Boots 01

Boots 01

"Brutus, I know you don't like it when I stop around your crew, but I have a legit reason this time. Um, Caroline's dog has passed and I thought it would be nice to send her a fruit and wine basket to maybe help cheer her up and well, I'm thinking like a dollar each, so?"

"Boots, I only bruised your arm once, so stop calling me Brutus! Also, you mean Caroline with all that hair who walks with the show quality and perfectly sized Husky, right?"

"I mean, yes, Bruce, she's the one, so what do you think then? And this is not a pressure sell situation, so? And, and, and, you can just me six for your six crew members and collect from them later. I mean, everyone liked Caroline and her dog, Major, right? She's known up and down the Strip, right? And her hair is that of a Greek Goddess, so?"

[Riddle, what's fatter? Brutus' fat wad of bills or his fat dick for Boots?]

"Here, take all of this and keep it hush, Boots. We chipped in as much as everyone else, got it?"

"Got it, Brutus. Excuse me one moment, Brutus, hey there hey, Dre Jay."

"Sup?"

You know, is there really an answer to "Sup?" after all?

"Lizard, I know you don't like it when I stop around your crew, but I have a legit reason this time. Um, Caroline's dog has passed and I thought it would be nice to send her a fruit and wine basket to maybe help cheer her up and well, I'm thinking like a dollar each, so?"

"Boots, I only tried to shove my tongue down your throat once, so stop calling me Lizard! Also, you mean Caroline who wears those fancy shorts and who walks with the show quality and perfectly sized Husky, right?"

"I mean, yes, Larry, she's the one, so what do you think then? And this is not a pressure sell situation, so? And, and, and, you can just me five for your five crew members and collect from them later. I mean, everyone liked Caroline and her dog, Major, right? She's known up and down the Strip, right? And her fancy shorts are cuffed and cost like a bazillion, so."

[Riddle, what's fatter? Brutus' fat wad or Lizard's fat wad? And we're not talking about cash wads]

"Here, take all of this and keep it hush, Boots. We chipped in as much as everyone else, got it?"

"Got it, Lizard. Excuse me one moment, Lizard, hey there hey, Scooter."

"Sup?"

See? There just isn't a real or expected response to that. And studies have shown that by responding to the initial "Sup" usually just results in a ping pong game of trading "Sup" for "Sup" anywhere from three to seven times and it no more proves your existence in the continuum than extending a "hey there, hey" and receiving back one "Sup" and then moving on with your business.

Also, my hair is dark and it splits over my shoulders at a collar bone length. I wear more high tops than boots, but people call me Boots anyways and that may be a gentle way of addressing my booty, maybe.

"Slick, I know you don't like it when I stop around your crew, but I have a legit reason this time. Um, Caroline's dog has passed and I thought it would be nice to send her a fruit and wine basket to maybe help cheer her up and well, I'm thinking like a dollar each, so?"

"Boots, I only stuck my finger in your butt crack once, so stop calling me Slick! Also, you mean Caroline with the sturdy, yet shapely legs and who walks with the show quality and perfectly sized Husky, right?"

"I mean, yes, Steve, she's the one, so what do you think then? And this is not a pressure sell situation, so? And, and, and, you can just me seven for your seven crew members and collect from them later. I mean, everyone liked Caroline and her dog, Major, right? She's known up and down the Strip, right? And her sturdy, yet shapely legs are what's called commitment to the gym, so?

[All riddles are cancelled! They're all fat]

"Here, take all of this and keep it hush, Boots. We chipped in as much as everyone else, got it?"

"Got it, Slick. Excuse me one moment, Slick, hey there hey, Leo, I expected a call back, so?"

"Sup's up with that?"

Well, Leo had something else to say when he walked me to my truck a few days ago, so, what's Sup with that then huh?

"Wrong Way, I know you don't like it when I stop around your crew, but I have a legit reason this time. Um, Caroline's dog has passed and I thought it would be nice to send her a fruit and wine basket to maybe help cheer her up and well, I'm thinking like a dollar each, so?"

"Boots, I only dry humped you in the front by accident once, so stop calling me Wrong Way! Also, you mean Caroline who occasionally gives me a snooty look and who walks with the show quality and perfectly sized Husky, right?"

