Badger Redd 03

"Hah, like there is shortage of men chasing you around these days, Badger Redd, especially after you pull off this sea of red spandex and cleavage ceremony tomorrow, but it's on, Badger Redd, because I just found out from [cough, spits pieces of feather out, cough] Peacock Penny that I'm your shadow until she officially gets her own job, so technically, our "hey there, hey" starts tonight. But first I have to whip these box carrying men into shape because Andi Pandi explained to me why so many women wear high heels and well, because she is taking names, so, men, we need to get this done, so, how are we doing, men? AP is taking name's, men and these high society ladies need to push their booties up!"

Men! They whistle while they work! Men, whistle while you carry those boxes of shoes! Men, you can fail at flirting with Badger Redd on your own time, men! Eyes forward, men! Men, if I disappear for a few minutes, well, never mind that, men! LOL, you men don't stand a chance with Badger Redd! Men, how many men does it take to change the light bulbs in Badger Redd's house? Tee he, three men walk into a bar and pass out when they see Badger Redd. Stop me if you heard this one, men, but a group of men made up of a Pastor, a hard hat and a...

"(Psst, you're Badger Redd, right?)"

"(Psst, keeping walking and carry more boxes on the next pass. I have a shadow now.)"

[Like a line of army ants and the beat goes on]

"(Holla! Sup?)"

"(Holla! I have a Sharpie and I'm not afraid to use it on your forehead when you pass out!)"

[And the beat goes on still...]

"(Hey)"

"(Hey there)"

[Oh, the beat goes on off to the side then with six quick feet shuffles?]

"I don't pass out Badger Redd."

"Well, that's not why I'm taking your phone number right now, Tyler, and I only lost it two years ago because of a phone upgrade, so?"

[The toe starts tapping faster]

"So, Badger Redd, you are confessing that you remember when we met at Betsie's party then, huh? That must be worth a VIP Pass for the trending ancient Lycra Blended shapewear ceremony, right, Badger Redd?"

"And I'm admitting that I passed out when you came forward first, Tyler and I still heard what you said about my Rave party outfit and the taste of my lips, so, things might have been different if I hadn't passed out, but no matter what you remember...

"Hmm, Black Cherry soda!"

I knew that Tyer would remember. But that was almost two years ago, so, it's just another number in my contact list and nothing more. I mean, I have a shadow for the weekend, so.

"Well, well, I mean, Tyler, we can reconnect in a couple of weeks or something, but listen, it would be best if you sat this ceremony out since the sea of red lowcut evening gowns and pushed up booties already includes your step sister, your momma, your auntie, your other auntie and your grand momma, so?"

Huh! That worked. Oh, and it was true too. But Tyler did take over all of the yelling for Nathan while Nathan combed his Hollywood hair, so.

"Ahem, move it along, men, keep the box carrying line moving, men, and not because I was just denied by Badger Redd, men, keep it moving because there are Ladies from around the globe waiting for these heels, men, so, keep it moving, men! And, hmm, hey there, hey, Janie, tee he."

Move it, men! These women need their heels to push their booties up to balance out their lowcut evening gowns, men! Carry those boxes, men! Men, for the last time, hop to it, men! Men, they are always going all "hey, there hey" to the perfectly curvy, Janie! Men!

"Ding, ding, ding, dingdong, Badger Redd! The truck is unloaded and I'm heading inside of the Red Dress Shop to make my bazillion dollars now from shoes sales, so, stop passing out!"

Well, well, I passed out, again, so what?

"[Wakes up, again] oh, um, did the men get your cube truck completely unloaded then, Janie?"

"Well, duh! Men are really good at stuff like that. Also, men!"

"Men, men, men, men do all the heavy lifting, men, men, men, men."

[You have to whistle along, but I don't know the name of tune]

"[Cheek smooch] you're funny, Badger Redd. Bye! Oh, and you bought me a red knit dress that fits me like a skin on a grape, sweetie."

Well, I really don't remember that, but cool.

"And a black Peek A Boo bra too!"

Well, that I would have remembered! But I will remember that after the ceremony. Unless I pass out.

"And I'm taking an ice bath just before the ceremony!"

Fine, in advance, I passed out. Again.

"[Slap, slap, slap] Badger Redd, wake up! I mean, you realize that you went full on "hey there, hey" with Nathan, right? And I'm only asking that because this might be the last time you can lie to your followers because an overnight shadow date means all that plus three, so, wake up, Badger Redd! Especially since you're Badger Redd and you can be selective now with your men now!"

Oh, Nathan is really nice, but, well.

Tee he, men, again! Men, I just found out that Badger Redd isn't as squeaky clean as we thought, men! Men, Badger Redd needs privacy in the Men's room, so, back off men! Holy hell, men, gather around because someone just leaked Badger Redd's equipment manager photo shoot for the men's softball team. Men, we're in trouble men, because I just found out that the crazy bird girl is importing twenty stand-in side studs from France for the ceremony, men and they're there for our women, men! Men, tee he, that just gives us men more time to gather as men in the Civic Center garage area, men!

"Badger Redd, you're babbling again! And stop passing out because it's the next morning and you're at the front table tonight with Mookie and the hob snobs, so, get up, pretend that you have to shave your smooth little face and shimmy your Badger Redd booty into the red Denim jeans that Peacock Penny laid for you, so?"

"Wait, what, Margo? When was [cough, spits pieces of feather out, cough] Peacock Penny here, hmm?"

"Oh, [cough, spits pieces of feather out, cough] Peacock Penny brought her three new Red Sea petite promo Lil Ladies over here last night for a little personal grooming after you passed out and you missed all that, again, so, get up and stop passing out!"

Well, if I was passed out, then that never happened.

"But Nathan left as a very happy shadow! Which is probably why you passed out, again!"

"(Grumbling sleepy head) wait, what? My shadow is supposed to be sitting at the kitchen table in his boxer shorts eating cereal, so?"

"Oh, he was, but then, well, [cough, spits pieces of feather out, cough] Peacock Penny insisted that he drive the three Red Sea petite promo Lil Ladies home to their apartment that she rented for them in Red Oak Towers complex, which, by the way, that crazy bird girl is burning though her big bags of money, again, so you better hook her with her own treasure find job, pronto! Also, huh, are you really up like that? Is it because we're alone and I made you your Saturday morning coffee your way, tee he, hmm? I made like a bazillion dollars last night thanks to you, Badger Redd!"

Hah! Women! Women who make coffee because they made a bazillion dollars at the combo Red Dress Shop! And hah, women who know exactly how to let a spaghetti strap slide down!

But then I passed out, again, so.

End Badger Redd 03