Apprehended Ch. 06

Gavin frowned. "She's a wolf. Female wolves are very aggressive sometimes. A little nudge to show them who is in charge usually does the trick."

Wait. What? "So...that's normal?"

He nodded and looked at the screen again. "Yeah. We males are the dominant gender here. Rodina constantly needs reminders of it. She needs to be kept in line."

I didn't know how to feel about that.

"Nothing you need to worry about," added Jared, casting me a look over his broad shoulder. "You're not a female wolf."

Again, I wasn't sure if this was some sort of gender issue. I was about to ask more questions but was interrupted.

"So Ethan didn't tell you that he'd die without you?" asked Gavin.

I focused on the screen and realized that I was in last place. "He mentioned it, but he never elaborated."

"I see," said Gavin, furrowing his brows. He shrugged absently. "It's not that difficult to understand, Luna. Now that he has found you, losing you would cause him to die. Either losing you by death or you choosing to leave him. He'd die no matter what."

I inhaled sharply. "What? How is that even possible?"

He pressed a few buttons on the controller really fast and shouted at Jared. "You cheating, bastard! You deliberately crashed me into that fucking fence!"

Jared and Edwin laughed.

Gavin scowled as he answered. "You are connected, Luna. You are his balance. When he is shifting, you are the force that drives it. When he is angry, you are the calm that eases him. When he needs guidance, he will look to you. The balance. Mates share that. The bond is so strong that if the wolf loses the mate, he or she cannot live without them. They wither and die. It is long, slow and agonizing. The loss becomes too great. You are his beating heart. For the man and the wolf. He lives for you. He lives because of you. His purpose is you."

I stopped playing momentarily, my car careening into a nearby divider. Jared said something about my game-playing skills, but I was too absorbed in my own head to focus on the banter.

If I left Ethan, he would die. If I left Ethan, he would die.

Like a mantra, I repeated that over and over in my head. He needed me to live. Which meant that there was no chance of escape. Ethan would never let me go. Never. At this point, knowing how well he treated me, could I even escape? Did I want to?

I sighed and turned to face Gavin, who was now staring at me. "If I left, would he find me?" I didn't know why I needed to know that. Perhaps it was because I was looking for hope. A hope for freedom; because a small part of me still wanted to have a choice. The choice to be with Ethan. Not be taken by him.

"Always. He knows your scent," replied Gavin. "He'd find you anywhere. He won't stop looking for you if you did that. Which I don't advise." He said the latter as a warning.

"Why?" I inquired; my curiosity peeked.

"He'll go mad with the need for you. The wolf will hunt you. He'll go to the ends of the earth to find his mate. And once he does, he'll take you, Luna. In more ways than one. I haven't heard much lore about wolves with human mates, but I know that his instincts for you are stronger than it would have been had you been a wolf. That's because female wolves are more than capable of protecting themselves. But you?" He shook his head. "You're humanity gives him reason to fear anyone or anything that could end your life. You'd be defenseless. And if you die-"

"He dies," I finished.

He nodded and turned to focus on the game once more. The rest of the evening went by in relative silence. Once more, all of this information made my head hurt. I felt like my world of reality was imploding; crushing me with its weight. Never did I feel more isolated. I had no choice. Ethan already took me. He wasn't going to let me go. Escaping was pointless. He'd find me. I didn't even want to think about his wolf finding me.

The hunger in its eyes. The madness.

It made me shiver.

I thought about actually living here for the rest of my days. Would Ethan keep me confined in the cabin? Surely, he wouldn't. Would he? Would I be considered his prisoner forever? Could I live like that again? In a relationship that was dominated by yet another man? I just walked away from that.

And what about Ethan's inability to be honest with me? He never gave me full details. Which he should. This was my life. I had the right to know.

I stopped playing video games after that realization. Gavin, Jared and Edwin played well into the night; eating snacks and drinking beers. At some point, I grew tired and yawned wearily. I tried to keep my eyes open and focus on the countless video games the men went through, but my head grew heavy and I felt it loll to the side. It landed on something soft yet firm. I snuggled into it and fell asleep.

***

I awoke with a frightened start, sitting up on the bed in Ethan's room so abruptly, I almost screamed. My mouth was open in horror and I quickly covered my tear-stained face with my hands.

A nightmare. A bad one. It involved Ethan.

I had been running in the forest and calling out for him. At first, he didn't reply. I called out again and was dreadfully rewarded with Ethan's groan of pure agony. I followed the sound like a lifeline, passing tree after tree. Until I finally found him...bleeding on the snow-covered ground; his body cold and lifeless in a puddle of his own blood.

I cried out and ran to him, stumbling until I finally collapsed to my knees before him. Just as I reached out to grab his hand, I woke up.

And felt sick.

I looked out the window and realized that it was still dark outside. I shifted uncomfortably and was going to try to go back to sleep when something hard touched my fingers. I grabbed the cold object and brought it up to my face in the darkness to get a better look.

It was a cell phone.

I frowned and flipped it over. It had a case...and a pop-socket. Wait. Wait.

