Beautiful Gifts, Small Packages Ch. 08

"Yes," I whispered, hiding my face against his chest as best I could while I snuggled in closer, a little desperate for him to keep holding me.

Riley was quiet for a long time, to the point where I almost thought he'd gone to sleep, were it not for the constant circles he reassuringly rubbed into my back.

"What is it you want from me baby?" He finally asked. "I.. I thought I could do this but I feel so out of my depth after hearing all that. Part of me is worried that you won't really enjoy submitting to me at all. I mean, you were taken advantage of before. You were used, manipulated and humiliated. You claim to like it, I know, but I'm not going to be like that. I can't do all that to you."

I cringed at his words, feeling complete and total shame. "I didn't like all of what he did and I do like submitting to you. I like it way too much. I know I've let others go too far before but we can do it differently, like you said. I like what you've done so far. I'll be good for you," I practically pleaded, wanting him to know that I could be what he wanted.

It wasn't about what he made me do, it was that he made me do it at all. It was about the submission. He didn't have to feel overwhelmed. We could make it work, so long as he wasn't disgusted by me. Even now, I couldn't control my desire to submit to his wishes, though I also fought with the idea of needing to be punished for my past experiences, as if that would erase them so that he would accept me as his submissive.

"You clearly like being humiliated and handled harshly and though I've fantasized of both, after hearing all that, I'm not sure if I can stomach being that aggressive with you. I.. I'm more of a romantic anyways. I like having control but purposely trying to hurt you doesn't really.. do much for me."

"What are you saying?" I asked, my heart in my throat.

"I'm saying that I might not be able to give you what you want. I can't be that mean to you, okay? You're my favorite person." I jerked away when I felt something wet under my cheek and looked at Riley for the first time since I'd started talking. He had tears in his eyes that he quickly rubbed away when he caught me looking. "I still want to try, I do. I'm not trying to back out because I really am interested in bringing this to the bedroom but if you actually expect me to... basically torture you, I probably won't be good enough and you'll get bored with me. I really like praising you.. teasing you. I like that I can make you feel good. That I could make you cum with barely a touch because of how needy you were for my cock was incredibly fulfilling. You made me feel like my body was normal and attractive. I love the desire I see from you when you submit to me. But do you even want that kind of stuff with me? I know it's... soft. I'm too soft for this."

I quickly nodded my head, yes.

"Everything you've done has been perfect. Truly. I've loved it. It must be why it's so easy for me to fall into submission with you. And, I told you, I'm in therapy. I've been working through this for a while and I don't think I want what I'm used to. Not anymore. I know I keep falling into old habits but that doesn't mean that I want you to hurt me. It just means... I expect you to. I like that you haven't made me feel truly ashamed of myself all night. I've only done that to myself. I keep expecting to hate myself after the few things we've done so far but I don't. I just want more. Even when I failed your test, you didn't make me feel bad about it and that felt... nice. I don't know, it's different. You're different. I think if you did some of the things that Fred did, I wouldn't be able to forgive you. I definitely don't want that to happen. That's why I wrote you limits. I love dating you and would prefer to not ruin that... unless it's already ruined for you? Aren't you disgusted with me?"

"Not at all. I'm... sad for you. I'm also sort of angry that he did that stuff to you. I mean, I guess a couple things were not terrible," he admitted with a faint blush, "But most of it was just so... cruel. I could never be that way with you and I hope you never ask me to. Now come back here, I'm not done holding you," he answered, pulling me back down to his chest.

"You don't have to be like him. I swear. I'll be good for you. I'll do it your way. Besides, we've barely done anything, yet submitting to you feels so good." I promised against his warm chest, while his heart beat steadily in my ear. "But do you think less of me, after hearing all that?" I asked nervously. "Did I change your mind about me Daddy?"

"No baby. I told you, you're safe with me. I just want to be better. I want this to be enjoyable for both of us. I don't want to trigger those bad feelings. So... about that contract, I can email you a copy by tomorrow night. Will you please read it and add anything I didn't think of?" He asked, sounding hopeful as he pressed a kiss to the top of my head.

"Yes Sir," I answered, my body flooding with relief.

"Good boy," Riley told me, thrilling me to pieces. "Let's get some sleep now love. It's getting late and you have class in the morning," he reminded me. "I'm not going anywhere, okay? I still like you just as much as before."

"Promise?" I asked, feeling warmth spread throughout my body.

"Promise," Riley answered as he kissed my head one final time.

For the first time, I realized that I had never felt more safe with anyone, than I did right now, wrapped up in the arms of the boy I was in love with. And this time, I was pretty sure that boy I loved, loved me back.