Beautiful Gifts, Small Packages Ch. 08

Hello my beautiful readers! <3

So sorry for the long wait but I want to say that I've been soooo happy to read people's excitement about the last chapter! It's been really heartwarming, especially given how I wasn't sure people were a fan of this story in earlier chapters. I've loved the idea of this story for a while now and I know it's taken a bit to get here but I really wanted to write a slow burn (something people don't seem to like lol) and to show growth and progression with people who deal with major insecurities and trust issues. In my opinion, it's true love when you can be best friends and be there for your partner, even when they're being unlovable, overwhelming, annoying, difficult to communicate with, have damaging past baggage or whatever. Loving someone at their lowest can turn into a beautiful thing. Btw, this is the beginning of a long ramble, skip if not interested.

So, last chapter someone left a comment that the d/s relationship moved too quickly, given the hesitation in other chapters and I wanted to address to that. During the previous chapters I have left small clues/signs that a d/s relationship was coming. Such as: Riley's desires and nightmares. As well as for Thomas's friends to comment on his "normal preferences" in men and confrontation with Fred. Also, Thomas mentions how he experimented freshman year. Thomas has been intentionally vague about his past because he's so ashamed of what he likes. When Riley accidentally dom's him by bringing out handcuffs and handling Thomas roughly, Thomas automatically goes into a submissive state that is difficult for him to control, once it has been triggered. Because that happened, he avoids Riley to decide if he wants to brooch the subject further. Riley is now much more comfortable being sexual with Thomas because he knows Thomas is into his body but is hesitant about bdsm ruining their relationship because of how cagey Thomas acts about it. Also he sees how little things seem to trigger him now that they're talking about it. The bdsm elements will progress slowly throughout this chapter as both of them adjust to the new roles they've decided to explore within their relationship. I did feel that some of the sex stuff could happen a little more quickly after chapters of waiting because they have both been desiring each other since chapter one. hope that helps make everything more clear. Also, quick note on Thomas's past bdsm experiences. I'd classify them as happening under dubious consent/conditions rather than blatant abuse. He was young when he started and new to everything and easily influenced/manipulated and in a clearly toxic relationship. As he says, he often enjoyed what he did in the moment but it was afterwards that he struggled with. He dreams of being submissive without it making him hate himself later but he's never had a stable foundation where he's protected, so he easily falls into old habits, patterns and triggers.

This chapter we will see a different side to Thomas, that I hope isn't off putting. I know I saw a comment in an earlier chapter that alluded to the fact that Thomas shouldn't have insecurities or anxiety because he's attractive and rich, etc but to me that's not realistic. I think people that look like they have the most can struggle just as much as anyone with insecurities. Plus, giving submission to someone can be a very, very vulnerable thing to do. Being hurt during your submission can leave scars and baggage that cause just as much pain as mommy/daddy issues or heartbreak or losing a loved one. It can be extremely traumatic and leave you with triggers you didn't even know you had. Leaving a Dom or being left by one or having your boundaries crossed can feel like a violation and be debilitating, fucking with your normal life and the possible ptsd as a result is ridiculously hard to deal with. It's not always just a fun game. I'm speaking from experience.

So many stories take a submissive, especially a submissive man, and destroy everything about them while claiming the sub "enjoys" it and then they leave the sub in a mess of cum and treat them like they're nothing. They don't care if there's pain or tears or unbearable humiliation or how those things can affect the submissive person's psyche. I'm not sure if anyone considers the possibility of ptsd and there's little to no care about the submissive's emotional/mental well being. Now, all that being said, those stories do have their place, of course they do! Sometimes you just want to get off and to hell with the romance and consideration. I get it. I'm not trying to say those stories shouldn't exist. However, I am saying I don't find them to be very emotionally realistic, again, I'm taking this viewpoint from my experiences. Stories like that could make a good scene of course. I have nothing against hardcore bdsm or edge play (done safely!) but only if there's a way for the sub to be taken care of, or a plan for them to care and self sooth by themselves afterwards. But even planned scenes or things enjoyed during a scene can upset you and mess with your mind later, especially if you experience sub drop or if you've had horrible experiences in the past.

