Aunt Jean, Ron, and...

Her words came out fast, "What did you say?"

"I said I knew you before college."

Jean's stomach tightened more. She hated how they had to lie sometimes. She wished again that things could be different, that they could be the same age, that they not be related, that... She closed her eyes for a moment and took a slow breath.

Ron's brow pinched. "Don't worry about him, okay?"

"I... won't." She made a small smile appear on her lips. Her eyes swiveled to the right in a quick glance. The art professor was staring at her again. She looked at Ron as her hand started rising to her eye, then stopped for a moment and moved towards her water glass.

Ron noticed where her hand had been headed. He wondered if Jean thought Palow was good-looking. Well, the guy was, at least that's what he overheard some of the girls in the drawing class say about him. He also took a sip of ice water. He knew he had sort of checked out Kyli too. No, not really. It was that he thought he had seen her before, but she was very pretty, that was for sure. Hot too.

Jean told herself not to look at Palow again, nor look at the man with the scar. She wished she and Ron didn't have to worry about his professor. Sometimes they chanced holding hands for brief periods in restaurants, little affectionate acts that no one would really notice. She saw a large smile grow on Ron's face. "What?"

"On campus this spring there was a series of free, old, classic movies, you know, really old, black and white films, well, some were in color. It was part of a movie history course or something, but anyone could go to the showings on Friday nights. It was in a large lecture hall. I think I briefly mentioned it to you during one of our phone calls."

"Uh-huh?"

"Some of films were really good, like... have you ever seen 'Lonely Are the Brave?'"

"No. What's it about?"

"I thought we might rent it if it's available anywhere, so I don't want to tell you the whole story, but... it's about a guy out west, like in the 1950's, a Korean war hero, and... he's a cowhand who lives by his own moral code. He goes out of his way to get put in jail because he... ahhhh... I don't want to ruin it for you if we watch it sometime, anyway..." He grinned. "I was thinking about this other film, because of Palow showing up."

Jean's brow pinched. "What movie?"

"'Casablanca.' Have you seen it?"

Jean grinned. "Yes, I think everyone has at some time. Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman."

"Yeah. Well, there's this line that Rick says about the girl showing up, something like... of all the gin joints in the world, she had to show up in his. I was thinking of changing 'gin joint' to 'Thai joint,' and 'she' to 'he.'" He chuckled briefly.

Jean laughed softly. "We'll still have a nice time. He's going to be paying attention to his girlfriend, not us."

"Does she... ahhh... nevermind."

"What?"

"I think I've seen her before. I thought maybe you and I had seen her somewhere."

"I don't think I have. She's... she's very beautiful though." Jean again felt a twinge of jealousy. She knew Ron thought the girl was beautiful. Well, she is beautiful.

"The girls in my drawing class said Mr. Palow was really hot. Is he?"

"I... I don't know." She exhaled softly. "I guess." Another gentle wave of sadness coursed through her. "But I'm with the best looking guy in the restaurant."

"And I'm with the most beautiful girl anywhere." Kyli was beautiful and hot, but so was Jean and that wasn't even considering her inner beauty.

Her sadness rose again as she looked into his eyes. 'Girl' was becoming a stretch. She was 31. She had joined a small, women only health club to keep in shape. She had always exercised alone at home but thought she'd be able to really shape up at the club. At first it had been for Ron mainly but it quickly became mostly for herself. She liked feeling fit. The Ron connection was that she was trying to look younger for him, maybe for herself too so the age difference wouldn't be that apparent to people who saw them together. She knew it had always been a losing battle and would lose it no matter how many times Ron said she looked like a college girl. It wouldn't matter in a few months.

She kept her tears at bay and smiled softly. "Thank you. And I should have said anywhere for you too."

He had a sensation Jean wasn't fully with him. His brow pinched. "You okay?"

She nodded. "Uh-huh." She took a deep breath and sighed. "This is a good restaurant. I'm glad Betty told us about it."

"I think since this is our second time here, we should call this 'our restaurant' like we do the one back in town. This'll be our city Thai place."

Jean smiled. "Okay. We will."

Their waitress approached with the spring rolls and beef salad. Jean leaned back and fiddled with the napkin on her lap. When she looked up she met the eyes of the man with the scar. He was staring at her and didn't look away. She quickly turned her face to Ron. She told herself once more that Ron's eyes on her, what Ron saw on her face was all that mattered.

