All Comments on 'Birthday Pool Party Ch. 38'

The story about how Kayla's mother died hit a nerve. My own mother died suddenly in the middle of the night when I was 10. I woke about 3a to find a house full of family and not understanding why.

I dream about that day and the following days still.... (I am nearly 70).

5* for this chapter.

You glorious bastard, you made me tear up several times here, some from sadness, some from happiness. The imagery of a seven year old girl (and her family) losing Aria. The memory of Kayla's birth. The happiness of the moments when the various groups are showing their love for each other.

Bravo.

Well Witty, once again you have outdone yourself. What a great chapter! Learning more of Steven's and Kayla's past really gives the two of them so much more depth in character. I am glad that Hazel and the Baby are fine. Thank you so much for your amazing writing and story telling.

I think crying isn't exactly what I'm looking for on this site, but I'm loving these dramatic and well-descriptive chapters.

Not really a fan of time jumping in Nolan movies, but you managed this without losing me or my interest. I’d say this was a better story than the chapters leading up to prom. Thanks for the hard work!

Very good chapter....the background scenes really stirred the emotions, especially the 7 year old Kayla remembering.

Absolutely fantastic chapter, well done!

Hi there, your friendly neighborhood writing coach just checking in!

Later, when and if this story comes to a conclusion before I die of old age, I want you to look back on this chapter and decide if it really does anything to move and shape this story going forward. Not saying it doesn’t. It may well turn out to be a turning point that I can’t see. Was it necessary?

What we have here looks like a novel. It certainly qualifies as such regarding length. It also contains multiple characters and subplots which make it smell like a novel. There is character growth which gives it a novel/like taste.

But it’s not a novel in that there is no dramatic arc that follows throughout each chapter, nor does it seem to have a cohesive theme. It’s a rambling short story, but a fun one at that.

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed watching you grow as a writer from the first stumbling chapters to a more nuanced narrative. You’re like a young colt kicking and running - trying anything and everything to learn gain new experiences.

Novels don’t just happen. They require plotting, strategy and keen sense of what does and DOESN’T belong in the story. The skill you need to focus on now is discerning what NOT to write. That ability alone is what separates good from weak writers.

A story this length should only exist if, after careful and judicious editing, it simply NEEDS to be this long.

Looking forward to more.

Holy fuck. Get over yourself. You just spent a ton of words to say you think this is too long, and then you say you're looking forward to more.

.

The looking forward to more IS the point of all of the detail, all of the events, everything. This is a slice of life drama about a group that is coalescing into multiple relationships, and the events around them. It's not *meant* to be a concise treatise on whatever gets your rocks off.

Absolutely amazing the story keeps getting better and better. I can’t wait for more and hope that it continues way past graduation . Great job Witty

I’m not a fan for how you ended this chapter but I appreciated the backstory exposition.

@AccelarVester Sorry to hear about your mother :( Thanks for the 5*'s!

@shadracht I appreciate the kind words. Thank you!

@TheJoker33 As always, I love your comments! Thanks!

@Klemeinov Yeah, most people probably aren't here to cry! Glad you love the chapters!

@haltwhogoesthere Glad to hear you didn't lose interest!

@Bogiera Thank you!

@CaptainFrostBite I appreciate it! Thanks!

@Rapierwit24601 I do feel the chapter is necessary. It brings more depth to the characters, explains their behavior, etc... glad you're looking forward to more!

@Thedarkrev1124 I'm happy to hear you're looking forward to more!

@Weissbiermann Sorry you aren't happy with the chapter ending :(

@shadracht is right!

@Rapierwit24601 you seriously need to slow your roll. For someone that has not published a single story here, to criticize someone that has written 38 chapters along with a few more short stories; should really stop and take some time for self reflection. Witty has poured more effort into his story than 90% of the writers on Literotica. He chapters are very well recieved and like by the majority of his readers. It seems like you get a hard on by pissing in his cheerios! With all the negative stuff that you spew out, you would think that you hate his story. You ask when its going to end, yet you say that you're looking forward to more. Dude its time to shit or get the pot! Really your comments are not even constructive criticism at this point.

This has been a fantastic series. The only concern I have, particularly you mentioning book 2 is that you have expanded the scope so far that there really can't be any real conclusion other than a dramatically bad one such as Sarah finding out about Kayla and Steven. I'd really hope that you don't plan on having this all implode. Maybe instead of a book 2, a major epilogue chapter with the time skip you proposed. General recap and then everyone's perspective. R

Ok. Just power read this whole series in like 3 days. Man this is some intense shit. Love the story line and all thw love and support going on. Keep it up. Can't wait for the next chapter.

@haltwhogoesthere. I kind of agree with the time jumping in Nolan movies, like when the time jump spoils later events like in Dunkirk.

