All Comments on 'At the End of the Tour'

After the cowardly piece of shit goes to prison for assault and charged with $10,000 for destruction of damaged guitar. Maybe he'll be in a better mode when bubba has his first love session with him

Not enough payback for the asshole and the slut!! Hence only a three…needs a next chapter where she actually has to grow up and look after Derek’s kid!!!

Don't take advices from a cuck. Nice that you didn't listen to that cuck and take the bitch back

I guess this was a very good story, since I liked it even though I hated pretty much every character. Well done!

Violent, ridiculous story about a man with no control or understanding. Why, in a million years, would he go to meet her at her lover's place? A public cafe would have been fine if he really needed to talk to her. But leaving that to his attorney would have been fine. Not only does he belong in jail, but he belongs there twice - once for assaulting her and again when he assaults loverboy. But since you didn't finish this mess, we'll never know what happened.

A perfect true realistic story of rage and fury. My 1st reaction is that meeting the cunt whore wife WITH Derek ....is a step too far And this surprisingly realistic story. But as we see in the story that the final confrontation iis important because the only reason Em Was going to tell her husband Was because she was pregnant with Dereks 's baby..

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Never mind that the entire marriage was a complete sham. Never mind that the only reason They were going to tell the husband and confess what was going on with the cause of the baby. Your wife clearly doesn't think she did anything wrong and the only time she realized that she is in trouble and that everything is Everything is collapsing is when the husband makes the point about Emily's mother Gloria the crack whore.

Just wow! Not very often does a story completely surprise me, but this one sure did. It appeared that he was going to cave and take her back, but the story shifted completely and he completely burned her and her AP. Well told story. I almost stopped reading and was so glad I continued.

Tim forgot to kick in Derek's cajones and mangle his manhood.

Wow. Very good story. The only thing that seemed unrealistic was that he agreed to meet her at Derek's place. Her fathers house would have been more advantageous for her as well. Having Derek in the room gave her no hope.. but without that he wouldn't have his final revenge.

Nice one very dark and filled with pathos

5 stars

Wow! really good. 5⭐.

At one point, when he started talking to his stepfather, I got scared and thought it was a RAAC thing.

The good man, the best man... it's always on him that the others shit.

There is an expression that says: too good, too stupid.

I liked the justice of the story! Sad, certainly. The final paragraph nicely ties the whole tale up neatly.

Ed

Very good. This story is a no cuck zone. The creampie slurpers are going to fucking hate it... LOL. I'd give you ten stars if I could.

Excellent story.

Amazing story

Superb, just another half page would have finished it perfectly.

You conveyed his feelings extremely well which is the difference between an average or a great story imo.

Wow! That was a TERRIFIC confrontation scene! At first, I wondered why you would have him meeting her at the other guy’s apartment, but the way you ended it was the perfect revenge on him. (Of course, there still might be jail time and a civil suit for loss of income. Or maybe not, depending on how bad the incident would be for the musician’s public image.)

Need to finish the story

some fantastic revenge here, cold and justified. I would absolutely love an epilogue though to flash forward in the future bit. Any chance?

I will say please continue writing. I love your stories and have been missing this kinda real world writing for a long time

The end is shit.

Write a second chapter.

Only 4 stars

Wow! Thank you for sharing!

No epilogue? What about the baby? I sure hope he dodged a bullet, there.

Story is well done, though I wonder if the kid is his or not.

YEAH!

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Heavy, heavy. Especially the part about forgiveness. Even some of the Christians have realized the inadequacy of that "forgive and forget" approach. Now they teach things like "tough love" and "authoritative (rather than authoritarian) parenting". Ready money and leisure time coupled with easy access to a plethora of addictions has put the lie to the "forget" part especially for parents. The forgiveness part is not for the transgressor, but for the transgressed upon. The New Testament associates the act of forgiveness with the heaping of hot coals upon the head of our enemy. An author of an LW story put it this way: Not forgiving someone is like eating rat poison and expecting the rat to die.