Also, for those that don't know: Sub drop is an intense physical and emotional experience that mostly affects submissive partners after an intense BDSM session. It's an entirely unpleasant feeling that can settle in moments, hours, or even a couple of days after your BDSM scene. It can effect your mood and behavior and make things like anxiety and depression even worse. Intensity doesn't have to specifically be caused by physical pain but often is.

All that to say, my story is different. I bring this up because I'm concerned some might see Thomas as weak or annoying and not understand why he should be receiving understanding and compassion and sooo much patience. Then there's the fact that he's been hiding part of him self for a while and that he fully expected to date Riley while remaining pretty vanilla. So, though he wants it, acting on submission again means dealing with past damage. Please consider that and try to think kindly of him. Submission is a beautiful, precious thing that can be so easily damaged.

I hope you enjoy the chapter and sorry for my long rambles!

Much love! Xx

Ps: also, also!! Please comment. They make writing worth it and always brighten my day :) I read them over and over! Thank you :)

[errors do not exist, edited this one way too many times T.T]

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Thomas's Pov:

I tried my best to contain my nervous excitement as I drove Riley to The Country Inn & Suites hotel, wishing I could take him somewhere more fancy. I was still in shock over the fact that he was leaning towards doing this with me and I felt that he deserved the best, regardless of whether we did anything sexual tonight or not. Unfortunately, I had an early class in the morning and it was the nicest place I could think of that was close by. I parked and hurried out of the car so that I could open Riley's door for him, unable to temper the need to be of service, mixed with my views on how I should treat my partner with chivalry. I knew power exchange wasn't meant to happen quite yet but my head was already there. I was starting to feel really bad for shattering Riley's confidence by disappearing on him. Yes, I'd gotten flowers and dressed nice and yes, we were talking about it but all that did little to soothe me when it came to this. I hated failing and I hated letting my man down. I'd fucked up, big time, and I deserved some sort of punishment for it, especially when the scene he did hadn't even scared me. It had been sweet and wonderful, something I hadn't experienced in a long time. I wanted to bring up that he should punish me, if he really wanted to be my Daddy that is, but I knew I shouldn't. It was too soon for him to see the twisted side of me. Besides, he hadn't seemed to like when I mentioned punishment while kissing his feet in his room. I needed to at least figure out what my Dom wanted out of me.

I shook my head in frustration, trying to keep myself straight. Riley was my boyfriend first, not just my Dom. I had to remember that but my past was making it extremely difficult, as my ex saw himself as my Master first and boyfriend last. Why did I have to deal with that nagging baggage now, when things were going so great? I grabbed Riley's arm, protecting him from the nonexistent traffic, as we made our way inside and smiled when he squeezed my arm in approval. Then I stepped up towards the front desk to ask for a room. The receptionist smiled politely and informed me that the only room available was the deluxe suit, costing $200 for the night. I simply handed my card over, wincing a little when Riley gasped at the price.

The sound made me nervous and I was reminded of one of my exes and how he'd refuse to touch me if I didn't spend enough while taking him out. Too cheap! I knew it! But he didn't have to make it so obvious.. I was trying here.

"We should go somewhere less expensive, it's not worth-," he murmured softly but I ignored him, cutting him off in offense.

"I can afford for you to stay someplace even nicer! It's just too far away!" I snapped without meaning to.

Riley didn't speak again but he did flush red as his eyes dropped to his feet.

Shit. I was probably going to get my ass handed to me for that.

Thankfully the receptionist acted professionally and didn't say a word about my little outburst. She simply handed me the room key and fresh fresh towels while instructing me where to go and wishing us a pleasant evening.

Once we stepped inside the elevator I pulled Riley to my chest, "I'm sorry, Sir," I whispered into his ear. "I shouldn't have spoken to you like that."

Riley gently pushed me back so that he could look up at me. "What did I do wrong?" He asked softly, surprising me. For some reason, I hadn't expected for him to be concerned about my feelings and had been fully prepared to grovel for my disrespect. Despite my limits that clearly stated that our situation wasn't a 24/7 thing, I was acting like it was and I was behaving like Riley was someone he was not. Why was my brain making this so difficult?

