Better Off Dead

Much to my horror, it wasn't a stranger who approached me. Instead I found myself watching a very familiar face stalk across the club towards me. Eli Delaney was the best friend of my best friend's boyfriend. The terminal fill-in for my chronic case of third-wheel syndrome. A man I had the misfortune of seeing at least twice a week.

To see him now, here, in Sin City, was beyond nerve wracking. I had these visions of him telling Raye and Jane, and having my girls then rallying together in some sort of pervert intervention.

"Mariah," he said casually, leaning back on the wall I was plastered against. He'd rolled up the sleeves of his black dress shirt and was wearing jeans not slacks. Other than that, he looked much the same as he did most nights we went out as a group. Simple, yet chic. The kind of look that was lacking in this dungeon like atmosphere.

"Eli," I replied quietly. My hand shook as I reached up to brush a non-existent strand of hair behind my ear. He met my startled gaze without a smile, without any sign of what he might be thinking.

"Are you here to watch or participate?" His question was delivered so casually, without tone, without a hint of laughter. It sounded so harmless that I answered without thinking.

"I wanted t-to," my stutter reared its ugly head, which was not entirely unexpected as I was way outside anything resembling my comfort zone. I closed my eyes to focus on the words and forced myself to continue. "I t-think I just lost my nerve."

When I opened my eyes, he was watching me. His head turned ever so slightly so that those dark eyes could take in everything, from my shaking hands to the panicked way I clenched my jaw. Where were his glasses? Eli's hard gaze was so much more disarming without his thin rimmed glasses as a buffer.

"What did you want to try?" He asked, in that same careful tone. The spectacle that seemed to melt away at the sight of him came rushing back. Music, giggles, and the odd moan of pleasure made me blush a little as I turned my head to scan the club.

Sin City was a well known sex club just outside of town, it was known online as being the place to hook up if kink was your thing. To one side there a very large woman in a very small nurse's uniform paddling a short asian man's backside. He squirmed in pleasure and ground into the angled bench he as lying on.

Along the back wall a pixie-ish woman was hanging from a metal frame practicing self bondage while a massive beast of a man paced around her like a general inspecting his troops. In another corner a woman was wailing in agony - or pleasure, I wasn't sure which, as a man ran a wand with a glowing ball at one end up and down her body.

In the center of the room, amid a few unoccupied benches a woman lay face down on a long table. Her partner, a man dressed head to toe in latex, had two sticks in one hand. I'd learned a few minutes earlier that one was dipped in oil, the other he set on fire and alternated brushing her back with oil then lighting it on fire and wiping it off with his free hand.

It was a lot to take in, but Eli was patient. Eventually I pointed to the nurse and murmured, "S-something like that, but not like that." There was a snap of leather in the background and I nearly jumped out of my skin, missing his quickly indrawn breath. "I'm starting to think this is a bad idea," I said. I pushed off the wall, but before I could leave Eli calmly stepped forward.

"Come with me," Eli said over his shoulder, as he stepped out into the crowd and went to stand beside a red bench with a long section stretching away from me and a shorter one and angled up and towards me that my knees were apparently to rest on. Then he just stood there, waiting for me, watching me as I battled the voice inside myself that told me to run and never speak of this again.

I don't know why I did it. I'd already decided to leave, but for some reason I didn't. Instead I slowly walked over to the bench and met his gaze. He motioned to the bench, saying without a word that he wanted me to kneel on that small cushioned section and lean forward to rest my body on the padded surface. Not an easy task. I had to kick off my heels and hike up my pencil skirt, but I did it.

Eli leaned down until his face was level with mine and just watched me.

After a few uncomfortable moments he said, "I have to go get my things, wait here." Then he left me there, just like that. I watched him walk away, disappearing into the crowd as I counted all the different ways I could kill him for this.