'

You've got talent and you ain't no hack. Thank you very much for the effort that you put into your writing.

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LWlurker

Fucking hell, this story is fantastic!

Can I confess that, while I think it ends perfectly, I still want to see a continuation?

Except for Don, the characters are well penciled, the action is alert, but a follow-up to this storm is required until the sun rises again on a quiet morning

Farrrrk, good one

Wow. Just wow! Cracking yarn and the way you finished it. Superb! Standing ovation! Can’t wait for your next story.

The dialogue with Ellie, Derek, and Don is superb, and the depiction of his anger and anguish via his internal dialogue is powerful and compelling. The tangent about linguistics and the imprecision of words, while a bit of a deviation from the story, is perhaps my favorite part. Very nicely done. Thank you.

A very striking story with lots of angst, anger (and some philosophy mixed in); good contrasts between the characters. Thank you for posting it.

Damm intense story. It had me going to the end!

You're producing some really great stories; please keep writing!

Well, in almost no time at all, you have become a force to be reckoned with. Well done!

A very intense story. None of the characters responded quite the way I expected. The story is uncomfortable and contained far more true human hurt and anger than most writers here are ever able to convey. I wanted to downrate it for not making me feel better about the outcome, but realized that was the very reason it rates five stars. Excellent, thank you.

A Real masterpiece, thx a lot, i just hoped for a far more ending with the consequence, bastard child and fall down. It was not a hard BTb and thats why its good, it seems real

good start but it needs a part 2 to wrap things up. who's child is it? do they get divorced? what happens after the rage and anger subside?

Probably should have been the epilogue. Ellie and Derek, life AT (After Tim). No Tim in the story at all, except maybe during the divorce, and don't have Ellie's baby be Tim's. Just describe their slow descent down the drain into hell.

Regarding the story itself, it's pretty good, and pretty well told.

BUT, as for its presentation ....

Is this story finished? Is it not finished? After reading this submission, I CAN'T TELL! There is no real indication, either way. You might be through with it, or you might not.

I ... DO ... NOT ... LIKE ... NOT ... KNOWING !!!

You appear to be a new writer (at least on this site), so I'm willing to make allowances, this time.

But, please do not make a habit of doing this to your readers! If you're going to post a story (or a chapter) that stops (?) as inconclusively as this one does, at least let your readers know your intentions, even if it's just a "The End", or a "To be continued" at the end of the submission. Simple and easy for the author to do, yet can prevent many irate reader comments!

Believe me, for me (and I think many others), this is a BIG DEAL!

Just as much as his stories themselves, it can be the difference between the author being put on my "Favorites" list and my "Skip" list.

FYI, some authors use a Foreword or Afterword to keep their readers informed. I appreciate the efforts of those authors!

I've read and rated your prior submissions here with the highest marks possible.

Not so, this one. More for its irritation factor than for the story, it gets only 2-stars.

Fucking disgusting. A lot of cheap melodrama and angst, like finding a cockroach and pulling it’s body apart one piece at a time because it’s ugly. You sicken me.

It was touch and go there for a while.

Got worried when Don had his little chat, seemed to be setting this firmly on the path to reconciliation but thankfully you pulled it out of the flames.

You do realise you’re gonna get shit from the usual suspects about the violence, yeah quite a few one stars coming your way.

Yes… Thank you

The word 'Dude' used so many times I feel like throwing up. OK story beside the 'Dudes'. No way he let the guy in his apartment and didn't hit him until the end. 2*

Great story but brutal ending. He'll end up paying for it in the end but hopefully the kid isn't his. It would be terrifying to have that cunt raise my kid.

Rly author? Ending it unfinshed? Aff

Notalanthack you obviously have got talent that was a great story I thoroughly enjoyed that.I thought Tim was going to take her back and although it's not something I could have done I was sorta coming round to the fact, with Ellie being pregnant and chance it could be his kid that this would happen.But hell no logic kicked in and Tim kicked her into touch.Fantastic twist ending your being added to my fav author list 5 out of 5 and a thumbs up from me .

