All Comments on 'Attacked Ch. 07'

Congrats on completing your first series. This last chapter put some nice finishing touches on your story. I enjoyed reading this story from day one and look forward to your next story. Whether that story is a series or a stand alone, I think you will have continued success. I for one will watching for your next submission.

Your story was good for a first time, and I only have a few "complaints." My first one is that you need to be more careful with grammar and punctuation; maybe see if a friend will read things for you and edit them, or find an editor here on lit. My second issue is primarily with this particular chapter; as a woman who has been pregnant twice, you don't feel the baby move until about the end of the fourth, beginning of the fifth month; if Angel was only three months pregnant, being uncomfortable wouldn't be making her tired, just being pregnant would. For the first four months of my first pregnancy, I was in bed every night and sound asleep by 9:30 which is unusual for me. Well, it was anyway.

Other than that, great job for your first story, you're bound to only get better from here.

~Ashira

Overall, I really enjoyed the story. One thing I have to give you credit for is that I saw you respond to comments made as you moved forward. When several of us asked for some answers or explanations, I saw you incorporate it into the next chapter or two. I think you can learn even from those of us who are readers as well as those who are readers/authors and I think that it's great when a writer can take comments in the right way and use what they can from it to get better as opposed to feeling attacked or something. I think it was a great first story.

This chapter specifically was very sweet with the birth of Misty's babies. I like how you mentioned her getting to know other pack members and what her job was. You did a good job of tying up loose ends. I think it was nice that she was pregnant in the end since family was so important to them. I bet they'll name one after her sister! I agree that an editor would be a great thing. It is good to have someone who gets involved with your story who you could bounce things off of. Having little mistakes cleaned up is good too since it makes the story more finished. I hope you continue writing.

Congratualations on finishing your story. I was very good and look forward to reading more from you.

really a great story.

I'd give this 3 and a half stars if I could. I love the heroine and the family of the pack, but just wished it was stretched a little longer than one page each chapter... Its like you had a good idea and didn't give enough time to it because you were in such a rush to finish.

People who are fans of your writing will understand that life gets in the way and will not want you to rush it. Take your time...

Can't wait to see your next submission. I know you will take these and other words to heart and next time, seek an editor... or another person who has been writing longer for deeper introspection...

With love, the Black Phoenyx

Lol that was good!!!!!

Good story but to me the chapters were to short which made it seem to go to fast. Other than that I enjoyed it.