Always a Bridesmaid Pt. 04

When I finally opened my eyes, I looked over at the clock on my nightstand and silently cursed when I saw it said ten thirty. I consistently met my mother for Catholic mass at St. Ignatius, knowing that she would give me shit about missing it today. 'Well there isn't a hell of a lot I can do about it now, I grumbled to myself.

I grabbed my robe and tied the sash around my waist, feeling a little jittery remembering the events of the previous evening. Part of me wondered if I had dreamt the whole thing, but there were too many vivid details to chalk it up to that.

What worried me was how things would be with Paula, she had crossed several sexual lines and there was no taking it back. Would she be distant? Upset? Would she even be here? It occurred to me that if she was feeling weirded out that she might just take off without saying anything, though that was unlike her. I had lost count of the times after a fun romp with a first timer that resulted in me waking up alone the next day, without a peep from there after. I secretly cursed myself for the momentary lack of self-control, knowing that it could literally wreck my relationship with the one person on the planet I cared for more than anything.

As I started mentally rehearsing what to say to her, my nose picked up the scent of cooking bacon, the kryptonite of any diet I had ever attempted. That indicated that she had not run off with her hair on fire, which I took as a positive sign. At least that made things better, I made it a point to promise myself not to bring up our encounter unless she did.

I opened the door and saw Paula at the gas stove in my kitchen, humming as she cooked us breakfast, which I could now tell was bacon and eggs, with tortillas and cheese on the counter next to her. Ah, breakfast burritos, she knows how much i love them! I said to myself, snickering silently.

"Aha, she rises from the dead." Paula said with a smile, glancing over her shoulder.

I felt my brow furrowing, finding her greeting low-key and even relaxed, which is the opposite of what I had been expecting. "Well, I heard bacon calling my name...or my nose." I replied nonchalantly, getting closer to where she stood.

Paula giggled in the melodious way that always turned my insides into jelly. "You know how to make a girl swoon, Carli." she said, without turning this time.

"All a part of the package, my dear" I said, leaning into her for a loose hug.

Silence lingered for several seconds until she scooted the crispy bacon from the pan to our plates, handing me mine and moving to the small kitchen table. I watched as she ran her hands through her hair twice before starting to build her burrito. I sank my teeth into my own sloppily built one and felt bits dropping from inside it, making her laugh a bit.

"I would think you would be better at building burritos." Paula said with a smirk.

My mouth was full, so I stuck my middle finger up in reply, not wanting to choke by talking while chewing. Plus, it wasn't very ladylike.

"Last night was an absolute blast, you outdid yourself! My legs ached from dancing so much!" she said, now taking a small bite of her perfectly manicured burrito.

What the fuck? I shouted in my mind, but responded with a simple, "Well that was all that mattered to me, you having a great time."

Paula wiped a bit of egg and cheese from the corner of her mouth and swallowed. "No question, I did start feeling a bit weird later on, everything past that is fuzzy. Kind of like the scene in that hangover movie."

I stopped chewing as it dawned on me that for her the entire evening after the bar was a giant blank, meaning that in addition to what was probably ecstasy the would-be predator supplied roofies as well. I almost laughed at the irony that Paula had been completely uninhibited and engaged in a lesbian tryst with me, and had no memory of it ever happening. My emotions ran rampant, vacillating between relief that I now had no chance of complicating our friendship and a sense of loss that she remembered nothing.

"That's interesting." I said, realizing that she might ask me to reveal how the evening had played out.

Now it was Paula's turn to stop chewing and get concerned. "Oh shit, did I make an idiot out of myself? What did I do?" she groaned, putting her forehead down on the table.

I laughed as I patted her on the shoulder, knowing that I needed to tell enough of the truth not to trigger her built-in lie detector and force me into a confession. "Well someone slipped you something, my guess is to take advantage, but I found you probably right after it happened. You were high as hell! Very entertaining!"

"Damn it!" she responded, hiding her face in her hands, almost laughing.

"No no, nothing bad, I found you kind of wandering around, watching a couple making out, but that was it" I said truthfully, hiding the fact that it had been two women.

