Beans

"Beans" isn't what you would think it is from seeing the outside. It doesn't look like a bar at all, and that's probably why the customers only know about it by word of mouth. It's been around for about twenty years or so, and hasn't advertised even once that I know of. People just seem to find out it's there from a friend, come once, and then keep coming back because it's a great little bar.

On any Friday or Saturday night, the place will be full, but it's not your normal bar with loud music and the sounds of a hundred people trying to talk over the speaker system.

Shelly, the DJ, keeps the music soft and usually that music is jazz. That's because soft music is what the customers want. Ramsey Lewis, Miles Davis, or Vince Guaraldi playing in the background make Beans a nice place to kick back, have a drink or three, and talk to some friends to unwind from the week.

Sometimes, those friends become really good friends, and you'll see them leave together even though they came in at different times. Sometimes they come in together and leave separately with someone else. I wondered about that the first time I went to Beans, but now I know why that happens.

On the outside, Beans looks more like the old mom and pop grocery store it used to be. It sits in the middle of a block of storefronts that used to be a clothing store, a hardware store, a grocery store, a drug store, and a jewelry store before they started building malls and big-box stores out on the edge of the city. Now, the clothing store is an antique shop, and because the hardware store was beside the old grocery store, it became part of Beans. The other storefronts were torn down to form a parking lot.

Even though it's what used to be two storefronts, Beans isn't all that big, certainly not as big as one of the martini bars downtown. You go inside through the door that used to be to the grocery store and past the counter where you pay the cover charge, and the dance floor is right in front of you. It's not all that big, maybe twenty feet on a side, but it has a hardwood floor. Usually, you'll see a few couples dancing to the soft music. Around the dance floor are some tables, and at those tables will be other couples or maybe two couples together. There are lights on the dance floor, but just bright enough to let you see a person's face if you're pretty close to them. The tables are lit only by what light comes off the dance floor, so they're pretty dark.

In the part that used to be the hardware store is the bar itself, a long stretch of polished oak bar top with oak paneling and a brass foot rail. Behind the bar, where Marilyn, the bartender, mixes drinks and pulls long-necks out of the big tank of ice, is the rack of liquor bottles with a huge mirror over that. Marilyn has enough light she can see to mix drinks and you could read a newspaper sitting at the bar, but the tables behind the barstools are lit about as well as the dance floor tables. Nobody sits on the barstools unless they're waiting on someone else to come in. Well, I did, but that's because I wasn't waiting on anybody and I liked talking to Marilyn.

What makes Beans even more unusual is that Marilyn and Shelly own Beans. You never think of a woman owning a bar, much less two women in a partnership owning a bar. That's what they are though. The partnership is M & S Beans, LLC.

Marilyn and Shelly were both interior decorators for an architectural firm downtown, and didn't form that partnership until Marilyn's parents passed away and left her a sizeable bank account. She liked interior design, but didn't like working for somebody else. The money gave her a way to work for herself.

Shelly had gotten a pretty healthy settlement from her divorce and was also looking for a way to become self-employed. What Marilyn told me is Shelly's husband had done well in the stock market and had also been doing pretty well with his secretary. Shelly hired a private investigator and found out just how well he was doing with the secretary, and then sued for divorce and took him for almost everything he had.

Anyway, between them, they decided to form the partnership, bought the two storefronts, and started turning them into "Beans". Along the way of doing that, Shelly decided she'd had enough of men. Marilyn had decided she didn't want a man when she was in high school. The partnership became more than a business relationship and they renovated the second floor of the buildings as their apartment. I've never been up there, but Marilyn says it's pretty nice. They're both about forty now, or so Shelly told me, and have been together long enough I don't think there's any danger of either partnership dissolving.

As you might now suspect, Beans isn't like most bars for another reason as well. Any night you go in there, and Beans is open every night from seven to three in the morning except for Sundays, most of the customers will be women over thirty five. Once I got to know Marilyn a little better, I asked her if it was her or Shelly who had the last name of Beans. She just grinned.