"I mean, yes, William, she's the one, so what do you think then? And this is not a pressure sell situation, so? And, and, and, you can just me four for your four crew members and collect from them later. I mean, everyone liked Caroline and her dog, Major, right? She's known up and down the Strip, right? And she only gives a snooty look for gross cat calls, so?"

[Riddle time, again! Do they really just keep getting fatter?]

"Here, take all of this and keep it hush, Boots. We chipped in as much as everyone else, got it?"

"Got it, Wrong Way. Excuse me one moment, Wrong Way, hey there hey, Mickey Mac, are you still smoking the whack?"

"Soup? Wait, Sop? Wait, ooh, string, Boot Lace String? Wait, hey, soda? Got a lighter?"

My all-time favorite whacky weed head on the Strip!

So, that went on and on like with Andrew the Asshole, who I actually fooled around with once and when I say we fooled around, I mean it was like for two hours and there was plenty of hands stuff and laughing and more then enough exposed skin to call a memorable night, but will he even acknowledge it now? Oh no, regular guys don't fool around with other guys, no matter how well they dress and no matter how much of a bubble butt they have! Which he kept in his hands plenty! Not that I'm bitter, but damn it, it happened and I'm bitter as hell that he won't even acknowledge that it happened!

And well, rinse and repeat for Icky Ivan, Freaky Freddy, Sneaky Sam and Nasty Nate! Not the fooling around part, just my pitch on the Strip to gather a few funds to hopefully help Caroline feel better about the loss of her beloved Husky named Major. Who was of show quality and of a perfect size.

And by the way, I have a measurement tape photo to prove that it happened with Andrew the fucking Asshole! Not that I'm bitter about anything, so.

And maybe Nasty Nate is more of a Naughty Nate, but you can't nickname a guy on the Strip as Naughty. That's just too boudoir! And well, if over re-acting with Nate is exactly the same as blowing a chance for a delightful evening of fun and learning experience, well, I may have over re-acted with Nate.

And I own a suffocating tube top that has small and hallow breast fillers sewn into it. Small.

Anyways, here's what happened after all that. I ended up with a lot more cash than any fruit and wine basket was going to cost, so, why not, right? I mean, they sell dogs all the time, right? Not that I was going to do that, but offering up the cash for such a thing might be alright, right?

Or make things worse, right? Not that I'm thinking that regular guys who cannot admit that they fooled around with another with a girly guy, who isn't much of a guy, are the worst!

But I'm totally over that night. I've moved on, as they say. It's all in the rearview mirror! Which, by the way, why don't they just call it a lip gloss mirror, hmm?

"Well, Boots, I am pretty boo-hoo over the loss of my precious Major and all, but the Vet kind of prepped me a little for it. Apparently, those dog years add up quick. But thank you for selecting a fruit and wine basket instead of a cheese basket because you know nothing fatty goes into this body, so that was thoughtful of you. However, I'm stuck about getting another pet. I kind of feel that Major might be looking down on me, so, whew, walking the Strip with another Husky, I mean, yikes! LOL, Major might lift a heavenly leg and pee on me, LOL."

"Well, I guess I didn't think about that, Caroline, but don't you kind of feel like a newly divorced woman or something without a trusty companion by your side then, hmm?"

"Well, I've certainly grabbed his leash everyday since our last walk, but still, divorced women don't just replace their lousy hubby's, oh, wait, LOL, yes, they do! Anyways, thank you for all of your thoughtful efforts and I promise that I will think about things, so. Also, ugh! This the worst!"

See? I may have made things worse! Oh, and speaking of the worse, regular guys, right?

And I only started to leave in case the tear clouds were about to open up.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Boots, you're not running out my place that quickly! Look, you're not on the rebound! There cannot be a rebound situation if there were no body fluids exchanged! It can be a bad date or a so-so date or even a decent date, but if the doggie house didn't shake, rattle and roll, then you're not on the worse rebound ever, so?"

"Caroline, that's a terrible analogy! Major slept on the floor in a pet bed in your bedroom! And your new dog should get a new pet bed. Or Major may lift a heavenly leg and pee on you both at night, so. Also, all of the throw pillows were kicked off of the couch, so."

"Oh, well then, with throw pillows being knocked off of the couch and all, whew, then you have my permission to text with my step brother Billy then, who thinks he's working behind the scenes to find a Husky breeder, but don't tell him that mom talked to me about like 11 seconds after he talked to mom about it, so?"

