Beautiful Gifts, Small Packages Ch. 08

"All sorts of things," he started, keeping his gaze on the floor. "Avoiding you for one. Disrespecting you, by snapping at you in front of the receptionist, and yelling at you in the elevator for another. And finally... for how much I want you to punish me for avoiding you that I acted out in the first place. Even though you've told me you're not ready," my sweet boyfriend confessed, looking quite upset with himself. "I'm sorry for pushing you and being overly excited and easily triggered. I'm sorry for acting like a first timer when I know I'm supposed to be the experienced one. I don't know what's going on with me tonight but my heart won't stop racing and my anxiety is off the charts. I must be giving you a very bad impression of what kind of sub I can be. I mean, I wrote you my limits, expecting you to respect them, and yet I'm not even respecting your wishes. Please tell me I'm not changing your mind about our dynamic? I swear I'm not intentionally trying to rush you. I want to be a good boy. It's been so long since someone's called me that and you do it a lot. I don't want to fuck it up and make that stop."

"It's alright baby, you're being very good. Okay sweetheart? But, since you brought it up, why were you short with me anyways?" I asked as I continued to play with his hair.

Thomas flushed, whether from the praise or the question, I did not know but the color looked lovely on his cheeks. "I.. I can afford to treat you well. I want to spoil you. Especially if you're going to be my- if you're willing to do this with me on top of being my boyfriend. I know I don't have to.. but I really want to and not just because I get off on it. I want to be a good boyfriend, not just a good submissive. I take pride in correcting my mistakes. I avoided you and that hurt you and I wanted to make up for that. This was my way and I guess it hurt my pride a little when you tried to say my making up for how I ignored you wasn't worth it. Especially when I was already all in my head for not being able to buy you a nicer room.

And then in the elevator.. you sounded like you wanted to stop right at the beginning and I'm... fuck! Ry... you-you're sensitive about the size of your cock and I'm sensitive about this. I'm ridiculously excited and nervous and scared and I know I'm being way too emotional about it all but I don't know how else to be right now. I feel like I'm having some kind of internal nervous breakdown even though this is something that I want. I'm not used to being... all open and honest with past partners when it comes to this but I'm trying now, because it's you.

Normally, I don't talk about it because you're right. I was hurt. I was hurt so fucking bad that I feel crazy for even wanting submission after all that. Because of that, when I'm dominated, I just let it happen and eventually it gets taken too far or something breaks down in the relationship and I force myself to leave. Because if I don't, then I'll go back to being that same pathetic, sorry excuse of a boy that I was, who had no self respect or self control at all. I never want to be him again but talking about it is just... I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm so bad at it, okay? But I really like you and knowing I can have this with you has me super on edge since I know it could fuck everything up. Me loving this has fucked everything up before but I want it to be different this time. I'm trying so hard to not fuck it up this time." He finally finished, pleading with me with his eyes to accept his answer and not press further.

"I'm not changing my mind about anything. I just want to do this safely, remember sweet boy? There's no risk here, you're safe and you're so good for talking to me like this. You're doing very well, alright?" I assured, smiling to myself when Thomas finally relaxed and sagged against my leg, placing his head on my lap. Fuck he was adorable sitting at my feet like this!

"I'm sorry I'm a lot to handle," he started again, dropping my mood slightly. He wasn't being too much, I could handle him just fine. "Being my Dom takes some effort.. at least it does if we're dating. I've been told I need a firm hand or I'm all out of control. I'm probably making a huge fool of myself, huh?" he asked quietly against my knees, but then continued with, "I apologize for being such an inconvenience or even an embarrassment. I'm ready for whatever punishment you think I deserve."

"I don't really think you did anything to deserve a punishment baby," I replied lightly as I carded my fingers through his hair, hoping to make Thomas feel better. I really didn't want to punish him. I liked this. The kneeling, the talking about feelings, the making him feel better. What good would a punishment do if he was feeling this badly about himself?

"Oh but I- I.. alright," he replied, sounding more upset somehow but he kept his face hidden in my lap.

"What is it?" I asked, sensing there was something he wasn't telling me.

"I don't want to keep pushing," Thomas all but whispered. "I've done that enough."

