An Affair of the Heart

There was a light knock on the door behind us. "Come in" Sara called out and the door opened to two women. "Hey Destiny." She greeted the young black lady who came in first.

"Sara! Hey girl, long time no see. Where you been?" The black masseuse asked.

"I've been kinda busy, and I've been kinda broke, but I've been missing your hands on me, and I really need some tlc."

"So, who's your friend?"

"This is Jessica, and this is her first massage."

"Oh a virgin. Well, Jessica, it's nice to meet you, and let me introduce you to Chloe. She'll be your masseuse today."

I looked up at Chloe, feeling uncomfortable being naked and lying on my stomach, even though I was covered with a sheet. I know that I gave her a strained smile through a clenched jaw and gritted teeth, but tried to look as relaxed as possible. "Hi Chloe." I squeaked.

Chloe held out her hand and I reached up to shake it as she said "hello" and "it's nice to meet you" and then added "You just close your eyes and breathe, and I'll be very gentle with you." Her warm smile and calm voice put me a bit more at ease. She asked me a few questions, like where I had the most tension, and what area I wanted the most work on. Being my first time, I kinda shrugged and said "All over I guess.", only realizing after what that would entail.

I turned my face and closed my eyes, and someone put on some low sensual music. I felt the sheet pulled down, exposing my backside all the way down to my tailbone, and a few moments later some very warm oil was poured onto my spine. Soft, warm hands began spreading the oil around my back, rubbing it in and for the next hour, I was in my own personal heaven. Why I waited this many years to get a professional massage, I'll never know, but after the massage, I swore that I would make time to do it once a month.

So how can I describe the massage? Well it was intimate, it was relaxing, it was stress relieving, and it was sexual, without actually being sexual. As tense and nervous as I was before she touched me, I was that loose and carefree when she finished. It was like she took a piece of steel, solid, rigid, and cold, and used her hands and oil to slowly soften the steel until she was left with a pile of soft putty.

I held most of my stress in my neck and shoulders, and Chloe worked on my upper back for several minutes. I could feel the tension leaving my body as she worked her way down my back. Every so often I would glance over at Sara whose face was so peaceful and relaxed as she was worked over. When Chloe finished my back, she adjusted the blanket again, covering my back, then uncovering my legs. At that point, I wouldn't have cared if she tossed the sheet on the floor.

She worked on my legs next, from my feet up to the top of my thighs, and called it effleurage. I didn't care what she called it, as long as she kept doing it. Her magical fingers came up under the lowest curve of my buttocks, and worked me right there. I was aware that she must be able to see my bare vagina, but that didn't seem to matter too much to her or me. As she worked my inner thighs, her fingers tantalizingly close to my sex, I could feel my outer lips being pulled apart again and again. It was making me wet and horny, but I was so relaxed and zoned out that I felt like I was glued to the table.

After a bit, Chloe asked me if I wanted her to work on my front. I felt like I was drunk as I scooted to the side and rolled over onto my back. The sheet slipped to the side momentarily, revealing my naked front to Sara's wandering eyes, and we both smiled at each other. I had seen her naked front, but I still felt my face flush.

Once on my back, Chloe began working my front side and I drifted into a near sleep state, leaving my body in her trusted hands to mold and shape it like silly putty. She didn't do anything illegal or immoral, but she left me in such a state, like I had just finished the most satisfying sex of my life, that when the time was up, I must have looked like I was on some good drugs. I barely remember getting myself dressed, because I was so relaxed and tranquil.

"So, how was your first massage?" Sara asked as we dressed.

"Oh, it was incredible!" I gushed. "Thank you so much for talking me into doing it."

Fifteen minutes later, we were sitting side by side getting our feet worked on, by two Chinese men who really knew what they were doing. More pampering, and I was loving it. That was when Sara turned to me and said "Okay Jessica, it's time to dish. Tell me about your life."

"What do you want to know?" I asked.

"Well, how about you start by telling me how you met your husband. Derek Right?"

"Yeah Derek. Well it's kind of a funny story to be honest. Kind of a cautionary tale of blind dates also. So, I met Derek on a blind date, but I wasn't on the date with him. I was set up with Gerald Hosser, by a former friend."

