A Touch Away Ch. 03

I muttered, "That worked."

Shaking his head, he said, "A little too well. But... that's not what I should have done. I met a lot of interesting people and learned a lot of new things. But the four of you have always been the most important, and I'm sorry for not prioritizing you."

The four of us... That took me back to a different time and place. It wasn't even a year ago, but it felt like a long time now. Everything had changed.

I looked at him again and I realized that I didn't feel mad anymore. Where did all of that go?

"I still don't get it," I said. "I don't understand what could have happened this summer that you needed to do all that... or why you'd want to become someone else. But... I don't really need to know that, I guess. I don't feel mad anymore."

I smiled.

"Thank you, Kyle," he responded with a little grin.

That would have been a nice place to end that conversation, but Haru didn't seem to think so. He said, "So, will you tell me now why you're so down?"

I didn't have the energy to be mad again. With an exasperated sigh, I said, "Fine, you want to know? Claire and I have done more than just talk. We fooled around a bit. And I just don't get her. I guess, the same way I don't get you! She's a popular girl, the most popular if going by Cole's speech. At first I thought it was just a game for her, but now I think she might have actually been interested in me. I don't know! She never said it, and this is just fucking confusing to me."

It was a good thing no one was nearby, because in my frustration, my voice was rising.

"And I don't blame her for not replying to my apology, I was an asshole. But if she was interested in something more than just casual bullshit, why couldn't she just say so? Damn it, I don't understand her!"

Haru looked at me quietly, and then I realized what he was waiting for. "Alright, I'm done."

Nodding, he said, "You might not agree with what I have to say."

Groaning, I muttered, "When do I ever?"

"I don't know Claire well enough, but I've always got the vibe that her public persona and personal ones are pretty distinct. That's not a unique thing, but it's different from how you're wired. Now, why she might be interested in you is beyond me. I'm not her, I won't presume to know what's in her head. But answer this honestly, if she had come up to you and said she's single and interested in you, what would you say?"

"I... I'd assume she was playing games or something. I'd say no and then forget about it."

"Whatever she planned didn't go accordingly, but it got you to start thinking about her... That's all I got."

"Doesn't that just mean we're too different?"

With a snort, he said, "Maybe, but that doesn't mean a thing. You'll have to figure out what works for you."

"Well, I guess we'll see if she ever gets back to me."

We'd been standing around for a while, and we both realized that we needed to head back. Our homes weren't too far away and we had to walk the same way for a while. We didn't really talk about much besides reminiscing about the old days.

4 years ago, I took a punch in the face for a kid. That was Alex. Soon afterwards, he introduced me to Cole and Haru. Despite my initial hesitation, we became pretty tight.

"I never thought you'd get a haircut," I said. "Or start working out."

Chuckling, he replied, "That's one of the things that worked out for the better."

Back then, Haru had an overgrown mop for hair and a lanky figure. Mostly just skin and bones.

Finding the chance to taunt him, I couldn't let it pass. "Not a fan of your new popular friends?"

"They're fun people, I guess. I like them. But I wouldn't say I'm friends with most of them."

"Really? After all that time avoiding us, I'd have thought you'd become a cult-leader or something."

He snorted. "First, I wasn't avoiding you. Any of you. I just... hanging out less... much less than I should've or wanted to..."

After a pause, he added, "And second, I don't think I'll ever have that much influence."

Near the end of the road, I asked him the question that I knew would make things awkward. I asked, "Have you talked to your sister yet?"

He hesitated once again, but he replied pretty plainly, "No. We're not talking."

Seeing how he didn't want to elaborate, I didn't think I should ask him for more details. Even though he did get me to talk about Claire that way, I wasn't sure I'd have succeeded. So I shook his hand and we went our own ways.

Whatever happened last summer has something to do with his sister - that much was clear. Izumi was one year older than us, and the two of them were practically inseparable. And then, he went distant. With us, his family. According to her, he completely cut off all contact with her.

I shook my head again, trying to shake the thoughts as well. There was no point in thinking too much about this. If Haru ever wanted to talk about these things, he could do it. And I had my own problems to deal with.

***

By Friday, I had given up hope. Whatever it was that had happened between us was over. I kept trying to catch her eyes at school, but hers didn't meet mine. At the library, she was a no-show. Times had changed - where I used to keep my head down, I was actively searching for her.

At the end of my shift, as I was stepping out of the library, my phone began ringing. Under normal circumstances, I'd never pick up without checking for the name or number. But I was feeling pretty desperate.

My heart was pounding as I picked up. I said, "Hello?"

I heard a surprised gasp, followed by a slow inhale and exhale. "Oh God, Kyle!" I heard her voice breaking. I've been trying... you finally picked up! I've been trying for so long!"

I knew that voice, although she sounded a little different. Older, maybe a little raspier, but I could never forget Kate's voice. She sounded overwhelmed with happiness. I couldn't say the same for myself.

"Stop calling me." I said, "And stay away. I never want to hear from you or see you again."

I hung up and sighed, before looking up, and I received another surprise. Claire was standing there, watching me with curious eyes. I was so wrapped up in that conversation, I hadn't even noticed her.

"Kyle."

Whereas her voice sounded neutral, mine was excited. "Claire!"

If she had overheard anything or was curious about it, she didn't show anything. Instead, she ignored it and said, "Let's go to the park, and then you can tell me what it is you wanted to say."

The park was a block away from the library, but the walk took an eternity. All I wanted to do was talk, but I figured she'd be comfortable as long as she was making the rules. And maybe it was a good thing. The walk would give me a little time to distance myself from the phone call.

She sat down on a bench, but made no indication for me to sit. I figured this was intentional.

"Alright, let's talk."

