ALOHA

By the time we had been married for ten years, the kids were nine and eight and were developing into very definite personalities. They were well-behaved and generally good kids, all due to Alecia's great mothering; I could take no credit for it whatsoever. She made sure that they did all the things that a "good citizen" should do, like chores and homework, and instilled in them the vitally important skills of courtesy and empathy. Where they were radically different, however, was in their intellect. While Four was religious about doing his homework and worked very hard to maintain a solid "B" grade average, Charli was a clone of Alecia and sailed through school with only "As", only faltering slightly in PE one semester. It became apparent early on that she had Alecia's near total-recall, but in addition, she was a prodigy in mathematics and languages. Even at eight years old, she could speak Spanish fluently (with the European Spanish lisp, whatever that means), but could read and write Spanish, French, and Italian at the college level.

The one semester's near misstep in Physical Education led Alecia to start running as a way to make Charli more physically active. And within a year, they were both addicted for life and were doing three or four miles every day without fail. Four, on the other hand, was in constant motion when not otherwise occupied, and he wanted to play any game that involved a ball of any kind. Every kid's team in every age group had Four right in the middle of it. I agreed with Alecia that it was a great thing to see him so team-oriented and emerging as a natural leader. Charli on the other hand was solitary and her books were her best friends. When I commented to Alecia that I never saw Charli going to other little girls' houses, joining the Brownie Scouts, or anything like that, she just looked at me like I had two heads and reminded me of the problems she had told me about concerning her childhood. She reminded me of how hard it was to find someone on the same intellectual level, someone that you could actually communicate with, and that it was sometimes easier to find your friends in books than to lower your standards.

Thus was going along as smoothly as a summer millpond when, to my astonishment, Alecia's parents called to tell us that they had arranged a twelfth-anniversary trip to Hawaii. I'm ashamed to admit that my first reaction was to think that there was no way that I could get away from the office for two straight weeks. Now, of course, I realize that it was simply the reaction of an asshole and a bad manager.

Alecia graciously accepted on our behalf, and for the ensuing two months, she flawlessly planned and arranged a way that we could sensibly take the two weeks to make the trip. Now, more than ever I realize the scope of the arrangements that she had to make and the matters that she had to deal with to make the trip possible. Naturally, all this sailed completely over my clueless head, to land in the heap with other examples of neglect, carelessness, and complete lack of appreciation that I had been guilty of for the preceding ten years.

And so, it was with an uncharacteristic lightness of heart and mind that I boarded the plane in Atlanta, having no idea how my life was to change.

Chapter Two

After a glorious two weeks in Hawaii, staying in a suite at the Hilton Hawaiian Village Resort, my wife Alecia Cahill and I were having breakfast, packed, and preparing to leave for the airport to travel back to Tate Georgia. There we would revert to our mundane roles, me, Richard Tate, as controller of a mammoth commercial chicken-egg operation, and her as a wife, mother, and intellectual savant. We had steadily and assiduously plowed through all the glory that tourist Hawaii had to offer, taking full advantage of the ubiquitous Mai-Tais that seemed to be available anywhere you turned. I have to admit that I also slipped numerous samples of various exclusive single-malt Scotch whiskeys that every bar seemed to have in stock.

We were nearly finished with breakfast, it was about 8:00 AM when Alecia managed to pry my attention away from the Wall Street Journal.

"Rich, you need to put the paper down and pay attention, I have something to talk to you about."

Smiling over at her, I said, "sure honey, go ahead."

Tilting her head, with a small smile on her face, Alecia said, "I won't be going back to Tate with you."

I raised my eyebrows, "oh, have you decided to go visit your parents, or stop in California at your grandma's house?"

Shaking her head slightly, and with a mildly sympathetic look, she said directly, "no, Richard. I mean that I'm not going back to Tate at all, and we're getting a divorce."

I lowered the newspaper, turned fully to look directly at her, and said, "I don't understand."

Still gazing at me calmly but implacably, she spoke slowly, enunciating every word, "I said I'm not going back to Tate at all, and we're getting a divorce."

With what I know must have been a mystified look on my face, I managed to get out, "but, where are you going to go; why are we getting a divorce?"