"Neither one of us. We opened this place so women would have a safe place to meet other women. I'm sure you've heard the old saying - flicking the bean. That's why we named it Beans. We figured all we'd have here were women. The gay guys were a surprise."

She and Marilyn had figured there wasn't any place in town where lesbians could go to meet up if they were much over thirty. There were a couple of clubs downtown, but they were noisy and full of young kids. They wanted to make a place where older women would feel safe and not have young girls whisper about them because of their age.

On any given night, there will be a few mature guys in Beans too, but they'll be with each other. I've never seen a straight guy in Beans hitting on one of the women, but that's because Mike keeps a close eye out for anything like that. Mike is gay. He's also about six three and is built like a football guard.

I gather one young, straight guy did come into Beans when they first opened up. He looked at the women and decided he'd take one home that night. He'd had three beers and had asked six women before he figured out he didn't have a chance. That's when he started yelling about how he'd be able to convert them all if he could fuck them just once.

Marilyn and Shelly had seen this happen in the clubs downtown, so they'd hired Mike for just such a situation. Mike walked over to the guy, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Mr. I think it's time for you to go home. Are you going to walk out by yourself, or am I going to have to help you".

The guy left under his own power, and apparently the word spread about Beans because it hasn't happened again.

You're probably thinking I'm one of those gay guys who like Beans because other gay guys go there, but you'd be wrong. I'm straight, about as straight as a man can get. If that's the case, you'll be thinking then why would I go to a gay and lesbian bar in the first place?

It was more of an accident than anything else. I didn't know what Beans was the first time I went. I'd just heard two women talking about it at work and decided since I like jazz and hate noisy bars, Beans would probably be a place I'd like.

It was only seven and Beans had just opened when I walked in. There were a few women sitting at the tables, but in my experience, that's not really all that unusual. Most women go to bars to meet men, and some of them get there early so they have longer for that meet-up. It's also usual that they go to bars at least with one other woman.

It was dark enough inside I couldn't really tell how old they were, but that wouldn't have told me much anyway. Women are dressing and acting a lot younger than their mothers today, so a woman in sexy clothes doesn't have to be twenty-five anymore.

It wasn't until I sat down at the bar and Marilyn asked me what I wanted to drink I found out Beans wasn't what I thought it was. She smiled at me, but the smile was a little odd.

"I'm Marilyn. What can I get you tonight?"

I said I'd like a Miller, so she stepped to the bin of ice and pulled out a longneck, popped the cap, and sat it on the bar.

"It's our happy hour, so that'll be two dollars. It'll go up to three in an hour, so if you want another one at this price, be sure to let me know before eight."

I handed her three ones. Marilyn grinned, put one in her tip jar, and the other two in her register. Then she smiled at me again.

"Haven't seen you in here before. You new in town?"

"No, not really. I just heard this place is quiet and you play jazz."

Marilyn looked at me and smiled that funny smile again.

"If you're looking for a date, you're probably out of luck. Not many guys come here and if they do, they're usually together."

I realized what she was thinking.

"Oh, I'm not gay, if that's what you mean."

Marilyn grinned then.

"I didn't think you looked gay. You're not dressed well enough to be gay. I don't want to burst your bubble, but you're not going to find a woman here either. All our girls are into other girls."

I smiled back.

"I'm not here for that either. I uh...I got divorced a couple years ago, and I'm not looking to repeat it. I just like quiet bars with jazz. Is it OK if I stay?"

Marilyn chuckled.

"Well, it's gonna be a little like being in a candy store with no money, but if that's what floats your boat, you're welcome to stay. We don't judge anybody. When you're ready for another beer, just wave."

That night proved to be interesting. Like a lot of guys do after they get divorced, I'd spent my time in the bars downtown looking for a woman so I could prove I was still a man. That quickly got tiring. I was thirty-eight and most of the women were between twenty-one and twenty-five. They always had a bunch of guys hanging around them who were all about the same age. I didn't look twenty-five and I wasn't having any luck.

