A Valentine for Christmas

John passed away December 4th. We would have been married fifty years this past Christmas. John and I had known each other since third grade when we rode the same yellow bus to school. On the bus, boys usually sat with boys and girls with girls but one day he sat next to me. I don't remember if we talked at all on that trip but from that day we always sat together.

I still have the first Valentine's Day card that he made for me when he was ten years old. His handwriting wasn't that good but you can still read the words on the card. He pasted a big red heart on the front and wrote "Will you be my valentine?" in the middle of it. Inside the card were a lot of small hand-drawn hearts and his name printed at the bottom. We hadn't learned yet how to write in script. In my lifetime I have received many cards but that is the one most precious to me.

Children usually grow out of their first love. People call it puppy love or use some other term to describe that it's not really serious but by the time John and I were teenagers everyone in town knew that we would get married. The event happened after our college graduations. It was a small wedding, nothing fancy. The only difficulty was finding someone to perform the ceremony on Christmas Day.

I now have three children and many grandchildren. Over the years it became a family tradition to celebrate Christmas at our house. The grandchildren come to our house a week before Christmas to help decorate the tree with ornaments and popcorn strings. Then, on Christmas morning each child is given one present. The rest are placed by their parents under the tree at our house and opened after dinner. For me, Christmas day was both a Christmas and anniversary celebration so, each year after the family finished singing Christmas carols, I would share at least one story of John and me when we were young. The grandchildren were always shocked to hear how different life was. Iceboxes, carbon paper, clotheslines and phonograph records are a few of the things that I had to explain. Yes it was a simpler life but to hear the children talk you'd think I lived with the dinosaurs.

It was hard to imagine, but this was my first Christmas without John since that bus ride over seventy years ago. As usual, the house was full of people on Christmas Day. This was the one occasion the family never missed. While the adults were busy preparing a traditional Christmas meal my grandchildren played with the new toys they had received that morning. I just sat in a comfortable chair and watched all of the activity. Every so often I would see a child walk over to the tree and shake a box that had their name on it in an attempt to figure out what was inside. Their parents had done the same thing when they were young.

Before the meal, the entire family gathered around the table and held hands as my daughter said grace. She spoke of things that we had to be thankful for this year and the one person she wished could be here, her father John.

Christmas dinner was delicious but I think it was enjoyed more by the adults than the children. The children always ate quickly. It was difficult for them to concentrate on anything other than what was waiting for them under the tree. So, when I announced that it was time to open the presents, they all ran to the tree. I let the children distribute the presents although some were more interested in opening their own. There were always a lot of happy screams when the children revealed what was beneath the wrapping. The joy on their faces made the bittersweet nature of this year's celebration disappear for a little while.

As the children played with their new toys, their parents invited me into another room to raise our glasses in a special toast to John. Then the group presented me with a small box. They said it was a special gift. When I opened the box I could barely contain myself from crying. It was a Christmas tree topper but it wasn't a star or an angel. It was a red crystal heart with the words "Will you be my valentine?" etched into it.