All Comments on 'Anne - Whole World Come Undone'

Wow. You really focused on how emotionally devastating cheating can be. Worked really well. I'm not sure it should be in the loving wives category so much as non-erotic, but it was really good

Good story, but there is more to tell. The girls would grow up, get into high school and date, and then of course college. Their whole lives, and attitudes towards marriage and family will be affected. Also, what about Steve. Eventually he will date, and hopefully will find someone. Anne's parents may have supported her, but you can bet they are highly disappointed in her. Anne is going to need serious counseling, and she may even go off the deep end and consider or attempt suicide.

I'll give it a 3, you let the bastard live, should burn him to death literally

Very cliche. Nice fantasy. All it needs is Anne saying "Sorry, I don't want a divorce from your Dad" and Steve will be the bad guy. The girls will be back on Anne's side. Why do you think Anne will roll-over in a divorce. Not going to happen. Women are normally more resilient. She's just turning 40. Plenty of time to start the second enjoyable phase of her life and help her daughters develop. Fuck this really is a minor blip in life.

Dark.

Price of Infidelity

Anne deserved it.

Compelling and well-written. It was a crashing, exploding end to a good marriage. You astutely avoided the wife's nuevo-slut transformation by the Martian Slut Ray, as well as the lover with the 14-inch pipe that never goes flat. You also get points for avoiding the Navy SEAL/CIA/Marine Recon husband; the lawyer friend; the hotel room with streaming 4K video and the "I paid off our joint credit cards and cancelled them".

.

However, what IS it with these husbands on LW? They only seem to be able to father female children. (That's why I never drink water when I'm reading on here!) Rating: 5/5!!!

I was expecting a fiction. But what I read really hurt. It was too real even for a fiction.

/

Anne was just so unfortunate to succumb to her entitlement at such an unfortunate time at her cheating being witnessed first hand by her family at its despicable glory. I truly feel for the children and I somehow feel also the husband's humiliation that his children witnessed the wife's betrayal.

/

But well at least Anne should look at the bright side. She can duplicate that "feeling young again" with countless young phalluses every day. Maybe she could get it with Paul and maybe have a little "even-up score" with Paul on Anne letting Paul's fiancée walk in them having sex. I think Paul will understand and he and Anne can be together happily ever after.

/

Question: what happened to Paul?

Thanks for the real fiction story QuietWonder.

Damn

This is way more than a cheating wife tale. What was done to this family was irrecovable pain. I even feel for the cheater and I am as cold hearted as they come in this area. It was sad tale, the breaking up of a happy family for a before forty tryst. Please write a sequel, just don't be lovey'dovey about it. Keep it as real as this tale.

Five Stars and a favorite

Steve was a moron. Nuff said!

Great read, well done

that was intense

Great story

The trope i hate most in L.W are thw husbands who keep loving their wives even after catching them.in the act. Its ridiculous and disgusting. This is a much more realistic portrayal of betrayal

The setup fails for me. Anne wants a pre-40 fling now that it is available but wanted no celebration of her 40th birthday. Doesn't seem plausible but the story needs is to set up the surprise. What hotel will give a room key to anyone not checked in for the room. Not going to happen. But it is needed for the more dramatic effect. And why does the lover have to follow her back to her room. That would all have finished in his room and she would have been sneaking back. All needed for the cliche explosure.

So, nothing much wrong with the plot, if a little predictable but at least you steered clear of the macho bullshit prevalent in so many BTB stories: she didn't end up in some rat infested basement apartment, her parents didn't disown her, her children at least still kept in touch etc. The only small homage to our "real man," brethren was the financial split, but that's understandable as money seems the most important thing in America.

I liked the story in general, the characters actions, what there were of them and their reactions were realistic and the emotions clearly shown. A problem for me was the writing style, next to no dialogue, something that is vital if the story is to flow naturally, a few lines of dialogue can describe much more than a long paragraph of narrative. The way this was narrated sounded like a third person telling a cautionary tale about events at which he wasn't present to an audience, I felt devoid of personal involvement, she cheated but I felt indifferent, he was wronged but my overriding thoughts were why did he never confront her, the children were devastated but apart from a hug nobody seemed to care, all these things were washed over.

A good idea but done many times before, even so it kept me reading but could have been so much better.

