Blazo 01

Blazo 01

Hi there, I'm known as Blazo and I've heard all the variations of that, so, referring to me as Blazing Saddles won't get you anywhere. But I like that you people are creative.

"Hi. I mean, we've saw each other before and then I came over to where you were hanging out, so, that makes it so we're not strangers now, so, hi."

Did it? Did it really make it so we weren't strangers?

"Oh, I'm pretty good at remembering faces, so, I think you're just stranger #6 on my list, but I saw you standing across the Strip in front of the Crushed Ping Pong Ball Shop putting an eye ball on me and then that's when you came across the Strip to hustle me, but now you just figured out that I'm a guy behind these red lips and red cheeks and now you're looking for a way out, so, I'll chip in and help things along and say, bye, stranger #6 and you know, have a nice day and a nice life, so?"

"Oh, and you'll eat crow when I can proof that we've met up before and even the quickest of meet ups count, so?"

Would I? Would I ever eat crow? Chicken, Duck, Pheasant, Quail, nope, there's no crow on my list.

"Oh, you're still here, stranger #6 and my list tops out at 5, so, I gave you your way out, so, stroll along hen, okay, bye."

"Oh, oh, I was waiting for you to ask me about my proof positive that we met before because I thought those were the rules of engagement, so?"

Was it? Was it really a rule of engagement to ask for the proof positive then, hmm? Damn, it was!

"Fine, but only because nobody else is bothering with me right now, so, let's hear or see this mythical proof positive that we met before and make it quick, stranger #6, so?"

"Alright, picture this, it was like three weeks ago and I was inside of Bart's garage helping him tinker with his old timey hot rod and then you pranced in out of nowhere with a misdelivered package and then..."

Do I? Do I really prance? I bounce float because I'm almost lighter than air.

"And that's my proof positive because how would I know that otherwise, so, cased closed, let's have sex, Blazing Trails!"

Was that really proof positive then? That Ama-Zoo delivery guy misdelivers packages to my place all the time because he knows that sometimes I open the front door the same way that Mrs. Henderson does.

"Oh, I still win, Blazing Fire, because check this out."

Would you really win if you refer to me as Blazing Fire, hmm? Well, the odds would be in favor if we know each other.

[Did stranger #6 really think that covering most of his face with a sideways hand was the same as proof positive as step one to getting sex from Blazo?]

I mean, did that really help?

"OMG, OMFG, Biff! Biff, I recognize the bands of your eyes, Biff! You're the flat on your back guy on that garage floor roller thingy! Biff!"

Well, sometimes it helps.

"Oh, actually, I'm Chip, but, um, yeah, I'm the flat on my back roller thingy guy, so?"

"Oh, sorry, Chip, but oh boy, you were Biff in my blog and you absolutely rocked, oh, hi, Chip, so?"

"Oh, I mean, my middle name is all of sudden Biff then! I mean, I mean, I mean, was it on the roller thingy, huh?"

"Oh, I mean [clicks that possibly into the memory banks], no, no, but, tee he, changing the subject really quick, I mean, Mr. Barton is kind of old and you are kind of buff, I mean, buff, I mean, younger, so, um, hi there, Biff, ugh, I mean, Biff, OMG, I mean Chip!"

"Oh, well then, we're well on our way to..."

"Hey, wait a minute! I've been tricked before like 23 times, so, how do I know you're not the brother of the garage floor flat on your back roller thingy guy, hmm, Mr. Biff, I mean, Mr. Chip, hmm?"

"Oh, and I have more proof of that!"

Did he? Did he really have more proof of that, hmm?

[Stranger #6 clears his throat, ahem, ahem and starts to re-enact the garage tinkering conversation]

"Hey there, hey, Mr. Barton, I received yet another..."

[Cats start screeching, Coyotes start howling and Mountain Lions start whining]

"Stop! Please stop, Biff! I've been working on my voice since 3rd, well, for a while now and that's not how I sound, so, just do your proof positive re-enactment in your normal buffed Biff voice, so?"

[Stranger #6 clears his throat, ahem, ahem and tries it again with his normal man voice]

"(Ahem!) Oh, hey there, hey, Mr. Barton, I received [prancing all about] yet another package by mistake for your wife and you know me, I'm the nice one on the street, so, ta da, so, I brought it over for you because your wife needs her daily delivery of packages, so, ta da, here it is, Mr. Barton, so?"

"(Grumble, spit, mumble) That damned stupid overnight Ama-Zoo company! Well, what do you think it is and where some clothes outside, Blazing Saddles! The neighbors can see that you bounce float across the street to my place (but, tee he, not too much more clothing)."

