Asshole

"Or both." He said. "I think I can convince people Squirt is responsible for the highest rate of HIV in over a decade."

"But we don't have..."

"Doesn't matter." Rory raised his eyebrow at me. "Facts don't sell."

——

"So how's the dreamy new roommate?" Sue sat down with me. I frowned at her.

"Straight. Which you should know, don't you old dykes have a magic gaydar?" She laughed.

"Can't speak for all the old dykes but I do." She said. "He's been checking you out all night." I glanced over at Rory McIndoe and his entourage. He caught my eye and looked away.

He had been checking me out all night, not that I cared or noticed. I mean, it's kind of hard not to notice when someone is staring at you like they're considering exactly the best way to carve you up. But I definitely didn't care. I cleared my throat.

"He's staring because he's homophobic. Have you read his column in the Listener? He complains about faggots once a week." Sarah pursed her lips together, holding back a smile. "What?" I said hotly.

"You read his column every week?"

"No!" I blushed in spite of myself. "I read the Listener and..."

"Mahjong?"

"Sure." I sighed. Anything to get away from him.

——

He was already in bed by the time we wrapped up around 3am, my ego no more bruised than usual and my wallet significantly lighter. He sat up as I appeared.

"Can anyone ever sleep around here?" He said. "It's like sleeping on a rock."

"Well usually I would say the work will tire you out but I suspect you won't be doing the work." He sighed.

"I will. It's part of the bet."

"So what's this bet I keep hearing about?"

"As if you don't know."

"Not everyone has the inclination to turn on talkback radio."

"It's all over the news."

"So I don't read the news." I do read the news. Just not the news about Rory McIndoe. Or. I mean, I look at the news about Rory McIndoe. I glance at it. Just in case he ever does something I have to care about. He frowned at me.

"I bet some environmental cunt that I could rig Bird of the Year to be the Dodo. If I won he had to donate money to the Young Nats at Auckland Uni. If I lost I had to join this fucking gig which apparently happens every year. Can you imagine doing this every year?"

"Yeah." I said with a shrug as I tucked myself into my sleeping bag. "I do this every year."

"That's a lot of commitment for a guy who wants no strings attached." I closed my eyes.

"Go to sleep Rory. You're gonna need it." I could hear him grumbling.

——

I was surprised he was awake before me but he was. He was staring out the window and stirring a protein shake.

"That looks fucking awful." I said. "There's milo in the food hall." Rory shuddered delicately.

"No thank you." He said. I shrugged and got out of bed. He stared at me as I rose and cleared his throat. I looked at his cheeks slowly turning pink. Yeah. I'm not one to brag but my morning wood is nothing if not... noticeable. "You remind me of someone." I looked at him incredulously.

He did not just say that after staring at my dick. He looked at my dick carefully, and narrowed his eyes, turning his face side to side. "Nope." He said with a sigh. "Can't get it."

"Would it help if I took them off?" His eyes snapped back to my face. He grinned.

"Maybe?" I rolled my eyes. He had to be fucking with me.

"For a conservative DJ, you know you do a lot of flirting." He smirked at me.

"Research." I rolled my eyes.

"Breakfast." I didn't bother changing out of my makeshift pajamas, just threw on a t- shirt and shorts over the top. I slipped into my jandals and glanced at him. He still hadn't put on a shirt. "Haere mai." I nodded to the door. He cleared his throat.

"I don't eat breakfast." I rolled my eyes.

"You're gonna regret that. Come on mate, let's get some eggs and weetbix in you. Promise I wont tell Women's Day." He sighed and put on a shirt. A nice shirt. With buttons. I smirked to myself but I didn't say anything. He pulled on his trainers and sighed as he followed me to the food hall.

I loaded my plate with eggs and bacon. I'm vegan at home but you can't be too precious with limited resources so I eat bacon once a year. Rory took a spoonful of plain yoghurt and a giant mug of coffee. Well, we still had that in common.

"No espresso." I apologised. "But you want to wait for Jan's plunger. She makes it strong." He rolled his eyes. But that was ok. Rory's always a little shit before he's had his coffee. I remember that.

We ate in silence. Rory relaxed beside me as he settled down with his second cup of coffee. He sighed and leant in.

"It's nice to see you Jer." He said quietly after some time. I stared straight ahead.

"Feelings not mutual." I replied eventually. He kicked me under the table.