An incomplete ending... what happened to Kevin. ? ?.......you seem to suffer from premature ejacultion in ur real life

Cheating on your partner is hard enough on a couple - it can destroy the children. That pain radiates to other family and friends. Selfishness on one persons part causes so much collateral damage. All because someone wanted an hour or two of fun. I've never understood that kind of thinking, hope I never will.

Thank you for your story, 5 stars.

somewhere east of Omaha

An otherwise formulaic story elevated by profound emotional impact and impeccable writing. Very poignant and tragic. Well done. Thank you for your story.

It was really good and very well written. The two daughters witnessing her infidelity so graphically made them permanently on their father's side, which was refreshing to see. I just wish it could've ended on a more positive note for Steve.

Maybe his daughters setting him up with their best friend's single mother? Or him starting to date and them being supportive of him meeting someone new? The two daughters would be eager to see their father happy again and to rebuild their family after the mother ripped it apart.

Just two things

Peter should have been hurt.

What happened to Anne later on GO BACK TO PETER OR NOT.

or became a 40 year old slut for ever.

However I liked if.

Solid suspense buildup, big plus for absence of idiotic moralizing dialogues so often in LW but, you need to overcome a bit heavy moralizing narration. This plot fits nicely in a short story, I think the hotel scene is really nicely done. "Paul" was a good vehicle but a red blooded male would have gone after him though in this case the presence of children makes that a moot point. I like the end as well, avoiding moronic rebound romance which is a regular stereotype around here. Anne behavior during divorce proceedings is also more realistic that regular stereotype of bitchy types in LW.

Not a bad start, hopefully yo can write some more original plots down the road.

Wait, what? Anne’s father was more worried that the problem could be cheating than cancer?

Finish the arc. They are at the low point now and have room to go up. While Anne fouled up...bad...she has some redeeming values. Use then in part two. Otherwise it's a suicide tale.

Good story, but it ends too abruptly. Feels unfinished

Long winded and way too much wailing by the cheating bitch.

It was decent except for the fact the ending felt rushed and there didn't feel like any resolution on anyone's part.

Glad u stood ur ground man. Once a cheater always a cheater. Hate the girlshad to seebut at least they saw for them selves. Take time but move on

Had potential if more attention paid to post-divorce relationship between Anne and her daughters. After all, the most traumatic/painful part of story is children seeing a parent’s betrayal, and that aspect warrants more. Otherwise, spouse actually finding wife/husband cheating while trying to surprise him/her is not particularly original on this site. At best 3 stars.

Started well but the end let the story down. Divorce fine but without a sit down confrontation it just withered away. Also the other cheater seemed to get away with it. Still gave 4 stars for the bulk of the story being good.

I agree it feels like some thing is missing

Seemed boilerplate. Like it was taken from other stories. Nothing was added: no emotional rollercoaster. Just by the numbers...boring.

Towards the end it felt rushed. What a sad tale and hope the hubby moves on.

A very sad story, no winners, everyone loses.

You spend so much time repeating and repeating how much damage cheating does and how sad and crying and sobbing and crying and sobbing that Anne was that the strong emotions you were setting up were completely lost. Then you glossed over how it was possible to go and have a good time being super active at a resort immediately after finding Anne. You missed a chance at real emotion and instead tried to tell us how bad it is to cheat and how sad you will feel. You spent too much time explaining how YOU feel that you forgot to show us how the characters would feel. Not by saying they are mad, but by demonstrating emotions with actions.

The story is not without potential, it was however a little much for beating the dead horse.

Unlike the rest of the LW universe I just do not see that a single instance of infidelity has to end a family. It is understandable that a woman turning 40 could do something stupid once. But, is that really enough to kill a lifelong marriage? Here the author dwells on the angst of the betrayal, but really does not address whether Ann's misconduct should have been the end. If you love someone, one should have some empathy to forgive.

Written ok but not very interesting. As seems to have become the norm in LW, virtually no exploration of the wife’s motivation other than the perfunctory “getting older”. Zero insight into her behavior so there’s no real drama. Think you’re capable of doing better than the other tripe here but it requires way more effort.

"Paul kept sneaking glances at the older sexy woman which aroused Anne." - As soon as she starts getting aroused by Paul she has to start backing off from him.

\

"It did feel flattering to have a younger attractive man pay some attention to her." - Dare I say it, it flattered her female EGO?

\

"It was thrilling for them both to feel the rise in sexual tension as they spent more time together." - Granted, they're not "falling in love," but this is what the cheaters ignore when they claim the "just fell in love." They ignore the rise in sexual tension until it's too late.

