All Comments on 'Belize Adventure'

This isn't, as you well know, normal Literotica fare. It's sophisticated and the awareness of moral consequences is interesting. It's also interesting to see the Sara/Robert relationship from African Adventure mature to something which feels credible and looks remarkably healthy.

You have a dilemma though between writing a credible story with sympathetic characters and following well worn pornographic plot lines. I am worried about the steadily growing harem. Sonia has joined, and shows no sign of leaving. Ilse is clearly going to join, as is Deidre. And yet I can't help feeling that if Robert is going to be at all a sympathetic character he's got to continue to treat Sara as significantly his most senior and favourite lover; he owes Sara in a way he doesn't owe any of the others, and by my understanding of the psychologies you are presenting Sara is pretty heavily dependent on him. In my opinion, the core of this story is the Robert/Sara romance, and everything else needs to be subsidiary to that (which doesn't mean you can't have the harem; it only means you need to handle it very sensitively).

Robert is, as now presented, a complex, desperately flawed, interesting character with enough good in him that we can like him despite the flaws. But it's going to be hard to keep him that way unless he continues to treat his women with individual consideration and kindness, and there's a limit to how many he can engage with at that level.

You also have to be careful about chronology.

Start with Robert in the Congo, as senior mercenary in a rebel army. To get there, he must have served in a regular army and risen to at least senior non-commissioned rank; so he would be at least 25, more likely twenty eight when he started as a mercenary. Then he has to gain a reputation as a mercenary leader, which doesn't happen overnight. So he's at least 32, probably older, when he first rapes Sara.

After the Congo episode quite a lot happens in Sara's live before she tracks him down again; it's got to be four years worth. So he's a minimum of 36, probably older, when Sonia comes asking for aid (and incidentally Sara is at least 22 and Sonia 24). Then he's arrested, held on remand, tried, and in prison for eighteen months. Given a typical arrest to trial period that adds up to at least two years for this whole episode, meaning that Robert is at the very minimum 38 when rescued (and Sara is now 24 and Sonia 26).

I appreciate that at one level this is just a dominance fantasy (and as a dominance fantasy it's a good and very sexy one). But it is well enough written with good enough and sustained enough characterisation that it rises above the genre. I honestly believe that if you took the core narrative and toned down the explicit sex a bit you would have a publishable novel. This is good enough to merit taking itself more seriously.

I thought this was an excellent story, full of surprising twists and turns. Like African Adventure, sufficiently well written to allow the reader to suspend disbelief and immerse himself in the imaginative world created by the writer. I just wish I could read that intervening story, to tie up a few loose ends plotwise.