All Comments on 'After the Free Pass; Death of Magic'

There was pithy short dialogue, but this was so fucking boring. There's this thing. It's called suspense or surprise. You should really look into it. What a waste.

There was no guilt or remorse what so ever in this story the wife acted as if she did nothing wrong never once did she apologize to save her marriage this was as bad of an ending as the original if not worse. Then S&M? Doesn't make any sense. The story could have been more believable.

The protagonist turned out to be a spineless cuck piece of shit.

The writing was ok but writing Brad as a complete cunt spoiled the possibility of it being a good story

As someone who found the ‘Beth’ story to be generally weak, and decidedly unimpressive, I’ve no hesitation giving this a ‘5.’

JMAS

actually a sad story

Brad is so unlikable, that it would be nice to know what Heather saw in him in the first place. As often happens in real life, they married while both were too immature to be married. 1*

goodstory, but sadly I dont give a shit about who you talk to marriages end with infidelity, swinging, all of it

It was an interesting take on the aftermath of infidelity.

I'm glad that Mark and Heather both ended up happier after the divorce, it confirmed my belief that it's better for all concerned to just part ways after hurting each other that badly.

I will be looking for comments in hopes someone actually read the entire story and gives us readers a three sentence synopsis.

AMerryman 2.0

It is the only real part of ANY relationship. I am 72 years old this year, I have been married to my wife since 1974 (45 years) and I still value our magic. Thank You for this wonderful, if sometimes sad, story I loved every bit of it. Like any beautiful rose, it had thorns but I enjoyed its progression and seeming understanding of this situation. I am NOT a supporter of "Free Passes" If it is needed to persuade a marriage then forget the marriage. This is a MUCH BETTER ending than the Beth story, that was very annoying and unsatisfying... 5**** for this work, I wish I could give more.

This was weird but I like spanking so thank you!

Three pages of boredom

Then he gets one and it’s ok? Serious bullshit! A guy like that isn’t a man, he’s a goddamn coward who doesn’t deserve the testicles he was born with. “Poor me, I gave my wife permission to fuck another man and she did. Everyone should feel sorry for me because she’s a bitch.”

Jesus Christ on a crutch! Divorce or don’t; but stop being a whiny cunt about it. She did everything she could to make it up to you and all you want is a pity party? Go fuck yourself like the shit stain you are. If you didn’t want her to fuck, why give her permission? If you did give her permission then it’s your own fucking fault. So man up and either live happily ever after or don’t. Ahpyez

This tale definitively puts forth what will really happen after a "free pass", and not some romanticized notion of "all will be forgiven".

The idea of a "free pass" was likely created by a conniving cheater, who wanted his (or her) cake and to eat it too. No real marriage could survive such a thing, since it unbalances the equation and marriages survive on being balanced.

Thank you for this telling tale.

5/5

The biggest, and really only, problem I had with this story was the impetus that Brad had to be at fault and not Heather. In the same way he could’ve said no, to my thinking, she should have said no. The selfish behavior that she showed in having to have him admit that his pride of keeping his word was less important than sharing his feelings was an example of a few things they fundamentally didn’t agree on. This relationship was doomed from the start because of that. The fact that she had planned on moving herself and children out of state the same day is another indication how self-centered she was made out to be. Did the girls know ahead of time or informed that day. In the case of the former there is a whole new “can of worms” to think about.

Intersting tale but not sure you really achieved what you set out to do.

And it's BDSM. It should have been posted there. 2*

Couldn't finish it.

The author did not promise anything, but I had hoped for better development and story. I still have no clue why Ann wanted Brad, because the guy is an asshole who was too much of a wimp to prevent his prided from destroying his family, and I thought Heather was far too good for him in not divorcing him far earlier. Just unfilled bad story.

She thought that getting even would fix things. She never understood that it was not his fault for letting her cheat. It was her fault for wanting to. That's what destroyed the magic. There were so many opportunities to fix the marriage if she had just recognized that simple fact. Sad tale well told.