I sighed, feeling a little frustrated with how difficult this was to talk about, but he had always been patient with me, so I would stay calm for him. "You're not pushing baby. We came here so I can learn more and understand what I'm getting myself into and you're being so helpful, okay? So tell me, what have I said that's upset you now? You can tell me, I won't be upset. I promise."

He shook his head and finally looked up, startling me when I noticed unshed tears in his eyes. "I um... I'm not sure how much you had time to learn but.. fuck this is humiliating. Please don't make me say it," he begged, dropping his gaze once more.

"Tell me," I insisted gently.

"Yes S-"

"Look at me," I ordered in the same soft tone, pulling his hair tight in my fist.

"Yes Sir," he nearly whispered, eyes wide and needy. "I- I want to be punished if I displease you. I know I said it could be your choice, and it is, but I don't like... getting away with things. Punishment makes me feel better when I've fucked up. Punish me and I will learn to be your perfect boy. I'll do anything you want. You won't want anyone else to make you cum but me. I swear, I'll make you feel incredible, all the time, every time. You won't need anyone but me. I'll work for and earn every kiss you give me. I'll learn how to be good for you Daddy. Just show me the way, please. Punish me, it will make you happy with me."

I sighed, a little weary of the idea of punishment, especially considering all my nightmares, and his intense insistence on satisfying me felt like a clue to his distressed behavior. I kissed his forehead, strongly disliking the idea that he had to earn my affection. What the fuck had happened to my happy, calm, confident lover? What the fuck did his ex do to him?! I felt my blood boil and I couldn't control the angry look on my face.

"I can wait until you're ready, of course I can. You're in charge now, not me," Thomas hurried to reassure me when he saw my face.

"But?" I asked quietly, knowing there was more, and did my best to calm down. Thomas was already upset, I didn't want to make it worse.

"But... I've felt off ever since avoiding you. Especially now that submission is on the table. I need to be... put in my place. Is that something you'd... be into.. maybe?" He nearly pleaded.

Fuck.. that concept was actually super hot.. only I didn't want to go too fast when we didn't have any sort of written agreement or anything like that, especially when Thomas seemed so distressed. If I was going to be Thomas's Dom then I wanted to take it seriously and that meant playing safely. Plus, it was my job to be even more responsible when my submissive wasn't thinking clearly, which he seemed to be struggling with at the moment. I could do that. I could protect him from being too rash. There had to be a way to start out gently, even with a punishment.

"Alright baby, I can do that for you but help me out a bit. You said that you could show me how this didn't have to be sexual," I started, intrigued as to what that looked like. "So show me with this. Show me how to punish you without it being about sexual gratification for either of us. Now!" I challenged, yanking his head back by his hair to emphasize that this was an order, not a request.

A dazed look came across Thomas's handsome face and I was quickly recognizing it as him settling into his role. It was beautiful.

*******

Thomas's Pov:

I wanted so badly to beg Riley to spank me but I refrained. I figured if I asked, he'd interpret it as sexual as it sounded, even though it didn't turn me on to get spanked, not anymore anyways. It was actually one of the most humiliating things he could do to me, at least in my head. Before, it use to make me feel small and young, like I wasn't worthy of being treated like an adult. It was an uncomfortable feeling but not entirely unpleasant. Now, however, a spanking had the possibility of giving me a panic attack. Maybe it was better not asking for it anyways because I'd probably end up crying if Riley spanked me. That's how degraded a spanking could make me feel now and I didn't know if tears were allowed or if that would ruin the idea of dating me, more than my secret desires already did. Besides... I didn't let anyone spank me anymore. So why did I want Riley to go there? No, I couldn't ask for that, I decided. It was too much, too soon. I was jumping in too deep again, so I forced myself to think of something else, even as the desire to ask burned hotter within me.

"Y-you could.. make me act as a piece of furniture for you.. a footstool perhaps. I could use the time to think.. um.. of more ways to s-serve you while we're here and when you're ready, I could present my ideas and you could judge if they're... good enough or if I m-messed up and deserve another punishment," I practically stuttered feeling just as ashamed as if I really had just begged him to spank me. I had a love/hate relationship with knowing that all my punishments were bound to lead to Riley breaking me and my brain was spiraling like it did with my ex, when I had to prove myself worthy over and over. Fuck I needed punishment! Then he'd see how good I could be.

