Bite Me

Unfortunately, today is the last day I planned applying it but it doesn't look like it will be going to bed soon. I can't stay up much longer unless I want to be a walking zombie tomorrow. I debate on skipping the routine all together but something nags in the back of my mind. This is a defenseless animal. It doesn't know that the cut on its head can become infected. I have to take care of it.

"I'm going to apply something on your cut, okay, Doggie? It shouldn't hurt and I promise this is the last time."

It turns its head in question. Almost as if asking if I've done this before.

"You can trust me," I nod in encouragement. "It is so that nothing becomes of that cut."

I hold my breath and lean down, slowly moving the Q-tip closer to the side of its head. It watches me carefully, not taking its eyes off me. Not even the small cotton ball headed its way catches its attention. It doesn't jump or bark or even whimper when I touch it. I apply the salve and continue to hold my breath.

My lungs start screaming for air at one point so I hurry up and finish what I need to do before I pass out.

"Good girl." I smile once I'm at least two feet away.

Its tail wags with some enthusiasm at my praise and I'm tempted to pet its head. But maybe one reckless act is enough for tonight.

*-*-*

Two days later, I walk into my apartment with bags hanging from each arm.

My cheeks are bright red from the cold but I feel warm from the walk. I stopped by the pet store a few blocks away from here and decided to hike the rest of the way. The street lights were on but there was still a little sunlight left by the time I got to my building.

The dog sits up, its tail lazily wagging as it watches me dump everything on the table.

I pull out some dog treats and shake them above my head.

Its head turns to the side, trying to read my reaction.

Okay, not what I expected.

The shampoos and flea medicine get no reaction at all but that is to be expected.

I pull out a chew toy next and move it around in my hands until I find what I'm looking for. I press on the little red button and it lets out a squeak. The dog stands on all fours and its tongue comes out of its mouth.

Okay, that is something.

I hold the toy out and wait for it to grab it.

It sits back down and waits.

With a shaky breath, I sit down on the floor.

"Come." I pat the spot next to me.

This is the moment of truth. If I am able to give it this toy, then maybe there is a future for it here. It would prove that I am getting over my fear of dogs and that there is some hope for both of us. If not, if I can't bear to be near it without having a panic attack, then giving it up may be the best solution. Not just for myself but for it too.

It approaches me very slowly.

I instinctively shrink back but hold the toy out. My eyes narrow, waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it sits right next to me. It doesn't even try to take the toy. It actually looks up at me, waiting again.

"Here," My voice is small and my hand is shaking. "Take it." I try to be firm.

It carefully leans forward with its head and takes the toy in between its teeth. Oh my, they are huge! I'm pretty sure my whole head could fit in its mouth. It pulls back slowly, taking the toy with it. I force myself to stay there and not move away. My heart is beating a million miles per hour. I'm sure it can hear it too. This has got to be the quietest dog I've ever witnessed. No barking, whimpering, huffing. Nothing. Well, maybe wolves are different.

I go through the last of the bags and pull out a pink collar.

As soon as I take it out the dog starts retreating, dropping the toy altogether.

"Oh. You don't like it?" My disappointment surprises me. I thought we were doing so well.

I hold the collar out and it moves away again. It begins to walk back and forth in the living room, avoiding looking at me. I feel guilty for some reason. Maybe because I've waited so long to get a collar and for keeping it trapped in here but it doesn't appear to be suffering much. There isn't that energy build up that I hear dogs have when they're not let out to run free.

It definitely doesn't behave like a dog.

"That's okay." I stick it in my bag and thank my past self for keeping the receipt. "Well, here is the last of it." I take out a bone.

I pick out the biggest one I could afford and unwrap it.

Its tail starts to wag and it jumps from foot to foot in anticipation. I giggle at the little dance, which it seems to like because it does it some more. By the time I finish unwrapping the whole bone, it's practically jumping up and down with its tail wagging and its tongue out. It sure acts like a dog when it wants to.

Could we really make this work?

*-*-*

Kinsley pops her bubble gum once more before speaking.

"Definitely not a dog." She turns the flyer over in her hand and then hands it back to me.

"Yes, I think we established that." I try not to sound annoyed.

