Biological Gender Clock

He held my hand the entire time we listened to Sandra give him his itinerary. He was from San Francisco, he would be in New York for at least two weeks, she had every day planned and scheduled, thank god none of it included me.

"Okay, let's go, Sabrina made reservations for seven." They moved to the SUV, I stayed put, I waved goodbye to the driver watching me. I couldn't wait to get in front of my mirror. I couldn't believe the way her client looked at me and held my hands.

"Wait, isn't Sabrina coming with us?"

"Definitely not," Sandra laughed, she shook her head, "We need to get through some business first, she would be doing nothing but distracting us, well you." She laughed again as they moved to the back of the limo. Mr. Robinson waved goodbye disappointed as they pulled away.

The neighbor across the street waved hello. "Hi, perfect night, tonight."

I smiled, it was Benjamin. His daughter and ex-wife lived across the street. I knew him as my male self, but I knew he had seen me dozens of times in a dress, in heels, and even in my maid's uniform.

"Yes, beautiful."

"Nothing like September,"

I smiled, he was nice, but I knew Sandra would be angry if the neighbors were conversing with my femme self. "Mmm, Goodnight," I waved, I flashed my nails. I made my way into the house and jogged down the little half-flight of steps. I went into my bedroom next to the office and slipped down my skirt, pantyhose, and panties, I barely got my 'clit' out as I came all over the mirror.

"Coming!" That felt wonderful, "Thank you Benjamin for invading my mind."

I was glad that older, wider, Mr. Robinson was pushed out. I kissed my image and fell back onto the bed. Life was finally going to be fun, I hoped Sandra didn't think too much about it all.

*

The next day Sandra was in a mood.

"Come on, the car is going to be here in less than an hour why aren't you ready? You're not even properly dressed!"

I was in a robe, I was quite feminine underneath it. "I'm sorry. nothing was on the schedule maker."

"Fuck the schedule maker, you should have some intuition, a little more ambition, you can be easily replaced. Anyone can wear a skirt and answer the fucking phone."

Sandra was highly strung. I was used to her being loud and demanding. She also slammed the door, she left me alone finally. That was her signature move.

I checked my laptop, I checked the emails, I checked the schedule maker. I was going to be busy between ten and three, Sanda had been updating.

*

I was cleaning, dusting, I wanted to look busy. I didn't really want to know what she was having me do today, she kept on looking at her phone, she kept on organizing her empty desk. We made this office on the first floor a year ago and she never used it before. I had workmen come in and reorganize, move in a file cabinet, a ceiling fan. It had a table with six chairs for meetings, had a large-screen TV for overseas calls. Sandra ended up going into the city anyway and working out of a hotel conference room, leaving me happily alone. Now she was finally planning on using her office. Now that she had a real assistant, she could start introducing Staten Island and me to more clients.

"Robinson is coming by today, he wants to take you to lunch after our meetings." Sandra was still checking her phone, she wasn't looking at me, she seemed distracted.

"Lunch? Like this?" I must have had a nervous look on my face, Sandra laughed, she shook her head.

She pointed to my breasts in the black dress. "If that's what you are gonna wear, men are going to ask you out for lunch." She gave me an evil laugh, she was making me tense. "And when I say lunch, I am sure I mean something else." She laughed, she chased me out, she made me get her tea.

I went to my mirror, what was wrong with the way I dressed? I was wearing her old clothes, that was the order she gave me. I'm guessing she must have had many lunches herself.

Today I had on her long black skirt with the elastic waist, which I brought up to right below my breasts to make it shorter, it reached the top of my knees. I was wearing sheer beige pantyhose underneath, along with the corset and bra. I had on her black blouse with sheer arms. It was the only top of hers I liked. I decided I wouldn't wear the jacket, I wanted to show off my breasts, my arms. I slipped on dark blue pumps and matching chunky bracelets. I straightened my wig, making it look longer than the night before with my curling iron. I went more subtle with my makeup. I was thinking I could easily be an assistant, a female one, look at that smile. Look at those perfectly slightly redder lips.

"Sabrina!"

I went to the stairs, I was about to walk up, Sandra was already walking down, her car was outside. "Do you need me?"

"Do you need me, ma'am?" She laughed, she almost knocked me off the stairs. "Check your schedule, I just updated it again." She walked out the door. She did her signature move. Slam!

