All Comments on 'Bad Magic Ch. 01'

story tags are a bit confusing, only 'magic' really seems to apply

Too short. Interesting concept, just too short.

Oh by all the goddesses, please write more. This is my favourite magic fantasy.

Thank you!

When grabbing for the correct word, please ensure the word you find is the word you need. Multiple times you have incorrect words that sound right to the sentence but are wrong.

Added to that is your penchant for verbosity. You use words for filler rather than context.

Try this for practice: tell you story as if you are telling it to your roommate. Use small words that he will know and understand. Use short sentences so as not to confuse him.

However . . . Keep writing. For some strange reason I think there is one fantastic tale bursting to come through and hit the page. Please find that story for us all.

Too short and desperately in need of a proof reader

I like the start to this, where the poor guy didn’t ask for it and apparently doesn’t deserve it. Hope the author doesn’t make make him into too much of a victim. Weak, helpless, whiny - it’s been done to death.

Great start - here’s hoping!

Interesting story a nice start hopefully you’ll finish it !I’m assuming there’s more to come because you’re beginning show’s promise!

Now that he's a girl will get well Jake get him to suck his sack and maybe get his p**** I hope this story goes even farther

Really well written, going to binge read this. Super good.

Too short and far too many 'wrong' words used, to mention but two problems.

Threw does not equate to through. You might throw your keys through a broken hurdle but then you might lose them. The loss of keys does not 'decimate' anything - the cost of paying the landlord could however badly deplete your budget.

Academic stumbling blocks might well be hurdles - not hurtles. That's what a body might do were it to trip over one of those stumbling blocks - hurtle to the ground. If it comes to that, why did Jake throw up on the coffee table? Ahh, from tripping over one of the stumbling blocks, I guess.

And then there were the tunnels borrowed from the ground. Please return them and then burrow through the earth once more, without borrowing anything. Speaking of burrows, rabbits use their noses to sniff the air and hence they hold them up when searching around, not lower them to the ground. (I should know - I used to breed prize-quality French Lop rabbits.)

Anyway, your story improves a fair bit after that somewhat confusing start so I'll end by returning to my first comment - it was too short. A story needs to be at least 5,000 words long to contain enough to get your readers hooked so, should you extend your array of stories, please make them longer. This story idea is fine, I'll add.

Ignore Chris, it was a great start, he’s just being a picky dick.

So, let's see...

The story begins with, "Pick up, you dumb fucking jock," and then not much later, "If I had the mental fortitude of a pile of bricks, where would I be?"

In fact, the beginning of the story is mostly a rant about anyone who happened to have taken an interest in athletics being of sub-human inelegance, with the false assumption that you can either be a jock, or an academic, but not both.

All this from the character who is too brain dead to:

A. Remember where his keys are.

B. Bother to think about having a set of keys stashed somewhere, anticipating the potential for this unfortunate possibly occurring.

You know, possessing enough intellect to come up with a solution to an event that occurs rather frequently, and develop a solution. A solution that doesn't involve having to rely on his "dumb fucking jock" roommate to assist him out of a predicament that this character is solely responsible for creating.

I can see how someone that narrow minded may come to the false conclusion that whatever woe may befall them must be the fault of others. Because they are obviously way too smart to cause any of it themselves.

Too much prejudiced, too many assumptions based on those prejudices, and nothing tying the story lines together.

BTW, you do not have to be able to speak or read Greek to take Greek history.

Been there, done that.

1 star from me.

A good introduction to a series, even if there's no "meat" just yet.

But the long comment by Anonymous is one of many such reasons why Literotica should give an option for writers to turn off anonymous comments. They're usually so mean and pointless. I got used to them and simply ignore them, but it's still somewhat irritating.