She goes to the mirror in the back and pulls her shirt down so that her cleavage is seen from outer space. "What was your question again?"

"See if any of the customers are missing it? I'm going to hang some of them here so people can get the word out but you're better at getting them to actually listen." I take out a small stack of flyers.

After two weeks, I've finally decided to look for its owner. The dog or wolf or whatever it is, is too well behaved. It doesn't like to go out, hasn't stepped a foot out since I rescued it. I don't know why. It is much too big to be in a small apartment and needs to run around and be free.

I've also become so accustomed to its presence that I don't mind when it sits near me on the couch. Or when it stands around me while I cook. If I'm going to allow myself to care for it, I have to make sure it doesn't belong to anyone else first. It wouldn't be fair to everyone involved to force it to stay with me if it had a better life somewhere else.

"Yeah, I can do that." She brushes her hair to the side. "If not, maybe Theo will want it."

My heart contracts at the thought of giving it away. I don't say anything and stare down at the picture of the dog on the flyer. It is one of my favorites.

Berry walks in with a fresh new apron and gives Kinsley a flirty smile. "Looking good, hot mama."

She blows him a kiss. "All for you, big boy."

Yikes, I clear our as soon as possible.

*-*-*

Another week passes by and I haven't heard any word about the dog.

I'm wiping a chair down when I think back to the night before.

I was watching a funny movie, while trying to do some light studying. The more I tried to focus, the funnier the jokes got and I eventually gave in and just watched the rest of it. The dog's ears perked up from the corner of the living room when I laughed. It got up towards the end of the movie and sat by my feet.​ The same fear I would have had a few weeks ago was nowhere to be found and I stared down at the back of its head as it looked at the T.V. My hand reached out on its own to pet it.

As soon as I touched it, it completely froze causing me to stop.

"I'm sorry." I said and moved to the other end of the couch.

It went back to the corner of the room and laid down, away from me.

The reaction has been in my head all day and I don't know why.

*-*-*

On an especially gloomy afternoon, Addy walks into the diner.

Suddenly the gloominess is gone and my heart does a little flip.

I would be lying if I didn't admit that ever since I got a new pet, my mind has been too preoccupied with other things. Gray isn't a handful per se. I'm just not used to having to think about anyone else but myself. Never have I cared so much about buying the right food for her (which turns out to be any human food) or the best treats (which turns out to be bones). Gray is picky but when she behaves so well, it is hard not to give her what she wants. Oh yeah, I finally gave her name. It didn't take her long to start answering to it.

So, even though I've been distracted by Gray, I never fully pushed Addy out of my mind. Now that I see her, I'm reminded that I very much still have a crush. Like really bad.

"Coffee?" I say a little too eagerly. My hand comes up to my hair to make sure it is not out of place.

She removes her leather jacket and nods her head. Her eyes avoid meeting mine as she sits and places her hands on the counter. We go through the same process as before: I get everything prepared, she puts money on the counter, and I try not to stare too much. But I can't help it. It's been over a month now. The last time I saw her I was drunk and acting out of the norm. I mentally cringe at the memory.

"There you are." I push the cup closer to her.

She briefly looks up at me and I stand there, staring like an idiot. Her eyes! I forgot the power that her beautiful gray eyes have. It's hard not to think of Gray when I look at her. In fact, the way she's turning her head right now reminds me of Gray.

I frown at the thought and move back to place the pot back in its place, hiding my face and irrational feelings.

The song on the speaker plays in the distance as I try to shake the sensation away. Something feels off. I have no choice but to ignore it when Berry dings the service bell announcing that table four is ready to be served. I carry the two dishes in each hand, not looking at Addy as I walk by.

"Can we have some ketchup, Avery?" Mr. Blanch asks when I finish setting the plates down.

"Sure." I smile and grab the ketchup from behind the counter. I feel Addy watching me but I pretend not to notice.

"Thank you, darling." His wife says when I hand it to her.

I move over to the table behind them and start wiping it down. For some reason, I want to be around Addy but I don't want her to feel like I'm overbearing. I also don't want to be thinking of Gray when I'm with Addy. I know she's probably digging into her bone at this time but I still feel guilty for leaving her alone.

"Can I get some more?" Addy calls out to me.

