All Comments on 'An Illicit Secret'

Beautiful.

delicious...

A beautiful bewildering story. Hopefully they will survive living out their love in a relationship that will be under hard scutiny by people that can't accept multiple love so that it doesn't have a "bitter" ending.

Very original. A story with two vives I've seen but three! One has to hope that he is strong enough and with stamina to spare so he'll survive ;-)

I really want to give you a five for this story, but I can’t justify it based strictly on the fact that I love harem stories where most of the women if not all of them are bisexual. My ex wife is bisexual and bisexual females are my kryptonite, my Achilles Heel.

The beginning was absolutely horrible. 😢 I truly had no idea about what the gender of the narrator was until he FINALLY talked about his erection embarrassing himself. The story became more interesting after that, but the character building was awkward and out of sync. 😳 I enjoyed Lauren's character most of all because she was amused by her boyfriend's efforts to remain faithful to her in spite of the double temptation being thrown at him by Rowan and Claire.

Resolving the tension between all of the parties involved didn't follow a logical path or approach either. The whole thing with forcing the narrator to decide on all or nothing was just plain stupid. 😒 What red-blooded man is going to turn down a three girl harem being handed to him on a Silver Platter? Seriously?

And then we come to the length of the story. You have too many issues, concepts, and characters here to cram it all into less than 7500 words. If you had truly written this out with the level of detail that it deserves, 12,500 to 18,000 words would have been an optimal length.

On the plus side, I loved the use of actual real places for your locations. I have personally traveled the Gulf Coast from Brownsville to Key West extensively and I'm very familiar with the locations in Mississippi that you called upon.

Please take your story back to your desk for a major rewrite. Keep your original concept unchanged, but work on the relationships and character interactions more. Instead of just throwing your narrator into the Lions Den to sink or swim, let Lauren ease him into dating both of her lovers one at a time. She shouldn't be copping a "take it or leave it" attitude with him at all if everyone involved is emotionally invested in each other as you would like the audience to believe. 😏 Also, remove the gender ambiguity in the first two or three sentences of the story. 🤔

I should give you a two because there's so many problems with your tale, but it is in the genre that I absolutely love, a woman who loves her guy so much that she gets her friends to lay him. 4/5

This felt so real. I disagree with ScottishTexan on most points. First of all, it’s your story to tell. This means at your pacing and with your ideas. I thought you did a fantastic job. The ultimatum seemed completely in character. The girls were a trio before our hero came along, so it makes sense that they come as a package.

5 * from me.

Tc