Asshole

--Auckland--

I was looking at the list of names.

Rory McIndoe.

I mean surely that's a common enough name right?

I looked it up. 21 McIndoes in Auckland Central alone- and that's just the ones listed. And Rory is just one of those names. Like Jack, or Gus, or Sam, or Ryan or Liam or fuck, Dan or whatever. There's no way Rory McIndoe, my once best friend, my after that bully, my after that lover, the guy I lost a dream job to four years ago and haven't spoken to since could possibly be the same Rory McIndoe who was about to share a fucking bunk with me on Te Hauturu-o-Toi; Little Barrier Island for the next month.

I mean why would he even be there? He was a fucking Reality TV wannabe with a radio talk show and spots on Breakfast television. There was no reason he would be volunteering to work for sea birds in a shack with no heating, eating canned beans. He didn't give a shit about Storm Petrels. I mean he actively didn't give a shit. His whole gig was complaining about how people like me were breaking the economy with our environmental concerns. Wanker.

I wasn't going to let a name ruin my holiday.

—-

Not much of a holiday you might have thought. Maybe spending your unpaid vacation knee deep in mud counting birds, weeding invasive species on terrain not meant for humans, out till 1 or 2am some mornings checking traps isn't everyone's idea of fun- but I love my three weeks a year. Usually it's me and a bunch of old birders, the regular crowd of Jan, Peter, Douglas, John, Gill, Sarah, Sue and Mary- those last three like to hustle me in Mahjong. I'm the youngest by roughly 40 years, which suits me just fine.

Sometimes others tag along, the group can get up to 20 or so people. There's always a couple of Uni students who are good company for me. Those nerds sure can drink. If I wasn't stupidly tall and full of carbs most of the time they would drink me under the table. Hell, last year a pint sized blonde chick called Grace did. No one let me live it down. Let me tell you, as fucking glorious as collecting stool samples usually is, it's 10 times better with a hangover and the urge to vomit every few yards.

Usually I get a cabin to myself... being single and younger and all, not that I would really mind shacking up with one of the olds. But this year I'd be sharing. With Rory McIndoe. Whoever he was.

—The Ferry—-

I got caught having a cheeky cigarette on the ferry over.

"Smoking is not allowed anywhere on board." A gruff voice said next to me. I cringed as I turned around.

"I'm so sorry I.." I trailed off as I noticed he had his own. He shrugged at me.

"Never stopped me either." He said with a grin. I relaxed and looked at him.

"Either you actually work here or you really like dressing up."

"I'm your captain." He said. "Alex."

"Nice to meet you Captain Alex. Should you be uh... be steering the boat or whatever?"

"I think Rex can handle it. I had an emergency."

"Smoking related?"

"Chasing tail related." He pulled out his phone and showed me. I blushed.

"Uh..."

"Hi." He said. "Mr 0 metres away."

"Usually go by Jeremy." I held out my hand blushing. He squeezed it. "You seduce all your passengers?"

"Just the tall, handsome ones who smoke on my deck browsing Grindr."

"Handsome is a stretch, but I'll take it."

"Wanna head back to my cabin? There's an annoying VIP upstairs that I'm hoping to avoid."

"Avoiding annoying VIPs is one of my favourite hobbies." He threw his cigarette overboard and I raised my eyebrow. "Trying to choke a Korora?" He bit his lip.

"Wasn't thinking." I shrugged. I could take care of the penguins later. Right now Captain Alex wanted to take care of me.

—-

He led me back to his cabin and I shoved him against a wall. He moaned as I wrapped my fingers in his short hair and he started to discard his clothes with my help.

"So many fucking buttons." I complained. He lifted my t-shirt over my head and admired me as he finished unbuttoning his own shirt.

"So is the gym like, your job?" He asked as he fumbled with his trousers. I rolled my eyes. Not that it's not flattering, it's insanely flattering. I turned down dessert for years to look like this. Only I'm not the kinda guy who cares what he looks like, so it's embarrassing. I laughed and picked him up, gently stroking his body. He was like a tiny version of me, hairy and muscled. His hair was dark and his skin was pale. His lips were big and pouty- he was doing that on purpose. I placed him on his bed and admired him

He reached for his head.

"The hat stays on." I cradled the back of his head and kissed him.

"Thought you'd say that." He grinned cheekily. I reached for my zip and he stopped me. "Let me." He looked up at me, blinking his big blue eyes at me. I wrapped my finger around a curl that was escaping from under his dumb hat. His dumb hat that was making me so fucking hard. I knelt up and let him gently undo my jeans and peel them down my hips. "Oh fuck." He moaned.