Ron picked up the plate of yam nuea. "How much do you want?" He started putting some on Jean's plate.

"Mmm... not a lot. I like it but it's really spicy here."

Ron stopped serving. "You should have told me not to ask for extra spicy."

"I didn't say I didn't like it spicy. And... you like it that way. I just don't want a lot."

"Okay." He put a little more on her plate, then chuckled. "Good... more for me."

"I get more of the spring rolls then." Jean grinned. She glanced at the man with the scar. He was eating but he was still staring. He averted his eyes first. She wondered if it had something to do with her ugly eye and his thick scar. Might he be comparing them? She figured she'd win as most ugly. Scars on guys were interesting, on women they were ugly.

A few minutes later Ted and Kyli were served their appetizers.

The man with the scar continued eating his meal leisurely.

As Jean and Ron ate and talked, without meaning to, she would glance periodically at the man with the scar or Palow. Nearly every time each man was looking at her. By the end of their meal she was feeling anxious about it. She was positive they were staring at her ugly eye. She wished she was sitting in Ron's chair or the one opposite her would be the best, her bad profile couldn't be seen by anyone if she was sitting in that chair. It was the first time in the past ten months or so that she had felt the old anxiety about it this badly.

The waitress walked up. Jean told herself to stop thinking about her eye and scars and somehow stop herself from looking at the two men. Ted Palow was attractive, maybe 'attractive in an interesting way' would be a better description. She knew she actually thought he was very good-looking, really cute, even hot. That was a first. Ron had been the only one she had thought of as that attractive. For some reason, the admission made her more nervous.

Ron smiled at the waitress. "Would you please wrap up the leftovers."

The girl smiled. "Sure. Would you like anything else?"

Ron raised his eyebrows at Jean. She had been fairly quiet the past few minutes or so. "Let's get ice coffees, okay?"

"I... um..." She realized her anxiety had a tiny bit of panic in it. She promised Ron to never feel that again. "Mmm... uh-huh."

Ron smiled at the girl. "Two iced coffees please."

"Okay." The girl picked up the serving plates and headed to the kitchen.

Ron met Jean's eyes. "I don't mean to bug you by repeatedly asking if you're okay, but is something... on your mind?" He hoped she wasn't getting anxious about their situation, their relationship. He didn't want to confront that for a while yet. He had been thinking a lot about it and all it did was make him sad and worried.

Jean smiled. "I'm fine." Ron kept gazing into her eyes. He could always tell when she was fibbing. "I..." She took a breath. "Don't get angry with me, all right?"

His brow pinched. "I won't. What is it?"

"There's... your art prof and that man with the scar have been..." She took another breath. "I'm sorry. Nevermind. It's... nothing. Sorry." She made her smile grow.

"Have they been... staring?"

"No... well... sort of. I-I don't know. Maybe it-it's my imagination."

"Jean-"

She interrupted, "I know... and I don't care, all I care about is you looking at me, and... they're probably not staring anyway."

He half smiled as he leaned towards and took her hand in his below the table. He knew she thought they were staring at her eye. "Jean, even if I wasn't in love with you, I'd want to look at you. You're beautiful and cute and hot, and if they're looking over here, it's because of that. You don't seem to get it. It's not because of your eye, it's because of both your eyes and... the rest of you." He held her hand a little tighter. "I'm not making that up."

Jean's eyes teared a little. She didn't believe he was right, but whenever he said that sort of thing it made her not care if anyone stared at her disfigurement. She whispered, "I love you, Ron."

"And I love you." His smile grew. "Too bad you just gave me an 'F' for my Drawing 2 course."

Her brow pinched. "Huh?" Ron released her hand and started to push his chair back.

"Well, I'm gonna go over there and beat the hell out of Palow for checking you out." He began to stand.

She grabbed his wrist and whispered emphatically, "Sit down, you nut."

Ron grinned and pulled his chair closer to the table.

Jean's jaw momentarily clenched. For a second she had believed he was going to say something to his professor. She also knew if any guy ever accosted her, Ron would physically assault him. His muscles were even bigger than last summer. He said he had worked out at school routinely, rarely missing a day. She was glad he had noticed she had toned up and lost a little weight when she visited last Christmas. She smiled remembering how crazy he said she had made him when they couldn't make love for five days until Frank went back to work. She had been nervous every time they made love, at least at first, thinking Frank would show up unannounced, possibly forgetting a blueprint or something.