Riley frowned down at me and his fingers stopped moving in my hair. I felt a burst of anxiety squeeze my racing heart in a cold fist. Had I already fucked up again? Would he smack me across the face? Did I want him to? I sorta did. I think.

"I'm confused. Is that all you want from this arrangement between us? Punishment on top of punishment, until you've proven yourself good enough I mean?" He asked without meeting my eyes.

I froze, realizing I said something wrong, "What?" I asked weakly, unable to think of a suitable answer to his question.

"Are you wanting me to sort of... I don't know, bully you? You just seem really focused on punishment and I've read enough to understand that's a thing for some couples but.. I read some other things too. Don't you want more than someone who will constantly look for ways to be displeased with you? Or.. is that the only way you get off?" He asked earnestly, looking at me this time, his eyes full of questions.

"I... that's.. how it always is.. or was. If I'm a bad toy, I get punished until my Master is happy with me," I finally answered, feeling completely ashamed of myself for acting in a way that Riley didn't seem to enjoy. I was too in my head and I couldn't get a read on what he wanted from me at all. If I loved Riley, why was it so hard to be a good sub for him? He was going to try to back out again. I was sure of it.

"Okay. So is that how you want it to be with us? We could be different. I don't see you as a-" he started.

"I've told you I need to be punished!" I hissed back, finally beyond stressed that things weren't happening in the way I was used to. Like before. "I'm your worthless little faggot bitch!" I spat, noticing how Riley flinched at the slur. "Play with me, hurt me, taunt me, tease me, use me and make me beg for mercy already! Do your worst! Or am I too disgusting for even that? Guess I'm just a failure at being your sub since I'm basically twisting your arm to get you to show me where I belong! I suck! I suck! I suck! I know it okay? Just do something, damn it! Please Daddy just-" I panted angrily as the early feelings of sub drop began to hit me out of nowhere.

Nothing was going right! Everything was upsetting me and all I could think about was how any other Dom would have stripped me of my dignity by now, especially my ex. He would have never allowed my outburst!

A moment later I quickly gasped in shock, realizing all the bullshit I'd just spouted out and I began muttering incessant apologies. I hadn't meant any of it, not really, not with Riley. It was good that he was slowing me down and making me think about what I wanted. I didn't want the kind of relationship I had with Fred. I needed to remember that. Besides, even if others would have put me in my place by now, I would have felt disgusted with myself later. This was better. I just had to pull my shit together.

Suddenly my cheek burned and it took me a solid ten seconds to realize that Riley had slapped me. That got my attention and I stopped shouting, suddenly focused on what my tiny Dom would do next as my dick stood at attention.

"Listen to me very carefully pet," Riley hissed and I shivered as he grabbed the collar of my shirt, choking me a little as he pulled my face closer to his. "Regardless of how we play, you don't get to attack yourself or tell me what I'm thinking. You've told me the same thing before, when I thought you were going to break up with me over what Andy said at the New Years Eve party." I nodded, remembering how much I hated that he was scared that I wouldn't accept him or care for him because of his size when I just wanted him for him. "Let me tell you a secret," he continued as his cheeks began to turn pink. "I've fantasized about having you submit to me since the day I met you and every day since. Never, in my wildest dreams, did I ever think my fantasies could be realized with you, so there's no way in hell that I'm gonna change my mind about doing this with you. But baby, I don't want it to be like I look down on you or something. I would never call you a worthless bitch. That's just... so out of line. You're my best friend and I hate the idea of calling you names and constantly being displeased with you or looking for reasons to punish you. I mean, I'm cool with it happening, I just don't want that to be all that's happening. I read that being a good Dom isn't just about being in control. It's also about taking care of your submissive's needs, looking out for them, and I really resonated with that. I like the thought that I can protect and satisfy you."

