All Comments on 'Asleep in the Log Cabin Ch. 01'

So fucking hot

"His features were dark, his skin fair" I don't understand. Only his face was dark?

"...chest hair ran from sternum-to-naval..." Is he a sailor? Do you mean "navel"? No dashes between the words.

"5'6 and slim, she was easy on the eyes herself. " "Five feet, six inches tall and slim..."

"She could hear subtle wet pops from her "hospitality" beneath." I have no idea what that means.

" grabbing it at the ends like reigns" You mean reins. "Reigns" means something totally different.

I know this is fantasy, but I have to think this guy is not sleeping. He's either pretending or is in a coma.

For a short scene with no dialogue, names, or backstory, this isn't half-bad. You have good, detailed descriptions involving all the senses which is great, even, IMO, necessary in erotica and which not enough people do.

Keep writing. You can do better if you SLOW DOWN and take time to edit and proofread.

I like the rub

Aganin I love thr theme of your story as i love all hairfetish related stuff! Its always a pleasure to see a new story of you!

"Towering unsupported in the moonlight, forced perspective meant the shadow of her breasts looked to beckon him, her erect nipples like bullets on the canvas. "

The imagery throughout was quite astounding but this sentence was absolutely breathtaking!! Bravo.!! Dropping a 5 on the story for that sentence alone.

You employ active verbs regularly and well to boost your story's impact. You also utilize imagery well, so we feel the same sounds of the environment you created. LOVE the sudden appearances of single sentences alone to emphasize that point--and I strongly encourage you continue that--as some of the best writers use that to increase the drama, introduce a humorous element...but in balance of course. To top it off, you've produced a very sexy, long-haired woman that clearly possesses a healthy sexual appetite; by including this, such a story will definitely appeal those looking to get off on the sex alone.

However, the story itself raises questions and leaves some necessary items unexplored. For example, why is she in this cabin and why is he there? How does he NOT react and awaken after so long? She needs a shower, which implies the cabin possesses a bathroom with running water, but what about him? He will begin smelling from her sexual fluids. Is he not waking up because he took something to induce such a deep sleep? Who is he? Did he build the cabin? What is their relationship? Without addressing questions like these, you will leave readers like me scratching his head. So you can use something like this as a racy sexual interlude to release extra tension for her and then once he wakes up, take advantage of that for him to joke about her getting off when he couldn't help her out, or something so this doesn't remain a static scene--because this approach can pigeonhole the story as a "stroker's delight" without added depth.

You don't rush sexual descriptions (which some authors do), and that forms one of your strengths along with vivid images, sights, sounds, smells...but the story requires more exposition to draw a wider audience in. 4

One of my ultimate fantasies, is to get a silky Hairjob! Thanks, and i thoroughly and obviously loved this story!