by Myanlass
the grammar, the incorrect use of words, incorrect tensesm etc., etc. is TERRIBLE. Please find an editor and fast! Otherwise many won't be able to tolerate reading what could be an alright story.
It was a rather good story. Granted, there were tense and grammar errors but they were minimal and I think that most of 'em appeared because of the slang Myan was using. Give her a break. She's doing a good job for a first-timer. I for one am eagerly awaiting the part two to this one! Don't give up writing, love! <3 Lillian, KR
Do you know how hard it is to put your stories out there? I applaud her effort. It's a good story with a great storyline. I for one look forward to reading more. Keep up the great writing!
Story was amazing and the grammar like someone said was minimal...just keep updating and don't stop!!!!
this is a great story in the making and i was devistated when it was over. you must continue!!!please
The story drew me in, despite the grammatical errors. A proofreader would do you a world of good.
You've got a great start, don't let people get you down about spelling and grammar. Those are probably the easiest parts of writing to fix. If you don't have a story, or you don't have a good voice to tell it with, you can't just hand that to someone to fix.
I like this because it reminds me of my favorite story on here. Dont worry about grammer, I mean god, I know other people that have had the same issues with thier first time stories so its nothing major to worry about lol. I really hope you have a chapter two in the works and can wait to read it!! Keep up the good work!! :)
The grammar could be fixed, but overall it's a good story line so far and i can't wait to see what happens next. props for putting something up on the sute.
excellent plot! keep up the good work n do tell me theres a part 2 to this.
I read this story with great interest and I can tell you are to my liking. It was a very good story and I hope to read more of your story's in the near future. Great job!!!
You have a good story / storyline here. As others have mentioned, you just have a few grammatical errors that need to be fixed. But you know what? Those are easy fixes!! The main thing is your imagination and talent for telling a story. And you've got that covered. So, take them as constructive criticism only and improve upon it. That way your story will be even more wonderful than it already is.
are people giving this story less than a hundred?! It's great! Grammar isn't that big a deal.
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Sorry, but some time spent for character buildinng would be very appropriate i think.
Story is ok, but way too simplified.
Has begun for Katrina towards Scott, can't wait for the rest of the story...
Really badly written, I hope you've got an editor now, it was almost unreadable.
I agree with the anon below. You continued to switch the tenses of the story and I didn't want to read after a while. It's a good thing I like the plot.
You have the base of a good idea but the grammar is so horrible I had to skim-read so wouldn't just click onto another story.
Sorry. I liked the story, but the grammar made me leave. Get an editor. I think they have volunteers who could help you.
Fuck me! That was painful to read! Poor grammar, poor punctuation, lack of capitals at the start of a new sentence and does she only have one breast?