All Comments on 'Becoming His'

This was a great short. Will there be more of this couple?

that was beautiful and heartbreaking, thank you for writing BW/AM!! its such a rarity in fiction

There might be more of this couple, but in a longer more detailed piece.

and yes, I realize that AM/BW are the rarest type of Erotica to be found I try to write erotica that isn't bogged down with stereotypes nor do I want to write race fetish erotica. I will continue to write Blasian erotica in a respectful and nontraditional light.

thank you so much for reading.

This story was pretty good for the most part. However I think the mention or insinuation that your female narrator is working the only job she has ever had other than being an exotic dancer just does not ring true, and for me brought down what should have been a five star story to a lower rating as I just could not get that out of my mind. Her speech is far too elequent and her vocabulary to diverse and expansive for me to seriously believe that exotic dance or stripper was the only job she has held to this point. Just something to think about in the future. Sometimes it is not a big plot hole or gap in logic that will bring a story down. Sometimes it is something quite simple.

I liked this story and I'm hoping that upcoming chapters will allow me to love it. I can't wait for an update and more details on the ending.

Btw Master_Vyle the story infers she went to college. That could be the reason behind her speech and dancing

This story is based on fact, I am the narrator. I am an exotic dancer. To think that you can assume the intelligence of a person simply by their profession can only be described as the most snide form of hubris.

Yes, I am a young woman, I've only been out of college for one year. While I was in school and even now I make ends meet as an exotic dancer. In my time dancing I've met a very diverse group of women from every educational background. I've danced along side women who dropped out of middle school to women who have PHDs or practiced law.

What this comment really shows is your own sexist bias toward women that work in the sex industry. I'm completely open to constructive criticism on my stories, but to say that the story isn't believable because the protagonist is too intelligent is insulting on many levels.

It's quite interesting to see how her logic & rationale goes out the window,& all she wants is to be pleasurable! My only question is if she was, indeed, pleased and satisfied by this encounter? Then again, that's the part of the story that is mine to create! Superb!

The comment was not meant to insult your intellegence, it is just that to a reader who knows nothing about you it makes the story sound a little less true to life. For me personally it was hard to buy. Perhaps if this were a novel or even a longer story and there was more exposition it would be more clear and seem to fit better, but since the story itself was so brief it is hard to get that. At times it helps to remember that you, the writer, are going to know everything there is to know about your characters, while the reader is only going to know what you tell them.

I really did enjoy the story, and that was the only flaw I saw. I think you write well and I am looking forward to reading future sumbissions from you. There is the possibility that you are going to run into reviewers who are going to want to totally tear you apart due to the subject matter, or content, or a million other things which have nothing to do with how well they thought it was written. All I offered was constructive cirticism on one point. I've seen comments on some submission that make me wonder how the authors can sleep at night once they've left them and have me worrying if the recievers might end up swinging in their closets after getting 10 or 20 of these.

My point is though I barely said anything, and if that was enough to make you angry, I hate to think of how angry you will be once someone delivers a truly negative comment to you.

It is not your comment that irks me its your mindset.

I really enjoyed this story. It was well written and its semi-autobiographical nature (you admitted to being the narrator but not necessarily to the truthfulness of the experience) made it that much more investing. I look forward to future submissions from you.

I think that the comment by MasterVayle, while not overly negative or critical, exposes not only reader orientation but the societal milieu that informs constructions of race, class and gender. I think that the author makes a good point and that it is important to understand the highly differentiated nature of sex work and the diversity of women that are members of the profession. That is to say, beyond questioning how familiar the commenter is with sex work and its practitioners, we should also attempt to question the way in which society has come to depict women (and other gender variants) who work in this field.

While I did not initially bristle at MasterVayle's comments the way the author did, as a well educated, articulate and young African American women (not that this "identity" is necessary to have assumed such a perspective), I can certainly understand her frustration with his perceived support for dominant/normative understandings. That is to say, this is how the "world" has come to understand sex work and any break in that tradition does not "ring true."

MasterVayle: While I can not speak for the author I think your characterization of this choice as a "flaw" you saw in her work lends support to this idea. I don't think there is any real need for you to underscore the brevity or impactfulness of your comment; it is how you felt and you are more than entitled to your opinion. However, I think offering meaningful criticism (as a reader) also means you have to open yourself up to critiques of your discourse.

Oh my goodness. is this it? this was so goood. please add another chapter!!

I wish it was longer with more sex