I put the damp towel away and nod. Once I serve her the second cup, I know it is only a matter of time before she leaves again.

"That's a cool shirt!" I point at her Red Hot Chili Pepper black tee. "I have one just like it."

Her cheeks heat up but she doesn't say anything.

The minutes tick by and neither of us look away. I break first.

"You're looking good." I meant for it to come out as a compliment. Like, how she doesn't look as beat up as she has in the past. But instead, her cheeks flare up even more and I realize that I just called her hot without meaning to. Damn Jacky for putting thoughts into my head!

"What I meant to say is, you look well rested." I bite my thumbnail.

"Thanks." She nods. "I've gotten into a better situation."

"That's good." My heart warms. So, she was struggling before. But now she's doing better. I wish I could help and yet I know she wouldn't accept it. She doesn't seem like the type to want handouts. Even if I wanted to offer any type of assistance, I know she would turn me down. "I'm sorry about the other night." I bite my lip. It's been bugging me, and I need to get it out now.

She looks confused. "What night?"

Oh, God. Do I have to remind us both about that dreadful night? Can I just swallow a bag of nails instead?

"Singles night," I say, sheepishly.

"Oh," She frowns. "Right." Then she blows out a breath. "Did you end up getting lucky?"

I stare up at the ceiling, even more embarrassed. "No." I scratch a spot on the top of my head. "I'm actually not that type of person. I can't just..." I let the sentence die, along with the rest of my dignity.

She smiles, just a hint. "I didn't think you were."

"You think of me?" I stupidly ask out loud.

She shrugs. "It's kind of hard not to."

My eyes widen and I feel my soul leave my body. In a good way. In a very good way. "Oh."

"Yeah," She runs a hand through her dark hair.

My eyes zero in on a scar near her temple. "What's that?" I point at it.

Her fingers lightly brush over it. "It's nothing." She tilts her head so that her hair covers it.

"You're okay now, right?" I lean over and place my hand over hers.

She looks at me, concerned but also nervous. "More than okay." She tries to assure me.

"Okay," I slowly nod and then smile. "I'm also doing better now."

"Really?" Her thumb begins to rub against my pinky in a very distracting way.

I nod. "I actually got a dog."

Her eyes drop and she stops moving her thumb. "Dog?" She chokes on the word.

"Well, more like a wolf." I shrug.

She pulls her hand away and begins to put her jacket on. "That's cool."

I get the impression that I said something wrong so I try to fix it. "Maybe you can meet her one day, soon. Her name is Gray."

"Um," She pushes the dollars toward me but doesn't meet my eyes. "Sure."

I take the money but try to stop her from leaving. She avoids my hand and starts walking backward. "I promise she's really friendly and so beautiful." It takes me a moment to realize I just called Gray beautiful. But that's because she is. Any which way that I look at it, she is a gorgeous girl.

"I'll see you later." She walks out.

Well, that was... what the fuck was that?

*-*-*

I open my apartment door, ready to relax on the couch for a few episodes of whatever show I feel like watching tonight, with Gray on the floor next to the couch.

"Gray?" I lock the door and call out when I don't immediately see her in the living room. Sometimes she is in the kitchen, laying on the cold floor. I frown when she doesn't come out of hiding and walk to the bathroom. It's very rare that she'll be in there, but I don't know where else she could be, my bedroom door is always closed.

"Gray?" My voice comes out a little more panicked when I search the whole apartment and can't find her.

The kitchen window is open, I rush to it and look down, preparing to see a wounded Gray at the bottom of it. There is nothing. I close the window and find myself crying and shaking. Where is she? I didn't leave the window open. Did she do that? She couldn't have! No matter how smart she is, her paws couldn't have unlocked the window, let alone pushed it open. I cry a little harder and check the whole place once more trying to calm myself.

Where is she?

I grab my bags and keys before rushing out of the apartment to look for her.

I hope she's okay.

My heart sinks and nothing I do stops the tears from rolling down my face.

*-*-*

I wake up to the sound of my phone ringing at one in the afternoon.

"Kinsley?" My brain is foggy and I'm trying to sound awake but I'm not fooling anyone.

"Avery, sweetheart, where are you?" Her voice sounds far away and I know she's probably taking some order as she talks to me. They're probably really busy.