Nodding her head with satisfaction, as if glad that I was finally tracking, she went on, "as to the first, I'm going to medical school; as to the second, I think that I've satisfactorily fulfilled my obligation to you, and at, with some caveats, to the children."

"Jeez Alecia, you can go to medical school without leaving home. You know that they'd be rabid to have you at Emory. We don't have to get a divorce", I said with frustration.

"All that may be true Rich, but I don't want to go to Emory. I've been accepted at Harvard Medical School, and I start in September. I've already bought a nice apartment three blocks from Harvard Square and I'm all set. I have all the clothes that I need in the suitcases that I brought along on the trip."

"Still, Alecia, you don't have to get a divorce to go to Harvard. We could work our way through it just as we always have. There's just no reason to fuck up a good marriage."

Shaking her head slowly, she said, "Rich, I'm going to Boston because I want to, and I'm filing for divorce because I want to. What you see as a solid, stable marriage, I see as an anchor, an obligation that I was honor-bound to fulfill because I was as responsible for the situation as you. But at this point, I've put as much of my life and myself into it as I intend to. Knowing what I know now, I shouldn't have stood for being railroaded by your and my parents into this marriage."

"But what about the kids," I said with some desperation.

She dismissed my protestation with a wave of her hand. "Shit Rich, you spend practically no time with either of the kids so how would you know anything about them? Four is going to be exactly like you, and you haven't been around enough to even notice that my mother, yours, and my classmates mostly raised him. As long as you make sure that he's involved in some sort of sport, he'll be fine; he may be curious as to where I am, but in two weeks, he'll be doing his thing happily and I'll just be a vague memory. Charli, now Charli, you're completely underestimating her. In all the ways that matter, she's me made over, but I'll bet that when she's IQ tested, she'll test out at a higher level than I did, and you know how I deal with change and difficult issues. That's what Charli does, just sees them as an objective, works hard, and powers through. And Rich, Charli started asking me nearly a year ago how I stood to live in Tate and when was I going somewhere to do something as she put it. I said goodbye to her before we left, and, while she said she'd miss me, she also said that she was relieved and told me that I'd make a great doctor."

"So, Charli knew?"

Alecia just nodded and waited me out.

I was getting angry now. "And so you think that the kids don't need you and they'll just miraculously do fine on their own, right?"

She rose, leaned over me, and from a distance of about six inches, she yelled in my face, "NO YOU'LL HAVE TO BE A FATHER FOR A CHANGE YOU FUCKING IDIOT!"

She sat back down calmly as if she had never raised her voice. "And Rich, Four is a burgeoning egg farmer at heart, and with the help of your parents, there's no reason that you can't end up raising a fine young man who lives his life in your image, a credit to his namesake. He'll be someone you can be proud of."

"But, Charli, what about Charli," I asked desperately, "there's no way that I can understand her, and keep her challenged and engaged the way that you do?"

Alecia smiled her face the picture of calm satisfaction. "Rich, of all of you, I'm least concerned about Charli. She's already an island of intellectual and emotional power living in a wide place in the road, but it 's the best place for her right now. In two years, when she's twelve, you'll send her to boarding school at Dana Hall School in Wellesley, MA, and when she graduates, she'll be an adult with her own choices to make. I'll pick up the entire room, board, tuition, and spending money which will run to about $75K per year. She'll come back to visit you and your parents, of course; my mom and dad when it's convenient; and she'll be close enough to Boston to allow me to look in on her, and for her to come for weekend visits to my place."

I was incredulous, "you really think that I'm going to send a child of mine off to a boarding school?"

She looked at me almost pityingly, "of course you will Rich. You just got through saying that you were completely incapable of understanding her and providing what she needs intellectually. Why in hell wouldn't you agree to do the best thing for her and send her off to a place where she'll be challenged, and will be close enough to me to provide a feeling of support for her and, frankly, take her off your hands? Now you're just flailing around trying to find some way to stop me from leaving and using the kids to do it. It's unworthy of you, Rich. You're many things but being dishonest isn't one of them. Why don't you just ask me the question that you truly want to be answered?"