"But...I want to serve you. I'm not some kind of princess that needs to be babied," I responded, knowing in my heart that I did want to be treated as special. I wasn't use to it though, which made me a little suspicious that he was lying to me. He had to want more than that. Especially if he'd been made fun of by a plethora of jocks so badly that he stopped going to high school. He had the power here. It would be so easy for him to use me as a conduit for his revenge. I'd actually been ready for him to hit me again, hell I wouldn't have been surprised if he punched me but instead he was talking about taking care of me. That wasn't the point of being a submissive, right? Even in the best of times, I wasn't taken care of. I was satisfied, obviously, or what would be the point? But it wasn't... mushy. It was my job to serve and make sure my Master was happy. Maybe Riley couldn't go as hard as I deserved?

Or maybe.. his way would be better? I was always depressed after scenes, reliving the disgusting things I'd let myself do, with no partner around to tell me it was okay and that I was good. Could that part be different? Would he kiss me after? Would he hold me? Did I want that? I was scared to want that.

"Yes baby, I know and I promise you can serve me but it doesn't have to be a one sided thing. There's ways I can take care of you by using my dominance over you. You'd like that, wouldn't you baby? Just give me a real chance before deciding how things will be." He cooed my words back at me and I felt my body relax, loving the way his voice sounded when he called me baby.

"Maybe later. I hurt you.. I disrespected you.. I talked back, so-" I weakly argued.

"And you wrote in your limits that this dynamic isn't a 24/7 thing. Some of that doesn't count. Just stop," he stated firmly as he grabbed my jaw in his fist and pushed his thumb into my willing, needy mouth.

I melted instantly and forgot that this wasn't how things were meant to go as my tongue explored the intrusion.

"Maybe I could try your way," I mumbled incoherently around his thumb, too far gone to realize what I was saying, for nothing else mattered when he possessed my mouth like this. I began to suck on his thumb, becoming so preoccupied with how nice it felt pressed against my tongue that I didn't notice the string of drool running down my chin.

"There, that's better now, isn't it handsome? You just focus on Daddy's thumb. That's it. Such a good boy," Daddy praised, while my mind slipped away on a cloud, almost all rational thought beyond reach.

*******

Riley's Pov:

I am most definitely in over my head... but I'm smart, I can figure this out, I thought as Thomas melted beneath my touch.

The larger man had become a pathetic, drooling mess at my feet and I couldn't help the surge of protectiveness that came over me as I gazed down at him. I didn't know how it was for anyone else but, for me, he was so easy to control that it wasn't even funny. Not for the first time, I thought of his limits and shook my head angrily. I would never allow anyone to see Thomas like this, let alone hurt or share him. It was unthinkable. And even if he'd been into that, I would be way too jealous to ever try. I wanted him all to myself.

He moaned as I controlled his face with my thumb, moving it down so that I could press a soft kiss to his forehead. The sound was so sexy that I was tempted to ask him to blow me, but I decided against it in the end. Thomas seemed a little out of it and I didn't want to start something, only to have it end up like last time. Not when he'd been slightly erratic all night and I didn't understand why he seemed not all there and desperate to prove himself to begin with. So instead, I ordered him to get on all fours in front of me so that I could prop my feet up, as he'd suggested. Only, he wasn't allowed to think about anything or say a word. He complied quickly, without even asking for a cushion to protect his knees. I shook my head again and got him one, pleased when he didn't fight me on it, before I finally sat down.

It was strange, using his body as a footstool. It wasn't something I would've come up with but it was... thrilling. This handsome jock was using his perfect body for something as low as holding up my feet and he liked it! Unbelievable. Though I supposed it was also a gentlemanly act, in a way, like throwing a jacket over a puddle for your lover so they won't ruin their shoes. Very fitting for Thomas. Fuck that thought made me hard and what made it even better was seeing how relaxed Thomas finally looked. I stared in awe for several minutes, seeing a beautiful peace settle over my sweet boyfriend that I'd never seen before. It made me feel incredible to know I had the power to give him that. Though I didn't think it was possible, I fell in love with him a little more than I already had and intrusive thoughts of the future drifted through my mind. How handsome he would look in a suit and tie, on the floor just like this, allowing my shoes to soil his expensive jacket as I drank champagne and recalled our wedding vows from earlier that day. I shook my head to clear it, feeling a warm blush on my cheeks and chills run down my spine from the mental image. I needed to focus, not daydream. I came here to learn.