"Gerald Hosser? That was his real name?" Sara laughed as I nodded.

"Yes, Gerald Hosser. I was set up on a blind date by a college friend, who, it turns out just wanted her creep boyfriends best friend to hook up so she could have some free time with him. Does that make sense?" I asked thinking about how crazy it sounded coming from my lips.

"I think so. This friend of yours had a boyfriend who was a friend of Gerald, and she wanted to get rid of Gerald by hooking him up with you so she could bang boots with her boy toy."

I nodded and wrinkled my brow. "Well, that is a much more colorful way of putting it, but yes that's exactly correct. My friend, Jenna was her name, knew how much of a prick Gerald was, but she didn't fill me in, because she was selfish. Instead she talked the guy up like he was a fucking god or something."

"So Gerald picked me up, twenty minutes late and driving his pizza delivery shitbox. I didn't mind the old, beat up car, as much as I minded what was inside it. I swear it looked like this dipshit lived out of his car. It was littered with so much trash, clothes, and who knows what. I got in the front passengers seat thinking that he could have at least spent a half hour cleaning out the garbage before he picked me up, but I suppose that would have made him an hour late."

"The inside of his car had a smell, a bad smell that he tried to cover up with one of those green tree thingies that hang from the rearview mirror. Only this car didn't have a rearview mirror, so his green tree was wedged in the crack of his dash. Oh yeah, and to make things worse, the interior of his car was covered with a nasty grime that made me think about getting a tetanus shot just in case. If you looked up the word -slob- in the dictionary, I would imagine there would be a picture of Gerald."

"Oh man, that's terrible." Sara giggled.

"You have no idea. So we go to a restaurant and order our food, and he starts talking all about himself, and politics, and about how he was a conservative Republican, and how he couldn't stand the leeches of society who sit on their asses at home collecting government assistance while the rest of us work hard to make a living. So I just politely nodded and gritted my teeth while he went on and on about filthy liberal scum bags and baby killer abortionists. This guy was a real piece of work, and I was really uptight about being seen in public with the jerk."

"Sounds like a real winner." Sara interjected.

"Oh but wait, it gets better. He must have thought he was a comedian because he started telling these homophobic and racist jokes that were so crude and disgusting, I wanted to knock his teeth out. Then while we were eating our meal, I see him looking across the room to the bar, and when I follow his gaze, I see he's staring at this blonde bimbo. She's sitting at the bar, but she was turned around facing away from the bar, and he was checking her out."

"So I ask him if he likes what he sees, and he says "Hey, it ain't illegal to look is it?""

"Ha! What a dick." Sara chimed in.

"Mmmhmm. I ended up excusing myself to use the restroom, and when I came out, he wasn't at the table. Where do you think he was? He was sitting at the bar next to the blonde, chatting her up. I didn't even bother to go get him, I just grabbed my purse, and headed for the exit. He had to come back to the table to get his jacket anyway, so I left him with the bill and walked out. I get outside, and a cab pulled up to let a couple out, so I waited for them to pay the bill, and I jumped in the backseat. The driver was so nice to me, he could tell that I was having a rough night, and he listened while I told him about my hell date. Then, we pull up to my place, and he said to me "I'm not supposed to do this, but I would love to have the chance to take you out on the date that you deserve to go on."

"Ooohhh"

"Sara, he was so cute, and seemed like such a nice guy, but I didn't know who he was. He could have been a friggin serial killer for all I knew. I took his name and number and told him that I would think about it. Well luckily, I thought about it and decided to take a chance with him, because it turned out to be the man I would marry. The crazy thing, the thing that is just so out of this world, is that, the night he picked me up in that cab, he wasn't supposed to be working that night. He was supposed to have that night off, but he was covering for a co-worker whose wife went into labor earlier that day. So it was kinda..."

"Serendipity." Sara finished for me. "What an amazing story. Thank you for sharing it with me."

Our feet were done, but we were still scheduled to get our fingernails painted. Two women came over to our comfortable leather seats and began working on our hands for the last bit of pampering of the day. I had told Sara about the happiest time in my life, the time I met the man of my dreams, and then she asked me about the most difficult time.