Beans was about the same as the other bars except the women were older and the atmosphere more laid back. Instead of young girls dancing together to the latest hip-hop music and trying to look seductive, there were older women dancing together to jazz, sometimes in each other's arms, and they didn't have to try to look seductive because they already were.

I didn't see mobs of girls hanging around one particular table like the guys did. Instead, I'd see a woman walk up to a table where one woman was sitting and talk for a while. Usually, after a few minutes the woman who'd walked to the table would either walk away or climb up onto the stool next to the woman and stay there. I saw more than a few couples meet like that and then leave together.

There were a few guys who came in later, and like Marilyn had said, most of them were together. I saw them dancing together too, and they were just as close to each other. A couple did talk to me when they came to the bar for a drink.

The conversation was the about same both times.

"Hi. I haven't seen you here before. Did you come with somebody or are you alone?"

I'd say this was my first night and the guy would grin.

"Always good to have another guy in our club. What are you looking for?"

That's when I'd say I wasn't looking for anything. The guy would get a little suspicious then.

"You're not somebody writing a book or doing some documentary on the gay and lesbian community are you. We had one of those at the place I used to go to. He was an asshole."

I'd shake my head and smile.

"No, I'm straight but I'm not a writer or a reporter. I just heard this was a nice bar and thought I'd find out if it is. I like it, so I'll probably come back."

"You don't care that all the people are gay or lesbians?"

"No, not if you don't care that I'm straight. I don't pretend to understand, but it's not my place to judge what people do."

The first guy said, "I'll be damned", and then walked off to join a group of other guys. The second wanted to talk some more. He stuck out his hand and said, "I'm Bill Marshall."

I shook his hand and said I was Warren Ames.

He smiled.

"What do you do for a living, Warren?"

I said I was an engineer. He grinned again. "I know about engineers. I used to be one. Now, I'm a program manager. It's a little less stress, and I seem to be able to get people to do what they need to do. It's kind of fun sometimes. I plan out the work so the project gets done on time, and then hold weekly meetings with the engineers to make sure we stay on schedule."

I laughed.

"You're one of those guys who keeps bitching at me to get back on schedule."

"Yeah, but sometimes it takes a kick in the ass to make you engineers get your heads out of your data and actually doing work. Oh, I see Bobby's waving at me, so I better get back or he'll think I'm trying to take you home instead of him. It was good to meet you."

As he walked back to one of the tables, I decided Bill was OK. Like I'd told him, I didn't understand the whole gay thing, but he wasn't much different than most of the guys I worked with.

After a second beer, I left and went home, but I'd had a good time. People are always fun to watch, and I'd seen people doing things they'd never do anywhere else.

There was the occasional woman who was dressed more like a man than a woman, but for the most part, the women just looked like women. I saw them wearing everything from nice dresses to jeans and snug tank tops to shorts and midriff tops. I'd seen women wearing the same clothes at Walmart.

Some of the guys were maybe a little effeminate, but nothing like I'd pictured a gay guy being. Like I said, Bill looked just like any other guy who liked to get regular haircuts and dressed a lot better than the young guys I'd seen in other bars.

What was really different was the amount of intimacy displayed by both the men and the women. In most straight bars, the guys and girls flirt a lot, but there's not a lot of touching going on unless they're dancing a slow dance together. At Beans, there was a lot.

It wasn't overt sexuality, but the strong hint was there. I saw couples finish a dance and then hug each other with a full body hug you wouldn't see in a regular bar unless the guy and the girl were really serious about each other. Most of the women who were sitting together seemed to be that serious. Some of the guys did the same thing. I saw several women kissing, and even a couple of guys.

I'll admit watching two guys kiss was a little hard to take. It just didn't seem natural to me. I suppose that's because I was taught that being gay is wrong. Still, it wasn't hard to understand they kissed because they felt something for each other. Odd that your parents would teach you that being gay is wrong but also teach you not to judge other people, isn't it?

The women kissing seemed relatively normal, but then, I'd always known women were more free with their emotions than men. My Aunt Grace always kissed everybody including women, but on the cheek, not on the mouth like these women were doing.

