Apocalypse Wow, Pt. 18

Penny felt his words percolate around her head and, surprisingly quickly, she started to feel stupid. Those moments, breakfast that morning, and later that night in the Free House, that day in the school, they all flashed in front of her and she couldn't understand how she hadn't said anything.

"Have you talked to them about it? About how you feel?" Jim asked, smiling gently.

"No... I mean... he... he tried to... I think, but I... I stopped him. I told him I wasn't ready. Fuck Jim... what... what would I even say..."

"Well, I don't know but in my experience, I found 'I love you' worked pretty good. Pretty spectacularly actually, now that I think about it," Jim said with a smirk.

"Fuck off Jim! You know what I mean," Penny said with an exasperated smile.

"I do Penny but, look, don't sweat it. It'll come to you, just start talking."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You know what might help actually?"

"What?"

"Say it to me, now. Tell me his name. Tell me how you feel about him. Say it out loud."

Penny felt her face break into a wide smile as she looked up at Jim, leaning back in his chair, grinning at her.

"J... Jake. His name's Jake..."

"And...?"

"And... and I'm in love with him."

"You're in love," Jim said, chuckling gently and then Penny was chuckling too.

"I'm in fucking love with him," she said, almost shouted and then they were laughing together. "I love Jake!" she said, standing and really shouting this time.

"OK, OK, I hear you. Easy there."

"Sorry Jim... sorry... it's..." Penny felt light-headed and for a moment she actually looked around, as if searching for the door, as if Jake was just around the corner and she could run to him right now. But even the thought that he was miles away, days away, didn't dull her excitement.

"I know. Feels good, huh?"

"Fucking incredible," she said eagerly, making short work of the distance to his chair and wrapping her arms tightly around him. "Thank you Jim..." she said softly, feeling his hand pressing gently against her back.

"Any time sweetheart."

She took her seat again and felt her breathing start to slow down a little, thought there was nothing she could do about her broad grin.

"Sorry Jim," she said, "I know this wasn't... I mean when you agreed to meet me I bet you didn't think you'd have to be like my fucking counsellor on top of everything!"

"No," Jim said, grinning, "I certainly didn't. In fact Penny, I think if you asked almost anyone who knows me, you wouldn't find one who'd suggest I should be anyone's counsellor but... well, I'm glad I did it this one time."

"Me too," Penny said. "So should we... should we get back to... I mean, I still have..."

"Actually Penny, you know what? I think we've done enough fucking talking for right now," he said, standing.

Penny felt a moment of panic, of fear that she'd offended him somehow.

"Oh... ah... sure, of course... if..."

"You know what we need?"

"What?"

"A field trip."

Penny was a little stunned.

Jim was standing behind his chair, grinning widely at her. It almost took him by surprise just how invigorated spending time with Penny made him feel. He knew many people had seen a fairly permanent dark cloud over his head for the previous twenty years or so, but there had been periods, sometimes long periods, where he felt good, excited and hopeful about the future in the same he had at the very beginning. He'd learned to grasp on tightly to those feelings when they arrived, to take everything out of them he possibly could. His time working with Dani on her project had brought that feeling to the surface again and, as he watched Penny's face slowly break into a wide smile, he nearly laughed. He'd told Lou that maybe he was finally coming out the far side of that dark cloud and he recognised that, other than with Dani during the project, he'd never really spoken to anyone about Simone so openly or candidly since she died. At the time it felt like he'd said it just to make Lou feel better for accidentality raising the topic but now, standing there in that old house, watching Penny's excitement grow visibly, he wondered if it could, finally, be true and he thought about what Lou had said about Penny: she's a really special kid.

"Fuck... seriously?" Penny said eventually, trying unsuccessfully to hold back her excitement. Was she really going to get to go out into the field with Jim Sullivan? For just an instant, her recurring dream flashed into her mind.

"Absolutely. Well, I mean that is if you think you can wait an extra few days to get back to Haven and declare your undying and eternal love for...?"

