Being Special

Lee heard the women murmur. It was the sound of the feature presentation ending. The troubled bride-to-be thanked her hostess, hugging her tightly, tears framing a grateful smile, and left.

Lee sat in the garage for a while thinking over what he had just heard. Weighing the decisions his wife had made, especially the ones she had made for both of them without his knowledge. She hadn't done the like since. He examined her situation at the time. He knew she was not paying lip service to get what she wanted. She really was doubtful she had done the crime. If she thought she had with any certainty she would have told him. He had no doubt on that count.

Lee played a game. He imagined catching his wife giving a blow job today. He was amazed at the horror and anger that coursed through him over the imaginary situation. Now he thought about what may have happened those years ago. She didn't do it on purpose, had not enjoyed it, and shared the humiliation as a teaching moment with the poor bride-to-be as a massive negative experience. Ivy had not kept a secret valuable to herself from him at his expense. She didn't want to have the secret. She hated it but kept it believing it was protecting him on several levels. She had put in constant effort and work to make the situation work for him. Once again, he found he felt no malice towards her, but he would thrash the dancer if someone pointed him out. Lee learned an important lesson about himself with that simple exercise.

About twenty minutes later he made a point of making loud noise taking the lawn mower off the worktable and putting things away in the garage. He made a noisy deal of opening the door to the kitchen. He purposely put on a grin over his promised sound effects display. Other than that, he acted normal.

Ivy looked at him with a sad worried face smiling at his silly display as he intended. He nodded to the fridge silently offering her a wine while he fished out a beer.

Ivy shook her head as she asked, "You know I love you, right?"

"Yes, I know that honey." He tried to look quizzical as he twisted the cap on his beer.

"You know I love you completely, right?" Ivy fought the imminent quaver in her voice.

Lee smiled, "Yes I do, babe." He made a point to show some confusion now.

Ivy looked pensive. She asked, "What's your favorite special place in the world?"

Lee smiled largely as he answered without much need for thought, "Two places: the beach where we got engaged, and wherever you are."

Ivy teared up. Damn that man had ahold of her.

Ivy stared at him holding her gaze for long seconds then turned her head. She spoke softly though mustering all the volume she was capable of, "Lee, if I had to tell you something you didn't want to hear, would it be better at one of those places or would that sully that special place?"

Lee made a show of sitting down across from her and putting down his beer. He wanted to make a joke that one of the places being wherever she was it would be hard for him not to be there if she was close enough to tell him something. This was not the time for his quirky humor. Instead he made Ivy understand she had all his attention, she seemed like she needed it. He made it clear he was comforting her and not in need himself.

"How bad is the news?" Lee asked with a quiet confidence.

Ivy thought, formulating her answer, "At one point it would have been bad. Though I think with what we feel about each other it still would have worked out. But now I'm not sure exactly what you will do. You might slap me, might spank me, might give me a right intense fucking, maybe just laugh; I'm not entirely sure. I get different readings depending on imagining what your mood might be when you hear it. It won't stop me from loving you and I dare say you won't stop loving me. I have unwavering confidence in you." She smiled at him. "But it will affect how, and how much, you love me."

"What sort of news?" His voice was grave now, it seemed the appropriate thing to do for her.

"I think you will be hurt now much more that I have kept it from you, than over what happened. It's not even really something I did. More something that happened, and I freaked and..."

Lee stopped her, "Something like that gal last night, or worse?" He asked it in a normal tone, under complete easy control.

Ivy looked at him her eyes growing huge. Lee knew her so well! But what did that mean for them right now? There was no judgment in his face, just love, and concern. Concern for her! He had already begun to figure it out. He must have seen something last night, yet his concern was for her! She loved this man. She began to cry.

"Not as bad, but in the same ballpark."

He didn't say anything, he was thinking. She detected no disgust no anger, nothing that indicated she had lost him. But had she ceased to be... special?

"S-So here or the b-beach?" Ivy asked trying to be brave while tears ran down her cheeks.

Lee was calm, "Did he see you naked?" He took the lead. God bless him, he knew her so well. He was going to lead her through this, not give her the chance to say something wrong. How can he be so perfect for her? Except for the moment it made her possible transgression against him feel so much worse. Ivy knew that was the opposite of what her husband wanted. Love was an awesome thing.

"No. I was not naked."

"Did he see your tits or any part of you like that?"

"No." She was so happy she could say that.