I look at the time again and rush out of bed. "I'm so sorry! My alarm didn't go off. I'll be there soon."

"Okay, take your time." She hangs up. They must be really busy.

My head starts to pound and I stop walking so fast. Once I make it to the bathroom I cringe away from my reflection. My eyes are puffy and my throat still hurts from all of the crying last night. I got home around 4 in the morning after searching for Gray as far as I could walk to. I couldn't find her anywhere.

She's probably out there all alone, in the cold.

My eyes start to water again but I hold it in as I shower. Tears are not going to help bring her back.

How did she even escape?

I wasn't robbed because they didn't take anything else. My door was still locked. I contemplate all of this over and over again on the bus ride to the diner. Nothing makes sense and I can't find logical explanations even after sleeping on it.

When I get to the diner both Berry and Kinsley give me a concerned look but don't bother to ask me anything. We get through the lunch rush, consisting of a room full of old timers who are on an outing. I try to be patient and caring with each one, but my heart is not in it. All of my thoughts are consumed by Gray and her whereabouts. I'm going to have to reprint some flyers, this time asking them to return her to me.

She is mine.

That night, as we're closing down, Kinsley gives me a big hug before leaving.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She rubs my back.

I shake my head and try to stop the tears from forming.

"Okay, okay." She shrugs and pats my back. "See you tomorrow."

"Bye," I remove my apron and sit on a nearby chair.

Berry pokes his head in after a few minutes. "Ready to go? I can lock up tonight."

I get up and grab my bag. "Yes, thanks."

"Let me know if you need anything." He gives me a small hug and walks me out the back door.

"Thanks," I wave once I'm walking away.

The thought of going back to an empty house depresses me far more than I could have expected.

*-*-*

Weeks pass by and I hear nothing about Gray.

Between work and school, I try to manage enough time in my schedule to look for her. I take the bus further and further out than I have ever had to and keep an eye out for her. I go into all types of neighborhoods hoping for some sign of her but there is nothing. I put up flyers, so many flyers. I have spent more money on printing them than I have on food. That thought alone makes me burst into tears almost every night. This is painful. I wasn't even supposed to become attached to her. I was supposed to care for her until her owners came along. And now look at me. Crying and looking for her like some mad woman.

School has gotten twice as hard since my head isn't in it anymore.

Jacky tries her hardest to help me, and I'm having trouble focusing. Trying so hard not to let this bump in the road affect my future. It is difficult. I want to give up. I want to go back to my parents and say 'take care of me'. I want to drop my classes and stop working and just let myself go. But I don't. I don't lose hope just yet. That is the only thing I have going for me. I can't be careless this time.

After work one night, I walk near the same alley where I found Gray. I always walk past that alley but I usually walk from across the street just in case those same dogs from before are still around. This time though, I walk into the alley, looking for any signs of her. I'm starting to get desperate.

"Avery?" Addy calls for me from the entrance of the alleyway.

"Hey," I look around one final time, making sure that I don't miss anything. Once I am sure everything looks the same, I walk up to her. "What are you doing here?"

"I was looking for you. Thought you might have been at the diner but they said you were gone already." Her face falls when she sees the tears threatening to spill from my eyes. "What's wrong?"

I shake my head. "It's nothing." I say through the knot in my throat. "What did you need?"

She pulls me into a hug and rests her head against my shoulder. "You don't look fine."

I cry against her hair, inhaling the same scent as before. It's like she rolled around in the wilderness and carries that scent with her. "I lost Gray."

She sighs against my hair. "I'm sorry to hear that."

I cry in silence, afraid of saying something stupid.

"Do you want me to walk you home?" She pulls back and stares at me. Her eyes shine bright against the street light.

I shake my head. "It's okay. I'll be fine."

"I insist." She wraps an arm around my shoulders and walks me down the sidewalk.

We walk in silence, her arm around me and my head swimming in her scent. The further we walk the quieter and the less I feel like myself. My heart is doing cartwheels because we are together and she is being so sweet. And yet my mind is fighting with something. Something is tugging at me and I'm finding it hard to figure out exactly what it is.

Once we stand in front of my apartment building, I look down the street to the big trash can. I'm reminded of the dog who once had its tail stuck under it.