Very Sad Story but well written and I think too factual or too much reality. Of course it has the main problem of communication. The other story similar to this does have the husband say something like I agree you can you use the pass but NO promises it will not change the marriage or My feelings - that has nothing to do with the pass. Not sure if that was stated in this story but should have been Of course that would have made Heather look even worse.

Either way it was well written, good characters and developed story but not enjoyable to me. I do encourage you to keep writing you definitely showed you have the ability to write. I give you high props for your writing since the best I can do is a comment - but maybe I will try someday - maybe!.

I hated the format.

I couldn't read it all. I skimmed and skipped around. That probably contributed to my confusion. So, I tried again. I got farther, but couldn't make it. A fee things stood out to me.

1) It wasn't just a hall pass, apparently. Ear the end Heather says that if the S&M had been that violent from the beginning, "I might not have kept on with Mark." That means she had a long running, multi-year affair with Mark, all the while trying to fix her marriage????

2) Ann said she was a Christian and had Christian values. Because of her strong Christian morals, she could not be their counsellor because she felt they intended to cheat in the future. This has nothing to do with her relationship with her church. It is her character, her personality. Yet, she willingly goes after the hubby and has a cheating love affair with him. That makes nonsense either. Why show her as a morally upright Christian just to turn her into a cock hungry slut who steals a client's husband?

They stayed together far too long, had way too much sex for people who couldn't stand to touch each other.

KB

This is the aftermath but I have to ask what was so compelling about Mark's situation that a happily married couple voluntarily agrees to let the wife sleep with him?? What was the couple's obligation? Why was there an obligation? No loving couple would be happy with this. Brad was totally unreasonable after he agreed to let his wife sleep with Mark. They should never have agreed to help Mark in this way. They should have arranged for another woman if that was the solution Mark needed. Why did it have to be Brad's wife?? So this aftermath after a stupid reason to "help" Mark makes no sense to me. And she must have felt trepidation herself when she slept with Mark. And once there is arousal it becomes physical. So I can't hold her responsible for that. The real problem was that they decided to "help" Mark.

Then, we read about all the efforts she goes though to fix things while he starts to fall under the spell of another woman. What a bastard!! Why didn't he just divorce her rather than continue the misery for so many years. What a bastard! I can understand that the magic for her eventually dies. A really frustrating story. I can imagine what it was like for her.

I read a couple of your other stories. You sure know how to kill a promising story line.

One is I would have liked to know exactly what she was "saving" Mark from. Yes I read the other story mentioned before and the preamble to this one. But since the entire story is about her free pass, I would like to know what caused her to use it.

Two is if the "magic" was so damned important to him, how the hell did they have better sex and sex more often after it was gone for both? From the sound of things, the time during the pre-separation was better than the times before the "event".

Really stupid, wife was dumb to think even with his permission that going away to have sex with another guy would not effect their life together. As for the husband he should have let it go if he really lived his wife. Especially after finding out the other guy was dead a year or so later. The BDSM stuff was just filler to me. Don’t think the marrige would have survived in the long run even if the infidelity on her part ever happened. The person who in effect caused this cluster fuck was hubby in giving her a hall pass in the first place. He lit the fuse so to speak, almost acting like he wanted an out someday.

as in 'good punctuation', 'good grammar', 'good spelling'.

Problem was:-

It was BORING.

Anyone who would think that their relationship wouldn't be irrevocably changed and/or damaged be offering, accepting or allowing a "free pass"; is just plain stupid.

And, you can't fix stupid in that case.

but the wife kept blaming him, and he even blamed himself in the end.

BUT

she isn't a child. SHE decided to fuck mark. no one put a gun to her head. SHE decided to have extra-marital sex. even with the hall pass, her marriage vows are still a thing. that's WHY we get married. to expect exclusivity. otherwise why bother getting married at all? she fucked her marriage away ultimately. she killed the magic. was he stupid? yes. is he partially to blame? yes. but did he fuck mark? no. did he throw away his vows? no. hall passes are for swingers. not for normal married couples.

i loved the S&M elements. very clever therapy for both of them.

