yet. Thankfully he merely held it up, covering me as I lay down as quickly as possible. I blushed even more at the thought he might have seen my side tit. Crazy given what I was going to do before the evening was over.

"Have you had a massage before?"

"No. This'll be my first.

Everything's my first today." I added with a quivering voice.

"I see.

This is all about your pleasure. So try to relax. I'll do my very best to help you enjoy it."

He straightened the towel and rolled it back until it covered only my arse. I kept myself flat against the bed.

"Okay.

What I'm going to do is a full body massage. That includes your legs and arms as well as your back, neck and shoulders. It's designed to relax you. The oils also help with that.

You can say stop at any time or tell me any areas you don't want me to go to."

It all sounded so professional. Not a suggestion that at some point he would fuck me silly. What areas could I possibly not want him to go to when that is how this would end?

He began with my right leg, beginning at the ankle. Firm strokes over my skin riding on a coating of exotic-smelling oil. He kneaded my muscles and soothed them with long rubs. My other leg, my arms then my neck and back. All received careful attention as he spoke softly, describing what was happening.

"A massage is so therapeutic.

It widens blood vessels and capillaries. Nutrients and oxygen will flow to your muscles and organs. Your heart rate will reduce as it has to work less hard."

"It feels good already." I admitted.

"As your muscles relax your joints and bones will settle into their proper positions. All the errors of posture will be corrected.

Do you have any ailments? anxiety or panic attacks?"

I did indeed feel relaxed, my concern fading even as his fingers reached lower than the small of my back or brushed under the towel extremely close to my already dripping pussy.

"No. Nothing."

"But you work in a stressful job?"

"It can be." I admitted.

"I thought so. You looked at home in your outfit. A Manager? Sales perhaps?"

"I'm a finance director."

God, it did feel good. I closed my eyes and let my mind follow the movement of his hands on my body.

"Massages help with all sorts of minor illnesses, arthritis, diabetes. But most of all they remove stress. For the rest of tonight, that will be gone. The benefits will last days. A clear head that lets you do your job even better and enjoy... pleasurable experiences to the full."

I shuddered. He meant our intended fucking.

The towel was gently pushed higher as he worked his hands around my thighs, right up to the tops. Then I felt the towel slide up to just my waist and he started to squeeze my buttocks. Rolling and pulling them. I was frozen by the thought that my arse ring and pussy were on full display. I knew he would be staring at them.

"Would you turn over please?"

He lowered the towel and held it slightly raised over me so that I could turn. I moved slowly, hesitant with the tinge of nerves at the exposure of my tits to his view. I kept my eyes closed as if that would make it easier. Oh God, my nipples were hardening.

His hands moved to my stomach. Light gentle pressure was applied with increasingly large circular motions that reached right up under my tits, his fingers brushing against them for the first time.

"Stress messes with our digestive system. It becomes sluggish. Increased circulation stimulates peristalsis, the waves that push food through your intestines."

His fingers were teasing at the edges of the folded towel, almost to the top of my vulva. My pussy was gushing. I was convinced I could smell my juices.

"You have a beautiful body."

Higher again, under my breasts and around their edges. His movements were moving my flesh now, my tits quivering like jelly moulds. I wanted him to caress them. To ease the ache in my nipples. Lower down, still hidden by the towel I was oozing, the dampness leaking out into the tops of my thighs.

I opened my eyes and looked up into his eyes. They were looking down at me. His mouth turned up in a warm smile that made me feel so comfortable. I wanted him so much.

AJ made me wait, stroking around my mounds, up over my shoulders before coming down and finally cupping my tits.

"Uhh. Mmm."

It was electric. The expert caress of my flesh, lifted and kneaded. My torso gave tiny involuntary jerks. Then finally he touched my nipples.

"Uhh."

As my body bounced on the bed there was no doubt about my arousal.