"You were moaning my name in your sleep last night." He practically whispered. I glanced up at him as my heart rate picked up. Fuck, I probably was. He grinned wickedly. "So it must be a little nice to see me."

"Still the same egotistical cunt."

"Still the same stuck up prude." My lips twitched in spite of myself and I felt my thigh resting against his. I opened my mouth to ask how he'd been when there was a noise at the front of the hall. I guess his entourage was here. I sighed and picked up my plate, glancing at him.

"Well I'd better fuck off before they smell faggot on you." He bit his lip.

I moved to sit next to Sarah and she raised an eyebrow.

"Do you know him?" I shrugged.

"Rory McIndoe?" Rory fucking McIndoe. "No, where on earth would I have met Rory McIndoe?"

-High School-

I met him in High School. We were in detention together. Him for getting into a fight and me for fighting back... although I personally thought being punched in the face was a whole lot shittier than punching someone in the face.

He punched me on a dare, and I gave as good as I got because fuck guys who bully other guys just because they're smaller. We were glaring at each other for 15 minutes in the detention room when I realised our supervisor wasn't coming. I started to leave and I guess he was feeling contrary because he wouldn't let me, and before I knew it we were fighting again.

With no teacher to break us up it went on to the point where we were both too exhausted and bruised to carry on, and one of us started laughing, and then both of us were laughing.

"Truce?" He offered.

"Sure. Jeremy."

"Rory."

--

It didn't take long for us to be inseparable. We used to wag class together and kick a ball around. We were both in the first 11 and we both thought Soccer was more important than Maths or English. We spent a lot more detentions together and we would pass notes under the table- top ten lists, making up stories for the kids we didn't know, answers to each other's homework.

Afterwards we would hang out in town in the skate parks and moan about life and try to score cigarettes off people there.

But then, inevitably, Rory got popular.

—-

He was always better at socialising than me. He wasn't weirdly into the wrong things like bugs and birds and weather patterns. He got more into sport and better at it and suddenly he was surrounded by a group of guys at all times. I barely noticed that he never stopped to talk with me any more. When I caught up with him in the corridor he gave me monosyllabic answers and walked a step ahead. We didn't pass notes in detention anymore- actually he wasn't really getting detention anymore. I was only there because I was constantly late to school, and it's not like I had anywhere to be after school. Even on the field where we used to work together he'd switched and preferred to play striker- which was a fucking waste of a a good attacking midfield.

I was trying to drag him along to a walk in Zealandia where we could count birds and he was ignoring me.

"Dude what's wrong?" I touched his shoulder. "You don't seem yourself." Rory winced and shrugged me off him.

"You don't fucking get it do you? You're hanging around me like a bad smell. We're not friends."

"Uh... yes we are..." Rory shoved me into a locker and grabbed my collar roughly.

"We're not friends, you weirdo. Leave me alone."

He marched off and I straightened my collar as I caught my breath. I kept my eyes on my shoes as I made it to my next class. My face was burning with shame.

I could see the pathetic puppy dog I'd become. Tagging along, sitting adjacent to, not with the guys. No one ever spoke to me which I brushed off because I was in my own little world. I glanced at a couple of his friends who I might have sat next to yesterday. Their shirts were unbuttoned and pressed perfectly. They had on cardigans and expensive shiny regulation shoes. I was in Doc Martens and a vest. Why did Rory not tell me how desperately uncool I was?

I started to hang out with some of the art students and we started getting stoned and going to protests together. In between a lot of lonely lunchtimes where I tucked myself into empty corners to avoid people I slowly found a group of friends who got me. Rory and I wouldn't spare each other a passing glance.

Until he started to pick on me.

—-

We were both too old for that kind of behaviour, but he was doing it anyway. Shoving me into lockers when he walked down the corridors. Shouting names at me when I walked across the quad. Grabbing my bag and inspecting the contents, then inevitably breaking something or tearing my books. He was such a cunt.

I didn't fight back because by then I was a pacifist. I said stupid things like 'I hope karma forgives you' and 'namaste'. You'll be shocked to find that didn't improve the situation.

—

I was in the music rooms, because no one else was around. They had a series of little practice rooms and I tucked myself in one to eat my lunch.

He must have followed me because he swung around the doorframe and folded his arms with a grin.