Well, Caroline said it and I had the cash, so.

[Whoop]

"I have cash 4 doggie, Billy!"

[Weep]

"Aha, aha, aha, Cottonwood Street Alley?"

[Whoop]

"OMG, I have new doggie cash, Billy!"

[Weep]

"I breed U."

[Whoop]

"Oops???"

[Weep]

"Have a breeder, I pick U up, Boots."

Well, I wasn't too worried about that. I mean, Billy is a regular guy as far as I know and I think I've made it clear that I think regular guys are okay and safe to drive with, right?

"So, wait, Billy, you know a guy, who knows a guy, who knows a woman, who knows a lady, who knows a guy, who knows another woman, who knows a guy, who knows a farmer that breeds Husky's and all of it ends back up with the very first guy and leap frogs right over to the woman that everyone knows then, hmm? And I really like your truck."

"It's totally legit, Boots! They're all related and some of them are married to each other and some of them are the offspring and it's only a rumor that they keep a couple of Sheep on the farm for the hubby, so?"

Oh, well, that all sounded legit, right?

"Billy, this is a doggie farm scam! Also, is this a scam trick on your part to get me riled up, hmm?"

"Tee he, Boots, you're not my type, but when your cheeks get to glowing red, well, it's a good look for you. Also, I'm just 21, so it should be a while longer before I do something that stupid where Caroline would kill me, so, I just wanted to rile you up."

"Well, I still like your truck. You, not so much right now, but your truck is pretty cool, so."

[Vroom, vroom down the highway to Hillsdale, vroom]

"Well, Billy, I didn't really think about being in front of normal people who don't know me, so don't make this uncomfortable for me, okay? And do all of the talking, okay?"

"Boots, people who don't know you eye ball you all the time anyways, right?"

"Duh, but they side eye me and keep walking! So, just, well, keep things as smooth as possible!"

Well, my bad for not thinking of that earlier, I guess. I mean, maybe it takes a minute to warm up to me, so.

"Well, we have a couple of problems here, y'all. First, you're about two weeks early minimum before I can let the litter of pups go and secondly, whew, I need to move y'all along before my hubby gets back home and gets an eyeful of your girlfriend/boyfriend! [Poke, poke, poke]"

"And why are you poking me, ma'am, hmm?"

"Oh, we're pretty isolated out here on the farm and I just wanted to make sure you're not a robot or something, like a sex doll robot, so, um, well, did the doctors just cut your pig tail off or what, sweetie, hmm?"

"Ma'am, I assure you that I am not a robot and that I have what I was born with. I also assure you that there is an allure to leaving one shoulder strap of your bib shorts undone, in case that type of fashion info doesn't find its way down here to the isolated farm, so."

[Huh, that didn't take much convincing then. Unsnap and flop down]

"Be that as it may, missy sex doll, it still remains that you're not leaving here today with a pup and if I don't get y'all out of here before Henry gets home, well, y'all should just get!"

"Oh, and where is Henry the hubby now then, hmm?"

"Duh, tending to the Sheep! Anyways, either come back in a couple of weeks, less this one with the basketball in the back and I'll have a pup picked out special for you. Also, missy sex doll, can your boyfriend quick fuck me? My bedroom is pretty isolated too!"

"Ma'am!"

"Charlotte. Alright, fine, fine, fine, just let a lonely woman remain lonely! Anyways, I usually get $1200 per pup and ahem, my hubby is a faggot and I'm lonely! Seriously, like six quick jabs with his pitchfork, which is clearly thinking about the hayloft and since you're not his little sex doll robot and all, so?"

Oh, oh, so you people are looking at me as the bad guy, here huh? I mean, listen to Charlotte and OMG, look at regular guy, Billy, for Pete's sakes! I was just standing there trying to not stand in farm stuff!

And by the way, in the entire history of who, why and when in the history of life down on the isolated farm, I mean, who would ever have quick sex in a hayloft, hmm? I mean, in the whole history, who would think of that?

And I'm purposely not responding to her constant references to me looking much like a little sex doll robot! I might be built that way.

"Well, I may not know much about city life, but I do know a weird feeling in the air, so, well, if you're interested, I have a 9 months old Husky that I held back from last year. She's not a pup, but she's house broken and very friendly and although she's not exactly a runt, some might say that she's a perfect size for a companion Husky and under the upper limit for easily accepting a new owner, so?"