"Nothing," I admitted, hoping I wouldn't have to explain myself. "I'm just.. on edge."

"We don't have to start this anytime soon. I'm starting to get the feeling like something isn't right again. I felt this way after I made you cum. I knew something was wrong and then you avoided me. Maybe we should just talk more first," Riley started, taking me by surprise again.

He was hesitating. Really? First with dating me and now this. Was he always going to try to back out of having what we wanted, especially when I had shown him nothing but devotion? I told him it was what I wanted. I called him Daddy. What more did he need? Well, maybe I had to try harder. I could prove that I'd be a good sub! I would not spoil this chance. I was beyond lucky that someone that looked like Riley was into this.

He was so beautiful and sweet and small, with the cutest little cock I'd ever seen. He looked so smart and sexy, with those stern brown eyes staring into my soul behind his glasses, which often made him look serious and adorable at the same time, that I wanted to kiss every freckle on his cute cherub face. He was my perfect opposite in looks and stature and that did things to my brain when he took control. I really would do anything he desired.

Maybe he thought I couldn't commit to this though? After all, trouble started because I ran away. Maybe he needed a taste of something harder, something to prove my loyalty? Maybe punishing me would win him over? I could take whatever he could dish out and I wouldn't run away after! Not this time. Maybe then he'd stop second guessing everything and he'd finally get around to using me. Did I want to be used though? A boyfriend wasn't supposed to do that, but a Dom....

"Stop it!" I hissed at him and myself as the bell dinged, announcing that we'd arrived at the fourth floor. "Stop changing your mind," I mumbled in a calmer tone as we stepped out of the elevator.

Riley stayed quiet as we walked down the hall to our room while I inwardly fumed, irritated with myself for acting this way but also annoyed that Riley wasn't doing anything about it. Once the door was closed and locked, he opened his bag and took out his laptop, sitting at a table in the corner of the room. I stood awkwardly in the center of the room, unsure as to how I should proceed. Was he ignoring me? Why? I wanted his attention. I had already provoked him twice without being punished and the need was gnawing at me, along with the knowledge that nothing like that was meant to happen tonight. It might not even happen for a long time.. he might keep me waiting. Waiting for punishment, waiting for submission. The waiting could be a game for him.

My worst ex loved games. He loved making me grovel and work for his attention. Not to mention, Riley had kept me waiting for a relationship him, even though I told him about my feelings often. Was this a similarity between them? Did I like that? Or was it too much? I wasn't sure. While the idea of being intentionally ignored by Riley as a punishment was tempting, it was also something that could cause some serious damage to my psyche. Especially if he started hanging out with other men while doing it, like Scott. Maybe they'd kiss again and-

"You good babe?" Riley asked, interrupting my internal spiral.

"Yes, I'm fine. Can I get you anything Da- Riley," I corrected at the last second, remembering that calling him that shouldn't be allowed yet, and I hated that I kept messing up.

Riley looked up and tilted his head for a moment, studying me. I held still as he looked, unable to even move without his say so. Fuck! I was still letting my mind slip!

"Sure," he finally answered as I let out a tiny breath of relief, knowing I could do something for him had a calming effect on me. "Get me my favorite drink," he paused for a moment then added, "And don't get it wrong. You can have water, if you're thirsty, but you can't drink it until you're back here with me."

I felt warm all over, practically glowing with pleasure from the knowledge that I was serving my Daddy, and my cock hardened, making an obvious tent in my pants. Riley leered possessively as his gaze dropped below my waist, causing me to flush with pride. I was probably as red as a tomato by now and, though that was slightly humiliating, I couldn't bring myself to care too much. I loved when he looked at me like that. I loved having his full attention.

"You have fifteen minutes. Don't be late.. in fact.. impress me," Riley added with a wolfish grin.

"Yes Sir," I replied, excitedly rushing out of the room to do as he asked.