"Oh, tee he, Mr. Barton, it's yet again another package in non-descripted brown wrapping, but judging by the size and weight of this box, I mean, ooh la, la, Mr. Barton, it might a big fat battery dildo toy that the wife needs because, tee he, well, just because, so, tee he, grab the box Mr. Barton!"

[Mr. Bart Barton grumbles and mumbles and snatches that little non-descript box from the quite dainty hands of Blazo]

"Give me that box [snatch], Blazing Fire! It's, it's, it's, I mean, it's a wrench for my birthday!"

Was it? Was it really a tinkering wrench?

[Buzz, grr, buzz, grr, buzz, grr, manhandling the non-descript box activated the switch, buzz, grr]

Also, did I really say for you guys to watch how you use variations to my name somewhere above? Blazing Fire might get you a Friday night date!

"Ahem, excuse me! I'm telling the re-enactment story!"

"Oh, tee he, sorry, Biff, oops, I mean, Biff, ugh, I mean buffed Biff, OMFG, Chip, I mean, Chip! And I believe you now. And someone once called me Blazing Fire, so?"

Did they? Does old man Barton really count as someone? (Psst, followers, I'm freshly 21, so be around that age when you try to seduce with your Blazing Fire Stick)

"Well, listen Biff, who is Chip, who is buffed, who used to be stranger #6, we're still a long way from a third date situation, so..."

Really? Does the third date really mean sexual relations these days? Oh, yeah, tee he, it does.

"So, before we go any further at all, I mean, what would your live-in girlfriend say about all this and honesty is always the best policy, so?"

Is it really? Is honesty always the best policy? Huh, again, yep. (i.e., a couple of white lies are the normal)

"Blazo, never mind all that for right now, because just what the hell was wrong with my "on point" first meeting re-enactment performance anyways then? I mean, other than a few cats, a few coyotes and a few mountain lions started screeching and squealing at the same time, I mean, my high pitched and squeaky voice seemed pretty on point to me, so, you start out with the honesty first!"

Was it? Was it really anywhere near on point? Anywhere near on point? Anywhere at all?

"Fine, you win, Blaze Ball, but only because I'm going to win with getting sex from you tonight, so, ahem, here goes and in a perfect pitch that represents my live-in girlfriend, so, ahem, "oh, honey, I don't..."

[Cats start screeching, Coyotes start howling and Mountain Lions start whining]

"...oh, honey, I don't remember cutting off one of your balls to make your voice so high and squeaky, but you probably deserved it since you use the vacuum cleaner for sex when I'm at work" or something like that, so, am I banging you tonight or what, Blazing Boots?"

Did he? Did he really deserve it? Probably, next!

But my side name is Blazing Boots now.

Folks, is it? Is Blazo's side name really Blazing Boots because he's actually an athletic shoe slut if there ever was an athletic shoe slut and...

I said next!

High tops, flats, running, deck, running, basketball, 4-eyelet, 5-eyelet, 6-eyelet, arch support, breathable, walking, tennis, slip-ons, every color of the rainbow and...

I said next!

'andhelivesbythecodeofthebaggyhoodieandpullsthatoffbyafactorof10'

Do I? Do I really pull off the baggy look? Duh! And we can talk about that when we give Millie at the Frosted Twirled Dipped Swirly Shop on the Strip something to talk about when you take me there to seduce me and request that my cheeks are Blazing Red.

Can I? Can I really be seduced? Yeah, but it's still at the level of...

"Blazo, what the hell was just up with all that squeaky screaming over here, huh? Did someone string up a cat and cut off one of its balls off too? I mean, that hurt my ears! Also, are you trailing blazing a new fashion statement tonight because as I remember it since graduation, I mean, you usually wear Denim shorts over your bike thingy shorts, so, what's happening here?"

Did I? Did I really forget to slip on my Denim over shorts, hmm, did I? Well, hell, yeah, I did! But I have a decent booty, so.

"Aww, that's okay, Blazo, since you have a nice, um, well, you know I can't say "booty" to you since I'm straight8 and I'm so straight8 that I might qualify as straight88, right, Blazing Embers?"

Hmm, would I really pucker kiss your dick a couple times for referring to me as Blazing Embers?

Hmm, moving on, but was I really going to let Leroy off the hook that easy? I think not.

[Huh, that straight8 Leroy guy followed Blazing Embers into the alley access walkway, so, huh]

"Say, it, Leroy [smooch] and I promise you that you won't die [smooch, smack, smooch], so?"

Did his hands really grip my "non spoken of" booty cheeks that quickly?

"Boo, boo, boo, boo..."

[Mwah, mwah, grip, huh, straight8 grips it differently, mwah, smooch, smooch, smooch, smack]

"Boo, boo, boo, boo..."

Was he really stuttering or was he just enjoying the moment? And I'm actually asking.