Paula slowly lifted her head, cheeks glowing red and her eyes wide. ""Spying on them? That's creepy." she said with a tone of regret.

I slapped her on the arms, hoping it would divert any more questions about the bar at least. "Not really, it was a public place and I got you out of there right after and brought you here." I explained to her.

"Well that makes me feel a little better. What happened after we got home? Was I acting like a crazy woman?"

I had to tread carefully here or risk telling her more than I wanted her to know--truthfully what I needed her to know, for fear of the consequences. Ruining her upcoming nuptials. Confirming Jackson's fears. Shattering our own friendship. No, that would not do.

"Well, you were pretty animated for sure, flirty, but you burned out all your energy not too long after." I said, keeping my eyes steady and willing my face to stay completely serene.

"Wow must have happened fast then." she shot back, clearly studying my face.

"Honestly I had no idea what time it was when we got here and when you burned out. " I laughed, looking down at my food and taking another bite. I could tell that what I was saying made sense to her even if I left out some important--and sexual--details.

"Is that it?" she asked.

I looked up. "Well we both took an Uber here, so I was pretty wasted in my own right. Night is fuzzy for me too, maybe not as much as you though." I responded.

"Fair enough. Thanks for taking care of me." Paula said, now convinced that nothing bad had happened. Truthfully, nothing bad did happen, quite the opposite, but it was certainly outside the lines so to speak.

Inside I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I had gotten to experience the fulfillment of a deep and long held fantasy of mine, but had done so in a way that did not damage my friendship with Paula or throw a wrench into her wedding plans. We had staged the bachelorette party a month prior because of some of the bridesmaids' schedules, so everything seemed to be on track.

Or so I thought.

A couple of days later, I met Paula outside a Mexican restaurant, she was dressed in a nice blouse and skirt with her hair down. Jackson walked up with her, or so he intended. Before they got to within fifty yards from me, she turned and wagged her finger at him, triggering him to take an aggressive stance. I couldn't make out what they were saying because of background noise but it looked like either a fight or some difference of opinion. I watched as they had some sort of heated exchange before she threw up her hands and walked away quickly.

I had never seen an interaction like that between them before, they typically acted like love birds even when they disagreed. This was much more intense and adversarial, much like I had watched when she argued against another lawyer in court. I couldn't call it cold but it definitely seemed confrontational. By now I had come to the realization that while Jackson could be a pompous ass at times, he really was a good guy that deeply loved my best friend.

A moment after that, Paula started in a fast walk in my direction that was uncharacteristic for her, further concerning me. She breezed past me without saying anything, and then turned back to look at me. "Are you coming? I'm starved!" she said, her voice steady.

"Of course." I said, following her almost like a lost puppy.

We settled into a booth adjacent to the kitchen area, which usually meant that we would get served sooner than anyone else. To my surprise, Paula ordered a diet cola and started eating the chips left by our server. When he had dropped them off, I had communicated in Spanish asking for extra attention to our table, wanting to set her at ease.

"All right, out with it." I said in a stern tone.

Paula stopped biting the chip in her mouth and leaned back, letting out a huge, frustrated sigh. "Jackson has started...well...hovering, and it's kind of annoying." she said, shrugging.

I tried to hide my amusement but failed miserably, letting out some snickering that just seemed to inflame her. "Sorry, just never heard you ever say anything like that before. How exactly is he hovering?" I asked.

She finished eating the unused chip, chewing loudly, as if trying to drown out some kind of noise inside her head. "Well, he has said I feel a little distant and when he brings it up, he just doesn't let it go when I tell him I am fine." she answered.

"Well, are you being distant?"

Paula's brow furrowed, showing me a mix of frustration, anger and perhaps confusion. "I wouldn't call it distant, I haven't been treating him any different, really." she said, shrugging again.

"Hmmm, well he is sensing something from you, so what is it? You know you can tell me anything, I should not have to remind you of that, chica!" I said, locking my eyes with hers, knowing I was on to something.

Paula pulled her hands back towards herself, wringing them somewhat. "I can't put my finger on it, Carli, it's like we are having trouble connecting, not had that happen before." she breathed out as she spoke.