I think the thing that made me understand a little more was the age of both the men and the women. They were all old enough that I figured they were looking for or with a long-term partner and not just looking to have sex. None of the men or the women were exceptionally attractive either, at least not like you see in the movies about gays and lesbians. They just looked like normal men and women.

It had been fun, both watching the people and sitting there relaxing to the music, more fun than I'd have had at another bar. At any other bar, I'd still have been sitting by myself, but there at Beans, the atmosphere was such I didn't care. I decided I'd go back on Saturday night.

I did go back that Saturday night, and I kept going back on Friday and Saturday nights for the next three months. I probably wouldn't have if the people hadn't accepted me like they did.

That first Saturday night, Bill walked up with another guy, stuck out his hand, and said "Hi, Warren. This is Bobby. Bobby, this is the guy I told you about."

We talked for a while, and when they walked back to their table, I decided that Bobby wasn't really very masculine, but I'd known other accountants that weren't. Bobby was a pretty smart guy, and I decided he was OK too.

I also met a couple of the women that first Saturday night. Jeannie walked into Beans and went straight to the bar. Since Marilyn was just then setting my beer on the bar in front of me, Jeannie walked up beside me, and while Marilyn was mixing her drink, she introduced herself.

Like the two guys, Jeannie smiled and asked if I was new. I went through the same basic conversation about being straight and just liking jazz. She chuckled then.

"Wow, a straight guy who comes to a bar full of women just to listen to the music. Most guys just want to see how far they can get with a woman. I come here for the music a little, I suppose, but mostly, it's so I don't have to keep telling horny guys I don't work that way. They usually get pissed when I do that, and it sort of ruins the night."

I said I'd seen that and thought it showed the guys didn't have very much respect for women.

"Yeah", she said. "You're right about that. You'd think their mothers would teach them better, but I guess their mothers must think lesbians are nuts like about everybody else does."

Marilyn sat her drink on the bar then. Jeannie paid her and then said she had to go find somebody named Estelle.

"We sort of hit it off last week, and she said she'd be here tonight. I sure hope she is. My partner got transferred to another state so I've been alone for the last three weeks. You take care, Warren."

Over that next three months, I met several more people and I started to understand what my ex had once told me about the way she saw other women. She didn't like me looking at other women, she said, because they were a threat to her. She didn't mind me talking to other men because they weren't a threat.

I saw kind of the same thing with the guys who came to Beans. They were pretty slow to warm up to me, and I figured out what Bill had said was the reason. If one guy of a couple talked to me, the other guy of the couple started wondering if he was in danger of losing the first guy. After three months though, that had changed. They weren't back-slapping friendly, but they'd usually wave when they saw me.

The women liked me a lot faster. They considered me to more of an oddity than anything. Most couldn't believe a straight guy would ever be caught dead in a gay and lesbian bar, but when I kept coming back they were curious about why. I think Julie spoke for most of them.

"It's sort of weird that you come to a bar where you don't have a chance of picking up a woman. It that on purpose? I mean, if you're not gay, why are you staying away from straight women? I thought that's all you guys thought about -- finding somebody to sleep with."

I explained about being divorced and not wanting to jump back into the dating pool just yet.

"I still like women. I'm just not ready for any kind of long term relationship, and one-night stands...well, they're not what they're cracked up to be."

"Ah...I know what you mean. When I was in my twenties, I had a lot of those one night stands. They were pretty good, but Jackie and I share a lot more together than sex, and it's a lot better. The sex is great, but it's nice to have somebody you can just sit on the couch with and watch a movie. Probably not what you've heard about us, is it?"

I shook my head.

"No...what I've read says lesbians and gay guys change partners all the time. I don't believe everything I read though."

Julie smiled.

"We're not that much different from straight women. Well, some of us are. There are girls who like to act like men and some of us like that, and some of us do like to sleep around, but most of us just want to find that one special person so we have somebody to love who loves us back. We just like women instead of men."