This story made me really think! Which is what a good story does. Reading others comments that while it is true that Brad did give her a free pass...Heather really bastardized it...not for 1 night but for 4 and not with a stranger but with her first boyfriend...and to Hawaii a dream vacation that they had always shared. This was totally on her...he should not have had to say "no" to all that...it was way over the line.

The story made me feel the pain (both of theirs) so in that sense it was well done.

Thanks for the story and please keep writing.

"Buckeye Fan".

"I will be looking for comments in hopes someone actually read the entire story and gives us readers a three sentence synopsis."

I didn't find it in the comments. Did you? Hidden somewhere in Sherwood Forest?

At least the author warned the reader in the introductory note.

The standard LW story has three parts - before the infidelity, the adulterous act, and after the act. Most focus on the third part (husband's reaction and consequences for the wife), skipping lightly over the first two. As one who finds the first part most interesting, I also skipped straight to the comments.

Lue

The only one who really killed the magic was him...he willingly let his wife stray, willingly made her suffer and willingly divorced her blaming it all on her at first..He was worried about his pride? He has no pride to begin with by giving a hall pass to achieve his goal of being with her...( first story concept)...he has no pride not stopping her....he has no pride letting her go after she worked so hard to get it all back, living a loveless marriage in front of the children.They do see things you dont know they see...to me hes a skum bucket looking for a place to happen..ditto on the points..none from me..story ducked, idea sucked, and your NOT all that in an author.....

I was one of the crazy people who actually read the whole story (I haven't decided if that's a good thing or not). I read it in the AM and commenting in the PM after a few others had their say.

I think the idea of a Hall Pass is counter productive.

1.Groom offers the bride to be a free pass if she will marry him. Why would she ask for one to begin with for him to offer?

2.They marry. Always a good start for a relationship.

3.Some years later, usually at a most inopportune time (a significant day like a birthday, anniversary, Valentine's day, or other holiday) the wife wishes to use her free pass, usually for an altruistic purpose (somebody is going to kill themselves, but getting laid by a good woman will save them). Here is where the story started down hill.

4.Husband is not OK with it, but he gave his word, so he assents to her using the pass. Of course his not why back when he offered he never thought she would use it.

5.Husband keeps his word not to complain, accuse, blame or whine. However, he cannot prevent feelings.

6. Wife is surprised that marriage is damaged.

Just one last excerpt, 'The characters are Brad (husband), Heather (wife) and Mark (who needs to be saved). The event was the moment that Heather called Brad to tell him that she was safely with Mark (she thought that was the right thing to do). When the event occurred, Brad and Heather had been married 7 years and had two children aged 3 and 5. Mark and Heather were 27. Brad was 28..

One would assume (bad word) that she would have known that with two children at home this was a bad idea.

When you get into the story you find out that she called Brad on the phone to tell him she was exercising her hall pass. I guess she felt it was ambiguous because she stayed with the guy for four days (I'd be pissed too).

After therapy she offers him a hall pass to ease her mind, for eight days but (I lied earlier) 'So, I decided on eight. Twice as many. Only eight times with the same woman eight weeks in a row could turn into a relationship. I stuck with eight but included the stipulation of no more than four in any calendar year'. Did her hall pass have restrictions? Did she consider her one day as the time she called till the time she came home?

Like the story it was written after it was doomed from the start. I felt like I had a dark cloud over my head the whole time I read the story.

Your introduction seemed completely wrong in terms of what happens in the ones that I've read. You chose a really annoying way to present your story. First one person gives their version, then we hear the other persons version. Then you make time pass and advance the story line. That didn't read well at all. Then you completely trashed the story by having Heather move away after promising Brad he could visit at any time. In the first place, the Courts are interested in the children - period. Highly unlikely they let Heather move very far. Secondly you have her new husband pay millions of dollars for something there's no way he could be sure he was getting all the copies. That idea was just asinine. And he was surprised he wasn't invited to the wedding? That was the funniest line in the story. Again - asinine. And lastly, but NOT leastly, if you're going to play BDSM games at least do the readership the courtesy to post this garbage in BDSM where it belongs. Ugly story of betrayal and abuse.

