All Comments on 'An Unconventional Wife'

A fun tale

Nice!

A nice twist on the mistaken twin theme. Well-written.

I assume they have the same cousin?

And the twin sister isn't invited to the family wedding?

At least, it was the sister-in-law and not his wife!

5

Well written. Love the conversational style and authentic dialogue.

I think it was HDK wrote something similar. It was good and enjoyable 5 stars

It’s a good idea and well worth the read. I had fun reading it.

Why is everyone so mean to men who fuck other men’s wives? :)

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After all, he was simply following his natural, biological urge.

I wish I had an identical twin sister. This is a roadmap for some dirty fun! Well written as always, and quite the enjoyable read. Five stars, JB

Amusing

funny shit. Loved it

Part 2, the real wife fucks multiple groomsmen

Is Jimmy and Teddy the same? The CEO has power, couldn't he reschedule the party for another time so he can attend his wife's cousins wedding? Why the fuck is Jimmy taking sex pics of Teddys wife screwing other dudes in the first place? Teddy the CEO....that's just fucking weird. Even if it was his wife it would be weird. But it would be the least weird than if he was just doing a solid for his sister in law to take porn of her.

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I hope Jolene was real at least and was a good lay. With how highly he spoke of Helen and how Helen looks up to him I wonder if Helen was really Jolene. They said they hang out a lot. This cheating shit is probably getting real boring to him. He sounds kind of exhausted.

I liked it. Sure, a few loose threads, but when George bragged about nailing the guy's wife, I was ready for justice.

When will u actually go and get admitted to a mental institution?

Nice plot twist!

Was it his wife or not?

She was his sister-in-law, or was she?

Delightful cumuppance.

Too stupid….

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2 **

The wife's twin sister screws her BIL's nemesis and sets up her BIL for a promotion while doing it, Nicely done!

Unconventional storyline, but kind of funny - 3.7*

Okay. D

I thought the overall premise was clever and original, but it kind of got ruined with some holes in the short story. First, Jimmy says he doesn't approve of the behavior of Mavis, but actively assists her w/ her affair by photographing it. I get saying private acts between consenting adults are not worth passing judgement on, but photographing is getting involved. That was just the minor hole though. The story seems set up to hold off the reveal about the twins' existence until the confrontation. Holding the reveal makes sense to me for dramatic purposes. However, the setup has Jimmy going down to check out why someone would be concerned about his wife, while at the same time revealing that his wife is out of town and Jimmy knows his wife's twin was at the party, and knows her history. So, Jimmy would know Mavis was the one seen downstairs and history and Helen's statement would have suggested exactly what he was going to find. His "friend" Helen also seems to be unaware that his wife has a twin, and Jimmy makes zero effort to enlighten Helen about his wife not being at the party. I get that if he had said something, it would have ruined the reveal, but the opening sequence needs a complete rewrite to make sense. This struck me as kind of lazy, or maybe rushed, writing, putting down the first thing that came to mind, whether it made sense or not. Too bad, b/c like I said, I think the concept was great. Keep writing and maybe don't hurryto get them done so fast and the quality would likely be better. The writer has a good imagination so potential is there.

Chuckles are very much appreciated

not even remotely forgivable, actually. Eject, eject.

Nice set-up! The wife doing the dirty-work and enjoying it while the cuckold hubby gets the 'dope' on his boss's indiscretion & wins a promotion. Nasty, but Nice in a 'dog-eat-dog' fashion.

This reads like a twist you added midway through writing just so you didn't piss off any readers. 3* for syntax

I mused to myself, "George and my wife? What in the world could Helen possibly have seen to upset her so?"

We often see amateur writers using this sort of misleading thought when there is a "gotcha" twist at the end. It isn't honest writing. In the circumstances this isn't what he'd be thinking to himself at all.

It isn't the only way the author misleads us in this story. The story is told in the first person and a paragraph that reads "My wife's a stunning Texas blonde who would certainly put ol' George to salivating. However, she also has brains and class. George has neither. Still you never know when it comes to mixing men, women, and sex. Reckon I might better ease on down to the pool area and see for myself just what Helen thought she saw that got her so riled up." But this is first person and now we have the narrator actively deceiving us. It isn't specifically lying as the earlier thoughts were, but he wouldn't be connecting his wife's brains and class as if "you never know" and his deciding he'd better go what Helen thought she saw that had her so riled up. His thoughts wouldn't be that at all.

I also thought the writer should have made Helen less a friend, in the sense of being someone he and his wife socialized with outside of work. Someone of that close a relationship he would be letting know where his wife really was so she wouldn't be so worried. It isn't as if he wouldn't be telling her soon anyway.

Gotcha twists are tough to do honestly. I think this writer could do it with a little thought to it, but it didn't cross his mind.

Santee finally wrote another good one. That was a good twist. Those girls must really have been identical if a good friend couldn’t tell them apart.

Trailer trash can live in mansions; still trashy people. I once watched a husband and wife stumbling down the road together, knee-walking drunk, hanging on each other and laughing like fools; having a fantastic time. And they probably really loved each other. Like the couple in your story, birds of a feather can have a fine time together, but if they're dodo's they're still extinct, sooner or later. Good riddance.

I enjoyed the twist in the story. 5 stars.

Fun story, nice twist!

Teddy, Mavis, Jimmy, Mabel...

This is one screwed up family.

A train-wreck happening soon.

I don't believe there are twins, just one gal named Mavis. The other was made up to get the position he wanted.

I loved the switch. 5 stars from Xluckylee. Thank you for sharing your story

Stupid.

Could have been a great story. The narrator's stupid attitude and miserable morals toward the sister-in-law's pathetic lifestyle just kind of ruins it.

Well she certainly lives up to the story's title. Hey, if it works for them, that's cool. I just hope her lifestyle doesn't influence her sister's because that's obviously no bueno for the MC.

Also, "the cloud drifted off the cloud." What?