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Riley's Pov:

I watched Thomas go with a mixture of longing and relief. Once more I had the overwhelming fear that I was in over my head and that I was missing some important information. I didn't understand what I'd done to upset Thomas but when he stopped himself from calling me Daddy, I wondered if he wanted to play now, despite my request to wait. I'd probably started it anyways by calling him a good boy on our walk. In the end, I decided it would be best to get some space from my overly eager partner, so that I could have a better idea of what I was getting myself into. Besides, it's not like I was going to turn down the opportunity, so I felt like a small mission would make him happy and get him out of my hair while I got up to speed.

I turned to my computer and quickly typed in "what is bdsm?" I thought I had a fairly good idea, given what I'd seen in porn but when Thomas came to me with a list of limits, I started to realize that I truly knew nothing. I clicked on a link titled BDSM 101 and began to read:

By definition, BDSM stands for bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadism and masochism (S&M). What are these dynamics and what do they mean? Keep reading to find out!

Regardless of the BDSM relationship you're in, there will always be a dominant and a submissive person. Specifically, dominance-submission relationships are based on power dynamics. Both partners can switch back and forth from a dom to a sub; however, a BDSM relationship must have both. The dominant is someone who dominates the submissive. Female dominants are called Dommes, while male dominants are called Doms. The submissive partner consensually gives control to their dominant after agreeing to a set of rules created by both parties. Both male and female submissives are called subs.

"There are rules?" I muttered out loud, feeling surprised and scrolled down to read more.

Thankfully, I could read quickly and by the time Thomas made it back I was familiar with terms such as: sadist, masochist, rigger, rope bunny, master, slave, owner, pet, brat and brat tamer. I also had a simplistic knowledge of what each of them entailed. In addition, I'd seen what a basic contract looked like, understood what safe words were and how there could be levels to them, as well as the knowledge that there could be more than one. I also had an idea of what aftercare included but I knew I had to make it specific to my submissive partner and I also had theory as to why Thomas kept his distance after I accidentally dom'd him.

Furthermore, I learned that there were different ways to be dominant over someone. It it could be more than cold and controlling, with a punishment thrown out for every little mistake. Adding this to our relationship could be the most intimate experience imaginable and I was beginning to ask myself what I wanted out of this dynamic as the one who would be playing the dominant partner. I was also full of questions for Thomas. I wanted that closeness, that deep connection. I wanted all of his affection. I wanted everything with him. I wanted this to be amazing for us and I wanted to be able to please him. Especially since I wasn't convinced that I could keep him satisfied with my cock alone.

I looked at my watch when my boyfriend arrived, and rose my eyebrow at how he only had ten seconds to spare as he panted for breath.

"You drove all the way to the coffee shop on campus?" I asked, shocked as I accepted my drink from him, recognizing the cup. I knew there was a Starbucks right across the street from the hotel, as well as a gas station around the corner. I was pretty sure both sold hot chocolate that you could add cinnamon too, so I didn't understand why he would drive ten miles out of his way, probably speeding the entire time, to keep from being late. Except... maybe he really had tried to impress me. That was so cute.

He blushed adorably, "Yes Sir. You said to get your favorite drink and you always get it there so I thought- wait! Did I do it wrong?" He asked, as a look of disappointment crossed his face. My stomach twisted at that look, he was so good, he shouldn't be upset.

"Actually. I'm impressed. You went above and beyond my expectations. And you even got yourself water like I asked. You really are a good boy," I replied, indicating the unopened bottle in his hands. I felt overly pleased with myself when I saw how Thomas beamed happily because of what I'd said. "Come here baby," I continued when I realized he also looked relieved... a little too relieved.

Thomas walked over to sit at the table next to me but I stopped him.

"How about you kneel for me instead? Would you like that pet?" I asked, feeling slightly more prepared for the type of play he wanted to engage in, even if I wasn't ready to do a full, planned out, scene yet.

"Yes Daddy, thank you and... I'm sorry," Thomas told me as he sank to his knees and bowed his head, placing his arms behind his back as a sign of his full submission.

I gently placed a hand on his head and began to run my fingers through his dark locks, "Whatever for?" I asked, not understanding what he had to be sorry about when he'd followed my instructions perfectly.