"What's the smile about?"

"I was just thinking about last Christmas. The little dinner party you suggested, Betty, Bill, Josh and his girlfriend Cathy, you, me, and Frank. I think everyone had a good time. It was a good suggestion." Her smile shrank a little. "I don't think it made Frank sad at all." Ron had been worried about his dad, she had worried about him too even though Frank seemed enthusiastic about the idea. She knew Frank and Maggie used to have parties fairly often before she got sick, usually small dinner parties.

"Yeah, I'm glad I worried for nothing. You were terrific before it with all the preparations, and during it, and af..." He grinned. "Actually, I guess afterwards it was just Dad and me who did the clean up."

"I tried to help, you two wouldn't let me."

"Dad and I had that planned, especially since you did all that cooking and baking and stuff, not just for the dinner party."

"You two helped me with the preparations and cooking."

"Yeah... both of us were shocked at how bossy you were in the kitchen." He grinned.

"Shut up. I was not bossy." She knew he was kidding, but she had given them orders cooking and preparing everything. Both Frank and Ron had teased her about it at the time too, which just made it more fun, well... except for the moments it made her angry.

His smile shrank a little. "Actually, I enjoyed every moment of the holidays. It... it was the best Christmas in years. I think it was because of you, Jean. Dad... I think Dad had a great time too. I'm glad you suggested we go to that tree farm and cut our own tree. Like I said, we... we used to do that when Mom was alive. I got worried a little about Dad, but..." His smile grew. "Dad got into it again too. You said he would."

Jean knew it used to be Frank's and Maggie's tradition. It was the same for herself, Frank and their parents. She had talked to her brother about it first. He had worried about Ron's reaction. She had then talked to Ron and he told her his concerns about Frank. She had convinced them both singly that it would be good for the other, then suggested it at breakfast the next morning. It had been fun for everyone. Frank had gotten sad on Christmas eve for a while, had gone out alone for a walk after the late night news. Ron had gotten quiet about the same time too.

She smiled softly. "I think we all made it a wonderful, memorable Christmas."

It had been one of her best. The absolute best in the past twelve years. She had gotten sad missing Mom and Dad, but she'd always be sad about that. And as usual, she had been sad about Maggie too. Margaret had always been more than a friend, more than a sister-in-law, more like a real sister to her. Maggie, and Frank too, had tried to help her the way Ron finally had. Jean loved and missed her very much but she knew it wasn't anything compared to how Frank and Ron felt. Jean inwardly cringed for a moment when she thought of how crushed, angry, and appalled Margaret would be if she knew about her and Ron.

"Yeah, but you were the catalyst. After you had to leave for home, you know I was still there for a few days. Dad and I took the tree down. We... we both said you were the one who had made it a great Christmas. You made Christmas special again, for both of us, Jean."

Her eyes welled. Once again with all her heart she wished Maggie was still alive, and that somehow she herself was younger, and wasn't Ron's aunt, just his girlfriend. The past year she had been so full of futile wishes.

Ron reached for her hand and held it firmly. "Hey, that was me saying thank you."

She forced a smile to her mouth. "I know. I should say the same to you and Frank for making it wonderful for me, so... thank you too." She had written a card to her brother a week later, saying as much. She had telephoned Ron about the same time, thanking him, then Ron had started making love to her verbally. She never thought of it as 'phone sex.'

Ron gave her hand an extra squeeze and then let go. He wished he could just hold it as long as he wanted. He thought about next Christmas being only six months away. He knew the special relationship with Jean might be over by then. He wondered how difficult it would be to have her visit yet not make love with her, possibly even meet some new guy in her life. His gut tightened. He didn't want to think about it.

Jean's lips formed a sad smile. "I feel like I should ask you if you're all right now."

He wondered what he should say, what he should withhold. They were always open and truthful with each other. He glanced to one side then the other. He smiled at Jean. His voice was soft, just above a whisper, "I love you, Jean. I still think and feel that love can only be good and wonderful, but..." He stopped talking and wished he had after 'wonderful.'