"So, you've never mentioned kids. Do you have any?"

I took a deep breath as this was a hard subject for me, and told her "Let's save that story for later, after we are done here okay. I don't want to get into that right now."

Sara nodded. "Okay, sure." She agreed. I think she sensed some tension in my voice, so she didn't push it. We sat in silence for a bit, while our fingernails were worked on, then we made some small talk until our day at the spa was finished. We made our way to the front to pay for the services, and I told Autumn that I would definitely be making a return visit in the not too distant future. She gave me a brochure that showed all the different services they offered along with prices, and we finally left.

On the ride home, Sara cautiously brought up the subject of kids again, saying "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it though. If I'm getting too personal just tell me. I can take it."

I glanced over at her and smiled. "We tried...having kids I mean" I said with a sigh, then cleared my throat and spilled my heart. "I ah, I've been pregnant twice." I was fighting back the tears at this point, but I pushed on "I lost my first one at four months, a little boy, we called him Aaron. Two years later I was pregnant with a little girl. We lost her at seven months. Her name was Amy, and things went real bad. So bad that I had to have a hysterectomy. No chance to ever have a baby just killed me, because I knew that, not only did I want to have my own baby, but Derek really wanted a child too." I brushed aside a lone tear that was trailing down my cheek and quickly glanced over at Sara.

She looked like someone had just run over her dog. "Oh Jessica, I'm so sorry. I wish I could give you a hug right now." She wiped both of her eyes, then reached over to rub my shoulder "Have you ever considered adoption? I know it's not as good as having your own but..."

I nodded and began to tell her the rest of my story. "We did. Two years ago we went as far as we could go with an adoption agency. A young girl, sixteen years old, was pregnant and sure that she wanted to give it up to a loving family. We met her and she loved us and wanted to give us her baby. We were so excited. We went to her doctor appointments and lamaze classes, we bought gifts for the baby, we even helped the girl with a few of her bills. As it got closer to the due date, she started to have second thoughts about giving up her baby. People were talking to her, convincing her that she would never forgive herself if she gave her baby away."

"Oh no." Sara was shaking her head back and forth, her eyebrows furrowed with sadness.

"She made her final decision in the maternity ward the night she gave birth to her baby boy. She wanted to keep him. She wouldn't stop apologizing to us, and I really felt that she meant it. She felt terrible, but she wouldn't change her mind. I told Derek later that I couldn't go through that again. It was too hard. It was like I had just gone through another miscarriage, and I was in extreme depression. Most marriages wouldn't survive what we had gone through, but ours became stronger somehow."

"That's such a sad story." Sara declared. "Now I know why you wanted to wait to tell me. Jessica, I know that this all happened a few years ago, and you've moved past it and all, but if there is anything I can do for you, if you just want to talk about how unfair the world is or whatever, I want you to know, that I'll be there for you."

I was fighting mightily to stop the waterworks from spilling over at that point, as I pulled into Sara's driveway and shut the car off. All it took for the dam to break though was for me to turn and look at her face. My eyes got very blurry as the tears filled them and with a blink, two runnels of salty water flowed down my face and dripped to the seat. My face contorted in anguish and I closed my eyes as Sara slid over next to me and wrapped her arms around my neck.

I cried like a baby, something I hadn't done in months to be honest. After losing the third baby, I cried for weeks and weeks. So long that when I finally stopped crying, I thought it was because I didn't have another tear left in my body. I had used up my allotment for the rest of my life and there would be no more tears, but of course that wasn't true at all. I was crying again, like I had cried when I lost each baby.

As I cried, I tucked my face into the crook between Sara's neck and shoulder, and I just let it out. Big, whooping, sobbing moans belched forth from inside me, as Sara did her best to comfort me. She rubbed her hand on my back and told me to let it out, and I did, for several minutes. I cried, Sara cried and we hugged until my emotions ran their course.

Finally, after who knows how long, I picked my head up and pulled back. As I moved back, her hands slid up to both sides of my face and she held me there as we gazed into each others eyes. Her face was red from crying with me, her lips were puffy and her eyes were wet. I watched her, as if in slow motion, as she licked her lips, tilted her head slightly and then leaned forward. I could have pulled away if I wanted to, it was obvious that she was going to kiss me, but instead I just sat there. Her lips parted, her eyes closed and then her soft, delicate lips pressed against mine.