1 star

.....stupid ending. All that couples therapy for nothing. All that time wasted. Nothing made sense in this story.

Really because this was just so different.

And fairly well written.

You really needed to provide a bit more of the back story, though - the whole Mark thing. Was Mark a sadist and have BDSM sex with Heather? Did Heather really think being punished severely by sadistic sex by Brad would make it all better? Personally, I don't think I could ever DO sadistic sex with a woman. I'm apparently not wired that way. Brad wasn't really, either.

"Magic" seems to be "romantic love" for the protagonist and author. One problem in real life is that lust versus romantic love are very nebulous and subjective concepts.

It varies widely by individuals. I don't think the concept of "romantic love magic" actually exists anywhere in the Bible. Obsessive lust certainly exists, exemplified by David and Bathsheeba and even Herod and Salome.

By contrast those most famous 1st Corinthians "love verses" have not a single word about sex of ANY kind in them. And "love" is treated here as more intellectual than just emotional - more actions than "feelings."

A little too deep for me, but I enjoyed it until the S&M nonsense took over the narrative. A hall pass is a foolish thing in concept. I have never seen or heard of one in real life. I have never seen one work out in LW either. You had good intentions, but I think the story got away from you and you just never caught up with it.

Well I didn't think the original stories needed more, but you did. So you were saddled with a worn out plot device but adding the BDSM was original and you get points for that.

The sexy therapist who gets involved is another cliche.

Pretty well written technically.

R.

Is willing to fuck a married man despite her experience

Breaks up his marriage so she can fuck him

Violares her job ethics and likes to him about it

Violates her religious ethics

Violates her personal ethics

Gets off on watching him violently beat his ex

All this is apparently magical.

Worthless people here including the ex, whosef aithfulness is about as intelligent s his hall pass but the worst is the second chance slut. Jesus

The husband was so desperate to marry this woman that he gave her permission to betray the marriage? What a fucking loser. I have no sympathy for him, and little for a woman who would marry such a weak irresolute man.

You did a decent job of describing the inevitable train wreck in slow motion, so that we might see and experience every aspect of the crash. An impossible story to make sense of, but a decent effort to describe the struggle and the final last hacking breath of this marriage on life support. May they all rest in peace.

The problem with stories like this, is every one of them has the husband regretting the events later despite making the promise. These stories are flawed because in the end the husband is just a manipulative liar making an insincere promise to get what he wants. Usually I feel the woman should never have married him. She got played.

Nope, I've read quite a few free pass stories and this has to be the WORST, couldn't finish it. 1*

The big missing of the story obviously is the why with Mark. I can't see any reason for the infidelity and the story doesn't at all delve into it. Did she have magic pussy that was panacea to depression, low self-esteem, incredible loss or whatever Mark was suffering through. Was being friends with him not enough?

But suspending they why, what I liked about the story:

1. The story was thoughtful, didn't try to find solutions quickly to the problem, and gave a realistic difficulties in trying to put the egg back together.

2. That they were both decent people and not caricutures with white hat protaganist and evil wife.

3. That in all their attempts they put the welfare of the children first.

What I didn't like:

1. They both seem to be at fault here (he accepting a bulk of the share eventually), but she is the only one trying to save the marriage. All the ideas to try to get beyond the mess up were her ideas. He was a very passive bitch just trying out her suggestions without delving into himself to see what it would take. But if he wasn't a passive bitch none of this would have happened. He should have stopped her going to Mark knowing he can't deal with it later.

2. He wasn't a likeable character. First, like I said above he is passive-aggressive and doesn't know himself well enough. Two, the point about the pride was reverse. He says pride forced him to keep his word, but it was actually his weakness. Then it was his weakness that wouldn't allow him to get over her excursion. In this case I say it was a weakness because he had allowed it, but his misplaced pride wouldn't allow him to find a way to move beyond.