This was my cell phone!

I smiled in delight and pressed the main button. It lit up and made me wince. I quickly lowered the brightness and moved to my home screen. From there, I went to my contacts and nearly screamed in anger.

Ethan deleted all of my contacts!

Damn him!

I seethed when I noticed only one number. His. Ugh. I debated on whether or not I should call him and tell him off...curse him out...verbally bash him...

Only...I was worried. Worried about him. That nightmare didn't bode too well with me. Dreaming of him hurt had me feeling all kinds of fear and anxiety. I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt if something did happen to him. So, I decided to just do it. With trembling fingers and a mental curse, I pressed his number and called.

It took a while to ring, but I waited. It seemed to go on for quite some time and I was about to hang up, but the ringing stopped rather suddenly, and I felt my mouth go dry when his voice pierced through the receiver.

"Yes, baby? What's wrong?"

I shivered at that blasted endearment. It made me feel all kinds of weird. Especially when he said it with such a deep voice. It was thick and a little raspy, like he had been sleeping. "Did I wake you up?" I asked, my own voice thick from lack of use.

"Yes. But that's alright. What's wrong, love?"

How did he know that something was wrong? "I had a nightmare," I said, not bothering to hide it.

I heard him shuffling. "About what?"

I played with a string on the comforter. "You."

"What about me?" he asked.

I shrugged even though he couldn't see me. "You were hurt."

He went silent for a minute. Then he sighed deeply and said, "I'm okay, mea vita. What about you?"

Me? "I'm fine," I mumbled, deciding to get comfortable again and lay back down.

He didn't buy it. "Are you frightened, sweetheart?"

Dammit. Damn him. It was freaky. He knew things about me without me having to utter a single word. I hated that...but I also loved it. Ugh. "A little."

I was expecting him to chuckle, but he didn't. "I'm sorry that I'm not there to comfort you, my petal. But I can assure you that I am unharmed. Merely tired. I'm more worried about you."

He was being considerate of me again. Always putting me first. "The dream wasn't about me," I clarified.

"It doesn't have to be. It frightened you. That's more than enough incentive for me to comfort you, my Luna."

I didn't know what to say to that. So instead, I said, "You deleted all of my contacts."

This time, he barked out a laugh. "I did," he admitted. Even in his voice, I could tell he was smiling. "My number is the only one you will ever need."

"I doubt that," I grumbled.

"In time, you will come to realize that I will be enough."

Speaking of realization. "Why didn't you tell me that you could literally die if I wasn't with you?"

He went silent for a while. I heard him mutter a curse. "Gavin told you." It wasn't a question. It was a fact.

I said, "yes," anyway.

"He had no right, Annie. That right is mine."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked.

"I tell you on my terms. Whenever I deem you ready to receive it."

"That's not fair," I said.

"I'm not arguing with you," he snapped. "Not now. It's late. We will discuss this in person in the morning when I get back. I want to look at your face. For now, drop it."

I felt tears sting the back of my eyes. I hated men bossing me around. Jerry's domination was enough to scar me. I didn't need Ethan adding on to that.

"Annie," he cooed, softly.

I ignored him.

"What's wrong, love?" he asked, his tone coaxing and alluring. "Talk to me, baby."

"Don't call me that," I whispered. The way that it made me feel was evidence of the bond that I knew we had. The one that connected us even now over a long distance. What Gavin said must be true. If my feelings were this strong, I could never fathom Ethan's.

"Why not?" he asked. "You don't like it?"

I did. I most definitely did. That was the main reason I felt he should stop. All of this-everything-was happening too fast. My mind was a whirlwind of confusion. I was questioning him, myself, life and even reality. His endearments made it that much harder. Because despite them, Ethan still took me against my will. He took away my ability to choose. Feeling anything other than anger would go against that. It would be the same equivalent as betraying my own self-worth.

"You don't like me calling you my princess, either," he added. "Now I respect you. But I don't like you taking away my feelings for you."

"You took away my freedom. Call us even," I snapped, bitterly. I knew it was a cheap shot. I mean, me removing simple endearments did not compare to my loss of freedom. But I wanted him to feel a small slither of the pain he inflicted upon me. Was it cruel? Absolutely. Did I give a fuck at this point? No.

He kept his secrets. I had a right to keep my own incapacitations. Right now, there were too many to count.

"You act like I did it to wrong you, Annie," he replied, his tone just as bitter as my own.

"It was selfish," I snapped.

"Selfish? Do you honestly believe that if I approached you and asked you to be with me, you would have said yes?"

"No," I answered in complete honesty.

"Exactly. I could not risk my fate on some skittish female."

My mouth fell open and I gaped even though he couldn't see me. "How dare you, Ethan! Have you even seen yourself?"

He went quiet for a few tense seconds before answering. "Yes. What does that have to do with anything?"

"It has to do with everything. You're the size of a bulldozer-"

"Meant to protect you," he cut in, sounding bored.

"You're eyes are-"

"Capable of keeping you safe from danger at any light-including the night," he interrupted again.

