All Comments on 'Awakening'

First story!

4

Well done!

Ok….nice

Do they love each other or not? How real is this scenario? Maybe 50 shades of gray could use this thought.

First story mistakes from beginning to end. By the way. Have you heard of these things called paragraphs? They're commonly used when writing. You should give it a try. Not worth more than 2 for trying.

A Loving Wife loving her husband is worth 5☆. An you writted it real gud two!

I understand what you were trying to achieve with throwing in his perspective, but switching PoV for one paragraph, especially with no warning or separation, really hurt the story. It broke the flow of the story, and I never really got back into it as my expectations had been lowered.

Also, that last giant block of text probably should have been broken down into easier to read chunks.

Finally, I probably understand why you put this in Loving Wives, but a writer needs to know their audience and this would have been better served in Romance as the "Loving" in Loving Wives is intended as an ironic. Plus, with that title and nondescript tags in this category, you're probably attracting readers looking for a different type of story which will likely hurt its rating.

Well done, challenges the reader to keep up with the perspective changes, as the man is challenged by the wife. I found that it works, thank you. This is the right category, & it doesn't need irony to work. What a woman - 5*.

Ignore the complaints, I enjoyed the story

Great spirit and emotion. Hire one of the grammar Nazis to fix the grammar and spelling for you. They are very good with the mechanics, and have almost no imagination or human depth. Chaucer and Shakespeare can be hard to read too. Grammar or inspiration, which is more important to the art of writing? I think you know.

Very good LW story.

I didn't read it cuz writing in present tense or switching narrators is a no go for me. but keep writing if you find it rewarding. suggest reading some of the highly rated stories and see how they do narrators and story lines. Plays are written in present tense, "John looks out the window", stories past tense, "John looked out the window." Try that next time. Good luck!

"Ignore the complaints" - This is actually about the worst advice a writer can listen to. Praise feels good, but does nothing to improve your writing. Praise may encourage you to write more, but complaints encourage you to write better.

I love it a true loving wife story

That's exactly the kind of story I love. Two partners who give each other everything and don't need a third party! Well done! I hope for more of this! 5*!