3. If I found anyone truly not likeable it was Ann. First, she is unprofessional and hypocrite putting her "Christian" beliefs above her professional commitments. She had been treating these people for months and now she throws them out when they MAY have worked out a solution. And then she uses her "profession's" guidelines when she could approach the patient again, even though, they're still trying to work on the relationship? She says she will adhere to the professional guidelines and not divulge any information from the other she was only privy to as a counselor. Yet, she used the inside knowledge to snag her future husband.

4. To show even more how much bad characters the protaganist and Ann were they take $5 million dollars from the ex's new husband to destroy the DVD's. Really, they couldn't tell the stepfather of his children, "we get how you feel, you don't have to pay us, I'll destroy the DVD's". They were little cunts with no moral compass.

The EX wife seemed the most moral character between the three of them and I'm glad she ended up doing so well in her new marriage. And btw, the Bible is rife with infidelity with every excuse in the Old Testament on when married men can fuck other women. Ann should read the Bible more closely. Men could have multiple wives, they could have concubines, and sex with slaves was also sanctioned. I'm sure there is a verse or two in there to cover a hall pass for the MAN in there someplace as well.

It shows that the author is a fucking retard.

The story died immediately upon the husband saying that the whole thing was his fault.Because of a pride. Whatever you see an author use pride in one of these loving wise stories you're looking at a person who has run out of ideas and has dug a hole so deep that they cannot possibly save the marriage .

While it is repulsive that he would even offer the woman is going to marry this get at or jail free card... For the wife to do so... for a extended trip to Hawaii while in the middle of raising 2 small kids and risking destruction of the family is also a serious flaw. Not surprisingly this aspect of the wife's actions are never raised once in this ridiculously pathetic wretchedly boring story...

Why does the ex therapist An fall in love or at least lust for brad? What is the redeeming value that he has which turns her on because to everybody else it seems that he is a pathetic loser /wimp?

What exactly is the connection between the sudden BDSM Fixation from the wife and how does she think it's actually going to help the marriage? That certainly was not in the 1st part of the original story.

Perhaps that is what she was doing The other guy for that whole long weekend it was in the original story? Of course we don't know that but the author has put in this ridiculous BDSM angle ... So I guess anything goes.

Awful

Well written and deep (dark) exploration of the results.

I liked that you skipped to the aftermath. In other stories, including mine, you have to suspend disbelief a little (or a lot at times). Why would the hall pass be given in the first place? If the couple were truly in love they could probably just wait until they were both comfortable. Some reasons might be that the guy is trying to be noble, or understanding, or "show his deep love", but definitely he thinks it will never be used. And the reason for using it is very hard because in my opinion there should never be a good enough reason. In any case you skipped all that mess and just started after it all happened.

You took a painful course after that of a long, torturous breakup. Probably one of the worst cases I can think of.

Well written, thanks.

if the "event" doesnt make sense then the story wont make sense. u do not know how to write ppl, making ann a christian counselor and then having her talk like a mobile home white trash woman is just bad writing. a lot of writers on this site do it tough.

MOST WOMEN DONT TALK LIKE BEER BELLY FAT OLD MEN idgits

The most enjoyable, and realistic take on the free pass genre to date. Wish you had spent a page on the lead up to the "event."

The. Alternating narrators and the constant references to the event were annoying. The actual story was not terrible, although the whole free pass device still seems too contrived.

I enjoyed the fact that this story was original and dealt realistically with how little things can undermine a relationship. Death of magic is a great description of a relationship which is still o.k. but has slipped from 10 out of 10 down to 7 out of 10, and will never get back to 10 out of 10.

So so story. I did not like anyone in it. 3 Stars

It just is.

I enjoyed reading this story. Gave it 4*s.

The couple were well written with emotions and personality changes over time.