"For fuck's sake." I muttered. "No ones even here to see how cool you are just give it a fucking rest." He shrugged and walked into the room and grabbed my sandwich. Something inside me broke, and maybe because there was no one around to call me out on supposedly being a pacifist I stood up and punched him.

So there we were again, almost four years later, still hitting each other in the face. Only something was different this time. We weren't exhausting each other. In fact I felt like he was getting more determined with every movement. I was absolutely not going to allow him to win so I matched his energy.

He had me pinned against a wall and I reached for my bag to hit him with whatever I could reach when our eyes met.

Oh.

Was that what this had been about?

I didn't need to confirm he felt the same gut wrenching lust that I did. It was written all over his face. He pushed my hair off my face and pushed himself into me hungrily. I moaned in response and my hands were unbuttoning him, and sliding his cardigan off, and wrapping themselves in his hair. He was tugging at my tie and moaning in my mouth and pressing my body against his.

He wrestled me onto the ground and we rolled around, panting, touch starved and crazy with lust. Eventually I pulled his head off me.

"You cunt." I sat up and slapped him. He grinned.

"Takes one to know one." He sat up and pulled himself together stroking my chest and straightening my collar. I shook my head as I looked at him.

"All this time?"

"As if you didn't know." He passed me the sandwich he'd taken that had been lying on the ground where it fell. I inspected it dubiously.

"What, that you're a faggot?"

"You're a faggot."

"Takes one to know one."

"Yeah." He shrugged. He was straddling me and showed no sign of stopping his gentle assault on me anytime soon.

"If you don't stop that I'm going to have to make you finish the job." I complained.

"Hmmmm." He sighed. "Come to mine tomorrow night. We'll see." I rolled my eyes.

"Let me guess. You're still gonna be a jerk in public."

"It's my brand." He joked. "But I'll make it up to you."

"Asshole." He smirked.

"Yours first."

——

I knew he had a sleepout separate to the main house. I assumed he wanted me to be ultra discreet so I crept in from the back of his property and let myself in. I texted him to let him know I was there.

He appeared a few minutes later with a six pack and a bottle of cheap whiskey. He rolled his eyes at me as he turned the lights on.

"Fucking creep. You know, normally people knock on the front door."

"Figured you had a whole story about the cool party you're at tonight."

"Folks are out for the night."

"Figures." I mumbled. He bit his lip.

"Want dinner? I was gonna make something."

"Yeah ok."

He took my hand and helped me up. He pulled me into his arms and looked up at me in surprise.

"Wait, when did you get tall?"

"Last summer. You never noticed?"

"I can't look at you too much." He said and let me go, marching out the door and up to the main house.

He had something slow roasting in the oven and was pan frying some carrots. He threw me a beer from the fridge and helped himself to one as I hopped on the bench beside him and watched him.

"Can I help with anything?"

"Probably not if you're still the world's biggest klutz."

"Guilty as charged."

"Sit still and don't touch anything then."

I sipped on my beer and watched him cook. He was humming to himself and dancing to the fucking horrible music on the radio.

"Do your friends know you cook?" He shrugged.

"Yeah man, I'm Jamie fucking Oliver." But he was a little pink. I rolled my eyes and gently kicked him. He glanced at me and wandered over, standing between my legs. I smiled down at him

"Our little secret." I said. He raised his eyebrows at me.

"There might be a fair bit of that tonight."

"I was counting on it."

He plated the food and we sat at one end of the table, our feet brushing against each others calves. I stabbed at the lasagne in front of me, pretending to eat it while I nibbled on the carrots and he sighed.

"It's vegetarian. I wouldn't have made you meat dumbass." I glanced at him and smiled.

"Thanks." I tried it. It was great. "Fuck, you know how to cook eh?" He rolled his eyes.

"What, like it's hard?" I snorted and we sat in silence, listening to the shitty talkback radio and playing footsie under the table. Eventually Rory sighed.

"So ah. To be clear Jer, this is totally not something I planned." He was looking deep into his plate. I kicked him.

"You're not giving me the I'm your dirty little secret chat? Because I'm not stupid." He cleared his throat.

"So um, that's cool with you?" I rolled my eyes.

"It's not like I want people to know either." He nodded.

"Cool."

--

We made it through dinner and the washing up. We opened another beer when we got to the sleepout but I was about two sips in when he tackled me and we were rolling around on the floor again.