\

"the slight, 'accidental ' brush of her hand across it made her wet" - I'm glad that "accidental" is in quotes, because there's no way that would happen accidentally!

update on former comment

right now I receive rather strong suicide vibes from her, if this is not intended this should be clarified.

If this is your trope... it´s rather dark

Evocative and compelling. I actually like the end, or at least think it rings true. There are no happy endings or tidy resolutions to crises like this in the real world and the ending captured that grim reality. 5 big stars.

Would have liked for Steve to find out who Paul was and tell his fiancee what had happened. He might have felt guilt, but he should pay the piper too.

But an excellent story. The girls being there to see the woman return to her room that way was great. I would have liked the girls to be a little older though. If Anne was 40 her girls could have 15 and 17 or so and more aware of sex than a 12 year old.

still 5 stars.

Great start to the story, but like some other commenters the ending seems rushed. Thanks.

Great read, thanks for the offering. Story illustrates how the entitlement of cheaters effects the entire family. Especially in this case the kids as they actually saw their mother's bare ass as her lover grouped her in front of her husband and children. Not exactly an image that is easily erased or forgotten no matter how much therapy or time passes.

I got to laugh when people (most likely people who have never been cheated upon) suggest that while Anne cheated and got caught in front of her husband and daughters that well...she still has redeeming values.

The simple truth is that Cheaters suck! A person who betrayed you and endangered your health and well-being and your children’s? They suck! A person who is so selfish and entitled as to eat cake and fuck around on the side? They suck! When you internalize that they suck, and realize you are pining for a flaming dog turd? Then you will heal.

Sure, people are human and make mistakes but cheating is so much more than just shitty decisions driven by entitlement. This isn’t about acceptance and unconditional love. Adult love comes with conditions — conditions like your partner should not act in ways to actively harm ( physically, emotionally and psychologically) . Conditions like reciprocity, mutuality and respect are essential requirements to maintain a healthy and adult relationship. Infidelity is a toxically lopsided situation. It’s okay to have deal breakers. Things like abuse and cheating should be at the top of the deal breaker list. Just know that you deserve better and there are other, much better people out there deserving of your time and attention and love.

Wow - Finally a truly unique story arc in LW! I'm an advocate here, and real life, of doing whatever is needed to keep the family together. The story perfectly describes a scenario where there is no recovery and a level of pain I can only imagine for young girls witnessing their mom's betrayal. I agree the ending was rushed but disagree with some commenters it needs a sequel. everything of relevance is contained in this original. 5*

Very good work. And the daughters seeing and hearing her immediately post-cheating brought home, brutally, what she had done. With the minor children WITNESSING her after-actions, no fight for custody on that, even if he cheater tried to.

The lead-in to her cheating seemed a bit short, not quite a Martian Slut Ray, but more about her being seriously angsty about turning 40, and some pre-cheating dialog between her and hubby where her insecurity is displayed would have made her more sympathetic, even though it was still inexcusable.

And yes, her cheating could be considered a "worse than cancer" alternative to her dad -- cheating is a voluntary act that goes to the character of his offspring. She CHOSE this. I agree that it wouldn't be worse than a TERMINAL DIAGNOSIS, but that was not her dad's thought.

Solid work, looking forward to more

Talk about digging the hole and jumping in then burying yourself...all in ten seconds.

Good story and pretty realistic. Had the hubby and kids not witnessed the aftermath of her betrayal, things may have gone differently. Seeing a spouse/parent behaving like a slut is a deep injury and makes forgiveness damn near impossible. Had she come and then been found out, maybe she could save her marriage. Cheaters are so engrossed in their own cheap thrills they never think about the consequences if getting caught. Your story depicted that fact quite well.

I can’t imagine being confronted like that with the children also forced to experience the shock. Ugly…ugly stuff. In the Army they used to say drop a dime save a marriage. Always call home before going home after being gone without phone service for a prolonged absence, Cell phones change the media, but the message remains. Sad that cheating was/is so common.

Exceptional! 5***** all the way. You wove a mature story and told it very well. Thanks for sharing.

A good story. I wonder how many times in life a surprise has backfired on the poor soul organising the surprise?

This was a powerful story. Five Stars.

All the cliches vastly over-seasoned with wailing. And she rolled over so he got the kids etc, etc? No way with a decent lawyer.