"Connecting? Sexually? How do you mean?" I asked, almost confrontationally. This was getting weirder and weirder with every passing moment.

Paula laughed loudly, sounding more like herself for the first time since we started talking. "Sex has never been a problem with us, we have been having plenty of that." she said, pausing.

"Ok, you were on a roll there for a second, what is it?" I asked, putting my hand on hers, knowing she would interpret it as me being a supportive friend.

"Ok, well the sex is still good, but, dunno it's like there is something...missing, Shit, I sound like a lunatic!"

I knew what she was describing, I had felt it myself at times with past relationships when I didn't click with someone romantically and felt more like friends than lovers. I cleared my throat, and asked, "You mean like it feels less than intimate?"

Paula's eyes looked upwards as she started processing my words, biting her lip and fiddling with the napkin under her silverware. "Hmmmm." she said, not making eye contact.

I leaned forward a bit to get closer to her. "Well, do you love him?" I asked, barely above a whisper.

Paul straightened up immediately. "Oh hell, no question, I really do love him, that hasn't changed in the least. Just feels like we've lost something, I guess. It's like what we have had so far is...well...not enough on some level. Gawd it sounds horrible saying it like that." she replied, talking so rapidly it seemed like she never took a single breath.

"Hey, hey feelings are feelings and yeah they fluctuate at times, you might just be getting cold feet. No need to stress about it."

Paula sighed again. "Yeah I am probably just in a funk, I should just apologize to him, he's been nothing but sweet about all this." she added.

"Well shit, just talking about it is bound to help, right?"

"Right!"

Our dinner was fun and we laughed as much as any other time we had gotten together, so it seemed like Paula was feeling emotionally upright again. I chalked it up to nerves and let the whole thing go, and when we got together a couple of more times everything seemed fine.

About two days later, I heard a pretty insistent knock on my front door, which made me wonder somewhat since it was about seven thirty in the evening. "Maybe it's a delivery." I muttered, still dressed from work. I looked through the peephole and was taken aback at the sight of Paula's fiance. What the hell?

Sighing, I opened the door enough to engage with him but purposely blocked him from entering. "Well, this is just weird, like Twilight Zone level weird." I said, my lips tightened and my body stiff. I wanted there to be no doubt that I was on guard and not wanting to do whatever the hell he had in mind. I knew it wasn't sexual but suspected it was about my best friend.

Jackson reached up and ran his fingers through his hair nervously. I knew he hadn't really liked me at first but now realized I simply intimidated him. "Um..yeah...sorry, I know this isn't exactly normal." he said, stuttering almost uncontrollably. Damn he seemed nervous!

"Ok, well we can agree on that at least. What exactly do you want?" I said, voice devoid of emotion.

He looked down at his shoes while searching for words, purposely avoiding eye contact. "Um sure, well, Paula is acting kind of--" he started to say.

"Stop. Don't show up on my doorstep and drag me into the middle of your business and then make it sound like it's my best friend's fault somehow. Try again." I said, arms crossed, my posture reserved and aloof. I was not taking any shit from him, even though I felt a little bad for him. Clearly Paula hadn't spoken to him if he was willing to ask me for answers.

Jackson looked up with an expression like a lost puppy. "Ok, ok, sure, yeah. I am not sure what I am asking then, just feeling like--well, like we are not as close anymore. Did you know what's going on?" he asked, making eye contact for a split second before looking down again.

I relished the irony that someone who had shown disdain for me at first now asked me for something so important, but I had no desire to torture him. "Brides get a little skittish the closer the day gets, it's normal, dude." I said, feeling relaxed enough to drop my arms to my sides now.

He looked up again, doubt plastered across his face. "No, no it's more than that, it's been like this for days now." he said, almost whining.

Maybe a little explanation would set him at ease, though my own concerns were starting to mount now. "Ok, Paula had someone slip her something the night of her bachelorette party, and she was wired for sound. I got her away from the club and let her crash at my place, and she passed out, and didn't remember a thing."

I could see the lights going on in Jackson's eyes as if that somehow accounted for his soon to be wife's detached attitude. "Well, thank you for looking out for her, that was a shitty thing for someone to do to her. Kinda explains things. Thank you, that sets my mind and ease." he responded.