@Rapierwit24601. (1) I'm not knocking the old age comment, just in case you may be close to being a septugenarian like AccelarVester or octogenarian and above. You kind of negated your own point when you mentioned that the following chapters may contain a turning point you cannot see. Your question about this chapter would have made more sense if you saw a draft before the chapter was submitted, but now that the chapter is submitted, it does move and shape the story. The story may not have been shaped or moved to your liking but for better or for worse the chapter has done its piece. Time will tell of this chapter's necessity. (2) Who cares if these chapters are a novel or a rambling short story? Shakespeare's plays were meant to be seen in theatres and not merely have the scripts read. But that doesn't take away from how those works are powerful. (3) Who's to say that plotting, strategy, and a keen sense of what does/doesn't belong hasn't happened already?

@shadracht and TheJoker33. I CONCUR!

@Anonymous.(R) I agree on the implosion possibility. Like when book adaptatiosn get chopped in half to make two movies. But I don't think that would happen with how Witty's skills are getting better.

@Witty. I like the new stuff you tried with the time jumps and deeper introspection. So much so that I'm conflicted in asking you, "Why didn't you do this sooner?" I would have really wanted to see this done as intimacy was building between Steven and Kayla, Lexi's random remembrances, or when Steven talks about his business. No need to apologize for the lack of sex this time around. The sex you had in this chapter was all new stuff and good stuff. In the flashbacks, I liked how you mirrored Aria's and Kayla's mannerisms during sex. It's a little hint of where she got it from. I liked how Ian's perspective showed how Kayla didn't need to be present for Ian and Stephanie to be affectionate towards one another. With how invested Susan is in her son's relationship, I'm really looking forward to not so much a plot twist but an event in the story where it comes to play. I was hoping to see Josh in the waiting room too, I admit dialogue involving him would be forced. But just his presence would have been nice to show that Ashley and Josh were full speed ahead on being boyfriend and girlfriend. I can kind of see where you were going with the ending. But with how passionate Steven his for the Slut Sisters, I can't picture Steven being stuck in a moment of pause by Mr. Collins' comment. I would think Steven would immediately give him a piece of his mind once Steven heard that final statement. It's not like got sent a photo that left him twisted or saw the Caller ID and got scared.

@Anonymous(R) I'm glad you're enjoying the series! I hope the conclusion to this story doesn't disappoint you!

@Lordkalven Wow, that's a lot of reading! Thank you for the comment!

@Anonymous As always, I love reading your comments. As for why I didn't do the time jumps sooner, well, I guess I didn't think of it! Maybe I should have. Although, I don't know about Lexi remembering things since those things would be very painful for her, and very dark to write about. I'm glad you caught the similarities between mother and daughter in intimate moments! I wasn't sure anyone would notice. Josh could have gone to the waiting room, but they haven't been together long. He's probably a little upset that he wasn't called right away. As for Steven's call with Mr. Collins; yeah, he probably ended up shouting into the phone as soon as it disconnected! Thanks again for the comment!

I've been following this series since chapter 10, and it's become part of my routine to update the page even though I know there are several days between one and the next. It became an addiction! A good addiction!

Hey Witty! Just read 37&38 and all the comments and there is lots to digest. I think you demonstrated that Steven is not perfect and is more than just a human dildo. He has flaws, insecurities, and strengths as do all your characters. That is one of the strengths of your writing and this story and why we are all fans. I did like that you are exploring time shifts or flashbacks now. I thought Steven/Aria was handled well but Kayla was a mixed bag. It was part reminiscence and part timeshift. I doubt scared seven year olds in a waiting room foreshadow words they will remember forever. That works as a memory but not as a kid in the moment. You did get the emotions across though. Anyway, thanks for entertaining us and I hope you are enjoying your storytelling.

@Klemeinov Thank you! I'm glad it's a good addiction.

@JohnSimms I appreciate the comment! Sorry you have mixed thoughts about Kayla's flashback.

@everyone Chapter 39 has been submitted under the Group Sex category. It should go live in a couple of days.

Abdolutly loving the story. The sex sceens gets repetative but I can skim through them to get to the meater parts of the story.

I hope the story keeps going until some of the characters get married.

The most unrealistic thing is how super-humsn Steven be. As a man it makes me unhsppy thst I can never be as an amazing lover he is, but I can aspire to be as good emotionaly. I don't know if you are including accurate sexual tehniques for both and women to improve the pleasue they can give threir partner or not. Or is all the sex just pure fictiom without sharing accurate techniques?

Sould like to see how the big extended famly morphs and changes as childern are born and people marry. Hoe flexible can be!

Keep up the great writing!

Witty,

This story made me cry, hard! I'm of a sentimental nature and in my Real Life this really hits home. All I an say is this story made me feel the raw emotions of Steven and I know of very few writers that can accomplish that! I know that writing a story such as this is difficult, but you are an accomplished writer and I very much appreciate your writing. I'm on to chapter 39 and I hope you don't stop anytime soon as I'm addicted!

Why is porn making me cry?