All Comments on 'Brainstormed Ch. 02'

I don't understand the successful lawsuit. Obviously Becca signed all sorts of legal documents giving her permission and relinquishing her rights. Everything Becca did was consensual, and she was handsomely paid. So where are the damages, the provable crime? That part of the story is lame.

As to their reconciling, sure, why not? If you are going to stay with a rich whore who has supposedly retired you can at least enjoy the money. And as long as he doesn't catch her sneaking out for more BBC its as good as if she really has retired. Only Becca knows where Jess lives now, and how often she's getting fucked.

Thanks for the effort. Keep at it.

This was an original story that could have been really good but you kind of skimmed over the issues of the mind company and their backers who bribed people to frame the husband in order to get the wife to participate. I was expecting more about finding the perpetrators and the retribution against the individuals. There could also be a side story with the government wanting the technology and requiring her participation in trials. Just a thought. I gave 4 stars for the original story but hope you revisit this to take it in other directions.

Interesting idea. Execution, fritz51, left it lacking 😣.

Two items need to be addressed......

Character development and emotional connection was missing. Really didn't feel much about Nate & Rebecca. Maybe the censorship of the story affects it to a greater degree than you think fritz51. I suggest re-write, add back the censored material and post it on another site (SOL[stories-on-line]). The attorney and his wife looked very interesting, could be more with them.

The BIG IDEA driving your story really overwhelmed a simple LW plot. As others have suggested, big government, mad scientist, foreign government, etc, etc.

I know that I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. After all the technology you placed in this story would not disappear.... Someone is able to use it. But that is outside of this story

Good luck on your next post fritz51, I'll be

AMerryman

Different but she should’ve come clean and tell him exactly what happened. The 4 four scenes how she did a woman , a man , than two men and a woman getting dped and up the ass, and a giant dicked black guy. Honesty would help . She kept secrets and hid money then he sees what she did and loved it while she was fucked. They do say a woman’s body could respond while getting raped even if she doesn’t want it to happen.

I can’t say I liked all aspects of the story but it was inventive.

Interesting and inventive. Will this be possible in the future,who knows. i remember the first Star Trek episodes when Kirk touched the little com badge and spoke to Scotty. How far out that was and now the micro technology,sending a text or photo to the other side of the world whilst sitting in your lounge. I liked this story, was not to far out . The logical reasoning behind Becca becoming Jess was plausible. Women have done many things for their family, whatever it takes. Becca was a loyal and loving wife, however it would be nice if Jess put in appearance again.

Inventive. Definitely kinds of cool tech wise.

The ending though ... it left me feeling cheated. It was like the emotion just kind of went away and it all became clinical.

The doctors and lawyers were totally unprofessional by releasing items about their client. Ronnie tells a lawyer and his wife details about the clients sessions. I believe they are bound by laws to hold all details in confidence. If not by law at least by ethics.

I am not a lawyer or a syscolgist but would not talk to anyone about discussions I had with a client.

Good story. People need to ask themselves the question Ronnie asked...What would you do to save the one you love?? That is a very thought provoking question.

I SEE FROM THE COMMENTS FROM OTHER READERS, A LOT OF YOU DON'T READ THE AUTHORS COMMENTS, BEFORE AND DURING THE STORY. OR MAYBE THERE ARE A LOT OF ANGER ISSUES OUT THERE. ANYWAY, THIS STORY WAS VERY ENJOYABLE TO READ, EVEN WITH SOME FACTUAL MISTAKES. ALSO, I AGREE WITH THE COMMENT PRECEDING ME, HOW FAR WOULD ANY OF US GO TO PROTECT OUR MOST TREASURED LOVED ONES IN A GRAVE TIME OF NEED? 5*****, BUT GET AN EDITOR.

Clever and original

Read. Original story.

This two part story was well worth the effort. I enjoyed it very much. The story was well written throughout. I noticed a few mistakes that an editor would have caught and corrected, but not nearly as many as other comments seem to imply. I think I was too into the story to notice them. :)

The story line was very original. Thanks for that! The author should become a screen writer. Hollywood rarely comes up with anything as a original.

Thanks to the author, again. I really enjoyed this story.

and an interesting story. Easily a 5. I could have done without the ridiculous inclusion of the BBC myth, though. Hell, if 30 minutes is all that's needed for porn I missed my calling.;-)

All the psychobabble bullshit. She doesn't have issues.. she's has subscriptions that need prescriptions.. best to start fresh with someone else

I get that some people don't mind that, but this reminded me a little of that thing when you declare that you would never do something. And then some idiot has too jump in and create this elaborate scenario, where the unacceptable action becomes acceptible.

Ex.