Ugh! He was infuriating. "Let's not forget your overbearing, overprotect-"

"All for you," he cut in again. "Everything I was built for. Everything I am. For. You. I don't see what the issue is. You feel the bond, Annie. I know you do. I feel it so strongly, that even now it physically hurts to be away from you. It's like more than half of me is missing. It's such a vital piece, that I can barely function without it. Without you. So, deny it all you want. To yourself. You cannot deny it with me. And I simply took you because let's face facts: you belong to me. You will always be mine. Mine.

"And you want it just as much as I do," he continued. "You are connected to me so deeply, that the mere thought of me leaving put you on edge. You knew that you would feel not only alone but unprotected without me. Because Gavin will always be a poor substitute compared to me. No one will ever take care of you the way that I do. The way that I will continue to do. You merely need to accept it. Accept us. Deep down, you know you are not my prisoner. You never were. You're not a guest. You're not a fling. You're not an acquaintance. You're my fucking mate. I cannot hurt you. I cannot mistreat you. All of that would hurt me because of our bond. So, what is the problem here, baby?" he finally asked, stressing that particular word.

I was speechless. What could I possibly say to that? To him? He didn't treat me like a prisoner. But he didn't let me go either. Before I could conjure up some useless babble, he spoke.

"You have no answer because you can't find a viable excuse to deny what you feel for me. But because you are my mate, I will compromise with you. Firstly, I will call you whatever name I fucking want. That is my right. Secondly, I will give you free rein of the clan grounds. You can go anywhere you wish. Hell, I'll even throw in the town. You want to go to the store to buy something? Go ahead, baby. If I can't go with you to protect you, another male will. Not to make sure you don't run away. Strictly to protect you."

I frowned in confusion. "Why are you willing to give me that much freedom?" I asked.

He answered without hesitation. "Because you're my mate. I only ask for one thing."

I swallowed loudly, feeling my heart thump so violently, I thought I was going to have a fucking heart attack. "What?"

"You make a vow to me, Annie. A vow to never leave me. To spend all of your days with me by my side as my mate. I give you my trust; you give me your word."

I thought about that.

He waited patiently, and when I didn't say anything, he spoke again. "I'll give you time to think about it. A friendly reminder-I take care of what is mine. I won't do anything other than protect you, love you and care for you for as long as I breathe. But if you should agree and break the terms of said vow, you must also know this: I won't stop looking for you. My wolf won't stop looking for you. A claim is permanent. It cannot be undone. If you agree, there is no turning back. We will always find you."

I thought about what Gavin said. About the wolf taking me in more ways than one. Another thought-unbidden-came to me. I had to ask, "what if I choose not to agree?"

He took his time answering. When he did, it made my blood run cold. "You can agree and live life as my mate happily. Or disagree and be my mate unwillingly. However, should you choose that decision, know that I will not give you my trust. Either way, I will have you."

I pulled the phone away from my ear and bit back a cry. I had no choice. He was going to be with me either way. I roughly cleared my face of tears and sniffled lowly before putting the phone to my ear again.

"Take that whichever way you want," he added, gently.

More tears fell from my eyes and landed quietly on the pillow. I had no words right now.

"Why are you crying, sweetheart?"

Was he serious? He basically made the decision for me. Along with a threat. "I'm tired," I whispered, not wanting to talk anymore.

"I didn't ask you if you're tired. I asked you why you were crying."

I bit my bottom lip hard, tasting the tangy, metallic flavor of my own blood on my tongue. At this moment, I welcomed the pain. Pain was all I had left. "Why are those my only options?" I asked, my voice unsteady.

"I have to have you, Annie. I do not want to do so under bad terms. But I will if you force me to. So make this easy. For you. For me. I'll give you until tomorrow morning to decide."

My eyes widened. "Tomorrow morning?! That's not enough time!"

"You've had a week to assess me. I didn't lay a finger on you in harm. Nor will I ever. I took care of you. I always will. You won't have to work. Money is of no consequence. I can provide for you. The real problem is this: choosing between giving me your heart and living as my mate without a single worry. Or, not giving me your heart and living as my mate with so much worry that it eats away at you. Make it easy on yourself. You know you want this just as much as I do. Why are you fighting it? Why are you fighting me?"

I couldn't answer.

"Think about it. I'll talk with you in the morning. In person. For now, we both need rest."

"But-"

"Goodnight, bellula," he interrupted before the line went dead.

I pulled the phone away from my ear in a daze. How could he do this to me? How could he give me no options? As if I had no rights as a human? As if my life meant nothing? It grated on me. It made me see red. It made my blood boil.

I'd leave if I had to. No one could ever love someone enough when they treat their significant other in such a dehumanizing way. Jerry did it. I wouldn't allow Ethan to do it either. Though his form of punishment was not physical; it was emotional and mental, nonetheless.

I stood frozen on the bed, staring off into the darkness of the room. I was willing to wait until I got better. I was willing to decide for myself. On my own terms. Because this was my life. Not Jerry's. Not Ethan's. And I'd be damned if another man took away such freedoms from me again.

Bond be damned.