He pressed his head to my dick and I moaned as he inhaled.

"Oh God. You like that?" He moaned against me and I could feel his wet breath through my briefs.

"You're so hard." He whined.

"You've got me so horny, Captain." He opened his mouth and started sucking through the fabric. Oh fuck. What a fucking slut. I pushed him off me and he looked up, his mouth open, panting.

"Please." He whimpered. I teased him, clasping his chin in my hand and sticking my thumb in. He swirled his tongue around it and his eyes closed. It was too much.

"Yeah." I panted, and discarded my briefs. He groaned and descended on my dick like his life depended on it. He moaned as he reverently made out with it. "Oh that's real good baby. You fucking slut. You like sucking on Daddy's dick?"

"Yes, Daddy." He gasped as I wrapped my fingers in the short hair at the nape of his neck and pulled him off.

"Please." He whimpered as I held him just out of reach.

"Go for it, baby." He struggled against my grip and panted, sticking his tongue out and sobbing as he tried to reach my dick. "That's really hot puppy." I grinned. He whined.

"Fucking bastard." He panted. I laughed.

"I know." He grinned at me as he struggled against me.

"You're strong." He whined.

"You don't look too frail yourself."

"Come on Jeremy, you're twice the size of me." I laughed and pulled him up to kiss me. He moaned as I clasped my hands around his face and stuck my tongue deep down his throat. He started to go limp in my arms. God I love making a manly guy like him fall apart for me.

"Alright, puppy." I held his face clasped in my hands and he looked up at me, practically drooling. "All yours, Cap." I laid back and let him worship my dick.

He was moaning and sighing and writhing as he licked up and down my shaft. One hand was gently stroking my balls as he teased my cock with his big pouty lips. I wrapped my hands around his neck and gently pushed him down further, watching him choke on my dick, tears streaming down his face. He laughed as he pulled away.

"Normally I'm really good at this." He murmured, kissing my pubic hair. "You're ah... quite a lot to handle Jeremy." I felt my dick twitch. Yeah, size doesn't matter but fuck, if it isn't hot when guys tell me I'm too big. I sighed as he kissed my dick.

"Well, Captain Alex, if you're struggling with it I guess I can always go back to Grindr and find a guy who-" He sat up and wrapped his hand around my mouth.

"Don't you dare." He said. I grinned.

"Dunno if you can take it baby..."

"Why don't you eat my ass and find out?"

"Demanding little bottom aren't you?"

"Demanding little Captain." He corrected me. I grinned.

"On your knees, Cap."

He jumped on the bed and stuck his ass out, looking back at me. His cap was lopsided and his face was streaked with tears and pre cum. His muscles bulged as he tensed up.

"Relax." I stroked his ass, watching the muscles tense and relax at my touch. "I'm very good at this." He bit his bottom lip.

"Promises, promises..." He muttered. I placed one hand on his back and pressed down so his back arched and his cheeks spread naturally. I grinned as his hole winked at me and I spread his cheeks, admiring the soft swirl of hair surrounding his hot little rosebud.

"Mmmm." I grunted as I rubbed my thumb over that sensitive little nub. He moaned and pressed back. I held his cheeks parted and gently licked up his crack. He whined and I felt him relax under me. Good boy.

He sighed as I began to make out with his ass. I kissed him, and spanked him a little, and gently licked his crack, moaning at how strangely sweet he was.

"Oh, Daddy." He moaned. I smirked to myself and added a finger. He took that like it was nothing. I wasn't particularly surprised- the kind of guy who takes an hour off from Captaining a boat to get fucked is hardly the kind of guy who's gonna whine about a finger.

"Lube?" I muttered. He laughed.

"Don't need it." I laughed as I inserted another finger, licking his taint as I worked my way in and out.

"Baby, I think we might." He sighed.

"Fuck me." He whined.

"Condoms?" He sighed even deeper.

"Dammit. Good idea." He pulled away and turned over, spreading his legs lewdly. "Second drawer down." He nodded with his head as he tugged on his dick. "Lube too."

"You said we didn't need it." He grinned sheepishly and looked at my dick.

"Ah yeah." He looked at me. "You know, I'm kind of a white glove bottom... and I usually don't but..."

"But?"

"You're so fucking big, daddy."

"Good boy."

He watched me wrap up and lube up my dick. I passed it to him and he took the tiniest amount and started fingering himself. I watched him, jerking myself slowly with both hands. He bit his lip and lay back.

"Jeremy if you don't fuck me I'm going to die."

"Demanding." I knelt over him and he sighed.