1: "I would never hit a woman!"

2: "Really? what if a gunman pointed a gun at her head and said he would kill her if you didnt hit her?!"

And the she was molested as a child and mentally ill seemed like a last minute copout or add in just to make sure she had a little extra sympathy to get the readers too easier accept the reconsiliation.

Other than that you are a good writer and I like some of your other stories.

I would have scored the story higher without the gratuitous inclusion of Marcus, the mythical BBC, just to show how completely whore Becca had gone. It jyst wasn't needed, and I'm surprised that an author as good as Fritz51 would stoop so low. From that low point in the story, I was through.

Including Marcus caused me to lose any love, or respect for Becca. She was a complete slut and deserves NO reconciliation!!! Her suicide or commitment to an asylum would be a more fitting ending!!!

Trying to throw in dissociative identity disorder as an out for cheating is inventive, but her actions don't warrant the diagnosis (at least as depicted in the story). For all intents and purposes, she was simply roleplaying rather than being someone afflicted by more than one distinct personality. As such, blaming 'Jess' for her actions and the enjoyment thereof is a bit silly. She's not mentally ill, just good at compartmentalizing her emotions.

Throwing in the black guy and the the big bucks lawsuit were over the top, the first because of its racist overtones (making Marcus overly endowed and black deepens the humiliation only if we assume that the husband feels blacks are inferior in some way) and the second because its really unlikely they would win a civil suit given the situation as stated in the story.

It's a good idea, but the story needs a bit more fleshing out and a good edit.

Several readers have brought up the inclusion of "Marcus" in this story. First I wish to emphatically state that I am not a racist... nor were my characters written to be labeled that way. We all have bias based on where and how we grew up, and I am not without my own, but I do strive to a better person and not let misguided teachings dictate my actions.

That being said, some readers seem to miss that fact that my heroine did not request Marcus. She was being coerced by a money hungry porn industry who had selected topics based on "What Sells"...

Without getting into the right / wrong of the BBC concept, I'm only suggesting that the people behind her husband's made-up legal trouble made that choice, she was only trying to do what was necessary to free her husband, consequences of his rejecting her later be damned. Whether or not she did a scene with a black man, I don't believed mattered to her husband, nor entered into his decision to reconcile.

Now, some of you may think my comment sounds stilted, I told y'all: it's how I talk.

Hm, in this case the only acceptable outcome IMO would have been if she went and murdered everyone at the company and the killed herself.

‘Jess’ wasn’t another personality, she was just a cover so that Becca could feel free to play the slut. The whole story hinges on the fact that whatever she wants overrides anything he wants. She is a manipulative bitch not a victim.

Wow! …a great but disturbing story! I enjoyed it and hated it in reference only to the people behind the set up. Thank-you it was a very good read!

What a terrible thing to do to a young couple. Thankfully, it was only a story but a great story. It was well written and the grammar and spelling were very good. Keep up the good work. MtM

Well she is like most women selfish and immature, not really a woman you want to be married to