*

'Longer than there've been fishes in the ocean

Higher than any bird ever flew'

I was listening to the most boring music, this song felt longer than it probably was. I was lying down, I was only wearing my bra and matching panties. My corset stared at me from the chair.

"Are you relaxed yet?" A woman was holding a bowl, a brush, a strange smile on her face, strange hot goo in the bowl. I listened to the music, I tried to focus.

'Longer than there've been stars up in the heavens

I've been in love with you '

"I guess."

"Good, brace yourself." She gave a little giggle. I was just trying not to die of embarrassment. I was glad my panties were completely flat. I braced myself, whatever that meant. I was glad I wouldn't have to come back here for another four to six weeks

*

"Hi."

I heard a deep voice, startled, I looked out the back window of the car. I smiled as I got out, "Hi."

"Need help?"

"Sure, I can always use help." I took off my sunglasses, I wanted to show off my longer lashes, my pink eyeshadow. Benjamin was talking to me, he would never know that some of my most erotic fantasies centered around him, you know, helping me with, um, packages. My imagination was completely in female mode as I opened the back door, he leaned in, I glanced at his backside, I felt a little shiver. He pulled out my two shopping bags.

"Did a little shopping?"

"Mmm, and I got my legs waxed." He looked down, he glanced at my knees. I smiled, I think I was flirting, I was practicing for later on today. I didn't want to tell him I had my whole body stripped, even my ass, even the area hidden in my silk panties. Even my eyebrows.

"Really?" He closed his eyes. "I'm just adding that image to my bank." And he tapped his forehead, I think he was flirting, he was so much better at it than me.

He was acting so cute to me. I was liking being a girl with errands to run, I was suddenly very happy Sandra made me get waxed. Maybe tomorrow she would book me at a salon to lengthen my nails and paint my toes. Hopefully, she would send me somewhere else to get bigger breasts, wider hips, a sexier smile, one can only hope. Whatever she wanted I will be fine with it.

"How are you liking the new house?" I looked up, he was taller than me in my heels.

"I love it, I love the neighborhood, but I miss the old block. I miss seeing Mrs. Garland, Rusty, and Kristina every day, of course. I miss seeing you in your lovely dresses." He smiled bigger as I let him into the office, pointed to the table for the bags, showed him my garden of flowers.

"Mmm, I'm sure. You probably never even notice me."

"No, I notice, I'm very subtle, that's my modus operandi."

I was liking this, my tongue made an appearance, it made him focus on my lips. "Well I will bring over some cookies today, I am making my specialty."

"Oh, too bad I will be gone, Mary doesn't like me hanging around after my visits, I'm glad she is at work now, this would make her crazy."

"What would?"

"Well this little kiss goodbye, of course." And he kissed me, right next to my lips, the lower cheek, I froze, I think I enjoyed that a little too much.

"Oh. Um, goodbye." I tried to say.

And he was gone, I didn't move.

I go and get my slightly shaking legs and arms waxed and now a man kisses me? If I knew that's all it took, I would have done it years ago.

***

When Sandra and I moved to this quiet neighborhood, right before we got married. She liked it, everyone kept to themselves, there was very little traffic and it was right off the Expressway.

After we got married we introduced ourselves to the neighbors, most of them were older, I'm going to guess most of them were retired. Then we met Mary and Benjamin Fortunata, right in the middle of the street. Ben was holding Kristina, his daughter's hand. We were talking about the parking situation, the deer, the crazy birds that flew overhead in this southernmost part of the state.

We all worked close by, we were all around the same age, we all seemed quite happy. I assumed the happiness would carry over forever. I assumed we would all become friends as well as good neighbors.

"I don't like that Mary, she drives like a fucking lunatic." Sandra was a little skeptical. "She dashes from that car like she just stole it."

"Does she?

"And she smokes with that kid right in the back seat, what is wrong with her?"

"I like Ben and I love Kristina, she is so cute. It's nice that we live on a block with children, well child." I loved seeing their daughter outside, playing with her dolls or Rusty, Mrs. Garland's dog. She always looks so happy. I would stand behind the curtains at the front of the house and watch, imagining I was babysitting. I was hoping to mingle with the neighbors more, maybe have barbeques, drinks. I was hoping I could update their computers, bake, even get to know them better. Deep down I really just wanted to babysit.