"Please, Daddy." He whined as I rubbed my dick up and down his crack, not quite slipping it in. He thrust his pussy up. "Jeremy. I'll fucking hurt you." He growled. I laughed. So cute.

I entered him slowly. Sure, the guy was probably a whore but I'm not a jerk. I'm not gonna tear him in two. His eyes rolled back his head as I bottomed out and felt my balls brush august him. I paused and let him moan and adjust to me.

He sighed and lay, his legs spread and his eyes closed for a minute as I stroked his thighs, tracing figures in his hairs. Eventually he blinked his eyes open.

"Go slow." He whispered. I held his legs as I slowly started to thrust in and out, watching his tongue loll out of his mouth and his abs clench under me. I touched his abs gently.

"Need your ab workout." I muttered.

"Need your chest workout." He retorted. I thrust into him a bit harder and he moaned.

"Good boy." I murmured. "You're taking this dick so well."

"You're not as special as you think you ahhhh-" He moaned as I picked up the pace a little and leant over him. His back arched as he sat up a bit.

"You were saying, baby?"

"Just there, please, oh fuck...don't stop..." I obliged him, hitting that same spot as he grunted little ungh ungh ungh ungh sounds that I love so much underneath me.

His arms reached for my hips and he cradled me as I gave him the dicking down of a lifetime. He was completely hard beneath me, his hot dick leaking pre-cum. His cock reflected the rest of him- hairy, hard, and half the size of me. I moaned as I wrapped my hand around it. I wish I'd sucked him off before- I had a feeling neither of us were lasting long enough for me to get a proper taste.

He whined as my other hand reached for his nipple. I gently flicked one and bent down to kiss the other.

"Daddyyy... fuck...Jeremy..." He whined as I felt his dick throb. He was so hard as he came. My eyes were focussed on his purple dick throbbing as he spurted thick milky cum all over my hand and his chest. His ass clenched up unbearably tight and I felt myself release deep in his bowls. "Uh, uh, uh..." He moaned beneath me, feeling me release. I dropped my head to his chest and licked up his cum, sucking on the hair. He grinned at me as I worked. "Kinky." He moaned. I shrugged.

"You're too fucking hot not to taste."

"Do I taste good?" I grinned.

"Salty. Must be all that time at sea." He laughed and pulled me into him, rolling around so he was cuddling me, laying on my chest.

"Hold me." He demanded. "Pretend we love each other." I wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes.

I pretended I was with someone else. Someone I hadn't been with for years now. I stroked his dark, curly hair and pretended it was sandy brown. I pretended he was smoother, and more tanned, and less sweet. His eyes were the same though. Big, blue eyes.

He sighed.

"Better get back to Rory." I stiffened up. Rory. How did he know? No. He couldn't. Rory is a super common name. There are 3 in my office alone. "I'll give you a tour of the upper decks if you like."

"You mean parade me around like a trophy?"

"Something like that." Captain Alex grinned and held out his hand. I grinned back.

"Alright."

I followed him up the stairs and into the deck. I looked around. His co Captain looked me over. He smiled. Approved, I guess.

"This is Jeremy." Captain Alex introduced me.

"Rex." His partner held out his hand. "Charmed."

"Did I miss him?" Captain Alex said.

"Still out there." Rex motioned with his hand. Alex rolled his eyes and shrugged at me.

"Wanna meet someone famous?"

"Depends on the someone." I said slowly.

"Some disc jockey cunt."

There are lots of disk jockey cunts. The odds of more than one of them called Rory were extremely high. So high. It wouldn't be him.

I glanced to the deck and a person out there moved to the side... and I could see his shoulder. Just part of his shoulder and his hair.

Dammit.

That was definitely him.

Rory fucking McIndoe. I'd know that shoulder anywhere. So perfectly tanned. Freckles sprinkled on it like cinnamon on a vienna.

"Rory McIndoe." Captain Alex gestured. As if I didn't know. As if I didn't know every hair on his head in vivid detail. As if that shoulder, and the arm it led to so very casually clutching a Panhead APA in his grip were news to me. "Want to meet him?" I think I choked on my own vomit.

"I would rather have my eyeballs poked out with a rusty fork than meet that conservative environmental disaster." Rex and Captain Alex exchanged a look.

"Jesus Jeremy. Tell us how you really feel." Alex grinned at me. "Ok let's head back..." he trailed off. It was too late. Rory McIndoe had waved to us.

--

Captain Alex pushed me out and offered me to Rory.

"This is Jeremy." He said. "He was dying to meet you." Cunt. I would kill him later. I sighed as Rory McIndoe turned his head to me.