Very well written. Good to get all of those people out of his life. Even Don. Don who called him out for "Manhandling" his daughter? She struck him first and he removed her from the premises. No. He chose right to get the divorce route. Never date someone who is bipolar. 😂

Beautiful. Just a rehashed but we'll done story. Loved the connection between all the characters, especially Tim and his father-in-law, Don. The story of how Gloria cucked Don and had him raised Ellie, who was not his daughter. Ellie was just like her mother, a cheating slut wife and now with a child of her lovers doing. Tim will NOT be like Don, he's going to divorce Ellie and move on. Enjoyed it.

needs another part to make sure he doesn't have to pay for the asshole's broken bones (through the magic of writing), otherwise the poor guy will pay a huge chunk of money to the loser and his "muse".

Right now, he's a really tragic hero. And he deserves better.

Well written!

A very sad tale of a stupid girl and an arsehole.

How could you be so cruel... yeah inspired by, learnt from...

Another good story, thanks

Wow! That was a lot of anger to get out of your system. Hope you feel better now.

Unfortunately in real life it's not always this clear who's fooling who.

Thank you for this story.

Im glad he didn't listen to her "dad" which we all know he was nothing more than a willing cuckold. It was just the right amount of fuck you and bye bitch., Gave it a solid 5.

Pt2 you are becoming one of my favorites

Kinda leaves things up in the air. How much time did he have to serve? D

A great story, although I don't like the violence in the end. Thank you, 5 stars.

Yep that’s the way, true justice. She’s getting what she deserves, single motherhood and no partner. She and Derek can get fucked over together, couldn’t’ happen to a better pair of bastards.

4/5

Wow. I'm just sitting here, contemplating whether or not I like the ending. On one hand, there's a certain satisfaction that the two children (and let's be honest, that's how they'd behaved) now had an inkling of the pain and destruction they'd wrought in Tim's heart, but on the other it was so abrupt, so total annihilation. The musician might never play again. The couple would never be together again. The baby would grow up without a father. Damn!

I've got to give you props for a well-told story, but damn!

So who is the baby's daddy? Kinda important

Sad but a good read.

That was a very good dark tale.

I could feel Tim's rage.

I do feel it was justified to break Derek's finger thus his career...

but it's understandable the pain and betrayal was still fresh...

and Ellie trying to play the victim card and saying how she loves over and over

made it all the more worse.

/

I like how the writer thoughtfully constructed the dialogues.

It was a masterstroke showing the lives of broken people.

This was really great. Too many stories focus on somehow acting "forgiveness" is a magic thing that makes all things that used to hurt hurt no more. Sometimes, people are just scum. Ellie is scum. I'm glad Tim realized that and walked away.

Brilliant! Please keep them coming - this category really needs new talent. Well done.

There had better be another a part 2. Too many unresolved issues. Good start.

Great story. I was concerned when you were ranting on about forgiveness but the ending overcame that.

Of course, now the idiot will be charged with assault (GBH) and even end up with a jail sentence, ruining his career

and also financially destroying him. So, no, he wasn't very intelligent about the outcome. A quiet mugging and doing the same thing might have been the better way to go. His slut wife gets divorced.

Actually, a second chapter wrapping up what happened to all main people concerned would be great.

"Musician's career destroyed". Divorce for El. A solo mother role for her as well. Jail for the poor idiot etc.

Overall ----- an OK story.

The ending pulled it up to a 5.

Good, that's how it's done. No mercy, no forgiveness, no politeness. Take a 5 on the house.

And I'd love to have a follow up on this as well.

Fuck. Yes.

Very nicely done... well executed and brought out many emotions from the characters... had me laughing at some lines... great writing and continue on your promising journey as a writer with other stories in your catalog also good.