"Jake," Penny said, grinning as she stood, "his name's Jake and... he'll... he'll still be there in another few days..." She paused for a moment as a realisation seemed to dawn on her, her smile fading somewhat. As she saw Jim smile back at her, she had the distinct feeling he knew exactly what she was thinking. "Actually... I think... I think he'll always be there."

"So do I Penny," Jim agreed. "Now, why don't you pack up your stuff. We better head back into town and get the OK from Lou. I know we were gonna talk about First Contact between Simonia and Haven but have you ever visited the site of First Contact with The Glen?"

***

"So let me get this straight," Lou asked from behind her desk a little later that afternoon. "You want me to OK the two of you, a retired Scout and a trainee Scout, heading off deep into the interior of the Oval, on your own, on a... field trip? Is that what you said?"

Penny was sitting a little uncomfortably in a chair on the other side of the Lou's desk, her discomfort only increased by the obviously skeptical tone in the Chief Scout's voice. She tried to take some solace from Jim's broad grin.

"That's about the height of it Lou," he said.

"Honestly Jim... look," Lou said, leaning forward on her desk, "I have no problem with this, hell it's probably a brilliant fucking idea, the best Scout there ever was and the best Scout there ever will be, learning on the job together, but... I have one condition..."

Penny felt herself blush at the obviously implied high praise from the Chief Scout as she heard Jim chuckle.

"Don't worry Lou, I'll... I'll talk to Dani."

"You're god damn right you will, you crazy bastard," Lou replied with a sly grin.

Penny wasn't totally sure she understood fully what was happening. Dani had been so kind to her when she arrived in Simonia, the way Lou and Jim were talking about her, almost as if they were afraid of her, didn't seem to make much sense, and she looked over at Jim, a clear question on her face, but he simply smiled broadly in her direction.

"Let's roll," he said.

When they were outside, she was about to ask him what was going on but he cut her off.

"Don't worry about it Penny... I'll... I'll explain when we're on the road. Why don't you go back inside and get a couple of packs together. Standard gear for five days should be more than enough. I'll... I'll meet you by the gate when you're done."

"OK... you're sure...?" she asked with a shrug but Jim just patted her on the shoulder.

"I got this."

With school finishing up for the day, Jim found Dani just outside as she was leaving.

"Hey dad!" she called warmly but he was sure he saw her smile fade a little and regretted just how easily his daughter could read him. "What's going on? Is Penny OK?"

"She's great D... she's... really great. Actually... we, ah, we kind of had an idea while we were talking... we... ah... Listen Danielle, don't fucking blow your stack or anything here, OK?"

"No promises," she said, resting her hands on her hips.

"Right," Jim said, trying to affect a smile but abandoning that tack pretty quickly when he saw his daughter's reaction. "Look Dani, it's nothing serious. We're just... just going to take a little field trip is all."

"A field trip. You mean you're going Scouting."

"It's not... it's not Scouting... exactly," Jim said, stepping closer to Dani. If he'd been wearing a hat, he'd have taken it off. "Look D... I meant it, Penny is... she's a really incredible kid, I like her a lot. She's knows so much already and she's so eager and... we..." he went on, glancing back in the direction of the Scouting Center, "we had a really amazing conversation... it's been years since I did any instructing at the Scouting Center, it felt really good, you know, to use that knowledge again..."

As he drifted off, he glanced carefully at Dani and thought for a moment he saw her face soften.

"And you're... you're staying inside the Oval?" Dani said, her brow furrowing as she pictured the communities that made up the Network. Her mental image had always been clear, inside that Oval, with the six communities dotted along its circumference, was green, outside was deepest red. She knew the interior of the Network still posed dangers, but the outside was, as far as she was concerned, a no go area.

"Of course... we're... we're gonna visit the site of First Contact with The Glen."

"And Penny will be with you the whole time?"

"Ha! You trust a trainee to look after me more than-"

"I trust Luke, dad. And he says Penny's the best, so I trust Penny."

"And you don't trust me?"

"I love you dad," she said, stepping forward so she could reach out and take his hands.

Jim sighed as he saw again that same look he'd seen all those months ago in the house, the last time they'd had this argument, a fear that always reminded him of how Simone used to look at him when he was leaving for a mission.