The first half was almost totally narrated. No conversation between the ‘reportedly faithful & not interested’ flirters. That transition was weak, and was NOT helped by We-The-Readers not even ‘hearing’ their after-class conversations!

Did the daughters’ teams win any more soccer games? Or was the devastation near-total? Is that the message of this tale?

3* Watch your commas.

Raw.

I enjoyed it, but it is unfinished.

I felt like I was reading someone's journal of a real event. Very powerful and very sad.

Very real and painful.

I'd love to see a sequel where Steve has happily remarried and the girls are far closer to their stepmother than Anne. I'm sorry but they deserve happiness. She does not.

Feels good to move on from the worry that comes with a cheating woman

One novel part, where the family was there when she returned to the hotel room and heard her 'accidentally' confess in a way no woman would in a hallway. Other than that, felt rushed, with a legal conclusion to the divorce that doesn't ring even slightly true.

Interesting fairy tale. But the truth is that any Court in the land gives Anne custody, the house, alimony and child support. Eventually the kids will come around. So while it was fun to imagine your ending, the reality would have been something quite different.

So... This is chapter one, right?

I liked it a lot. I have read a lot of stories on Lit, and this one is the closest to my belief of what happens in real-world cheating scenarios. The family is torn apart, both parties live in lower economic life style. The cheater is "sorry", the rest of the family sad, the the cheated on spouse is bitter. Some innocent spouses find a another wife, but the broken family is constantly reminded of the pain and suffering caused by the cheating incident.

Keep up the good work.

Autoexpert that can't get a working membership from Lit.

Should be a second part where Steve goes after Gary and end's his future of getting married with what he did to his! Otherwise a decent story!

Well done. Emotions of others and especially of children were well thought out and written.

Your writing is good and the story premise is above par. However, you are still continuing to leave the ending just a dangling mess. Before rating and commenting, I read one of your previous stories. You had done the same thing there and I had forgotten I even previously read it.

Please put more time and energy into the endings......or issues a challenge to other writers to end it for you.

I agree that it ended too abruptly. What happened to the lover? The most unrealistic thing in this story was that the writer had the girls leave their cellphones at home. There is no way girls of that age would be without their phones.

I really liked it. What a fuck up.

I gave this story 4 stars. Not because I liked it but because of the writing only. Very sad for all.

Thank you for your contribution to this forum and glad to see you back. Please stay and write more!

Sad but probably more realistic thank kost cheating wife stories no one wins everyone suffers. Thanks for yhe story.

It makes no sense that the husband is this angry yet cares nothing about the man who seduced his wife and thus destroyed his family. If nothing else, the husband surely would want to make sure the lover's family knows what he did at the training seminar and would want his wife's employer to know about what happened as well.

This is a 3* effort as a free standing submission. Another chapter could complete the arc of the story and improve the score.

A theme that has been the basis for a thousand stories here on Lit, but without question one of the most effective at transmitting the utter devastation that crossing that STUPID cheating line can produce.

That Anne didn’t just kill herself is remarkable.

Kudos to the author for portraying Steve as the antithesis of the usual cuck wimp so many authors deliver to us in these stories. Same for the 2 kids.

5 strong *****

i enjoy your work and like your stories. one thing that may be helpful is more dialogue between the characters. the story seems stiff without the character dialogue, emotions seem to be lacking. just my thoughts. please keep writing.

Very well written. I find it supprising that some want revenge to the "other Man". Steve was first in shock, and second his first and only priority was his kids, they all saw at the same time what happened. This story was one of the best at conveying the feelings of all involved.

Revenge would change a good story, by changing the heart of this story

Good story about a man who considered his wife’s “recreational sex”, using Lue’s definition, to be unforgivable cheating. The poor delusional bitch let an innocent little tryst cost her everything.

Annes: plural

Anne's : possessive

Annes': plural possessive.

.

A 10-year old child should know this.

well written

if you don't write another chapter someone will

Overall a fine effort. Small quibble. Teenage girls leaving their phones at home....I see how the story needed it, but seriously? Those phones are oxygen to them. As I said, small quibble as the story really shines a light on the devastation to a family. 5* from me.

Outstanding job. You really drove home how brutal it was for Steve and the girls to actually witness her coming back to the hotel room that morning. You took an old, well used theme and made it feel like something new.