I nodded. "Glad to help. Have a good night." I said as I closed the door.

I talked a good game, but I had serious doubts that my explanation had any merit. On one hand, it certainlycould have affected her mindset and resulting behaviors, but something about that seemed hollow. Ultimately, none of it was any of my business, but the last thing I wanted was to see Paula's future fall apart as I watched. I thought hell would freeze over before Jacky boy would ever ask me for any sort of help, so that just made it seem all the more serious.

My phone chimed less than a week after the expected visit, with a text reading Wanna grab a drink?

Hell yes!, I texted back, loving the idea of catching up. Our respective lives had been brimming with activity, so it was way overdue.

I got to the bar around sevenish and waited until a picture-perfect couple vacated a table by the window, in a spot where the noise of the place was dampened a bit. In my signature style, I ordered up some top-shelf frozen margaritas for us, knowing she had a penchant for them as well. I was tempted to start sipping mine but wanted to wait to share it with Paula. I heard her voice and seconds later saw her walking towards me with a smile. Her white business suit was impeccable and highlighted her curves without being too much. I always marveled at how perfect she looked, whether formally for the courtroom, or in jeans and a tank top lounging around relaxing. Attraction aside, she just always looks so incredible.

"Hey doll!" Paula said cheerily, kissing me on the cheek at the same time I did hers.

There was nothing sexual about it, just a greeting we had grown accustomed to over the years.. She dropped down into the chair across from me and took a sip of her drink, her eyes widened afterwards.

"As good as you remembered?" I asked, referring to the drink, flashing my million dollar smile.

"Mmmmmm better. I swear they outdo themselves every damn time!" she replied, taking a bigger sip and then licking her lips.

"Did you have a good day in court or are you just happy to see me?" I said, sapping her hand and laughing heartily. I loved how much she made me laugh, like really laugh!

Paula laughed in return, holding up her right index finger and waving it dramatically. "No no no no no." she said in rapid succession.

"You aren't happy to see me? Jeez some friend you are!" I shot back, I really did love how our banter could go back and forth like this, as I thoroughly enjoyed it. Plus, it was our thing and we never did that with anyone else.

"Bitch! You know better!"

We paused the banter for a few minutes so that we could appreciate our drinks and order some appetizers from the menu. Two drinks later we were chattering like schoolgirls at a sleepover and laughing as we told old stories of our much younger days. "Hard to believe we were so wild back then!" Paula chittered.

"Or clueless!" I said, bantering a bit more, just making us erupt in more laughter.

Paula laughed and finished her drink and waved the glass above her head requesting a refill. "Yeah, a lot's been going on, Carli." she said flatly, not adding any details

"No shit, I got an unscheduled evening visit from your intended asking if you were all right." I said, telling her as little as I could.

Paula rolled her eyes, clearly annoyed. "Yeah he told me about it, and it sparked a huge fight. I told him that he has to communicate with me, and not sneak around like asking for answers on a test!" she snapped, though clearly not at me.

I raised my eyebrows when I heard the intensity in her voice, though it was still at a normal level. "Well you know good and well that he wasn't going to get so much as a whisper out of me, you know that!" I said, nudging her, hoping to snap Paul from her angry funk.

Paula laughed at my statement and got a smile on her face. "Yeah, well, that brings up a good point, I gotta tell you something, and you are the first to hear it." she said, leaning in a bit. Though conservatively dressed, it did provide a peek at her cleavage, which I was careful not to stare at.

"Yeah?" I asked, getting an ominous feeling at what she might share. I had read that memories lost when under the influence of Rohypnol often were gone, like erased, and rarely ever came back fully. My hope is that would not be the big revelation she had to tell me.

"We're done, the wedding is off and so is the engagement. Done, nada, and before you ask it really was mutual." she said, straightening in her chair and taking a generous sip of her margarita."

I was silent for a few seconds, trying to process what Paula had just told me, and if my own behavior was to blame at all. Part of me was elated, and the other part was terrified. "Um, what?" I asked in a squeaky voice. I could tell that the news hit me so hard that I had trouble forming words.