Jean continued for him, "But we both know that sometimes it's sad... because-"

Ron interrupted, "Because of rules and genetics that I wish I could somehow magically change."

Jean tried to keep the smile on her face but couldn't. Her face tensed, her eyes welled to the brim as she nodded.

He took her hand again. "I'm sorry. I-I should have stopped talking before that but."

Jean got herself under control. She wiped her eyes with her free hand and again forced a smile to her lips. "I wish there was magic too, Ron. We know that we'll ha-"

He broke in, "Jean, let's not talk about it tonight. I shouldn't have said anything. This is first time we're alone this summer. Let's not get... I don't want either of us getting sad. We have the whole summer, months before we have to talk about it again." His gut tightened again. "Unless..." His brow pinched. "Have you found someone?"

"No. No one." She blinked. "Have you?" Fear suddenly filled her.

He chuckled. "No." An image of Kyli's face popped into his mind for a moment. "Remember what I said last year near the end of summer?"

Jean tried to calm herself. Once more she forced a smile. "You said a lot of things. What?"

"Let's just assign a day at the end of August to get sad, if we need a sad day. Okay?"

"All right. But... I think we should still do the monthly reviews." She thought she might somehow slowly prepare him for August. Somehow prepare herself too. She also knew she might change her mind. No... no, she couldn't change her mind.

He first shook his head then nodded. "Yeah, sure."

Her smile vanished and her brow tensed. "You think we shouldn't?"

"I guess I thought since we'd be together, we'd not need the review every month, but if you think we should, we will."

"I think we should."

"Okay. I guess you're right. We said every month, so we'll do it every month." He gave her another sad smile.

"What?"

"You know, we never say anything new during those. And..." He exhaled. "We just get sad, at least I do for the most part."

"Ron..." Jean sighed.

"Let's talk about something else." He smiled. "We have all summer to get sad." He saw her eyes tear once more. He should have shut up again. He thought he saw something in her expression. For a few moments he had the sensation of being in freefall. She's already decided. The waitress brought over the take home bag, the iced coffees, and the check. He said thanks to the girl. He told himself he was just imagining the worst, that Jean hadn't made a decision. He picked up his glass. "You know what I don't tell you enough?"

"What?"

"How good and happy I feel when I'm with you. It's like every moment is special."

"Oh Ron..." A tear escaped her left eye. She quickly wiped it with her fingers. "... you make me feel the same way."

Ted got the attention of their waitress. When she came over he ordered two iced coffees. As the girl walked away he asked Kyli if they should ask Ron and his date to sit with them. "We could both walk over there and ask them."

Her face tensed. "You really want to?"

Ted half smiled. "I figure the guy ruined my date with a hot babe, I thought I'd ruin his too."

Kyli thought he wanted a closer look at the girl. "How did he ruin our time together?"

"Well, I would have held your hand, and kissed you... I believe it was three times."

Her eyes opened wider. "You know the exact number?" He's so full of it sometimes! He wouldn't have leaned over the table to kiss me! She half smiled. Maybe he would have!

"Yeah. The first one was when you were reading the menu and your fingertips combed your hair behind your ear. The second time was when there was a smudge of sauce on your lower lip. The third time was a moment ago when you thought I wanted to have coffee with them to just check out his girlfriend."

Kyli blushed. "I... didn't think that." She watched her brother smile, then grin, then start chuckling. Her jaw clenched but a small smile curved her mouth. "Did you know that I really hate you sometimes?" She exhaled sharply. "Am I really that transparent?"

"No, not all the time." He took a breath. "You're half right, I guess, not to check her out, but... and I'm not inventing this, Ky, I really do think I've seen her somewhere before. I can't remember where though and it's bugging me. And..." He exhaled.

Ted leaned towards her and took Kyli's hand again. "Remember what I said earlier? I'm going to be very frank here. I don't agree with your concept of us being open to finding other people. I still think we should somehow figure out how to talk to Mom and Dad about us being together, but... okay, yeah, I see your point too, and when I can think objectively about it, I'm glad you're being open to meeting someone, but I'm also glad you haven't found anyone. You know how many girls I've said, 'I love you' to?" He saw Kyli's eyes tearing up. She shook her head. "One. You. Why do you think I never had a relationship last longer than a year and a half? It's because I couldn't say that to any girl. I can with you because it's the truth.