You skipped the why, a good decision for this story. The husband could not find the ability to tell his wife the truth. He was wrong! He couldn't give her a free pass. The inability to tell her NO. No free pass. I cannot let it go when you sleep with someone else. That failure made him take the blame for the failure of their marriage. The wife worked for a long time trying to recapture his love, and save the marriage. She even explored bondage and pain. She discovered something about herself but, could not save the marriage.

Strange for me, I disliked the cheating wife less than the husband. And that 'christian counselor' Ann is a real piece of work. Yuck 🤮.

Good story, very entertaining!! Thanks VeracityHeterodyne, ha, ha,....

AMerryman

POOR

people stay together for a lot less reasons ,,well written but very matter of fact, with no feeling or romance or compassion, the sex was not erotic in any way. this reads like an outline for a story,,possibly like a report the character "ann" would write to summarize the marriage of her patients

Died the day she went to her lover, it was their decision, so, live with it.

So, that means she wouldn't have thought *less* of him if he'd said "No"?

If he'd reneged on the hall pass...? Yeah, I think not. She left him no choice that wouldn't have negatively impacted their marriage.

She cared more about helping Mark than her marriage or she'd have not risked it.

What a pathetic bloke. The trouble started when he just let her do it, if he had said no then he would be in his right to act as he did. Even when he was horrible she never cheated, I am sorry I can't feel sorry for him

Sorry, but I don't know any reason for a woman to cheat on her husband to save another life. Mark was saved because he had sex with a good woman? But by having sex with him she wasn't a good woman anymore.

I have no problem with the death of Mark, but I would have liked him to know that his act destroyed the marriage.

OMG that was truly horrible. The premise is what ruins it. Though nothing that came in this part helped it at all.

q

This was an absolute train wreck.

sorry that was too dumb. it's that ur characters didnt get the irony of her wanting to have sex outside her marriage but he didnt. not sure even the author saw it idk maybe he did. the magic pussy cures all

A slow depressing slide into a cesspool of bad logic.

Preposterous drivel with regurgitated moronic plot and without anything intelligent to add to it.

4, not bad but the premise and shifting the blame to Brad dropped it down. I'm not sure why Mark needed "saving" by screwing Heather. And I think blaming Brad for not putting up more of a fight seemed strange, it wasn't his fault, she put some somehow life saving screw and hall pass ahead of her marriage and husband.

Three stars. Liked the story. Like the format. Liked the issue and the need for "magic".

Hated that it drug on so long . Hated the S&M fest continued when the both knew the relationship was dead and he had Ann.

In short, it was on track for 5 Star rating, then 2 stars worth of magic got sucked out it.

Definitely a keeper, though I couldn't find my way to giving it a 5. So 4 it is. It's a profoundly sad story, but with a happy ending for Brad and Ann, and possible for Heather and the rich guy (who was never named). O'Henry twist at the end was less significant than might have been intended by the author, since what did it matter now? What I didn't care for was Ann wanting in on a milder version of the S&M. Would have preferred her to be a bit more normal. What did I like the most? The multiple narrations (always a thing with me), and the date identifiers, which reminded me most pleasantly of "John: How To Save A Life" by Lover1953.

1 star - the marriage ended when she verbalized her need to have sex with another man - end of story, once&done.

Personally, I also abhor bdsm in any shape or form.

Pain is never an acceptable alternative or addition to a kissing, loving, caring relationship - not ever.

I read all the comments. I appreciate them. This was never intended to be a feel-good story, so I expected that some readers would hate it. My intent was to look at the effects of infidelity apart from the cause. In those cases where hurt, humiliation, and other disrespect were the cause, the infidelity itself matters less than the reason behind it. In the hall-pass scenario, we have a wife, who for altruistic reasons decides to use her hall-pass. She shows no disrespect, gets permission, and has a piece of paper that she believes will protect her marriage. Having neutered the cause, which leaves only the slow insidious effect of the one-time infidelity.

Heather believes that sex with her will fix Mark and not hurt her marriage. Heather has a low emotional intelligence (EIQ). She may also be a bit narcissistic, but not beyond normal variance.