Oh, read back where I had asked Billy to do all of talking, yeah, well, if that means just standing there and going all "aha, aha, aha" then he was doing all of the talking!

"Well, you may have hit on a couple of key words, Charlotte. So, what's her name then, hmm? Also, I said that one unfastened shoulder strap has fashion value!"

Well, apparently, farmer ladies have nice boobs and don't wear bras down on the isolated farm, so that's all I said about that. I mean, jeez, Billy went into "ugh, ugh, ugh" overdrive and all, but I just stood there, trying not to think about how ridiculous it is that sex in a secluded and hidden hayloft must just be myth! And I tried not to step in farm stuff. While both of them went all "ag, ag, ag" with each other.

"Minnow. She has a hint of a silver strip running down between her front legs, so, take her for a short walk around the grounds, sex doll [poke, poke, poke]."

I mean, I was just trying to save the loss of a loyal companion dog day. I've never been a dog or pet owner, but the hint of the year was when busty farm breeder Charlotte put the leash in my hand and headed for the damn hayloft ladder! With Billy in tow! Who didn't need to be towed!

And just who decided that haylofts shouldn't have escalators like at the mall, hmm? I mean, maybe I could have peeked or something.

Anyways, shoot, Minnow was a charm and I could totally see her and Caroline starting a new, um, it is a relationship more than an ownership, hmm? I mean, the bathroom training was in the rearview and she was of a perfect size and all, so, well, just how long do six jabs take anyways, hmm? And is six the same as fifty down on the isolated farm?

Not that I was bitter about anything. Especially since Charlotte sold us Minnow for just $200! I mean, with Billy's phone number and all too, but still, $200 for a half grown and house broken Husky, right?

"Well, that was the transaction of my life, but y'all better get now."

"Well, I think we both made out, ahem, two of us even a little more, but Caroline will be quite pleased with Minnow, I think. Also, I peeked your body, Charlotte, so?"

"I know, sweetie, life down on the isolated farm helps keep things trim, now get before my hubby sees you! Or take a spare bedroom in chains, sex doll, so?"

Oh, well, quickly exit stage right, right?

And I'm just going to say right now that I'm sure that Billy went back to the isolated farm a few times after that, but that's his business. My task was to help find a replacement companion and I think I had done that, so.

And according to Caroline, my efforts were as perfect as my sex doll appearance.

"Boots, the word on the Strip is that you really saved the day and from what I saw earlier, I mean, Caroline and her new Husky look like a match made in heaven. I mean, well, you did good, Boots."

"Well, Nasty Nate, the truth is that it was mostly luck of being in the right place at the right time and Nate, does your Uncle Phil have a hayloft in his barn, hmm?"

"Oh, well, it's not in use anymore, but it probably had something to do with how my family got to be so large back in the back, hmm, why do you ask, Boots?"

"Oh, um, I mean, Nate, well, nothing ever got named or labeled until someone named or labeled it, so I may have come up with a new idea about, um, well, someone has to be the first to have sex in a hayloft, so? Also, have you ever heard of any farmers keeping throw pillows up in the secluded hayloft, hmm?"

Okay, so, well, Nate shook his head and walked away, but then he came back!

"Is this just between us, Boots, hmm?"

"Oh, I've learned my regular guy lessons, Nate, so?"

So, it wasn't his uncle's official hayloft, but damn, the guy put in effort to spread out some loose hay in his pole barn and OMG, he even put two older throw pillows in the makeshift bed, which was so much less "picky and poking" than I imagined it would be. I mean, wow, so many farmers of the past missed such great opportunities to have secret sex in the history of farming!

And maybe it was more sex than I expected in one night, but, wow again, once things got rolling, well, let me once again be the first to label it as a "roll in the hay" and for good reasons! A little discomforting at times, but I knew to expect that from the community boards on Chang, so overall, it was a night with a regular guy to remember. And LOL, to take home a bundle of hay straw as a momentous reminder.

But as well as things went and worked out, right? Regular guys just don't stick around, according to the community, so that was expected from my side, but, boy, once the shell is broken, there is no gluing it back together, right?

Anyways, hey there, hey, I'm Boots and just saying "Sup" to me is no longer good enough!

End Boots 01