All Comments on 'Abducted: From a Funeral Reception'

Shame you didn't bother to PROOF READ!!

You MIGHT have removed some of the stupid errors!!

2*

Dear Anonymous,

I caught two after I published that I missed on the 8 times I read through the story. Both were typos from not hitting a key hard enough. Give me an idea where those typos are and I will resubmit the story.

However, I see typos and other errors all the time in other authors' stories, even from writers like Tom Clancy and James Patterson. And they have professional proofreaders hired by the companies that publish their novels. And I do not do this for a living. It is a recreational activity I do to get thoughts out of my mind and out in the world.

If you have the courage to do this and think is so easy, go and write your own mind porn, or at least tell the writer you are criticizing what in their story needs to be fixed. The beauty of publishing online stories is can always edit them and resubmit them, if you have the time and so choose.

Personally I make a living doing other things as I know I need to improve as a writer, but do not have time to go to writer's conferences or deal with an editor. The only way I can work with an editor is if I trust them enough to give them my login and password, as I currently have 46 stories at some level of completion and write as I have time.

Here are some of the story premises that are in the pipeline...

1. A take on the movie Taken, where the lead is forced into an incestuous relationship with his college aged daughter.

2. An original story about the making of a Porn Metal band of women who bare all and fuck on stage during their performances of hard rock/heavy metal music

3. A magic lamp story where a museum archivist finds a magic lamp that changes his life

4. A 6 part series that I have in outline form of a series based on the Weird Science movie that is part that and part murder mystery

5. Part 3 of the Debbie Does Dallas series I began

6. At least 5 maybe more incestuous secret society based stories, including one I call, The Pornographer about a guy with a big cock who goes into pornography and whose mother introduces him and eventually the rest of her family to an incestuous secret society that includes politicians, lawyers, business executives, porn stars, actors and athletes

7. Part 2 of Mr and Mrs X, which I have had major writers block on

8. A what if you got fuck you money story which is halfway written

And many more beyond these

The level of complexity of this story makes it a tough read. Given the "punchline" of the story I think you went on and on a little too much. Story could have been shortened by at least 20%. I would have put this into the SciFi category. Overall I think this story would have been just as good and a whole lot shorter with five women and one man. Just sayin'. But it's a good story line. I read the whole thing and give it a four, just 'cause I'm drained from the long read.

MikePaulWrites Thank You for your constructive criticism.

I probably could have cut down on the female characters, the obstacles, the indulgences I took at the end, and not name some of the throwaway characters at the end looking back on this story. If you want to borrow the abducted premise and weave your own story with it, go ahead. I will try to get around and read what you have published when I have enough spare time.

However, at the time of writing it, I thought back to what would a widower have at his wife's funeral reception. His children or child, a few people from work, other family members like a sibling, and some of his wife's friends or ladies from some group his family belonged to be it a club, a group of friends or place of worship.

As my dream involved me and a bunch of naked women, I thought a sister and daughter would be needed at any funeral reception. The wife would have at least a friend, but probably two or more who would be helping to cater the reception, so the family wouldn't have to cook or bake anything. The husband if he were well off, would likely have a secretary, maybe a female business partner, possibly even a female intern. Any business partner would likely bring with them a significant other who to satisfy the premise would have to be a woman. And the daughter would likely have a close friend or two show up and head to their bedroom or backyard away from the adults. Having to make sure all children were adults meant any intern would be close to the daughter's age and find more in common with her than her older father whose also the intern's boss. I also wanted to have a diverse palette of hair and skin colors, because that was what I remembered from my dream.

I hindsight. I could have made the two friends of the mother, mothers of the daughter's friends. Eliminated the business partner, business partner's spouse and intern. This would have eliminated some of the fluff at the end of the story and eliminated a subplot line introduced and resolved at the end. I could have also cut down on the movie franchises, actors, directors and genres for the home theater mentioned at the end, which was one of many indulgences I took in writing the story.

If I have time to go back and make those edits, I will try to resubmit an edited version as a replacement story.

I thought it was too long and I'm not into sci fi stuff, but still gave it a five. What guy wouldn't want to be the MC.

Good story but repetitive in places ….