Brad also doesn’t know himself very well. A man that is desperate enough to offer a hall-pass, is not strong enough to honor a hall-pass.

As for blame, I, as author, do not assign blame. The characters do. That is their feelings. Brad ultimately blames himself and Heather ultimately decides that she is blameless. Did I mention that she has a low EIQ?

The S&M bit was there to show that Heather was trying to fix the problem, rather than just yelling at Brad to get over it.

I could have stopped the story on page 2 at Event + 4 years + 4 months where Heather gives up. The story was too depressing to end there. I am not a good enough writer to pull it off. If I had done that, I would be getting death threats and a sub 2.0 rating. So, I gave the characters a happy ending. The story was getting tedious, so rather than introduce a new romantic character for Brad, I reused Ann.

If I rewrote the story, I would leave out the bit at the end about the money.

When I read these "Hall Pass" stories, I think back to years ago to a quote from a very wise well educated and worldly man. Ha Ha no it wasn't it was an old bum on a corner I overheard as i was traipsing by. He was holding court with a couple of other bums and he said "if the woman your planning on marrying asks for or you feel you need to offer her a "Hall Pass" to secure said marriage, "SHE IS NOT THE BITCH FOR YOU" So the moral of this story - Even an alcoholic homeless bum knows better!!!!!

Because there's no better way to restore the magic than to beat the crap out of the offending party. No better way to say 'I still love you' than to pulverize her posterior. Difficult story to rate- sometimes the writing is quite good, others it drags. The dialogues seem stilted, like not real. I'll give it a 4 for an original format.

Most convoluted story ever. It rambles on with no direction. It covers the writers desire to mix tags in a non-story effort. Why would Heather's new rich husband even know about the video? Why would Brad ever publish or give the video to anyone public. Only credible characters were Ann and I guess Mark. Writer tried to combine too many "other story" thoughts he like to read.

Next effort make a theme and organization outline. study it for a bit and then after you tweak it FOLLOW IT...

I think this would get better marks in the BDSM category. Did not like this story very much. Not very realistic. I think Brad needs to be tied up and dominated sometimes so he can also feel he has atoned for his sins.

The premises of this genre are asinine, which results in asinine stories. The "magic healing cunt", the entitled bitch, the deeply in love, but weak, irresolute, husband, etc. never result in a credible tale. An "examination" of the results of "hall pass infidelity" will always be ridiculous. If a man is as much in love with his wife as is required to create the necessary infidelity angst, he would simply say "Hell no! And we will get a divorce if you do it." So, there would be nothing to examine except, possibly, an immediate divorce or a rough period as the aftermath of the "ask". Of course, in these stories wife is supposed to be deeply in love with her husband, so IRL the "ask" wouldn't happen, and if somehow it did, she would immediately back off when he says "No." IRL, a man would only fail to stop the wife if he is a fucking cuck or simply doesn't care all that much about her, neither of which would result in the usual story you get in this genre.

Gave up at the caning and spanking

The story was absolutely disgusting! If the writer is a female …I guess I get it! Understanding a man is simple! His self esteem his self respect is tied up in his pride( or ego if u want to call it). Certain decisions that a man takes is based on his belief in himself as a man…which includes sticking to his word even if it may not be good for him!!

A wife who cannot understands a man giving her a pass under duress and then sticking to that pass despite not wanting her to go ..is either stupid at the basic level or desperate enough to fuck the other guy that she takes shelter behind the pass! A wife who loves her husband would love him more for the fact he gave her the pass despite all his senses screaming that it’s not correct..and that is all the wife should have done! Appreciate her man for the pass …but never used it!! That is where the crux of the matter lies!! No way this marriage was likely to work!! A woman who cannot understand her husbands feelings and a man who cannot do or say what’s right for the family…! Once he is part of the family his pride and ego should be directed to the welfare of the family and if her going on a pass night would have implications for he family( not her..not him)… then his pride should ahve made him tell her that she should not go! It was no longer just him and her and his word ( free pass) to her! Now there were kids to think about!!

