All Comments on 'Austin and Angela Ch. 01'

Your writing in general is good and the characters had promise but the sex scenes seemed basic and too short.

Thank you for sharing and I hope theverything first isn't also your last time posting ☺

Writing is a bit amateurish but otherwise an alright story.

Don't want to be a downer but you need quite a bit of work. I'll try to give constructive criticism on certain points.

1. Why does Austin want to be a sub/little bitch? There's no context for any of his sexual desires and He's had no experience.

2. Having a clearer progression. This story has heavy non-consent elements, so having a moment where Angela and Austin connect doesn't fit at all. Either be consistent with non-consent, or take the time to build a complex relationship around desires and mutual care/love.

3. In terms of the scene where they connect; show, don't tell. Don't just tell your readers they connected, do the work and write the scene they connect through. That's the difference between any old smut and actually decent erotica.

Imo you would have created a much better story if you had gone hard into the non-consent side and had Austin get broken towards the end after he's been fucked a few different ways. The more you add romance, care, love, the more effort you have to put into people's characteristics and the flow of the story.

Good luck with your future efforts

I appreciate the feedback. You bring up a lot of valid points that I had not considered. This story is my first try at really any sort of creative writing since grade school and I will try to incorporate your feedback into future works. Honestly, my motivation in writing this was to explore a deeply held fantasy. Really, I was embarrassed that I was into this sort of thing and I felt very much alone. I wanted to write this to see the response and find out if there are other people who have similar interests. I understand that the writing has a ways to go, but the response has shown that I am not I'm not alone. Now, I definitely feel less ashamed about this part of my sexuality.

Great job!

I would have enjoyed it but she was way too harsh punching him in the balls. Overkill.

OK I am tired of huge futa cocks. Have you ever taken a ruler, put it against your body to see how long that is on your body? From your butt hole, 28' it would come to your shoulder. Let's at least try to make it realistic. Let's start at about 10 and go to 12 or 14. I am 5'' 6' 28' would kill me. Please Please let's just try to make it a little more real.

Could have been good, but she as just way too brutal.

Some of the story was great, but parts of it she's way too brutal to him. In particular bunching his balls. Gotta give it a 3 overall.

28" is ridiculous. It makes the whole thing a silly fantasy & disengages the reader from the story. Please revise to 12" or less.