The ending was spectacular. Simple. On point.

5 stars loved it especially the stomping on the hand part.

Brilliant

My most enjoyable read for some time .

I was so enjoying this . Right from the start I was thinking this is shaping up nicely . And then , all of a sudden I caught what I thought was a sniff of wimpy reconciliation . Oh dear , story ruined .

But no , I find it was a very clever piece of misdirection .

A truly good story . Simple characters , nothing over the top , could easily be true for some unfortunate soul .

Well done ..... come back soon with another .

5 *

DK

It was kind of all over the place.

Please have a follow up, this is a great story.

Fucking A.....wow.

Well done, very well done..please keep writing

Disappointed in the amount of angst in this dark story. I read these stories for amusement and some enjoyment. I found neither in this piece.

I actually love this. It doesn't need a part 2, but you'd definitely do a part 2 justice if you decided to add one.

It conveyed so many deep characters in such a short span. His wife slowly became her mother and was trying very hard to justify herself, even at the very end. You even alluded to her being prescribed medication that she felt evened her out too much. Add her messed up childhood it was a chef kiss set up. Her father stabilized but also enabled her in some ways, and he had the insight to speculate that. Amazing. Her lover was every bit the manipulating shallow boy also speculated. I think the husband made the right choice. Ditch the wife, keep the father in law. And only raise the kid if it turns out to be his. Maybe go for sole custody.

A part two could be amazing. But you've already written a man that barely managed to pick up the pieces to truly move on with his integrity intact. He knows he isn't to blame, and he knows even now his soon to be ex is manipulating him.it would take therapy, maybe meds, a post nup, never speaking to her lover again, and a lot of ass kissing to win him back. That and the child being his. That's almost too uphill a battle for her.

A bit of a weak punch line ending to an otherwise well constructed story.

Makes me think the story sprang from that sentence?

4*

~Spiny

Usually not this guy, but really needs a part two

I was a little surprised to see another story from you as soon. Such a powerfull telling as well. Outstanding work !

When I read the final lines this went from a 3 to a 5. Well done, it is rare to read such a perfect ending.

The ending seems a little like a FTDS, but I can see where the realization of what and how deep her treachery goes is a foregone conclusion on the direction he will go. But I don’t see where he applied the Forgive but Not Forget maxim that was discussed between Don and himself. That’s where the FTDS comes in for me,

Having lived the touring musician lifestyle, I think this is the most realistic story I've read yet on this site.

Congrats on getting all the emotions correct.

hope you add a bit more to this one

My new favorite LW author. Really grabs you and makes you care about the story. I could have done without the crushing of his hands (I'm a guitarplayer), plus that's how the good guys get arrested. But great story.

I’m not usually a violent revenge fan, but I actually liked the balance of this one - particularly the final line about her being the muse of the monster he had become. She was the actual architect of all the destruction in the beginning and the end. No one will end up happy there is no road back. Symmetry.

Another great story. Well written.

This is damn near a perfect story. The characters were well developed and I could feel his pain.

was one of the best, just what I would have done............!

Is there going to be a part 2? You kinda leave us hanging

Excellent, needs no further chapters.

Bravo

Your pen name is very accurate.

Excellent 👍

Great. Needs a follow up.

On the one hand, the ending had nice symmetry with the rest of the story. On the other, a few too many loose threads. I’m undecided.

I was really thinking her beta-male father was going to convince Tim to be just like him. Tim may end up in jail for assault after the whole hand thing, but at least he’ll have his self respect.

Wow that was good

Not much of an ending……

Great story, 4 stars, if Tim had pushed Ellie down the stairs during the first confrontation at their apartment it would be 5 stars

Outstanding! What made this so so good — other than the excellent writing — was that you had me wondering how you were going to pull off the reconciliation….and then you completely sold me on why Tim absolutely needed to dump that manipulative bitch!

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Oh…and I loved having Tim destroy the guitar!

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5 strong *****