All Comments on 'Action, Reaction and Consequences Ch. 01'

Avery is a man's name and an aviary is where they keep birds.

LOL Thanks and there is the concrete proof always let someone else have a read to spot the obvious!

Considering Lances actions, his violence and his temper, why would Ann want to stay married to him? Not to mention the fact that he is gone more than he is around.

That’s not a marriage, it’s a prison.

It’s fucking stupid and you know it. You just want to make it seem like she’s torn.

Well done the husband! Nice claim on the insurance, hopefully the bitch will crawl away!

All three got what they deserved

I would be interested to see if Ann and Lance can work things out. Though it would be almost impossible for her to redeem herself in his eyes I'd think. Still I wouldn't be opposed. But please dont have the next chapter showing Matt getting her back. He's not some hero. He knew she was married. I didn't care for him or her at all.

I appreciate this viewpoint...but I really don't prefer it. I mean we are just reading about two cheaters "love" through the eyes of a guy trying to break up a marriage. My sympathy lies with the husband. I hope he gets a happy ending. Thank you for submitting though. You're a good writer! :)

Eight pages for THAT ending? The story (what there was of it) was far too long with a ton of filler that meant very little. The ending was just flat. Not good.

Read page one then skipped to the last page. Absolutely disgusted.

I feel that you strove to write in an "elegant" style, but were unable to sustain it. Some awkward spots, such as: “Two police cars turned up and went inside,” or “Ann had made a hole in the Avery…” But, justice (of a type) was served. Would like to see a sequel.

Okay, why would ANYONE blame Lance for this. Him being away is a part of his job! Ann knew this! If it was that much of a problem, then say that! Let him know you can't handle it. Then if he continues, LEAVE! But what you DON'T do is what Ann did! I mean it's almost like she went out of her way to disrespect Lance and her marriage. Truly! Bringing him to her bedroom to show him she loves him as much as Lance?! Are you f*****g kidding me! Maybe she loves her husband (somehow) and if so I actually would prefer them to work things out. But her actions are atrocious!

First, learn how to use a comma. After you manage that, never write a story like this pile of shit ever again.

BTB stands for Burn The Building. Who knew? Interesting ending! 5 stars.

Hopefully, Ann never finds Lance and is alone from then on. Lance learned that you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes. He can eventually find a better woman and never play those games again.

Very wordy and obnoxious. I suppose you were trying to convey how good the fucking was between the two cheaters, but there is a point when it is just over done, then absurd. Ann wanted to have her cake and eat it too, which is very juvenile and selfish. Matt is just a fool if he thinks Ann would eagerly cheat on Lance, but somehow be true to him? Matt already knows that Ann has no personal discipline or morals, cannot control her appetite for sex and adventure, and is a lying cheating slut if she wants to fuck another man. So where does that leave Matt if he is looking for a faithful loyal woman in his life. It ain't Ann.

\

Of course Lance is a fool as well for ever starting his extra-marital fucking arrangement with Ann. Why is he surprised that Ann found another man she enjoys fucking just as much as him? And a man, by the way, who is always available and willing to play second fiddle to her supposed husband? Lance should admit Ann is a lying cheating selfish whore and eliminate her from his life. Ann is damaged goods, let the other stupid asshole, Matt, have her. And God Help Him when the next Jody comes sneaking in her back door, yeah, that back door. Can't wait to see what kind of cluster fuck this turns into.

Lance is the man. I was hoping he would at least toss the bastard down the stairs. How the hell did the English conquer the world?

2 cheaters = no happy ending.

Matt is a bit of a childish brat with anger management issues. He was totally in the wrong having a relationship with a married woman and feeling that he was the one being robbed of something. Lance should have put Matt in traction for a while and woke his stupid selfish self up. Matt doesn't deserve Ann and Ann doesn't deserve Lance.

Ann broke all of the rules that she and Lance agreed to (did Lance adhere to those rules?). Matt knew the rules as well, Ann explained them to him. And Matt was the one who helped Ann break them.

A very good story that deserves a higher rating that it is getting. I think that it is obvious that Mat has some deep character flaws. But that is what makes an interesting story.

Sex scenes too long, made it halfway thru page 2 and had to bail. Only so many ways you can do sex, only so many ways to describe how good it is, once you read some stories and live some life its all been seen and done before. What makes a good submission is the story, the people, the character development and the originality.

That was way too long, especially for such a lackluster ending.

Better luck on future stories!

Little'ish things...took me a minute to figure out you meant Aviary, a bird cage, nor office products when you wrote Avery, Mechanical sex scenes, Repetitive dialog, clumsy transitions. Interesting idea for a story but not there yet.

Matt turned in Ann’s letter to the arson squad investigator. They arrest Lance for arson. It was easy to convict him. He got the max sentence. Ann of course had tried to get back with Lance. So Matt knew were she was when they found Lance to arrest him but she disappeared again. Yes every action has a reaction. Lance was in prison. Then a year after their first trip on the R1 he went to the Pub. Ann was there in her black leathers. They rode off into the sunset together at last. Lance had agreed to a stupid arrangement which was bound to end badly. And for him it did.

Since I usually complain about chapter ones being to short, it feels strange to be complaining about one being too long, but 27k words is a big reading commitment when there will be who knows how many chapters there will be. BTW, that's a good thing to mention at the beginning of a chapter story.