I waited for the flash of recognition. Maybe a shy smile, a coy look in his eyes. Maybe a smug smirk and an exposing slow look up and down my body. Maybe a furious blush and a flash of anger.

Nothing.

He didn't recognise me.

He stuck out his hand and introduced himself as casual as you like .

"Friend of Alex's?" He guessed, barely looking in my direction.

"Oh yeah. We go way back." I seethed.

—-

So I had the misfortune of spending the remaining hour on our quick trip across the harbour in his presence. Captain Alex could sense I was a little distraught.

"So what are you going to do?" He tried to distract me as Rory McIndoe pulled his shirt off to enjoy the sun. How did he even get that tanned? It had to be fake. He's browner than me and my Uncles wear mob patches.

"To study Takahikare-moana. A bird. We still don't know what it eats and it's about to be extinct."

"That's what he's doing." Captain Alex nodded to him. I stared at Rory McIndoe.

"No he's not." I said, watching him laugh. "Why on earth would he do that?"

"He lost a bet. Didn't you hear? Everyone's been talking about it." I frowned. I told him I actively disengage from any news that remotely concerns National Treasure, Bastard of Bastards, Rory McIndoe. I stared at Captain Alex.

"Fuck." I said. "He's sharing my hut."

— Te Hauturu-o-Toi—

I had too much to say to Gill and Peter and Jan and Susan and Sarah to give Rory McIndoe a passing glance once we disembarked and I kissed Captain Alex goodbye. I mean, I gave Rory McIndoe a passing glance. Just to make sure he wasn't already fucking up everything. He had an entourage, of course he did. They weren't allowed to film or record but they took furious notes and hung onto his every word.

Susan and Sarah thought he was utterly charming. I told them they were a disgrace.

"You know he supports Winston Peters." I said. They shrugged.

"Wanna swap?" I suggested. "One of you take the room with that dumb blonde and I'll take yours?" That wasn't even a joke offer. I would rather bunk with anyone else. Anyone.

No one took the bait though. So I reluctantly went to unpack.

—

He was standing with his hands on his hips, his legs spread wide, surveying out modest quarters. He glanced at me as I entered.

"Bunks." He said. He was disgusted. I shrugged and put my bag down on one of them. "That one's mine." He said firmly. I rolled my eyes.

"Sure. If you think it's bigger." I said. He frowned.

"Huh?" I smiled benignly.

"Have the bed. It's definitely the superior bed. Go for it buddy." I moved my stuff and put it on the other bed. Rory McIndoe cleared his throat.

"Rory McIndoe." He introduced himself. I ignored his hand.

"We met on the ferry." I reminded him. And a million times before that, I didn't remind him. He barely looked at me.

"Oh yeah. Friend of Alex's right?"

"That's right." I spread my legs lewdly as I sat down on my bunk. And I took perverse pleasure in the fact that his eyes, just for a fraction of a second, drifted to the bulge between my legs. He turned the tiniest bit pink and looked away. So. Rory McIndoe still blushes for me.

He was grumbling that there was nowhere to unpack. I rolled my eyes and started changing into a skivvy and long johns. Tonight we'd be playing cards and drinking tea or something stronger, meeting each other and working out who the soft cunts are gonna be and whose problem they would become. I was eager to pawn Rory off to one of the old ladies who was in love with him as soon as I could. Because lord knows I've never met a softer cunt.

I could feel him watching me.

"What?" I said, as I pulled my merino over my head.

"Really leaning into that lumberjack thing huh?" He said. I pulled the warm layer over my furry chest and laughed.

"Damn, my Grindr profile says femme, you think I should change it?" Rory McIndoe frowned. Ah that's right. He had a whole think piece about hookup apps and the destruction of society, which for someone who didn't support the capital gains tax was quite the claim. I grinned at him. He met my eye.

"I'll put $50 on the table that I can guess exactly what your Grindr profile says." Huh. I shook on that and pulled out my phone. Service was patchy here at the best of times but I could at least load up my profile.

"Go on then."

"Top. Masc. Not so Dom but I'll be your Daddy. No strings attached." My mouth might have fallen open a little. Ok, I'm not saying it's a marvel of a profile but it's a hookup app, ok? What do you want from me? A sensitive side? A personality? My eyes fell back to him. He grinned triumphantly.

"Oh you fucking flirt." I said. "No way you guessed that." He shrugged.

"You seem like the type." He turned away.

"No way." I stopped him, my fingers brushing that stupidly tanned shoulder, just for a second. "What's famously homophobic eligible bachelor Rory McIndoe doing scrolling Grindr?" He shrugged.

"Research." He said, tuning away with a frown.

"Oh good, another hit piece on casual dating. Or gay culture."