I thought about leaving. Twice I'd almost gotten up and stormed away, but adrenaline and desperation kept me there. When he finally came back, dropping his bag beside the small table, Eli leaned down to look at me. Flushed and angry, I could do nothing but glare at him.

"Still with me?" He asked, those dark eyes flitting over my face searching for something before offering his hand to help me up.

"Are you finished humiliating me?" I snapped back, taking the offered hand and struggling to my feet. I decided right then I didn't like being barefoot around him. He towered over me in the most unsettling way.

An eyebrow arched and something tugged at the corner of his thin lips. "I'm not trying to humiliate you Mariah," he said softly as he knelt down and pulled four items out of his bag, placing them on the table. "I'm trying to prepare you," Eli stepped back and crossed his arms as my eyes dropped in fascination to the 'toys' he'd laid out. "Pick one."

A riding crop, a square paddle, a flogger and a whip. He certainly had quite the collection. My heart raced, I don't think I could have spoken if I'd tried. With a shaking hand, I reached out to dance my fingers over each item, imagining the way each would feel. A shiver of excitement ran through me and with a slow breath, I slid the riding crop towards him, unable to meet the dark brown eyes that would be haunting my dreams from this moment forward.

"I'm going to explain the rules," Eli said softly. We stood in a room full of people, noise all around, strangers looking at me, and yet I felt focused for the first time in years. All of my attention was centered on the man standing before me, freeing me from my usual tidal waves of anxiety and regrets, It was both exhilarating and terrifying. "I'm going to use the crop five times. At the end of each you will say either red for stop, yellow for softer, or green for more. At the end of those five times you will have the choice to stop or continue."

There was a pause and I closed my eyes, weighing the risk of doing this here, doing it with him. Eli must have read my mind because he added, "You and I will never speak about this in front of anyone." I nodded my agreement but he shook his head at me. "Not good enough Mariah, I need to hear you say it."

"Yes, I get it Eli," I snapped in embarrassment, "Red, stop. Yellow, softer. Green, go. And I'm not looking to shout this from any roof tops, ok?" The impatience in my voice didn't go over very well. When I nervously glanced up at him, Eli's eyes had darkened, but whatever anger or frustration was there it was muted by a spark of amusement.

My cheeks must have been bright red as I hiked up my skirt back up above my knees and lay across that bench. The first swat came down mere seconds after I was settled.

It's sharp sting made my eyes water, but it also brought with it the release I'd been looking for. The painful pleasure spread with finger like tingles that radiated from my back side all the way up my spine, bringing a small smile to my face.

"One," he called out.

Once I had swallowed my gasp I replied quickly, "Green." The next strike came down a little higher, the end snapping down across my lower back. I arched up into the pain and couldn't help the moan that followed it. My hands gripped the edges of the bench and I pushed back towards the source of this delicious pain.

"Two," his voice was still there, reminding me that it was Eli bringing this feeling to me.

My heart raced and my mind moved from him and got lost in the tingles that had found their way up and across my scalp. It was better than I thought it would be. It felt better than the many other fucked up ways I tried to calm my storm.

"Are we done?" Eli asked. Just as quickly as my mind had wandered it was pulled back to him, back into this moment with him.

The words were barely across his lips when I gave my answer, "Green." He mumbled something, I think, then another strike came down across my backside. I sucked in a sharp breath and pressed back towards him, I needed something... I didn't know what I needed.

"Three," Eli said softly. I felt him trail the crop down along my spine and for a moment I could imagine the leather tip dragging across my bare skin and my back arched in ecstasy. It was harder than the others and bit along the underside of my bra.

"Green." My gasp turned into a moan as it rose and fell across my backside again. My toes curled in pleasure and before he could count I called out again, "Green."

Against my will desire had burst to life inside me. My traitorous body was writhing on the bench, I clenched it's edges and urged him on. The last snap was harder than the others and I sucked in a seething breath as Eli's hand slid down my spine, coming to a stop at it's base. He leaned down and his breath was hot against the side of my neck as he waited for me to catch my breath.