Good read, Matt sure is an over the top whiney bitch tho, he is the 3rd party, not the husband

No additional chapters requred. Everyone got what they deserved.

GREAT STORY!!!!

I’m with 6king, I think you should leave this story right here, not every story can always be wrapped up with a pretty little bow, sometimes the writer should make us readers think a little bit. These were three semi despicable characters, in my mind Lance should have made Ann his first priority instead of his job, Ann deserves to have to chase Lance forever to try to make amends for what she did, and Matt should have never try to take what wasn’t his in the first place. No happy endings deserved here. Thanks KS

this is a fantastic story. I can't quite make my mind up if as said to finish it here or do part two this is better way better than its rating worthy of at least 7 stars it will be interesting to see how you proceed with this story or if other Author's pick up on it great story waiting for your next

Thanks for the recent comments, in all honesty this started in my mind as just a minor chapter but ened up being a mini story in itself so I've published it as that. I've nearly finished the next part and it's simply Romance, but the following one or two parts are dark which was the original core driver for this tale- the first two parts draw out the relevance of the story. Hopefully I will have the whole thing done by the end of the year, apolgies for the delay took an interlude to push out the short Halloween one :)

Ok. But this is a four page story dragged out to eight.

3*

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ I really liked the story, but what did that dumb fuck Lance think was going to hppen when he gave his wife a hall pass? You need to be very careful selecting your spouse when in the armed services. And when your spouse says "I can't go without that long", you're seleted the wrong life partner. Being in the miltary is a thankless job. Honorable, brave, loyal and potentially the ultimate sacrifice. And how long did it take to identify PTSD and stop calling it "combat fatigue", or "shell shock"? The VA sucks ass and abandons our heros to shit support after combat. We always have. I feel bad for Lance, but he made that bed.

Lance crops up again in Chapter 4. Worth looking at how that plays out!

Well written. You painted Matt as a weak, immature, childish, selfish moron. Yes, he certainly lived down to that level. Even more that he was entitled and still lived with his Nan! Not exactly a man of the world.

Then he became a demanding, jealous arsehole with absolutely no right to do so. He and Ann were the ones cheating but he couldn't seem to understand that.

Actually, they both pushed things too far in public and began to be known as a "couple". But Matt also pressured Ann as to the agreed relationship.

Oh, Ann should immediately have phoned the Police when Lance confronted her and Dumbo Matt. None of what Lance did was legal! He cannot throw her out of the marital residence whether owned or rented. Plus, as SF, the Police would need to be informed of his background if arrested. (I know from experience)

Nicely done.

While the sex scenes were well done, the main story lines drawn out several pages too long. 4.0*

Demosthenes384bc, thanks for taking the time to provide some feedback.

Having revisited this several times, yes I agree. I had plans to take some of the scenes which appear of no relevance to the bulk of the continuing storyline to create another sub-element but not directly impacting on the main one (it was to have been centred around Ann, post Matt and Lance) .

I think it would get way too messy, the story as it stands is now fairly complex. I may at a later day do this once this story is finished.

Both the characters Ann and Lance return to play significant parts in this existing title towards the end.

INKENT

I enjoyed the story. The emotions were clearly simmering just below the surface. It was easy to understand where Matt’s mindset lay. It may have been nice to know more about Lance, given that he killed people for a living.

WhoGivesAShit, glad you enjoyed it. Looking back at it now I feel I overplayed the sexual content but, well it's written now. :)

The core of the story that formed the idea is actually being finalised in C07 which hopefully will be out there by the end of the week.

Lance has more to give in this tale ,not far how far you plan to go with the read but he reappears in C04 which lines him up perfectly for his final act back on stage towards the very end, which is currently sitting in a very rough draft.

My plan was to create mini stories that could be read in isolation with enough in each one to relate to preceding chapters but that failed abysmally bt the end of Chapter 03 so I learnt a lesson there!

INKENT

Way over the top on filler sex scenes that added nothing to the story.

So disappointed that the MC did not lose both his testicles as a result of "meeting" the husband. His physical punishment needed to have been far more severe than what was written.

Could have been a 5.

Enjoyed it, can't understand why someone would enter this kind of a relationship. The emotions were well described, a little long winded on the sex scenes. Biggest downsize of this story which lowered my rating from a 4 to 3 was the abrupt ending. Ending was too short.

Good story, quite a few spelling mistakes - too many really!

Too much sex and not enough story. I like it and I’m going to reserve my rating for the whole story.

While i am a romantic and like to see lovers win She broke the rules and surely he knew he was playing with fire Take the chance and take the results (jaybee186)

Waiting for chapter 7

Apologies, looking at releasing the last 3 parts together to wrap it all up. into the last segment now, just a few more weeks!

I came here for erotica, and your writing is pretty good but the long drawn out first whole entire page of teasing was too much for me. Waaaaaay too long for just starting off. Thanks for sharing.

When I reached the end of part 1, I could happily have left it there as the egotistical cheating fireman was left devastated as he deserved to be for moving on another man's wife. However I'm happy to see there is more to come though I'm not overly fond of any of the characters at this point.

Still, a well written story and worth following, thanks so far. I'm always amused at people - usually American, pointing out spelling errors when they chose to adapt another language for their own, completely failing to see the irony of their comments. I'm glad you pointed out the story is written in English, not "American".