We were both so eager, so pent up. He grabbed my pants and almost ripped them as he pulled them off me. His hands started fondling me through my briefs and his mouth fell open.

"Jesus fucking Christ Jer- do you need a fucking license for that?" I laughed at his shock.

"I don't know what to tell you. I had a growth spurt last Summer." His eyes hardened.

"Fuck Jer, I don't think I've ever been so turned on." He pulled his sweatpants off with a grunt and straddled me on the floor, rubbing our erections together, his in his boxers and mine in my briefs. He was moaning and throwing his head back and his dick was leaking buckets- he was making both of us wet with his pre-cum.

I leant in close to take his shirt off and he let me, releasing me from his grip on my hips for a second to hold his arms up as I pulled it over his head. I stroked his slim build with scant muscle and gently touched his nipples.

"Ugh, don't, I'll fucking cream myself." He protested.

I pulled my own shirt off and Rory moaned.

"Fuck off." He said, admiring my chest. "What magic potion did you take last summer and where can I get some?" I rolled my eyes. I was a hell of a lot broader and hairier than the last time he would have seen me without a shirt.

"Come here." I moaned and pressed him back into me. We kissed, pulling on each other's hair and groping each other's bodies feverishly. Our dicks were bouncing against each other, unbelievably hard. I pulled his boxers down first and he moaned as he rutted into my hand.

"Oh fuck yes." He was slippery with pre-cum and thrusting wildly. His hands pawed at my briefs and I helped him take them off me.

He moaned as my dick sprang free and wrapped his hands around it.

"Haere mai." I mumbled, lying down and pulling his hips close to mine. I wrapped my hands around the two of us and he moaned as he thrust into me, riding my hand.

"Fuck, this is so hot. We look so good together. You're so fucking big."

"You're not exactly small." I panted.

"Na." He grinned. "I am next to you though." He grunted and I felt his balls slapping against my ass. This was too much.

I looked into his eyes and I didn't need to say a word.

"Fuck yessss." He whined as I came all over us. He followed my lead and I watched, fascinated, as he unleashed a thick, creamy load all over my hands and chest. He was a crazy mother fucker and he licked it up- pressing his face into my chest and swirling his tongue through the hairs, clutching my hands and kissing them, sucking on my fingers one by one. He grinned at me. "Jer that was so fucking hot." He collapsed on top of me and we lay on the floor together, caressing each other. I could feel his dick start to harden again as we held each other.

"Jesus dude." He shrugged.

"We can wait till you're ready."

"So generous."

"We're gonna have to wait till you're ready. You can't stick it in soft."

I raised my eyebrow at him.

"Is that where we're going?"

"Yep." He kissed me. "You're bigger so you get to bugger me. It's the rules."

"That's not any rule I've heard."

"Well if you don't want to..." He started to roll away and I stopped him.

"I do want to." I growled. "I really want to." He grinned.

"Good. That's how I want it too. Only don't tell anyone."

"I already wasn't telling anyone."

"Especially don't tell them I'm a bottom."

"Get over yourself." He sighed and jumped up, pulling me to my feet and throwing us on the couch. He pressed the rest of my beer into my hands and curled up next to me.

"I think I love you." He said.

"I think you're horny."

—-

I got it up again by the end of my beer, his soft touches and gentle sighs were definitely helping with that.

"I have no idea what I'm doing." I warned him.

"That makes two of us."

"You seem really confident."

"Well I watch a lot of porn." I smiled and stroked his body and he writhed next to me.

"Ok porn star, how are we doing this?"

"I think me on top this time. Just hold me and let me set the pace. But when I'm used to you we're gonna try everything."

"You've really thought about this huh?"

"Only every day for the past four years. You're my biggest fantasy. I probably jerk off to you at least twice a week." I blushed and pushed him away from me.

"Fuck off." He shrugged.

"Told you I love you."

"You fucking cretin." I found myself gearing up to thump him and he clasped my hand before I could commit.

"No. No more fighting. Just fucking."

I looked at him. His eyes were big and round. I started falling into them and I pulled him close to me, tasting his lips which were still salty from our cum and gently working his mouth open. He was shoving something into my hands and I looked down in surprise.

"You really were planning this huh?" I looked at the condoms and lube. He nodded and pushed my hair away from my face. He kissed my nose and smiled shyly at me.