All Comments on 'Bare-back on Bear Island Ch. 01'

Very hot / arousing. Love nude hiking / camping and outdoor sex. And 3-somes and group sex.

A very exciting story!! Well written and I look forward to the continuation.

Being caught naked in the open is my favorite thing. Since about age11 I have loved to be naked and free. I hope to see more of Mandy.

Love your style…will read more. Loved it.

I very much liked the geographic setting of this story, which plays a big role. This story is much shorter than the other stories by the same writer. but is has some very intense scenes which makes you wonder what direction the next chapters will take. Another excellent story with further potential by this authoress. ***** ADM

Did you make up the term sea conductor? Why would sea conductors pilot ferries in lakes?

"Even the conspicuous and oversized belly of the conductor could not conceal the object of his gaze." Why would being overweight have any effect on his line of sight?

"how he would pursue this sexy red cherry blond hair girl in khaki shorts and shirt" Are four adjectives and three colors necessary to describe one woman's hair?

"Now, with his unflattering middle age" Middle age in itself is not unflattering.

In all of these passages, you're trying too hard to pack in as much description as possible. The results are dense sentences, unrelated details, and erroneous conclusions. Take some time to consider whether your conclusions or assessments are related to the characteristics or details you're tying them to.

Take a moment to revisit pronouns - what they are and how they are used. A lot of words are erroneously capitalized, like park, ferry, lake, ranger, northern, southwestern...

"as well as other "personal" effects that she had brought with her." The quotation marks around personal aren't needed.

"he chuckled like a dying horse at his profound observation" Baffling. We see you're trying to add color to an ordinary conversation, but that description doesn't make sense, and it's unneeded.

This story has a lot of such examples. You really don't need to pack in as many colorful phrases as possible into every part of an exchange or observation to maintain the reader's interest. I mean, points for creativity, but it's to the point that it affects flow and is distracting.

"remembering he was talking to a girl and not just another male coworker" He was talking to a woman, young woman, or female coworker. You do a disservice to the main character each time you refer to her as a girl. She's an adult with adult responsibilities. Calling her a girl diminishes her in the minds of your readers. She's the main character, and a likable one, at that. Don't diminish her.

"Mandy noticed how his hands were large and felt like tree bark. But they were both polite and nice enough." That reads as she thought his hands were polite and nice enough.

I hope this story hasn't been abandoned. It's a fun read, although the sex scene read like they were in a rush to go through as many positions as possible. The sex scene is what we've been waiting for. Taking the time to describe what she's feeling during the sex is much more satisfying and erotic than reading a race to the finish.

Ha, I need someone to proofread my comments written when I am tired. That should have been proper nouns in the comment below, not pronouns.

Looking forward to Chapter 2 and Mandy's further adventures. i assume that before the end of summer she will have ridden every cock on the island!