A lot of couples seem too immature to actullay be parents…most still this only about each other and the welfare of children comes a distance second!!

There are so many schools of thoughts! Some saying stick to a marriage for the children’s sake…some say divorce and get it over …staying in a dead marriage is more harmful to the kids!

Well for these people I can only say…don’t let your marriage get Ito that star itself!! If u are not thinking only about yourself…( his dick and her pussy)…. Then most couples who put their families first will always do the right thing…avoid temptations!! And try instead to put the spark back in a marriage Incase it’s fizzling out!! Hundreds do it! Why can’t you???

I can't get my head around offering or accepting a free pass BEFORE getting married. Seems to me that is pretty much the definition of not ready to be married at all, or unwilling to commit to that person.

Story drug on too long. Two stars.

Interesting story? Original fo so. Wife blames hubby for letting her cheat, hubby blames wife for wanting to cheat to "save" somebody. Thinking that your having sex w/ ANYONE, is going to make a significant impact on their current or future life is the height of sexual arrogance, worse even that the big dicked AH who thinks that his big dick in some twat is going to 1- be the best sex ever for her and 2- that all he needs to bring to a liaison is his dick to justify his reason for being. Yes hubby deserves some of the blame for letting pride and personal sanctimony allow the cheat, but the wife deserves more of the blame for her thinking she is that important to someone shes not married to and for taking advantage of husband stupidity. I personally think she would have cheated anyway due to her personal sanctimonious belief in the magical healing qualities of her cunt. Didntt really like either of the couple much, but did like Ann and her ability to adapt and improvise to make her life better. Ifen a woman needs a bribe to accept marriage[ engagement ring, hall pass, other ]then they aint the right woman for you. MC did need to give a physical description of a heart to heart meeting w/ mark. rk

@Anonymous. Thaks for that comment. That is pretty spot on with my intentions. Yes, I should have added heart to heart with mark. Maybe a rewrite in the future.

With an aggressive edit, this can be a groundbreaking story. The way it's told is flat and emotionless, and story like this needs to ride the wave of frisson necessary to hold the reader's attention. It's a good idea, but as ANON and the writer stated below, there is a definite theme, but it gets lost.

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I applaud OP for taking a fresh approach to this theme, but it is too subtle and too general. The overuse of exposition and narration is emotionless. Then, when we start reading dialogue, it is devoid of action beats, emotives, and dialogue tags. It reads like a transcript. Writing is the art of creating a theater of the mind for the reader, and dialogue as mere words on paper appear to the reader like a conversation in the dark or disembodied heads floating in the ether. No, we need to see the looks, the facial expressions, the hesitation, and the characters' interaction as they speak. We need to hear the inflections, the tone, and how the line is delivered.

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I'm disappointed because the idea and plot are great. I'd suggest a major rewrite and an aggressive edit.

Okay that was very VERY good. Five star and if I have not been clear.

YOU NAILED IT!!!!!!

5 star.

You need to write more.

I think you are a really fine writer and you did a great job on this story. I disagree, however, with what I believe to be your story premise. Magic of the type you explore is not something we find or are given. It is something we create. And when it is gone, it can be recreated in the same way it was created to begin with. It is an impossible to define aspect of life that grows from love, hope, faith, forgiveness, and many other things that ultimately come from our Creator Himself and that make us human. Or, as many would state it, it comes from Life itself. In exploring this unique topic your writing is special. Thank you.

Think Heather should have linked the punishment with the infidelity as in "Brad, punish me for using the pass with Mark; reclaim me".

Good story. Still a case of pride and miscommunication destroying a marriage.

The author ridiculed the writers of these hallpass stories as being unbelievable/highly improbable then wrote the most unrealistic, to the point of being ridiculous, post hallpass event story conceivable. I had to start skimming and will admit at the end he probably got it right by having the couple divorce.

Decent idea, iffy execution. It went on way too long. Too much hegemonic plot activity (too much crap is repetitive). 2/5

-TJY