"Ivy, take off your clothes for me."

She was confused. But she stood, right there in the kitchen and started to disrobe. She would do this for him if he simply came home and requested it. The oddity came from the context.

"Why honey?" She asked as she dropped her shirt on the floor.

"You just told me you were not naked for him. I thought it might help when hearing what I've "shared" to be reminded of what I have not."

She started to cry harder. Her lower lip quivered. "Y-You are the best." Ivy hurried out of the rest of her clothes. She stood naked before him as she spoke,

"I love you; nothing has ever happened during our marriage, and I will never let it. But before... there was something that happened... at my bachelorette party." Ivy's head fell and her shoulders sagged as she simply deflated.

"Did it happen more than once?" Lee cut her off. His demeanor was authoritarian now, yet she noted not accusatory nor defensive. He was asserting himself, though not at her expense.

"No."

Lee looked Ivy directly in the eyes. She understood her husband really wanted her to understand his next point.

"Ivy, do you really want to tell me? Perhaps you shouldn't bother." Now he looked around like he was unconcerned, his light handedness concerning such a heavy subject put amazing emphasis on his idea.

Ivy lost her breath. She was staggered. She saw the affectation for what it was. He may not feel that way, yet he was offering her... 'Wow,' she thought, '... that's a staggering gift: absolution before the fact! No wonder I love him so much! How can he always love me even more than I think he does?'

Years ago Ivy had denied Lee his chance to weigh in once, she would not do that to him again. Deciding she should honor and respect him properly now, especially after his offer of mercy she began to confess, "I-I hate having something I haven't told you. This is the only thing I have never told you."

Lee leaned in more closely putting his eyes directly in line with his wife's, "Would it help you to tell me?"

The question threw her off track. "Yeah, yes, I guess. I just feel I shouldn't hold anything back."

"It really would make you feel better?" Lee asked with obvious concern.

Though she could tell he was not convinced her answer was definite despite her fear of the outcome, "Y-Yes."

Lee leaned back, his body language that of a person who knew bad news was coming, "Then go ahead and tell me."

Ivy knew she looked quizzical at his response. Lee interjected before she could continue, "If it happened only once..." He tilted his head leading her to answer.

"Yes. Never again, yes." Ivy replied in earnest.

"And you love me..."

"Oh yes, I love you!"

Lee once again made a point of being comfortably with the idea by slowly relaxing backwards a bit further, "Then if you would rather not tell me I can live with it."

Ivy felt her head shaking slowly back and forth at her husband's display. She was trembling. "Lee, I-I fear a lot of our relationship is actually my selfishness and I guess this is too."

Lee broke in again, "Holy cow, Ivy, everything you do for me, and you think our love is selfishly about you?" He held her gaze purposely shrugging, indicating he could live with what she might tell him as he asked, "Did you have him?" There was no animosity in the question.

Ivy turned crimson. Shook her head "no" but considered if that was actually correct as she did not want to tell a lie.

"Lee, my love. This is very confusing, even for me. I can not actually admit my guilt... or my innocence. I was told that something happened after I was too drunk to remember. I don't know if the girls who told me were telling the truth. They were the least trustworthy ones there. I have never had any sort of confirmation and I tried to like hell to confirm or dispel what they said."

Ivy found herself trying to swallow yet having great difficulty doing so, "B-But... it's entirely possible that I, uh, received something from a male... stripper. I did not mean to initiate, or even perform the act necessary for, uh, that... reception. I was on autopilot only by then and had to take the word of others for it." Ivy finally swallowed while looking away, "Even though there were more women there who swore there was never enough time for me to have done what the allegations said, my story is all too similar to last night's."

To Lee her awkward choice of words was just that and nothing more. Ivy was clearly trying to tell him what may have happened, not make things go easier on herself. But how do you tell the person who sees you as the pinnacle of the species that you don't deserve the title? He felt for her.

Ivy thought and spoke, "A salient point is that I don't know. Another is that if it did happen, I was so far out of it I wasn't capable of being proactive. Even if it happened, it was probably more a case of the guy masturbating in my nearly unconscious mouth, more than my giving a blowjob." She looked away then forced herself to look at him. "I'm not trying to paint the best possible case for myself, I can get you plenty of people to corroborate the state of my innebriation from both sides of the allegation."

"Did he take you?" Ivy heard her husband ask.

