All Comments on 'Alanah, Queen of Hearts Ch. 01'

Yuck.

Just yuck.

And you don't get a pass in this category just because you put a disclaimer on I at the beginning.

The characters in this are detestable. Unlikeable. Unrelatable.

Their lifestyle is worse.

Horrible story.

Tags said it all. One Star

This is a short comment, but I highly recommend you read the complete works of Tolstoy proceeding.

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No I didn't read the 13 prequel chapters. You did include enough context to get something out of the character, but there are still huge, yawning holes (no pun, please.) Your writing style is descriptive and engaging, but for me, I'd like to see more dialogue. I'd like to see you write a standalone piece for LW. What 'Zeb Carter' published today is a masterful one-off.

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The subject is not my cuppa, but based on story and writing, a 4/5.

Could use a proofreader if you write any more, but maybe best to just retire from writing.

You can also take a completely wrong path without realizing it. Your path is not only wrong, it is disastrous!

You covered all of LW’s lamest cliches with big tits, big ass, cuckolding, whorewives, and even put Jamal in the mess. You have everything but a coherent story.

So let me get this straight you got her getting used up by random guys and bein in a marriage she dont want when she coulda been with tim and why would tim want this nasty bitch now after this???

what a shitty sequel.

what a shitty sequel.