"[Smooch] I mean, I work hard to keep my booty shapely and firm, Leroy and what's a little groping and sexy alley pillow talk between old school mates anyways, hmm?"

Did I really up the groping game? Well, it happens sometimes, so, what?

"So, Leroy, I'm rubbing your boner [smooch, smack] and you're gripping my??????"

"Boo, boo, boo, boo, OMFG, your booty, Blazing Embers, I'm gripping your booty! In the alley!"

Did I really reward Leroy for breaking out of his shell then, hmm? Shut it!

"Oh, is the world ending tonight because, ahem, somebody forget to wear something and then just pops out of the alley access walkway clearing his throat like he just swallowed some blazing hot sauce, so, how much of the details can I handle, Blazo, hmm?"

"Belinda, shut it! Leroy had a speech impediment and I helped him with that and that's all (plus a couple of things), so, shut it and help me get to my truck since I forgot half of my shorts and finish the story that you started to tell me last night, so?"

Was it really just a couple of things? (Um, smooch kissing, front humping, crotch rubbing, a couple of pucker kisses that totally worked, huh, a few things then)

[Huh, it must be another rule of engagement that the story teller pulls the listener into her cleavage for story telling time then]

"Oh, once upon a time, there was this Blazing Wild Fire purdy boy, who figured out how to get under my last nerve because I asked to borrow his fancy little truck for my Glam Camping trip for the long holiday weekend and then said purdy boy is trying to turn the tables on me by making me sweat it out, the end and it might be the end of a certain Blazo blazing new trails up and down the Strip with how he bounce floats instead of shuffles in his wide variety of athletic shoes, I think that's enough, so?"

Is it? Is it really Glam Camping up at the Flats? Duh, that damn place is a gold mine! And totally glam!

"Is there a little cash in the center console, Fire Blazer, hmm?"

"Check."

"And did you go blaze shake your cute booty for that faggot, Clyde, at the "Stop & Rob" convenience store then, Blazing Blazo, hmm?"

"Check, there are 25, Blazing Glory, $50 lotto scratcher tickets in the center console too. My turn..."

Was it? Was it really my turn? Duh, Belinda has a sweet voice that cats and coyotes and mountain lions love to listen to and I like it too.

"Check, one red lace questionable leotard for the making morning Glam Camp Coffee, one whip ass red shorts jump suit for the Glam Camp lunchtime and the best red witch outfit in camp for the Red Witch bonfire, check. My turn..."

Was it? Was it really Belinda's turn again? Well, I was a little mesmerized over thinking about her body in a red lace morning coffee leotard, so, check.

"I mean, it's not unheard of that a person invites another person over the weekend since, you know, I'm leaving you without a vehicle, but, um, maybe, just maybe, that Chuck guy is dying to see your athletic shoe collection and how your shoes outnumber the trinkets that are inside of your house, so, um, ta da, Blazing Branches!"

Do they? Do my shoes really outnumber the trinkets in my house? Um, by a long shot, but only..."

"Ahem, excuse me, once upon a time, someone was still hanging out in front of the Unraveled Baseball Shop on the Strip minus one pair of shorts! Text Chuck, pronto! And thanks for the use of your truck, bye!"

[Vroom, vroom, abandonment vroom up the Strip]

Was I? Was I really abandoned on the Strip on a Thursday night? Hell, yeah, I was!

[Prepping to text...]

(Beep, beep)

"Hop in, Blazing Baldo, you look abandoned and thirsty, so (beep, beep), let's go make a scene in front of Millie at the Frosted Twirled Dipped Swirly Shop down the Strip and tee he, I have fresh batteries for your sun blazing cheeks, so (beep, beep), jump in, Blazo!"

Is it really making a scene in front of Millie when it's Millie who creates the scene, hmm?

"Ahem, just a ride home, Chuck and nothing more, understood?"

Did he? Did Chuck really understand that? No, but he dropped me off at home anyways and almost acted like he understood.

"Get out, get out of my car, you damn cock tease!"

Was I? Was I really just a cock tease? Ahem, scroll back above, please and thank you.

"And by the way, cock tease, blah, blah, (bleep, bleep, bleep) and blah, blah, blah..."

Well, he chose to use a lot of colorful words, so.

'Well, I need a ride to the holiday bonfire on Saturday, Chuck, so?"

"OMFG, you just dissed me for fag sex and then you have the nerve to blah, blah, (bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep), blah, blah, blah..."

Well, he found some more colorful words to sling at me, so.

Which actually made it so much harder to prep for nighty night sleepy time.

[Weep, incoming text]

"Blazed Buns, I C U at bonfire?"