"Five," he murmured into my ear. I raised my head and lean into him, a strange mewling sound escaping my lips.

"Please tell me we aren't done," I whispered. I felt outside myself. Gone was the timid, anxiety ridden girl who could barely survive a night on the town and in her place was this feral woman who could only focus on two things. More of this feeling and more of the man who gave it to her.

Eli braced himself with one hand on the bench above my head. With the other he brushed the hair back from my neck.

I felt the warmth of his breath trailing across my skin only this time I felt his forehead rest against mine. The flame of desire hiding inside me erupted into a full blown forest fire and my breath escaped me. "I can keep going," he said. "You just have to ask me nicely."

I didn't want to open my eyes, I didn't want reality to crash down on me and steal away this moment."Please don't stop," I begged.

"How many more? Five? Ten?"

"Twenty," I replied.

Eli pulled back sharply, the first strike hit just below my shoulder and I sucked in a sharp breath. He moved behind me once more. Every strike drove me wild, after every hit I cried out for more. I gasped his name and begged for it harder, and he gave it to me. On that very last strike Eli stepped back and I heard it come down on the bare skin of my feet a full five seconds before the pain registered.

I arched back off the bench as the bottom of my normally ticklish feet burst into flame. It was sensory overload, the sweetest kind of agony that I could possibly imagine. As I struggled to catch my breath I felt his hand on the small of my back again, centering me, guiding me back down from the rush.

I didn't want to open my eyes and I lay there for a little while letting the adrenaline ebb. All the while Eli's hand gently stroked the small of my back. After a while I forced myself back into reality, releasing my death grip on the bench and letting him help me to my feet. When I straightened, and looked around, panic hit me in a wave.

We had an audience, half a dozen men and women had gathered not far from us, their eyes raked over me. Suddenly the magic was lost and the courage I'd mustered to get myself here vanished.

"I should go," I whispered looking down for my shoes. My breath was coming in short frantic bursts and I fought the urge to bolt.

Eli's strong hands reached out to pull my chin towards him. "Look at me, Mariah, not them." My eyes fluttered up to his face and I didn't see that raw lust the others had. There was something there, something more than the general interest I'd seen before, but it didn't make me feel dirty. For some reason it soothed the panic inside me. "Wait for me," he said softly. His voice was firm but I could hear a hint of worry.

I sighed, but stayed, as he made quick work of cleaning the bench and packing his things away. Soon that hand found the base of my spine again and he guided me gently to the door. It felt comforting, navigating that sea of lustful people with him at my side, but once we got outside I felt the need to run.

"I can find my way home," I mumbled as I pulled away but a hand shot out to block my way.

"I don't think you understand the rules Mariah," his glare was firm, challenging me to disagree with him. "When we participate in something like that together I'm responsible for you." He reached out for my arm as if he too was afraid I would bolt without warning. "Physically, mentally," he to reach up and tap the center of my chest, "and emotionally."

"I'm not looking for..." I was quick to respond but he cut me off instantly.

"All that means right now is that I'm going to make sure you get home ok, and you aren't going to fight me on it." His hand found its way to my back once more and he led me out into the parking lot. Eli only dropped his hand when we reached the car and he had to pull out his keys.

Opening the door for me, Eli moved to the trunk and deposited the bag. I tossed my shoes onto the floor and slid gently into the seat. When he slid into the seat next to me I panicked and closed my eyes, leaning back in the seat to avoid his gaze.

We drove in silence, he never once asked for directions, I chose not to ask how he knew where I lived. At the house he got out and walked me to the door. Watching with an arched eyebrow as I pulled a single key out of my bra.

"Good night Mariah."

"Good night Eli," I replied quietly slipping inside. His voice, his touch, the feeling of his crop lingered so long after he left.

Fortunately sleep found me that night, for the first time in so long.