"Yeah, just stay away from the wife, she's giving off a bad vibe. Of course, HE is perfect, a perfect man." And of course, she looked at me, I was anything but, I didn't even look like a man. I realized right away I wasn't going to be the husband she really wanted, I was going to be her minder, her maid. She knew what my strengths were. "Go make dinner, I want to get to bed early."

And I did, and so did she. That was the plan almost every night now.

***

Sandra and Mr. Robinson were back, I was waiting by the garden again. I still had the black skirt and sheer top, but I changed my eye makeup and jewelry. I put on bigger earrings, a couple of gold bracelets, I left my wedding ring in my small jewelry box.

"I hope you are hungry," Robinson called as he exited the limo. "I found a great place."

"I am, I can't wait." I had my black clutch in my hand, I had been waiting outside for a while. Sandra warned me to be ready.

He walked me to the limo, I met the driver.

"Hi, Tex, I'm Sabrina." He took my hand, his were huge. I imagined what he looked like naked. He helped us into the back and we drove to the north shore. The lunch was nice, it was interesting being out with a man. I was loving all the looks I was getting from the staff and the other customers, I was hoping I was passing, even though I had never had any problems in the past.

Robinson told me his first name again and I immediately forgot it, I wasn't paying attention to him, I was too busy rubbing my thighs, checking my nails, taking selfies, and glancing at the young bartender. Robinson also wasn't that nice to the waitress, or the couple sitting next to us, he was full of opinions and I started to feel uncomfortable. I ate light, I had a glass of wine, and when he went to wash his hands I gave the waitress an extra tip and bought dessert for the young couple. I told the cute bartender I would return soon and sit closer to him.

After lunch, Robinson didn't want to go back. We walked around the Staten Island ferry, we window-shopped. I pointed out the Statue of Liberty, the missing Towers, the little island with a lighthouse.

"Nice here, not so different from San Fran." Robinson kept on trying to hold my hand, he was trying to put his arms around me, he would run his stubby fingers through my hair. He was making me nervous, this wasn't a date, it was lunch with a client. "You can come back to the west coast with me, I have a house with a view of the Bay Bridge. You would love it."

"Mmm?" I stayed non-committal, I was ready to go, I walked back toward the car.

"How was everything?" Tex was holding the door, it had been a long lunch, I was glad to see him again.

"Good, thank you." I touched his chest with my long fingers, I gave him a box of pastries and iced coffee for the ride.

The trip back was quiet, Robinson kept looking at me. Every time I recrossed my legs, he smiled. Every time I moved my hair out of my eyes, he watched intentively, I was nervous about moving or touching anything. I wasn't used to the gaze of a man.

He slid closer, he closed the little window dividing us from Tex. "There, much better." He put his arm on the back of my seat, and I felt myself smush closer to the door. I felt I was so much smaller, I took up less room in the car, in the world. I was looking at him while we had lunch together, he felt so much older than me. I didn't understand why he needed to take me out, why he needed me in his life.

"Maybe we can do this again, I'm here for a couple of weeks."

"Mmm, maybe, but I don't think Sandra would approve." I made a cute face, I wasn't being mean, I was being more or less truthful.

"Would she approve if I did this?" And then he leaned over, he kissed my cheek, his arm went down around my shoulders. He held me as we drove a couple of blocks. Personally, I liked the attention of a man, it made me feel more feminine, like this afternoon with Ben, but I didn't really care for Mr. Robinson, he was trying to seduce me and failing miserably.

"Maybe we shouldn't do that, I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"Well, because. Isn't that enough?"

He shook his head, he gave a huge breath out. "A man takes a woman out, he expects her to be a little touchy, a little feely. A little friendlier." And he made his way onto my thighs, he started to rub my nylon legs, even under the hem of my skirt. He was getting too close to my panties, I put my hand on top of his to stop him from roaming.

"Please, Mr. Robinson you are making me so uncomfortable."

"Come on what's the big deal, don't you want me to keep my money with your company? Make your boss happy, heh. Don't act like you are some scared, blonde virgin, heh." After minutes of me pushing him away and him coming back for an attack he stopped, he slid back over to his side. I could tell he was getting angry. "I'm gonna call Sandra, this is ridiculous."