[Whoop, a reasonable response text]

"Jack, Ur a Preppie & I'm not?????"

[Weep, Preppie Jack has an answer for that response text]

"Glazed Blazed, opposites attract! Wrap hoodie around shoulders."

Would that really work? Hmm, not really, hmm, preppy sweaters vs hoodies, right?

[Whoop, a why not photo text back to Preppie Jack]

"Like this, Jack [photo attached]?"

[Weep, Preppie Jack found that to be attractive response text]

"Preppie perfect, but darker red lips, Blazing Glory! Pick U up at 8."

Did my lips really need to be darker red since we probably wouldn't make it out of his SUV anyways? Well, there's always a chance, I suppose.

And yeah, yeah, yeah, opposites attract is the same as sex, so, what? I mean, there were two days in between my Thursday night tryst with Leroy in the alley access walkway and the Saturday night bonfire with Preppie Jack, so, shut it and check your own track record then.

"Oh, I mean, Blazed B Good, are shoes your really that much of your thing, I mean, most houses have wall insulation and you have shelves and shelves of shoes, I mean, you be Blazing Shoes, Blazo!"

Did I really have too many shoes? I mean, they should stop selling them then, so.

"Oh, and a comfy looking bed, which I'm crawling into after the bonfire, Blazo, especially since your top comforter blanket thingy has a blazing wild fire imprinted on it."

Was he? Was Preppie Jack really going to be invited into my bed later that evening, hmm? Maybe.

"Um, hey there, hey, Preppies, I mean, say what you want right up front and be done with it, so?"

Did I really skip over the ten minutes in the fairgrounds parking in Preppie Jack's SUV? Yep.

"No, no, Blazing Booty, we prep more than we judge, but I wouldn't be mad..."

"Ahem, ahem, ahem!"

"I mean, we wouldn't be mad if you somehow let it slip tonight that you're Blazed Shaved clean!"

Did Conner really need to ask that on behalf of the entire Preppie crew, minus Preppie Jack, who already knew that, so, did Conner really need to ask that?

"(Whisper, whisper, they want a quick peek, whisper, whisper, no quick peeks, whisper, whisper.)"

Did the Preppies crew really pass out from that? Duh, they always pass out.

Oh, did I really skip over how Preppie Jack already knew that I'm totally hairless then? Yep.

But the guy showed up at my front door with a Frozen Tipped, Double Swirled Frosty in his hands, for Pete's sakes! And he actually said in words that he wouldn't be mad for a quick preview peek of what he was definitely crawling into bed with later and he was early anyways and I had change into my bonfire shorts anyways and five other "anyways" excuses, so, shut it.

"Well, Preppie Jack, Conner wants to stroll over the bonfire wood pile with me for a minute, so?"

"Oh, I'm spent, Blazing Lips, but no side cheating because I remember that you and Conner have a history before he joined the Preppie Crew, so?"

Did I? Did I really have a history with, Conner? Well, I'm not sure and people need to post about that kind of stuff because it's hard to keep up with what's really going on sometimes!

Also, did he really just refer to me as Blazing Lips? Ahem, he did! But I'll scold him for that later.

"Aww, come on, Blazing Meteor, don't you remember that time when we both woke up on the same day and then we were both at riverside park and then we were within 20 steps of each other and you were there and I was there and Preppy Jane was there and then are eyes met and then I disappeared into the bushes for a while to, um, to check a couple of river fly bites and then I stumbled back to the place and if that's not a history, then what is, huh?"

Was it? Was a normal head movement, which the eyes follow, really a moment in history?

"Well, that may qualify as a history, Preppie Conner, but I'm with Preppie Jack tonight and that's actually more than I can actually handle, so, put a pin in it, close the front door, put it on the back burner and five other "anyways" excuses, so?"

"Tee he, you're handling that skinny log right now just the same way I handled my skinny log later that day over your body, Blazing Hot Thighs! Wait, wait, wait, I meant..."

Did he really just spill it about his size then, hmm? Whew! I think smaller is better for people like me.

Oh, was Conner going to get skinny dick lucky then? Nope.

"Preppie Jack, is it passed out or prepped out, hmm?"

"Tee he, Blazing Wood, were you gathering the logs from the wood pile, huh?"

Was Preppie Jack really being so calm about things? Huh. There should be more Preppy Jack's in the world because cock teasing is actually fun!

[Chang post, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, post]

"An un-named preppie is spent."

[Chang post update, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, post]

"Oops, he was spent!"

[Chang post updated update, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, post]

"His firewood is back!"

Well, it really was.

"Oh, oh, Blazing Big Mouth, I'm going to bang you tonight until your bed breaks for posting that!"

Would it? Would my bed really break from finally being banged silly?

Gulp.

End Blazo 01