"We'll be fine sweetheart, I promise."

"You'll be armed?"

"Standard gear."

"You say that like it's supposed to mean something to me, dad."

"Yes," Jim said, smiling, "we'll be armed. I still know how to handle myself D and... Luke's right, Penny is the best."

"I'm telling you right now," she said, her expression remaining serious, "if anything happens to you out there, don't fucking bother coming back here."

"What do you-"

"Cause I'll fucking kill you, you understand?"

"I hear you sweetheart," Jim replied, his smile widening.

"I'm not kidding dad, not a fucking scratch."

"I promise," he said, noticing the first hint of Dani's smile returning. "You're really OK with this?"

"Not really but..." she said, sighing, "I can see you're really excited about it. I was taking some of your classes today and... I was thinking about you... about what you were doing with Penny and... I don't know, it felt like it made so much sense. You always loved Scouting so much and teaching and this is like... like both of those things put together... like... like it could be perfect for you..."

"You know I had the same thought the other day, when you first suggested the idea?"

"Oh yeah? Great minds, huh?"

"Ha! Yeah... well... thanks Dani... I'm... I'm glad you're not mad."

"Just be careful, OK?"

"I promise sweetheart," Jim said, leaning up to kiss his daughter's forehead, "see you in a few days."

It was a little after two in the afternoon as Jim headed for the main gate to find Penny waiting for him, two standard packs propped up next to her.

"Everything OK?" she said, smiling weakly.

"Perfect. These look good, thanks Penny."

"No sweat. I checked the security register too, route looks good. So you want to tell me what that was all about?"

"You know Penny, we've covered so much ground in such a short space, you and me. It's actually remarkable, we've gone from the history and practice of Scouting to affairs of the heart. So it actually doesn't seem that odd that our first topic for the next phase of our time together will be: Parenting 101 -- how to manage children when they're a pain in your ass."

"Huh?"

"Come on, let's get moving."

***

They were a little more than fifteen miles out of Simonia by the time the light gave out, heading roughly south-west towards the Connecticut River. It was far from the untamed wilderness Penny had imagined in her dreams of Scouting with Jim Sullivan, the path was well-worn, a primary route towards the Network's hyrdo-electric facilities, but that didn't dampen her enthusiasm, especially as, having left so late in the day, they were a long way from any rest station or half-way house so they had to set up camp the old fashioned way, like real Scouts.

Jim had explained how worried Dani got at the prospect of him going Scouting as they started walking and that led into a broader discussion about parenthood. It still surprised Penny a little how open Jim was with her, but that only encouraged her. She'd often wondered about parenthood from a man's perspective.

Almost all women in the Network had children unless there were medical complications, and some women had quite a few. Penny herself was her own mother's fourth of six. But it was different for men, especially those who worked as Servicers. She'd talked a little about it with Luke, but that was mostly in the abstract, he was just beginning his career as a Servicer. But listening to someone like Jim, who'd been making babies for decades, listening to his thoughts and experiences about being father to dozens of children, spread out all over the Network, provided some fascinating insights over the first hour or so of their journey.

And Penny was able to share some of her own insights about those of Jim's children she knew in Haven; like Alice, his eldest daughter, who managed the Servicing Centre and taught the piano. From there, he'd insisted that it was her turn to share some personal insights and prodded her to learn more about Jake and the rest of her room mates and house mates and her life more generally in Haven.

Although Penny had spent much of those quieter moments since their conversation at the house thinking about Jake, and more specifically about what she'd say to him when she got back to Haven, as she and Jim settled into their respective tents, she wasn't all that surprised to find her thoughts returning to her travelling companion. The idea of it seemed so fantastical to her originally, even when Luke first suggested the possibility and yet, here she was, out in the field with Jim Sullivan, just the two of him. But her mind drifted to more than just her happiness at the way things turned out as she went back to her first impression of him on the steps of the house.