I watched, I thought he was crazy, he was too old to act like this. He was going to call my wife and tell her I wasn't being compliant, I wasn't giving him my body? I couldn't even imagine how this would go. A part of me wanted to stop him but I heard her, it was too late.

"Hello."

"So you set me up with a woman that keeps backing away from me." He called they talked, I felt like a teenager. "Tell her she needs to start getting into it, I don't have all freaking day."

"What? What do you want her to do?"

"You know what I'm asking. I could easily take my money elsewhere."

"First of all we signed all the contracts, I already have your money, and second of all, you don't even know who she is... You two just met."

"What you thought I wanted just company? Come on, grow up."

"God, are all men the same?" I could tell she was annoyed, I could tell she was going to say something I would probably regret. "Well, the beautiful woman next to you is actually my husband, SHE is a crossdresser, SHE doesn't have sex with men. Now leave her alone!"

"What?" He looked at me.

"What?" I whispered, did I really hear her tell someone about me? I was quite frozen, I was so glad the glass was up, hiding this conversation from the ears of the driver. I held my hand to my breasts, covering them, I was embarrassed as they talked on the phone for a couple more minutes, I could feel myself turning bright red. I couldn't pay attention at all, even though at times it got loud, or I heard my name. It seemed so surreal. Sandra told him to leave me alone again, she sounded even more agitated. He sulked, he watched me even closer. He watched my legs and heels for the entire conversation.

When he hung up he slid back over to my side, "God you are beautiful, I can't believe it. Tell me she was lying, right?" He put his hand on my cheek, he moved the hair out of my eye.

"No." I pulled back, I scrunched more in the corner. "She's not."

"Really? Ya know what's crazy? I want you so much more now than before, it's incredible how hot you are. Come on, I will give Sandra more of my business, um, I can..." He then pulled out his wallet, he handed me some bills. "Here take it, please, just let me touch you."

"So now I'm a prostitute?"

"No, no, I figured she probably doesn't pay you well, here put this in your bag." He took my clutch, he filled it, he started to play with my hair again. "She probably doesn't pay you at all, heheh. Come on baby, I can't believe how excited you are makin' me." He pushed into me a little harder, his leg was against mine, I was leaning against the door.

I could feel my pulse racing, my breathing was getting faster, I knew what that meant. Sometimes I would be completely dressed up in front of my mirror, short dress, heels, hair in a scrunchie, looking like one of the mothers in the neighborhood. I would find something online, a man, strong, handsome, about to play with himself. The female in me loved it, I would take my hair out of the wrap and shake it. I loved the look of a man about to cum, about to explode. I imagined it was me making him excited, and now here I was making one excited right next to me.

He started to unzip his pants, as I nervously squeezed my lace-covered arms tighter.

"Mr. Robinson what are you doing?"

He started to rub, his breaths were getting louder and more irregular. "Please, just rub me, please."

I looked up, this was crazy. "Hold on," I told him. A part of me wanted to rub him. I wanted to release his penis like I have seen so many girls do over the years. I shook my hair, I took hold of his zipper, brought it down. I slid my hand inside, he was completely hard already so I started to press down and rub. Some part of me was afraid to see it, see a cock in real life, it would take me over the edge, I would be embarrassed. I had a toy at home that I used to use when I worked the sex line, it inspired me, and now it was hidden in a box marked 'magazines.' Now I was about to have those feelings and inspiration all over again.

"Come on baby, just take it out." He was begging, he looked at me, I bit my lips. I realized I was going to do what he asked. "Do it."

"Mmm."

I unbuttoned his pants, he shifted I brought them down, I brought my lips closer to his hardness, I bent and ran my face over his briefs taking in his scent. I knew I didn't like him, I didn't like the way he was treating me or the way he was disobeying Sandra. I still couldn't remember his first name.

Maybe I was doing this for Sandra, for her company, I was finally using my intuition and ambition, but maybe not. Maybe I was just doing this for me. Only me.

I took down his briefs and his hard cock popped up, inches from my lips. His hand immediately went into my hair and I pulled away. I would make believe it was the neighbor, Benjamin, or one of the men on my computer screen. One of the men I knew would know how to love me, make me feel special, not a horny grouchy businessman from the other coast. I kissed the head, he started to moan already, his hands went into my hair again. I slid down a little more, I sucked, I swirled my tongue. It tasted okay, it tasted like something I would like to taste again. I was doing this for me.