I took a breath and a moment. She was right. I had been cruising along for so long on autopilot that I had forgotten how to face life with no escape and no handholds and to face the hard things.

"Is there another man, Alecia? Tell me the truth, are you leaving me for someone else?"

She snorted at the perceived ridiculousness of my question, "Rich, there's one thing that's been on my mind all my life, and as they'd say in north Georgia, it ain't humpin' buddy. I'm not trying to be mean, but the first thing that anyone meeting me, forever, has learned is that I wanted to go to medical school. Maybe it's a messianic complex, but I fully believe that I have what it takes to change the world, and not in a small way. I've worked very hard toward that all my life, and through a pretty egregious miscalculation on my part, I've caused a major gap in that plan. But Rich, that doesn't mean that I gave up. I defy you, your parents, mine, or anyone we know to say that I haven't been a good wife and parent for the last twelve years. But I've served my time and I'm leaving. In the final analysis, it's just that simple."

"So, no other man?"

Very exasperated, she grated, "No, there's no other fucking man Rich! I can't believe that all you're worried about is that some other guy will end up in my bed. But let me be very plain: there is no one else in my life. I hope that at some point there will be, but if that happens, I suspect that it'll most likely be a woman."

My eyes popped open, "You're gay?"

She looked to the skies with exasperation, "Hell, I don't know Rich, all I know is that all my life I've appreciated women more than men and felt closer to them. That's the only reason I said what I did. I'm saying that when I feel ready for actual love, that's the direction that I expect it'll come from."

I stared at her for, probably, thirty seconds. She waited me out. "So you're firm in your decision?"

"I am, Rich. I've retained a lawyer in Atlanta who will contact you at your office in a few days, and with you not contesting it, we should be divorced in a couple of months after all the papers are signed."

"So I retain custody of the kids?"

"On paper you do, but I know that you'll go along with sending Charli to the Hall School when the time comes because, at the end of the day, you're truly a loving father. I'll have a bunch of material from there mailed to you in the next few weeks, and I'll have it included in the papers that I'm paying for it all. I'll also pay for my lawyer, and yours, considering that this is all happening at my instigation."

"But what about Four, doesn't your planning leave him out in the cold?"

"Not the way I see it Rich. Four is as adaptable as a lump of Play-Doh, but I don't think that swooping back in here every so often, or flying him up to Boston to see his mommy would ultimately be to his benefit, and just possibly might be to his detriment."

"She has it all covered, "I thought. Aloud, I asked, "But, what about property division?"

She gave a dismissive wave, "There's nothing in Tate that I want, nor any of the assets we've accumulated. Let's face it Rich, I'm very wealthy and you eventually will be also. Why should we bicker about a few hundred thousand dollars considering that? We should just let it lie and try to make our parting as amicable and non-contentious as you're willing to allow. I've asked for absolutely nothing in my filing. Talk to your dad about it. He'll tell you to take it and run."

I looked out over the Pacific, my mind a complete blank, as always completely unequipped to shake her reasoning or logic.

I turned and looked at her beseechingly, "Did you ever love me, Alecia? Ever?"

She reached across the table, and one last time, took both my hands, "No, Rich, I never did, and you never loved me either."

At that moment, there was a knock at the door.

Alecia looked toward the door, back at me, and said, "That'll be the Porter for your bags, Rich."

Still holding her hands, I pleaded, "How can you say I never loved you, Alecia?"

Gently pulling her hands free, she stood, and said, "Because you never even knew me, Rich. You loved what you, our families tried to make me."

She rose, walked over, and opened the door to the porter.

He walked into the suite, and she directed him only to my two bags.

"You're not leaving now", I asked, puzzled.

"No", she said, "I'm staying a couple of more days to decompress, arrange some things, and get used to my new life."

I gasped, finally accepting that she did, now, have a new life, apart from ours. I only nodded and walked toward the door, the porter preceding me with my luggage. As I turned back to look at her, she gave a faint smile and waved at me like a kid, that little abbreviated wave at waist level.

"Take care, Rich, and I hope you find someone who fits the mold."

I stared at her for a moment and then followed the porter down the hallway.