This was the best story I've ever read on this site that conveys the pain and heartbreak that cheating has on every family member. Very good writing draws the readers in personally where they feel the multitude of emotions the characters feel. Steve's life will remain destroyed for years and years to come. What happens to the girls and the slut is anyone's guess. I would love for you, with your insight, to write a sequel set either a few or many years down the road for the girls, the slut, Steve, and even the lover. It would be very interesting also if you opened it up to other writers to see if they could match your emotional appeal.

I like a lot about this. The fact that the kids also witnessed the event made for a much more visceral reaction and a compliment to what the husband was feeling. What I didn't like was the attitude that the worst case situation was infidelity, over even cancer. I realize the whole family was feeling the pain, but I think the author went a little far on the hyperbole there.

The only part i didnt like was the wife at the hotel door. It was too illogical. To overhear something bad when the door was opening would have been normal but the whole bit of standing in the doorway with your dress hiked up and the guy not seeing anyone behind her couldnt happen. Those doors are heavy and need to be held open. Would it have been any less devistating if she had said thanks for a memorable night and then seen her family? Or better yet, she comes back alone dressed all sexy with her husband holding the empty box of condoms. As usual with these types of stories, the author thinks the ending doesnt need to explain how they cope or move on. But many think that is a very important part of a Divorce story.

Well written and very nicely handled.

Yes granted very few men dont waffle, or women for that matter at times like that, so on our end the end came a bit quick but not enough to ruin it.

I wish the pseudo-macho anons would get the fact that the other man, unless a friend or aquaintance, is generally nothing in the long run. yes the little butch boys talk tough but few are, and the wife is the one that made the vows. But then again, idiocy is the norm for people these days so I guess wetting their panties makes the mouth breathers happy.

Good Story

Sad story but very well written. Very similar to another story on this site where a guy and his daughter surprise the wife to take her on a trip from her seminar. As they get to her hotel floor they catch her coming out of lovers room. Very similar, and both excellent. Thank you

Part 2 she offs herself.

More tragic than this story of infidelity would be a spouse killing the other. Can happy marriages fall to cheating?

2 stars from me. I agree with Jensenslover's and phill1ct's critiques. It started off great and then it just faded into a cliche-filled, very dark cheating story that was quite boring. I will also assume you are German from the way you capitalized nouns at the end, and while your English is quite good, I would humbly suggest that you find yourself a good editor because you do not understand how apostrophes and commas are used, and each misuse is like a fingernail on a chalkboard. I read erotica to get turned on, and this cautionary tale was not erotic in the least. I wish you had submitted it under the "Non-Erotic" category so that I would have skipped over it.

Sometimes the things we do are stupid and, the consequences are sometimes mitigated. I think this story was well thought out, and the consequences were realistic. People need to understand that there are consequences to their actions, and this is more realistic than 99% of what you read on here IMO.

Why were her wages garnished? Did she refuse to pay?

Strong hard story.

Most realistic depiction of the damage done for a bit of fun yet. Sad story well told. 5 stars

Not trying to justify what the wife did, but if you love someone, you can’t turn it off even if they do a despicable thing to you. Maybe you let your self-preservation override your love, but you still love them until it crosses over to hate which is also an extreme emotion. Indifference is the opposite of love and hate.

Liked it. You did a great job of capturing the emotions.

LOL, I have to agree with jaytheman. No way would teen and tween girls would leave their cellphones at home. It's permanently attached them. If the father forced them to leave the phones at home, their mom could have done a whole rugby team in front of them and they would have had sided with the mom. Never separate a young girl from her cellphone.

Anne screwed up accepted her fate and was full of remorse. TK U MLJ LV NV

IMO……..this is probably one of the best stories on this site for this genre. The author did an amazing job, much better than most, of conveying the emotions involved in a betrayal like this. I too, feel like there is more to this story that has not been told yet. An easy 5* from me, and I’m hoping for more.

*****

Karma is a bitch. 7 stars from The Bear, cause I can't count. I almost thought the husband should have asked for 100%-0% in the divorces settlement. But that was a little much even by my standards. The Bear approves. If you can't do the time, don't do the crime. Cheaters NEVER think of the consequences, until it's too late.

The BEAR

Good story , it could be a true story. But what a sad tale.

Sorry, but I can't buy it. I would ship the kids off, but it would require he show that the mother was unfit, but even if it was the 70/30 split would not happen. 50/50 is the most likely regardless.

Straight forward, well founded, well written. No waffling, no overstatements. Thank you very much.

LWlurker

nice story. ending felt a bit rushed