"No, no, we didn't... we didn't... it wasn't making love, that was for sure. We didn't c-copulate. That is definite." She forgot she was naked as she desperately searched for what to say. Damn it, she had done this years ago, she was still all too familiar with it, having gone over the haunting night thousands of times since. Yet that also dulled it in some ways. Except this was new to Lee! She reminded herself that this would be raw to him.

"Her eyes simply became waterfalls. I'm sorry Lee. Sorry to put you in this position. You should never have to doubt me. I had false friends and wasn't mature enough yet to understand that. and now the mud they threw on me has splattered you. You don't deserve any of this!"

"Ivy, tell me the details or not, whatever is best for you, then suck me hard and fuck me good, slow, and deep, and cum on me. Deal?"

"But you haven't heard!" Ivy was incredulous, she wasn't sure Lee would stay after she told him, or perhaps he would throw her out. Or if they stayed together tonight, she wasn't sure how long it would be before he gave her the chance to do something to demonstrate her love. Here he was handing it to her on a platter! Immediately, like he knew how badly she needed it. She was thankful, but incredulous.

"I will," Ivy seemed to be answering all of the questions he'd asked. "It happened once only, never again, it was more than ten years ago, before we were married." She tried hard to pull herself together. She just had to be able to answer any question her husband had!

"And you love me and me alone now?"

"Yes, and not a day has gone by that I have not regretted what might have happened. But baby whether I blew that guy or whether he stuck his cock in my mouth at all, I did make a choice: I chose not to tell you at the time! That's horrible, isn't it? I thought I had the best of reasons, now... now I'm not so sure. And I don't just love you "now", I did then too! I think almost since the day we met!" Ivy was borderline frantic.

Lee's eyes were warm and generous, "Baby, don't be nervous. There's no need. What did you say to me last night? If I ever cheated..."

"Lee, I'm not sure those words should apply to me. It needs to be your decision..."

"Regardless, your words to me were "you will survive it". Meaning if I strayed once you would still love me even through your hurt, that you would not blow me up in your pain, and that you would work to keep what we have intact. Now the shoe may actually be on the other foot, for real. If I'm making the decision alone and by myself then you will indeed "survive it".

He reached out placing his palm on the side of her face stroking her ear with his thumb. "Add to that you have regretted something for a decade, living with that pain for so long trying to protect us, now finding the guts to tell me. That's hard." Gently entwining his fingers in her hair, he began to pull her forward.

"You will love me as I requested now. We will drive to the ocean shortly. Tonight, we will sneak out on the beach, and I will have you again where you once gave me your pledge to be mine the rest of my life. In so doing you will make me the happiest man on earth, as you have done constantly for more than ten years."

Ivy fell to her knees, the wind taken from her, looked at him and cried through a beaming smile. It was clear to both of them that her pledge was prior to her possible indiscretion and he had been as happy as she promised the entire time, even with her possible indiscretion. She was so thankful for him. Whether she had ever been on the hook or not, Lee wasn't letting her near the damn thing now.

She stared at him in awe, "You are too good to be true."

"Perhaps not. You have earned this response from me, but we both know what I would do to that man if he were right now, and we don't know if he is guilty either."

She trembled looking at Lee. She clenched her eyes shut; he loved her so much that she could accidently mold him into the murderer of an innocent man. She had never considered that aspect. What would have happened if she had told him years ago? She hated the thought.

"Baby, tell me what you want and let's get on the road." He took her face in his hands. He made sure the contact was established. There was nothing but love in his eyes and touch. She felt it from him, there was not even the need for forgiveness. She thought she might faint from the realization that if she really needed it, he had already granted it. He always found a way to be more than she ever thought possible.

Lee finally spoke. He wanted to make sure Ivy understood something very important. Something he needed her to understand.

"Don't worry my love, to me you will always be the most special girl in the world."

Her heart nearly leapt from her chest! She flung herself on him, wrapping herself around him as thoroughly, desperately, and as hard as she could, as hard as she ever had. She sobbed out, "I LOVE YOU!"

Lee thought, 'She thinks my words a coincidence. With what she told that young woman today, she thinks she just got a pat on the back from providence, which she did. The delivery method was just a little different than what she thinks. For my Ivy this "coincidence" gives her the win over uncertainty. She needed to hear the word: "special".

'She kept her unhappy secret from me for ten years. I can keep this happy one from her for as long as she needs. Her burden has become mine. It is a light burden indeed, because to me, most of all, Ivy really is that special.'