Penny wasn't consciously aware of an internal process that decided whether or not she was attracted to a person, she just went with what felt right and, laying in her tent that night, it was perfectly clear to her that Jim Sullivan felt right. As she'd reflected on her dreams of him over the previous few weeks, she'd wondered about whether his age would change her perspective when she met him in person but it was obvious to her that it didn't. Sure, his face and his body showed a few more signs of wear and tear than a younger man's would but, actually, when she thought about it, that only seemed to add to her fascination with him. And he was obviously lean and fit, that much was clear from the first part of their journey. She'd been a little unsure about what kind of pace they would take, given Jim's age and the amount of time it had been since he'd been out in the field, but more than once she'd had to concentrate to keep up with him, and he managed it without any obvious signs of strain.

And as she drifted off to sleep, she acknowledged that it didn't hurt that he'd been so kind, so open and honest with her. She had to remind herself they'd only spend one day together. It felt like they'd known each other for years.

So when, sometime well before dawn, she woke up sweating, it was no surprise at all that her dream had returned. In this particular instalment, it was she who'd saved his life, and then rode him for all she was worth.

As dawn broke and they prepared to get back on the road, she felt the first tinge of awkwardness since the moment of their first meeting, her body still flushed and jittery from her dream, but it didn't last long.

Once they were on the move, conversation flowed freely again, mostly as Jim told tales of previous journeys he'd made along this route, not least the initial forays to the hydro-electric stations and the later work that brought them back into commission, and though the memories of her dream remained with her, it wasn't hard to keep them at bay.

The journey south towards the First Contact site was made a lot easier by the river. Although a number of dams, not least at the three hyrdo stations, got in the way, a serious of boat docks along the river aided travellers. They reached the first dock a little before midday and were pleased to find three boats available. As Penny knew well from her training, if there was only one boat remaining at any dock, it had to be left there for use in emergencies only and travellers would have to continue on foot. While she wouldn't have objected to that per se, and it would have given her the opportunity to spend even more time with Jim, the use of watercraft was another critical skill in a Scout's arsenal and she was happy to have the chance to get in some practice.

The dock was equipped with electric, battery powered, outboard motors. A team in La Plage had figured out years earlier how to breath new life into the batteries, with the originals starting to give up the ghost only a couple of years after the First Day. Jim helped Penny disconnect one of the motors from the solar charging station, although he let her do most of the work, including attaching the motor to one of the small boats and navigating their way along the river and across the huge reservoir that led to the first hydro station. A journey that would have taken them the rest of the day on foot was made in a little under two hours.

They stopped in at the station and were greeted warmly by the small team made up of people from all six communities that maintained and operated it on rotation and shared a late lunch with them.

There was no boat available to traverse the second reservoir that would take them down to the second hydro station but it was a relatively short journey with a well worn path along the shore and it was still late afternoon when they got there. By the time they arrived at the third and final working station, dusk wasn't far off and, at the invitation of the team there, they decided to spend the night.

A couple of times, as she and Jim sat around the table in the dining hall with the team that ran the station, she had moments where she smiled quietly to herself. For as long as she could remember, she'd dreamed of being a Scout, of travelling the Network, even exploring, and she recognised and was grateful for the rare opportunity she'd been given.

She knew a couple of the team who were Haveners and they shared stories of home, although mostly, people wanted to hear tales of Jim's exploits in the past. Knowing just how he felt about talking about the past, Penny was surprised that his reluctance gave way fairly quickly.

"So Jim," one of the team said after he'd finished a particularly funny tale about an exploration trip beyond La Plage, "you tell your young protégé here about why you finally retired? Happened right around here, didn't it?"

Penny observed what she thought were a couple of knowing smiles around the table, especially from the Simonians, and there was no hiding Jim's glare of reproach.

"You're a real son of a bitch Mac, you know that?" he said.

"Yeah, I get that a lot," Mac, a fairly wizened Simonian replied. "Come on Jim, show us. That's the best damn scar I've ever seen. No one else has one like it because anyone else'd be fucking dead!"

A couple of the other Simonians chimed in with encouragement and that, in itself, encouraged the rest of the team to join in the clamour, although Penny remained advisedly silent, beyond a gentle smile and a shrug when Jim looked to her, as if for help.