"Claire, thanks for meeting me." I cleared my throat, then continued. "I said some terrible things to you, and all of that was based on assumptions. It never occurred to me that I could be wrong, and I treated you unfairly. And I never made an effort to get to know you. Looking back, not only was I rude to you when you were nothing but kind, I was objectifying you."

I paused to catch my breath. I felt foolish, like I was rambling, and I just hoped it made sense.

"Claire, I really am sorry. For everything I did, but also for saying that I hated you. I don't. And I now realize how blind I was. I only wish I could go back, so I could get to know you and treat you respectfully."

Her eyes were boring into me, as if seeing through me, reading me. I had felt this way before, though I couldn't recall at that moment who she reminded me of.

"Kyle, sit down."

The command in her tone took me by surprise. I knew she had that side to her - after all, she was the Head Cheerleader, and commanded attention on a daily basis - but it wasn't something I had seen before. I decided to comply.

She looked like she was chewing on her thoughts, so I waited. Not entirely patiently, but I kept my mouth shut. Finally, she said, "I guess it's my turn. I always knew that you hated me."

The admission took me by surprise. She looked at my wide-open mouth and smirked a little before getting it back under control.

"I knew this four years ago, so I kept my distance. Mostly. And I don't blame you, I know what I was like back then. But I was curious about you from the beginning. I just didn't know how to proceed, because I could see you turning me away no matter what I did."

It was uncomfortable how on the mark she was.

"But when I bumped into you on Monday last week, all my considerations and rationale suddenly went out of the window. I just knew I had to try something before it was too late. So, I cobbled a plan that would get you to spend time with me. And maybe, for once, see me." With a sad laugh, she added, "It didn't quite work out the way I wanted it to."

"I don't know," I replied. "I'm not sure what you really want, but I don't hate you anymore, I don't think you're nothing more than a cheerleader. I... I hated an idea, and I never saw you for who you were, and I never tried to. But I'm starting to. And I've been thinking about you non-stop, even if it was just to make things right."

"Not exactly what I was going for, but it's a small consolation prize. Still, I never thought you'd think I was cheating on someone. Why did you think that?"

I gulped nervously. "I'm sorry for assuming that, it was terrible. You're popular and beautiful, and on top of that, smart. I don't see how someone like that wouldn't have a boyfriend."

She looked at the ground, and I felt like a shit again for hurting her.

She continued, "I would never do something like that. It's an awful way of trampling on someone's trust. And I wouldn't wish that on anyone... It hurt me when you said that. That you thought I was someone like that. It still hurts when I think about it." Sighing, she added, "But I can see why you'd think that. I was coming onto you pretty hard, so I can't blame you for reading it like that."

"Hey, wait a sec!" I had planned to just listen, but now I had to interject. "I'm the one who made that assumption, this is in no way your fault."

She looked at me and smiled. It was a genuine smile. It was like rediscovering light after an eternity in darkness - terrifyingly beautiful. I didn't realize how much I wanted to see it until I did.

"Thank you, Kyle," her voice was gentle now. "I guess we both have things we need to work on."

"So where do we go from here?"

"I want more, Kyle. Fooling around with you was a lot of fun, but I always wanted more, and I'm not going to settle for any less this time."

With a puzzled face, I asked, "What do you mean by more?"

"I mean, I want to see where this can go. I know you don't have feelings for me. And I should still be mad at you. Still, I want to try to see what we can make of it. No more games. I want to give it a shot. A real shot."

I couldn't believe my ears. And then something else occurred to me. I remembered her words.

"Wait a minute, Claire! On Monday, when you said that I'd have to be your boyfriend... were you giving me a hint?"

I remembered the way she had looked at me while biting her lower lip. Like she was expecting something.

Chuckling, she said, "So you did get it?"

"Only in hindsight," I admitted.

"Yeah, I was trying to set it up. But it turned into something else, didn't it?"

"Sorry."

"Not entirely your fault. I knew you had your guard up, and I also knew you wouldn't ask me out then. I just wasn't thinking straight."

Shaking my head, I said, "Nope, entirely my fault."

She smiled, and then her eyes locked into mine. The look in her gaze changed. I wasn't sure what I was seeing. Hope, fear, vulnerability?

"About what I said," she said, "Don't answer me yet. Think about it tonight and through the weekend. And then, let me know on Monday."

I nodded. "Alright, I'll tell you on Monday. By the way, don't you think you're forgiving me a little too easily?"

She looked at me for a while, before a lopsided grin evolved on her face. "Okay, I can think of a way for you to make it up to me. One last game."

"I'm not gonna like this, am I?"

I knew I wouldn't. I hated the idea of playing games. But I had a guilty conscience, so I'd agree to anything she said. And I was willing to trust her, for once. I knew she wouldn't ask anything unreasonable.

"If you do decide to go out with me, you have to ask me out on Monday. In front of everyone."

My eyes were wide open. Suddenly I was hit with fear and embarrassment and a shit tonne of other emotions that I don't think I can ever express.

"And if you don't, I'll take it as your rejection," she said. There was a finality in her voice that meant this was the end of the conversation.

Not unreasonable... But harsh.

Seeing her stand up, I followed and was about to touch her shoulder, when she suddenly sprang away.

"Oh, sorry about that," I said, "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

I didn't know why I did that. Usually I was one to shy away from physical contact, but I guess the time spent with Claire made it second nature to me. At least, when she was concerned.

"You didn't do anything wrong," she explained. "It's just that, I don't think you should touch me unless you accept my conditions."

That confused me more than anything else. I wasn't about to grab her boobs or anything.

Reading my face, she said, "When you touch me, I make shitty decisions. I don't know how else to explain it. I also need some space and time to think, and I'm basically a touch away from jumping your bones."

My eyebrows shot up.

"Yeah, I said it. Deal with it," she said, sticking her tongue out.