At first, I didn't respond to the kiss. My lips were closed, my eyes were still open, and I think that I had stopped breathing. This time though, Sara was insistent, and she didn't stop and run away. She was very gentle and soft, pressing her lips against mine, and after maybe five seconds, I started to respond. I started by opening my lips slightly and that seemed to spur Sara on. She redoubled her efforts, kissing me with more force, and sending shock waves through my body.

I finally let out the breath I had been holding in, the air hissing through my flaring nostrils. Sara's hands slid up from my neck to the lower back of my head, her fingers tangling in my hair. I started kissing her back then, my mouth opened more and my lips began working with hers. She moaned and her tongue slid out, and licked across my lips, the sensation sending a chill down my spine and causing my breath to hitch my chest. I opened my mouth wider and suddenly felt her tongue invading my mouth, pushing past my teeth until I met her's with mine. I was past the point of caring that I was kissing a woman and even though there was a voice inside me yelling at me to stop, that this was wrong, I didn't want to stop.

Our tongues wrestled together in my mouth and when she pulled her tongue back into her mouth, I let mine follow hers until I was licking the inside of her mouth as much as she had mine. Her taste was divine and I became aware of so many things happening with my whole body. First, my nipples had hardened into tight little nubs, and were pushing hard against the inside of my bra. Second, my heart had sped up as my blood was pumped to my erogenous zones. Third, my vagina had begun to lubricate, as if it was anticipating that I was going to have sex. And lastly, my whole body was super aware of everything again, just as it had been following the massage.

I can't say how long we sat in the front seat of my car making out hungrily, but eventually she pulled her lips from mine and tilted her head so our foreheads were touching. We were both breathing hard from exertion.

"Sara." I whispered breathlessly.

"Mmmhmm?"

"Please don't run away from me this time." I said.

She giggled in her cute way and said "Mmm, I promise I won't."

"Well, you already broke one promise you know. You promised last night that you wouldn't kiss me again today." I reminded her solemnly.

"Oh. I'm sorry Jess." She pulled back, a mask of worry on her pretty face.

"It's okay. I'm glad you broke that promise." I assured her with a smile, putting her at ease again.

"So, what about you, have you ever wanted to have a baby?" I asked, wiping my face once more.

"I've wanted to have a kid for a while. I'm even not totally against...you know, doing it with a man, in order to get pregnant. I mean I could go the artificial insemination way, but that just seems so...cold and impersonal. But sleeping with a man to get preggers brings up a whole bunch of other problems that are too numerous to name, so who knows. Maybe some day, but it would have to be the right guy, the right situation, the right time."

We sat that way for a while, until our breathing had calmed down, and finally Sara asked "So, what should we do now?"

I wanted to taste her lips again, so I leaned in this time and kissed her softly, but only for about ten or fifteen seconds. When I pulled back she was licking her lips. "I should be going." I whispered, although I really didn't want to leave yet.

She furrowed her brow and said "Can't you come inside for a little while?" Her hands slipped down over my shoulders and she reluctantly released me.

I took a deep breath and said "I want to, I really do, but I can't Sara. It wouldn't be right."

"But...you kissed me back." She pleaded.

I nodded and smiled a rueful smile. "I know, and you're the first woman I've ever kissed like that before." I giggled a bit, remembering how heated our kiss was. "It was really nice Sara, but I can't make a choice between you and my husband. I'll always chose him. I'm so sorry."

Sara looked down at her hands in her lap, then she looked at me out of the corner of her eyes and said "What if you don't have to chose?"

"What do you mean?" I queried.

"What if we play around for awhile, then you go home to Derek. He doesn't need to know about it."

"But I'll know about it Sara, and I won't be able to look him in the eyes. The guilt would be too much."

Pouting, Sara nodded her head and said "I always fall for the straight ones."

"I may be straight, but if I was ever going to sleep with a woman, it would be you."

A loud sigh issued forth from Sara. "That doesn't make me feel a whole lot better."