Creative story. I don't understand the commenters who blame Becca for her sacrifice. The author presented a story where a predatory corporation got their hooks into the marriage and gave her no recourse to keep Nate out of jail except to have her do the recordings. In reality, selling their house, borrowing from family, etc might have got the same money as they were fairly affluent. But that isn't the author's story. It was set up that her only recourse was to do the four recordings and she used her "Jess" personality that she developed as a self defense mechanism based on her childhood trauma to get through the ordeal. Now if you don't like the Jess/Becca dynamic as a reader that is your call. It is clear that the recordings show zero guilt/remorse and only lust and pleasure by 'Jess'. Meanwhile we know afterwards Becca feels sorrow, guilt, disgust, nausea, and only wants her husband to be kept out of jail. So as a reader it is your call whether you accept that explanation between the slut wife persona of Jess and the loving, guilt ridden wife of Becca. But saying she is selfish or that Jess was just a lie or a cover is moronic as that means just rejecting what the author wrote and projecting the reader's own plot elements. That being said, while I can appreciate a good reconciliation story, I don't see how it would work here. First the story is too focused on the sex acts and too little on how a reconciliation would actually occur. The intervention by Veronica is almost laughably quick and successful. Too much happens on the last page of chapter 2 and it has a deus ex machina feel to it. Anyways while Becca probably "deserves" a reconciliation for her sacrifice and love for Nate, I don't see how it is possible in our universe. Though he may not have sampled them, Nate will know about the other "rides" with the triple penetration and the massive cock black experience (usual laughable LW trope btw which flies in the face of actual penis length statistics, of 5.5" (all) vs 6.5" (black) average length), not to mention her first lesbian experience. Having felt and experienced what his wife felt in terms of lust, desire, and pleasure during his "ride" (her first b/g scene), I don’t see a way that their marriage can be healed. While I feel sorry for the exploitation of Becca, I don't see any other way except divorce. It isn't just what she did and the sex acts it is him experiencing one of them for himself and feeling what she feels and seeing no fear, no remorse, no guilt, no hesitation just all in with the most mind blowing sex that he will never have with Becca (worse with the 2nd day scenes I would wager). No man could ever get past that because Becca cannot soften any of it with lies. In reality poor Becca was unknowingly raped. Just like she was before her marriage to Nate. Hence Jess comes out to survive. Why rape? She gave consent, yes? But under crazy failed pretenses. This was akin to a burglar raping a wife to protect her husband from being shot. The company orchestrated the frame on the husband, their lives would be ruined, she did not know they were involved, and she was forced into sexual prostitution / pornography to save him, knowing if he found out that he would leave her. But it was effectively an extortion / blackmail scheme, she just didn't know who the criminal masterminds were. I feel awful for Becca. But the problem is how the husband finds out about it. He lives the experience of the actual sex. He doesn't live the before and after. He feels everything she is feeling and they become part of his memories. I don't see how anyone can possibly get past that no matter how much counseling. I wish it could be otherwise but it doesn't seem possible. In fact a better way to possibly fix it would have been to FORCE the company to record Becca's feeling about her husband so he could experience her love. Heck even force them to record her having sex with Nate. Then have him take that "ride". Have him feel her live for him. Her undying devotion. While then pleasure and desire will be less crazy, he can see everything else, including any guilt and sorrow before they make love. That and probably only that could save the marriage. On a separate note, perhaps a different version of the story would be to drop thr entire Jess/Becca dynamic and just have Becca be unwittingly extorted into having sex multiple times. Part of the cheating wife experience would be guilt and sadness mixed with pleasure and desire. Have those be recorded. Now when he takes the "ride" he can see things that other people might miss. Now it is a gray area. She has second thoughts, doubts, guilt, especially before and after but she also has big orgasms and throws herself into it because otherwise the company won't pay her. That would pose a much more nuanced dilemma with a more reasonable yet hard path to reconciliation, with a more direct analogy to the burglar-wife-rape-murder hypothetical, without the violence and the intense disgust at being actively forced. Again Becca made a huge sacrifice and was raped four times, and unwittingly her special ability (probably because she had developed the Jess persona that could be toggled on-off with ease) is what put her marriage into the crosshairs. But while a disturbing yet creative plot, I don't see how they recover beyond Nate being a Saint, without changing the plot: either (a) they do recording afterwards of her showing her love / emotions for Nate which Nate "lives" or (b) there is no Jess and she is conflicted but has great sex as she saves her husband from prison. Still provocative. 5* for the disturbing idea. Will be tough in the future when technology like this, or variations of it, become available. Haubting thought.

Ten million dollars would not bankrupt a casino. I would put a hit out on the guys that did that to me if I had his resources. Still, five stars.

Sorry not my sort of story⭐️⭐️⭐️

This is an age old story on a couple of fronts-

#1. Naive girl gets her head turned, by how she is going to be a “ star” The porn business sucks her in, then spits her out.

#2. Woman resorts to sex, to save her husband’s

A. Job

B. Health

C. Life

D. Family

The one thing that rings true in my first comment, is her desire to do something “ big” with her life, and become a star. This split personality thing, really wasn’t developed enough. Or even, if it was true. All women rationalize their behavior. Men do as well. I believe she convinced herself that “ Jess” was doing it, when reality she was seduced by the money. I am not so sure, she wouldn’t be open to doing this again, some day in the future...4stars.

THIS IS AN OUTSTANDING STORY. Excellent and intimately woven sub plot. The sex issue is a reasonable tool. You had a few hoke, legal mostly-the video cameras and ALL the footage woukd have quickly shown him to not be present during the commission of the crime. That's an easy pass. Also, the companies entire file system would have been subpoenaed. BUT, again, a useful tool and worth overlooking.

Damned good read!

Nate's way too passive and wussy, but then that's pretty much par for the fucking course on LW.

He should have gone after them himself. Frankly, he should also have given that lawyer a beating.

A simpler version would’ve been more effective in my opinion.

So creative. Thank you! Although I have to admit I suspected Nate's being setup was caused by the recording company when Nate came under suspicion for fraud . (Probably a result of reading too many stories on this website) :o) 5 stars

rofl these are some really bad doctors. i thought maybe u had 2 cat here lw and scifi but we need to add humor/satire to it. this was a funny one thanks for the laughs :)